Some People Knit... We Talk Shit.

Bachelor Pad episode 2

2010-08-30T19:51:00.003-04:00

Unless the show quits sucking, or I start to understand it, pretty sure this will be the last Bachelor Pad blog. I'm giving it one more try, for you all.

1. I super don't understand the rules at all. Evidently, banging = alliance. Opposite of the Real World Road Rules Challenges, in my experience.

2. Um Gia. Who, in their right mind, willingly comes into this situation with a boyfriend?

3. Melissa, maybe you should eat some of that pie. You're still worthless on this show.

4. Krisily, sans gallbladder, can't eat pie? Whatever. What a dbag w/ the "suck it up" comment.

5. Why is it necessary to wear bras only for pie-eating? Also, the confessionals w/ pie all over your face still is pretty ridiculous.

6. Tinley is awful.

7. Something tells me that this isn't the first time these girls have vommed profusely. Way to go girl barfing into her own hand. And Tinley back into pie and then eating again? Good intensity. You're still awful

8. 2 hours is about 1 hour and 30 mins too long for this show.

9. Craig using hair to soak up pie, cause NOTHING is more appetizing than hair in your food.

10. Wonder if they changed the tablecloth in between girls and guys, or if they figure enough bodily fluids are exchanged already so it's not needed.

11. Is Weatherman really a weatherman?

12. Dear Melissa: Deep down, not everyone wants to be an artist. I couldn't think of something I'd like to do less. STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH! Also nice sparkly genie pants. Beat.

13. There is not enough booze present at this body paint date.

14. How did the "cool kids" get to be friends? Bachelor reunions? Gangbangs?

15. Peyton's accent is maddening.

16. Weatherman probably shouldn't be telling the 2 girls who AREN'T getting roses his strategy, cause they can use it to eff him over, yes?

17. Gia needs to stop talking... stat. Sooooo irritating. Also if i were her bf, I'd be STEAMED.

18. "I'm a dumb smart girl." And evidently kind of a whore.

19. Wes is hammeredpants. Love

20. What up Team Hypocrite, Gia?

21. I wish Kiptyn didn't have such a terrible name, cause he's a cutie.

22. Gingham shirt and spotted tie? Really, Chris Harrison? REALLY?

23. Tinley is awful.

24. The group convo makes me feel like Chris Harrison is a middle school cheerleading coach or camp counselor dealing with children. Ridic.

25. Sort of respect Nikki for keeping her word. Unfortunately I'm so bored I'm about to pass out. Hurry up, rose ceremony. Oh just kidding. I was washing dishes and missed that she flipped. Two-face fail.

26. The intense music is a good choice, won't lie. There are a lot of dude purple shirts this evening.

27. Super glad Krysali (sp?) was saved, but sucks about Craig douche-hair. Jessie S deserved what she got. Two-faced.

This show sucks. Laying it out there. Not a fan. This will probably be the last Bachelor Pad blog. Sorry.

2010 Primetime Emmy Awards Live Blog

2010-08-29T19:17:00.004-04:00

Will be tweeting briefly during the arrivals. So far, Claire Danes looks awesome... the gents at my place think Nina Dobrev is the HOTTEST. Loving the gray suit on NPH, and his general awesometude. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Hugh Laurie in the navy suit. He needs to win. STAT. Last season of House was the perfect one for this to be the year. Lea Michele gets a big WOW. Love the dress, like the hair. Steve Carell and his wife are the cutest. Giuliana Rancic has been bringing the awkward. She also needs to eat a sandwich.

Show is starting. Current guests include Sue-dawg, and DJ Victorious is on the way. Gent caller at work, but should be around in time for the big awards at the end of the night, after the Franzia has really kicked in for the ladies.

Glee kids at the beginning of the show. I feel good about this so far. Ewwwwwww Kate Gosselin should not be featured with the Glee kids. I'm displeased. Jon Hamm makes it all better. With Betty White my life is made. Could this be the best Emmy opening of all time? SUE SYLVESTER SAYS YES. Yeah this is definitely the best. If this song isn't available on iTunes, I"m going to be disappointed. Would have been great if Bruce actually showed. I'm still wildly pro. WILDLY.

Aaaand montages. My life needs more montages.

Comedy:

For comedy, I'd like to see NPH finally take one home. Steve Carell would be nice. NPH's category first. Sue-dawg likes Modern Family for everything. I'd like Glee to take home a few. In supporting actor, I'd really be disappointed if it's Cryer. Otherwise, good to go. I really need to start watching Modern Family. Planning to Hulu it pre season 2 premiere. Modern Family is going to CLEAN UP. Hope Glee brings at least a few home. If Sue Sylvester doesn't win, there's a high possibility that I break the television in a fit of rage. At least Colbert is announcing. Jane Lynch FTW. God I love her so freaking much it's ridic. Chandler Bing sighting. Happykinsssssssssssssssssss. His suit is great, btw. Sad that guest actor is pre-awarded, because that limits the amount of Agro Crag jokes which can be made about Mike O'Malley, but that's OK, I suppose. Outstanding lead actor. Love Baldwin and Morrison and Carrell. And it goes to Big Bang Theory. I hate America. Seriously. If it's on CBS and it's not How I Met Your Mother, I'm not interested. Ugh. Offended. Also dude is wearing wayyyyy too much makeup.

Reality:

Top Chef takes home best show, and I'm wildly pro. Sue-Dawg says she read a Gawker tell-all that said Padma is a horrific bitch, but that Gail is awesome. Not at all shocked.

Drama:

I'm back in love with Grey's Anatomy. Just saying. The last two seasons have sort of sucked, but the finale of this season totally made up for all of it. If Hugh Laurie doesn't win best actor after this season, I will be crazy upset. CRAZY upset. In the commercial we are now re-watching the opening cause DJ Victorious was a little late. Best. Opening. Ever. Hugh Laurie didn't win, again. Still hate America. Wildly pro Elton John outfit, Fallon. Good intensity with the ended dramas montage, Emmys. Not nearly as effing kickass as the Boyz II Men tribute. I can't adequately express my love of Boyz II Men and of Law and Order (thanks for helping me pass Criminal Procedure, BTW) and of pouring one out for my homies. I'll say it, Fallon is hitting a home run tonight. And I thought no one could surpass NPH. I love NPH, but Fallon is kicking ass. KEVIN BACON SIGHTING KEVIN BACON SIGHTING. Your wife's hair doesn't look cute.

Variety:

Would like to point out that I can see all the way up January Jones' skirt where she's sitting. Classy. Ricky Gervais steals the show again. "Mel Gibson has been through a lot. Not as much as the Jews." God damn it I love you Ricky Gervais. National treasure, for the Brits (thus, me vicariously). Opening ceremony director wins. Couldn't be happier unless I cared more, but the Vancouver Opening and Closing Ceremonies were phenomenal. Daily Show wins again. I'd have liked to see it be Conan or Colbert, but Daily Show is a solid choice.

Clooney:

All the humanitarian awards for Clooney. Love that Marguiles is presenting. ER love forever. I'm not super on board with the short in front long in back dresses. Laying it out there.

Dead People Montage:

Everyone knows this is my favorite part. And now I know why Jewel was invited. Bring on ALL the Golden Girls. Pouring some of my chillable red Franzia out for my Golden Girls bitches. GUMBY'S CREATOR DIED? Sadpants. Corey Haim makes the cut? REALLY? Boner shoutout. Love you Boner. So much. Gent caller once described the favorite tattoo he'd ever seen = two golden girls on one leg, two on the other. One leg, underneath ladies says "Dem." Under the others? "Bitches." I hate tats, but I'm on board.

Miniseries, etc:

These less famous people, the miniseries kids, they know good tuxes. Just saying. Claire Danes, I think, wins the best dressed award for the night.

The important awards:

Mad Men wins best Drama. Sue-dawg is displeased, as "Lost will never be nominated again." I haven't watched Lost yet, but intend to, and I've seen a few episodes of Mad Men, and they are excellent. I intend to watch them both. Whatever. TED DANSON FACIAL HAIR OFFENDS ME, just saying. Modern Family wins. It's at the top of my Netflix queue. I'm glad for them, and can't wait to watch it. I'm a Glee fanatic, but they had a rough stretch for a few episodes, and the focus on guest stars toward the later half was too much. Hopefully the Emmy loss inspires Glee to get even better. Plus Modern Family has all of the Illini references. WIN.

All in all, a girls night w/ a good casserole and all the boxed wine was a success, and I'm only offended about Hugh Laurie's lack of an Emmy... still....

Bachelor Pad, Episode 1

2010-08-24T10:22:00.004-04:00

OK kids. Apologies in advance as this is super delayed, but, I'll be honest. Now that we are working full time, sitting down to dedicate 2 hours to a reality TV blog is probably not going to happen. Least of all for Bachelor Pad, which, sorry to say, sucked in episode 1. Smurftastic is officially not a fan. I might need to just start blogging the shows I watch every week anyway (Real Housewives, Bethenny Getting Married, Top Chef) instead of forcing myself to watch something I don't really care about... or, you know, give up. For episode 1, I only have notes on the first half from DJ Victorious, and will interject them at the appropriate point with mine. I sincerely doubt that this will be a weekly occurrence. That said, the Emmys are on this Sunday, and you know I can always be counted on to bust out an awards show rundown. Get excited. But, for now, Bachelor Pad, episode 1 commences...

Smurftastic's thoughts:

So I’m so far unfamiliar with everyone they have shown in previews, thus, think they are all whoreish. Vaguely recall Chrysalee (sp?) for her ridic name… but still, all whoreish. Melissa Rycroft is beat when her hair is straight, btw. None of these assholes know the different between right and left. Absolutely the opposite of shocked. Captain Blowout wins and other dude says “I pretty much know that there is no god.” No idea who this is, but he seems pretty hated. Maybe I will decide to love him out of life spite. Lots of terrible dye jobs and decent boob jobs.

I was drinking and having heart to hearts during the explanation of the rules of this show, so I’m a bit confused at the drunken attempt at alliances. Elizabeth needs to reevaluate her foundation choices.

SOMEONE’S ALREADY ON THE MOVE FOR TEAM DORM-BONE! Classy. Over-under on amount of herp in this house? GO. “Ew do you think that they boned?” I’m not sure who said it, but I wanna be friends w/ them.

Terrible dye job girls don’t get further date/ rose. I determine Melissa needs to get her eat on. Lifehouse cover band? FAIL.

Bathroom fight? Bathroom fight. This seems dangerous and claw-ey. Tinley is also super dumb, just saying.

Yellow swimsuit? Opposite of a flattering angle, Nikki. Gross.

This show is awful. All of these women are insane.

Gia’s extensions are terrible, but her dress is awesome. The combo of all the dudes in jeans and blazers with uber fancy cocktail dresses is awkward, but not as awkward as harrison’s tie. Random dressed up dude + random flannel + random male jean capris = enormous amount of fail. Did they not have money for stylists on this show? JESUS. Melissa Rycroft is pointless in the elimination. If you’re gonna have her around, let her contribute. Nikki has a butt-chin. Might be former dude.

DJ Victorious' thoughts:

1. 1. Love that Chris Harrison is now playing the role of Bachelor/Bachelorette during the opening sequence as he greets everyone that exits the limos.

2. 2. These “Bachelor reunions” sound crazier than the Olympic Village

3. 3. Did he legally change his name to “Weatherman”? Cause I would respect him more if he did.

4. 4. Tenley sucks.

5. 5. Wes looks bloated. One too many trips to the buffet during those Bachelor reunions on the cruise ship.

6. 6. Elizabeth looks like a slightly younger version of Magda from “There’s Something About Mary.”

7. 7. Tenley sucks.

8. 8. Craig M. is like a poor man’s Wolverine.

9. 9. Weatherman wears WAY too much make-up.

10. 10. Is Peyton a man?

11. 11. $250,000 would just about pay off my law school loans, but I’m not sure I would be willing to spend a weekend, let alone a month, with the people in this house.

12. 12. Tenley sucks.

13. 13. Apparently, the key to winning Twister is being able to tell your left from your right.

14. 14. I’ve felt awkward this entire episode. These conversations are painful to watch.

15. 15. Lot’s of gratuitous ass shots.

16. 16. Thank god for night-vision cameras.

17. 17. Sex Panther.

18. 18. I don’t understand why the women are wearing bathing suits, but not other clothes, in the limo on the way to their “date” with Craig.

Smurftastic officially gives the win for this episode commentary to DJVictorious. Yours in the comments...

NEW BLOG SERIES UPDATE

2010-07-27T16:08:00.003-04:00

DJ Victorious, Jeflow and I will be coming out of retirement beginning the week of August 9 to liveblog ABC's "The Bachelor Pad."

Let the unintentional (intentional?) hilarity ensue!

Show description below, via IMDB. Sounds a lot like The RW/RR Challenges to me, and that's a GOOD thing.

"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" meet "Big Brother" in this elimination contest, in which 19 castoffs from the ABC dating games face weekly challenges while living under the same roof. In the opener, they move into the bachelor pad, where their first challenge -- a game of Twister -- awaits. Then, before the elimination, there's a day-night group date. Chris Harrison and Melissa Rycroft are the hosts.

See you in a couple of weeks! While you wait for us and the show, let's take over/unders on the number of female contestants that Chris Harrison has already banged. Awwwwkwarrrrrd.

2010 Oscars Live Blog

2010-03-07T20:05:00.005-05:00

Hey all... Here's the standard Oscar blog. I'm kicking it off by saying that Zach Efron is looking GOOD tonight. Kathy Ireland is easily the most awkward interviewer I've ever seen. Ever.

The 10 movies nominated for Best Picture debate has begun. I think it's good for the Oscar ratings, but some movies nominated get ridiculous. However, I really hate watching the Oscars when I haven't seen any of the movies nominated for big awards. Nonetheless, even with more movies nominated, I still have only seen 2 movies nominated, and only liked one of them. Kate Winslet's hair looks great, but I've seen her in better dresses. I absolutely adore her in everything.

Why are these Twilight assholes all over the place? This blatant pandering for ratings is offensive to me.
Show is starting. Preliminarily, let me say that I am ridiculously excited about Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are hosting. I have a crush on Steve Martin, and I don’t even feel bad about it. He’s #2 on my old man crush list, second only to Harrison Ford.
NPH SURPRISE APPEARANCE! I simply cannot express how much I love him. Love his sparkly jacket. Love him singing. Love it all. Steve Martin’s glasses make him not as awesome, but I’d still do him. Meryl Streep burn. Awesome. This is digressing into awkwardness quickly, however. The blatantly awkward “oh look” is a kind of hilarious. Bringing up the Avatar-Hurt Locker ex-wife thing. Why are they sitting next to each other? They HATE each other.
Inglorious Basterds guy wins the supporting actor award. I’m sure he was wonderful, but I’m hesitant to be in favor of anything that makes Quentin Tarantino feel good about himself. Up wins best animated picture. Not shocking, and I in no way care. At least it led me to a Mr. Grant sighting. I love Mr. Grant.
Colin Farrel was in Crazy Heart? SINGING? INSTANTLY ADDING TO LIST OF MOVIES I WANT TO SEE. Writer just busted out “I love you more than rainbows.” Die. The intro to best screenplay with Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. is by far the most entertaining of the night. RDJ’s outfit is amazing.
John Hughes tribute. I’m foreseeing I’ll cry. I heart Matthew Broderick. Macaulay Culkin. Wow. He has grown to be a creepy adult. Shocking.
Break for the boring awards.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair looks ridiculous. It was pretty cute initially, but apparently got frizz sesh. Charlize Theron’s boob focus dress was a poor styling decision by all accounts.

Twilight kids. Ugh. Then salute to horror montage. LOVE. IT. Zac Efron is getting hella screen time. I must say that I am really excited to see “Me and Orson Welles” and for his legitimate acting career to take off. The sound editor from “The Hurt Locker” is horrifying.

John Travolta. In jeans. What an uber douche.

Demi Moore is here. I feel dead people montage. Ghost theme song. Swayze. James Taylor singing In My Life. Instantly choked up. Natasha Richardson is the one who officially gets me. Ugh. Interpretive dance montage. I’m sure this is all very impressive, but I’m calling it an awkward fail. God. This is way too long. This is an abortion. I'd rather watch the sci tech awards again than this dance montage. That's the problem w/ modern dance. It's all very pretty, but it never fits the music or the theme and just ends up making everyone uncomfortable.

JASON. BATEMAN!

Tyler Perry, please stop talking. Hurt Locker is taking a lot of the smaller awards from Avatar. Might bode well for best picture. As long as it’s not Avatar.

Who invited Keanu Reeves? Oh the “Point Break” bond with Bigelow. Pro. I literally cannot accurately capture my hatred of Quentin Tarantino in words. It’s unfortunate that he’s so talented when he’s so irritating.

The fellating of the best actor nominees has begun. I am tired. This needs to move on, even though I’m quite enjoying the close ups of the guys, and Colin Farrel. Jeff Bridges gets the W. Absolutely not surprised. I hope he accepts entirely as The Dude. I kind of want to see his movie now, but I probably won’t. I probably should have added Jeff Bridges to the list of famous people I want to hang out with.

Best actress montage. I actually am excited to see who this award goes to. Our hostess says “I hope the Precious chick wins, because she’ll never get the chance to win again.” Our hostess’ brother taking the late comer hilarity award of the night with the following gems... “Because she’ll be dead in an hour and a half? It’s tough to act when you’ve lost both your feet to diabetes. She’s so fat her eyes don’t open. She wins for attacking that trainer at Sea World last week.” Sandra Bullock is kind of a surprise, won’t lie. I might have to see The Blind Side. She wins the gracious speech award. Jesse James loses hella street cred for crying.

Finally best picture award. Just kidding. Best direction. DIAF, Oscars. It’s almost midnight, and I’m a tuckered out little lamb. Why is Barbara Streisand presenting this? Fail. Kathryn Bigelow wins… there’s an awkward “will he congratulate his ex wife?” moment with Cameron. If he does, it’s not caught on camera. Way to go Point Break director! OK. Enough. They need to get more dedicated to the “wrap it up” rule. This is getting ridiculous.

Tom Hanks is here, so I’m hoping THIS is actually best picture. Hurt Locker wins again. Congrats. Suck it James Cameron. I’m going home.

Good night, ya’ll!

WORLDS... WILL... COLLIDE...

2010-03-04T13:33:00.003-05:00

I think they need to ask me to star in this movie, and the above should be the tagline. Just saying. Somepeopleknit's favorite unicorn rider has signed on to play the lead in the...

wait for it...

SMURFS. MOVIE.

Via JustJared.com - "Neil Patrick Harris will star in the forthcoming Smurfs: The Movie!" Read more at http://justjared.buzznet.com/2010/03/04/neil-patrick-harris-lands-lead-in-smurfs-the-movie/.

Further reading leads me to believe this movie will be TERRIBLE, but I in no way care. Not terrible enough for me not to dress up as a Smurf, spike a blue ICEE with some form of liquor, and terrify small children in the theater on opening night. HEART YOU NPH!

2010 Grammy Awards

2010-01-31T23:29:00.003-05:00

Here we go... half assed as per usual lately. Working full time really takes it out of you.

Gaga-Elton John. “How wonderful life is with Gaga in the world.” Vom.

Stephen Colbert – hope he’s the host. He is so fantastic.

T Swift wins country album of the year – not surprised. She’s badass cause she writes her own songs. She and her mom are sitting next to Ringo Starr. Lucky kid…

Beyonce singing “You Oughta Know” is kinda amazing. She’s tossing her hair too much, but otherwise a great performance.

Pink performance. Not a fan. Turned back to Planet Earth Extremes. THOSE COCKROACHES ATE THAT BAT DOWN TO THE BONE. Awesome.

Zac Brown Band wins best new artist. Good for them, good for country music… they really do the genre the right way, staying away from too much pop.

MILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks great. Sad that she’s announcing the Black Eyed Peas, as they are INCREDIBLY irritating. JBone: “This performance is heinous.” Agreed. Back to Planet Earth.

Jonas Brothers introduce Lady Antebellum singing “Need You Now.” Wildly pro everything involved. Even when the girl gets hit in the face with the sheet. Love it all. Can’t get enough of that song.

Glad Stephen Colbert won for comedy album, mainly because it’s the only one I’ve heard.

Robert Downey Jr. is wearing a ridiculous suit jacket with straps, and I love it. He intros Jamie Foxx attempting to sing opera. Ridiculous. Wildly anti auto tune. Oh heyyyyyy- Otter pups learning to fish! Nice to see you. Look out for that crocodile.

T Swift with Stevie Nicks was cool. T’s outfit was ridiculous. Now MJ tribute, but seems like they’re just gonna do slow jam. If I am dealing with Usher in an MJ tribute, I want him dancing, not singing We Are the World. Just saying. This 3-D is lame, as I have no goggles, and so it’s all fuzzy… makes J Bone and I feel like we’re a few more beers in than we are in. Carrie Underwood, per usual, looks fantastic. Also on Planet Earth Extremes, a polar bear tried to kill walruses, but instead he died. I’m basically heartbroken.

Bon Jovi performance. Still not sure why they are on, but I’m on board, I suppose. Glad they brought out Jennifer Nettles for “Who Says You Can’t Go Home,” but now she’s awkwardly standing behind them during “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Oh she sings… she must be in heaven. I would be. Bon Jovi has only gotten better looking with age.

I’M ON A BOAT WAS ROBBED!

Just realized this goes till 11:30. I am not happy. Instead, I’ll watch the cockroaches eat the bat again.

Maxwell. Never heard this song. Pretty indifferent, and fading fast.

Of course because I’m watching something else I miss the beginning of the dead people montage. Hope there wasn’t anyone awesome at the beginning. The Les Paul tribute is pretty awesome.

Lady Gaga’s outfit #3 of the night is awful, pretty standard, actually. Quentin Tarantino’s outfit is even worse with the polka dot shirt. He’s also speaking with a fake thug ish accent. Pretty exciting how much I hate him, really.

Lil Wayne and some other rappers. Whatever... The sound goes out and I actually don’t care. Unaware that Eminem was still making music. He’s pretty talented but I’m equally indifferent. Lil’ Wayne really is little.

T Swift brings home album of the year. Good for her. Hers is the only album I listened to all the way trhough, but when the neighbors bought Lady Gaga I wanted to kill myself, so there you go. She’s so adorable it’s almost too much. Excited it went to a country artist.

Going to bed. Peace out.

Golden Globes 2010

2010-01-18T09:53:00.008-05:00

I was up till 5am last night, so this will be admittedly half assed. I can’t skip, however, because Ricky Gervais is hosting, and he is the man. Finally these awards shows are getting smart and hiring people who are actually entertaining to host these things, and after NPH on the Tonys and Emmys, I have high hopes for Ricky.

It’s pouring rain for the arrivals, and I’m getting legitimately embarrassed for the NBC arrivals show team (awful, btw), because they keep awkwardly insulting people about being wet “your hair looks a little different this year… a little matted…”. Who are you to judge, D list entertainer? (I'm looking at you Vanessa Minnillo... it looks like you are going to a 2002 prom)

I hate Quentin Tarantino. Ugh. Do less coke dude. Just SHUT UP already. You look like a rapist in that duster, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelpha taught me that dusters are hilarious. Don't ruin it for me.

Quick comments about the football game that just ended. Jets. Wow. Nice game. I hope they get DESTROYED by the Colts, but a big day for New York, and Rex Ryan's general hilarity. For NFC Championships this weekend, hoping more for a good game than a particular team to win. As a Bears fan I'm supposed to hate the Vikings, but I can't bring myself to. I like the Saints this season, but I'd like to see Favre end his career with a Super Bowl. Also I've been saying all season that it will probably be a Saints-Colts Super Bowl, so maybe I'll seem smart if that's how it goes. Either way, want an NFC victory in the biggest game.

Let the digs at NBC begin. Just to register my opinion, I have always been a fan of Jay Leno in the Late Night Wars (meaning ONLY that I prefer him to Letterman, but I honestly almost never watch late night talk shows anyway, so my opinion is borderline irrelevant). Conan was on too late for me, and I find some of the stuff of his I see the next day on youtube to be entertaining, but I honestly don’t know him much at all. However, the way he has been treated by the network is sad. He has handled this well, and I wish him the best. I will still always prefer Stephen Colbert and Craig Ferguson for my late night hosts.

Monique wins for Precious. Whatever. I have no interest in this movie. Looks WAY too depressing for my taste. Toni Collette beats out two of my favorites (Tina Fey and Rachel from Glee) for best comedy actress on TV, but for all reviews I’ve heard, this is well deserved. NPH’s award is up. He looks nervous. I will be disappointed if he doesn’t take this home, per usual. John Lithgow. LAME. Apparently he’s awesome on Dexter, but he’s not NPH, so right now, he can die in a fire. How I Met Your Mother needs to stay on the air until NPH finally gets the Emmy he so richly deserves. Michael C. Hall beats out Hugh Laurie, and I don’t watch Dexter, so I’m not happy. But, good for him. Everything I hear about that show is amazing. I legitimately don’t care about any of the woman nominated for best actress in drama. Watch zero of the shows.

Starting the boring miniseries, foreign language and music awards. Catch ya in an hour or so.

Jennifer Aniston’s dress slit is out of control, but she looks great. She and Courteney Cox have both aged fantastically. Go Friends!

Mad Men wins best drama. No surprises here. If it had gone to True Blood, I might have boycotted forever. Not saying it’s not a decent show, but I’m WILDLY anti the vampire trend.

Aaaand in the commercial breaks I have discovered a sequel to the Planet Earth series… Planet Earth Extremes. As a direct result, I am skipping Martin Scorsese’s lifetime achievement award. Hope I don’t also miss the dead people montage… though there wasn’t one last year. Do the Golden Globes even do dead people montages?

GERVAIS JUST OWNED MEL GIBSON. That was awesome. “I like a drink as much as the next man, unless the next man is Mel Gibson.” Just phenomenal. I can't believe Mel didn't go ballistic, but, then, he seems like such a sane and calm human being.

GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WINS best comedy TV series – SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving show! Mama Smurftastic finally started watching it, and she's a fan too... I hope this show keeps up its standards and has a long run, it's literally the happiest part of my week.

Mike Tyson with the cast of The Hangover. Wishing Zack Galifianakis was there, though, as he makes everything amazing. Hangover wins best comedy motion picture and I am wildly pro. Love that they are walking up to the stage to the “What do tigers dream of?” song as sung by Ed Helms. Love that R rated comedies are doing well. Love Todd Phillips ("I'm here for the gang bang.")… you make my life better. Please keep making movies... forever.

Sandra Bullock wins best actress in a drama for the Blind Side. I may actually have to see this movie. I do love sports movies and Sandra Bullock, but I thought this looked cheesy and figured it's a rental at best. I’ve been sold. Men’s comedy acting goes to Robert Downey Jr. He was great in Sherlock Holmes, and his acceptance speech was by far my favorite of the night. Not my favorite movie, but I enjoyed it. He is hilarious.

The Dude wins best drama actor for Crazy Horse. I know absolutely nothing about this movie. But I’m pro The Dude (just watched the Big Lebowski for the first time last week, and loved it). Meryl Streep's comedy win surprises no one. Really want to see Julie and Julia, because in my head I'm already a 49 year old cat lady.

Ready for bed. Let’s get this last award going. Julia Roberts seems awesome, just a fun chick to hang out with. Avatar wins, and I have to say I’m starting to revert back from wanting to see the movie (after holding out forever), to being a part of the backlash. Enough already. James Cameron’s hair is ridiculous, and when he spoke in his made-up language, I basically judged him for life.

Verdict – Ricky Gervais is still awesome, and would be if the rest of the show sucked (it didn't) for the Mel Gibson burn alone. Best dressed = Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Dianna Agron , Worst dressed = Chloe Sevigny, Christina Aguilera.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Until next time...

Best songs of 2009

2009-12-30T16:17:00.013-05:00

As promised... here are my rankings for the 10 best pop songs of 2009. I'm lazy, so these songs are picked merely from the Wikipedia lists of the Billboard Hot 100 #1 songs of 09 and the Top 10 singles in 2009, based on the Billboard Hot 100. This list includes the songs that made it to the Top 10 at some point in 2009 (some may have been released in 08, but didn't hit top 10 till 09. I also looked at iTunes top downloads and added random songs I remember that I LOVED that are on none these. I'm sure I forgot something, but here goes.

Honorable Mentions: "Single Ladies" - Beyonce, "Tik Tok" - Ke$ha. Single Ladies - I didn't like enough of the actual song for it to be included, but the video was so good (Kanye would say the greatest of all time) and became such a phenomenon that it warrants a mention. Tik Tok is awesome, but too new to include in the greatest of the year. Thought about adding "Live Like We're Dying" - but in reality I just love everything Kris Allen does... doesn't deserve to be top 10 of the year though.

10. TIE - "Empire State of Mind" - Jay-Z feat Alicia Keys, "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum - Empire State of Mind was the ANTHEM for those of us on the East Coast. I wanted to hate it because it was so integral in the Yankee World Series celebrations (don't say "we've waited a long time for this" when you won it 9 years ago. Ask the Cubs, you a-holes). But I couldn't hate it. This song is awesome. Need You Now is a very recent discovery of mine, but has fast become one of my fave songs ever (penchant for drunk dialing, anyone?). The male-female duet combo is always a surefire way to get me to fall in love with a song.

9. "You Belong With Me" - Taylor Swift - T Swift, obviously, had a very big year. I love this song and her entire album. I was toying with putting "Love Story" on this list, cause I also ADORE that song, but I thought since You Belong With Me was the subject of the now infamous Kanye VMA incident, that it goes on the list. This song has a great ability to speak to anyone who's ever had a crush on someone dating someone else. T Swift sort of writes songs for high school girls and tweens, but we all remember what that was like. Plus it's upbeat and fun.

8. "Lucky" - Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat - Beachy, romantic, about being in a relationship with your best friend. Just sort of warms my heart. Love both Mraz and Caillat. Would love to hear them duet more in the future.

7. "Cowboy Casanova" - Carrie Underwood - the first single off her third album. I've never been shy about my love for Carrie, and this song doesn't disappoint. It's got a sexy beat and has an interesting storyline. Every girl loves a bad boy, even if they know better.

6. "I Do Not Hook Up" - Kelly Clarkson - When I first got introduced to this song, I thought it was ridiculous and kind of annoying. The second time I heard it, I was hooked. Every time I hear it, I want to sing and dance a lot. Plus it's the anti-slut anthem. Big fan.

5. "Good Girls Go Bad" - Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester - It's such a simple format. Another of these that I thought was TERRIBLE the first time I heard it, but then slowly it sunk into my subconscious. I spent a big part of August driving around the Midwest, and I constantly surfed the radio hoping to hear this song. It's become a "getting ready to go out" staple. It's sort of the opposite of K Clarks, the slut anthem, but man is it fun. 2009 was also the year that I discovered Gossip Girl, and Meester's character Blair Waldorf has become my style hero. Viva Leighton.

4. "Dead and Gone" - T. I. feat Justin Timberlake - this is the song that got me to buy T.I.'s Paper Trail album. That album is probably the best rap album I've bought in the last five years. I love his rap style, and the running theme through this song and the album is making mistakes (T.I. is currently serving a year in prison for illegally having enough guns at his home to win the Iraq war). This song is perfect for anyone who's ever decided to make a change in their life. The combination of T.I.'s lyrics and Justin's mournful chorus is perfect. I find Timberlake's bridge to be particularly awesome/inspirational - "I turn my head to the East, I don't see nobody by my side. I turn my head to the West, still nobody in sight. So I turn my head to the North, swallow that pill that they call pride. The old me's dead and gone, but the new me will be alright."

3. "Party in the USA" - Miley Cyrus - Love it or hate it, but this song is HELLA catchy. Plus it warrants awesome choreography ("I put my hands up, they're playing my song..."). This is one of those songs that you think is RIDICULOUS the first time you hear it, and terrible. Hear it two or three more times, and you're hooked, I promise. It'll be played at my wedding, no lie.

2. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Glee Cast - T Swift had a big year, but 2009, for me, was the year of Glee. This song is the best known (and one of the best) of the first half of the first season of the show. It's the perfect storm of inspirational, catchy, upbeat, and fun to sing to. Journey has had a big year in my book, as the version of "Don't Stop Believin'" from the musical Rock of Ages is also one of my favorites of the year.

1. "The Climb" - Miley Cyrus - (off the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack) This will probably go down as Miley's biggest song. It was certainly her biggest song of the year. Say what you want about Miley, but she wrote this herself, and it represents (in the movie and in life) when she finally steps out fully as Miley, and not as "that girl who plays Hannah Montana." This song could inspire anyone. It's basically the modern "Don't Stop Believin'." Miley's voice may not be the best, but the girl can belt. LOVE IT.

Catchiest Songs of 2009 via Festival Crashers

2009-12-28T11:47:00.003-05:00

In honor of me apparently kicking everyone's ass in a random "Catchiest Songs of 2009" bracket, I'd like to post a link for you to vote in the final four of said contest, on FestivalCrashers.com, if you feel you want to. http://www.festivalcrashers.com/2009/12/26/final-four-catchiest-songs-of-2009/.

In addition, sometime this week I will be posting a blog of my favorite songs of 2009, and possibly, if I'm super ambitious and inspired, the best songs of the decade. Let me know if you have requests to be featured. And to the Festival Crasher guys who think I came out of nowhere, yeah I probably did. But I don't win contests about terrible yet addicting pop music for my knowledge of indie bands, so there ya go.

Hint: If Party in the USA wins, I win a prize pack of music I've never heard of in my life. Vote and be nice to me, and maybe I'll give you some.

Top 10 Celebrities we'd most like to HANG OUT with

2009-11-24T08:56:00.009-05:00

What up! Just in time for Thanksgiving, Smurftastic and her guest bloggers KSquizz and CaliCoop present the Top 10 Celebrities we'd most like to Hang Out with. Rules are simple. Celeb must be alive currently. Any sort of sex, hook up, or romantic interlude with said celebrity is off the table. This is a list of celebs we'd most want to hang out with without the prospect of boning, so choices picked to "hopefully make him fall in love with me" are out. KSquizz' picks first (yellow), then CaliCoop's (purple), then mine (yellow), comments in small font below. Leave your picks in the comments, cause that's where my honorable mentions will be. Enjoy.

NUMBER 10

KSquizz picks Lindsay Lohan - I am starting off the list with Lindsay Lohan. Irealize there will be some doubts about my first choice but hear me out. Don't worry, I am not one of those delusional Lohan fans who thinks she can magically transform herself back into Mean Girls

Lindsay. Lohan is a TRAINWRECK, and I LOVE IT. Could you imagine seeing her out for a night of drinking first hand? I'd watch as she hooks up with dudes while claiming to be in love with Samantha Ronson. I could her hold her blackberry as she tweets nonsense about loving
someone whose family hates you, her gross sister, and her mummy (shepretends she is British when she tweets which is amazing since she is from Long Island). I would get to drink and hang out with other celebrities in the VIP section while she goes to the bathroom every 20
minutes to powder her nose. Another plus, I would definitely bephotographed and even on, my worst day, next to Lohan, I would look amazing. Susan Boyle on her worst day would still look better thanLindsay. Final perk, getting to become famous for 15 minutes after selling my story to the tabloids.

CaliCoop says - "I don't even judge you for this pick because hanging out with Lindsay Lohan would be horrific and awesome all at the same time. Must say my biggest concern would be getting arrested though which I am wildly against."

Smurftastic says - "Fully support, and admire your boldness."

CaliCoop picks Chuck Lorre – hard to imagine how the creator of Two and Half Men and Big Bang Theory would not be awesome to hang out with. Although he’s slightly creepy looking so really hoping he’s a combination of Charlie Harper and Sheldon in real life … making him a remarkably self-assured, nerdy, smart ass, alcoholic … not sure you could get better.

Smurftastic says - "CaliCoop, CONSIDER YOURSELF JUDGED."

KSquizz says - "I have heard good things about Big Bang Theory so I judge less than Smurftastic, but Two and a Half Men? Yuck. No thanks."

Smurftastic picks Stephen Colbert – This was almost an honorable mention. I know he’s not at all like his Colbert Report character, and that’s why I love him. He has his pulse on everything going on in the world, and puts a sarcastic edge on it. If nothing else, my choices in this list should show that I heart sarcasm. Plus he’s high energy and outrageous. I would have no idea what to expect. He’s super smart, so I could learn a lot, but I’m slightly worried that he would make me feel like an idiot, and I hate that. However, the man looks good in a holiday sweater, and has a strong background in self-deprecating humor.

CaliCoop says "surprisingly didn't consider him but definitely agree with the pick. Even

if he isn't his crazy TV character he'd still make for super interesting company, although my fear would be he may make my head hurt for trying to be intelligent while hanging out."

KSquizz says "He must be awesome, but I feel as though I have no idea what the real Stephen Colbert is like and that would make me nervous about picking him."

NUMBER 9

KSquizz picks Alyssa Milano - I have wanted to be Alyssa Milano's friend since I was like 6 and Who's the Boss was on. She was so cool then, and I imagine still really cool now. I never watched Melrose Place, but I amdown to hear some gossip about Heather Locklear, Aaron Spelling, and whoever else. Also, she was a badder bitch than Shannen Doherty and got her thrown off Charmed. Also, Milano is a huuuuuuge sports fan,exhibited by her sports apparel line and her banging of lots ofbaseball players. I am also down to grab a beer and talk sports.

CaliCoop says "don't know much about her personally other than the sports apparel line she has which does have some really cute stuff, otherwise

my knowledge of her is limited to Who's the Boss where she was totally awesome."

Smurftastic says "I'm pretty indifferent to this pick. To be frank, if we're going Who's the Bo

ss, I'm more apt to pick Tony Danza or the crazy ginger grandma."

CaliCoop picks Matthew Perry – no matter what Matthew Perry has been in I have always found him hilarious and completely endearing. He was almost knocked out for the whole smoking bit, but was included because he surely has awesome stories from his years on Friends and druggie years. Additionally, if his tweets are anything like him in real life, we are soooo on the same page and I would absolutely require him to bring the new Super Mario Brothers for Wii during any of our bonding times. Plus the possibility for cameos by other favorites makes him a definite on my list.

Smurftastic says "Agreed. He was a thought for my list as well, but-for the fact he was just included in my long term celeb crush list, he'd be there"

KSquizz says "Solid pick. I like Matthew a lot, but I don't know
if he and I would have much to talk about."

Smurftastic picks Charlie Day – OK. I don’t know a lot abo

ut Charlie personally, but the fact that he is one of the creative minds behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is enough for me.

If I have even a quarter of the amount of fun they have on that show, it will be the greatest night of my life. I imagine a night with Charlie would involve some sort of hare brained scheme and a lot of laughs. The inappropriate and juvenile jokes would be flowing like the cheap domestic beer. Anyone who knows me knows I thrive in an environment of juvenile jokes and beer. Plus we can talk about when cats make too much noise. I hate that. Maybe we can knit some kitten mittons.

CaliCoop says "ehh can't really judge one way or another on this since I don't watch the show, although must admit the kitten mittons were pretty freaking awesome."

KSquizz says "Since I almost put Charlie on my list with the wholecast of Sunny. I agree he would be awesome. I imagine a lot of his
jokes would be self-deprecating, and you could probably get him to do
something wild at the bar. Wildcard, bitches!"

NUMBER 8

KSquizz picks Joss Whedon - It is about to get reeeeal nerdy up in here. I love Joss Whedon, to an unhealthy extent. For those unaware, Joss Whedon created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Angel, Dr. Horrible's Sing A Long Blog, and Dollhouse (they can't all be winners). He has also
done some writing in the comic book, movie, and tv world. And is about to direct an episode of Glee. I am not lying when I say that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one of my all time favorite shows. I
have a girl crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar that probably has more to do with the character Whedon created than SMG. Buffy, like most of his other shows, was both hilarious, action packed, and dramatic atthe same time. As an aspiring writer, I would love to pick his brain about all of the characters he created and how he did it. The more beers in me, the nerdier the questions would get for sure, and the hanging out might come to an abrupt end when he comes back from the
bathroom and finds me going through his cell phone for the numbers of Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, and SMG, but it would be worth it.

Smurftastic says "I'm not anti Buffy, but I'm indifferent as to this pick"

CaliCoop says "I apologize in advice but I have a strong hatred for SMG ... not even entirely sure why I still harbor this hatred but I can't get rid of it. With that said anyone who directs Glee is a friend of mine."

CaliCoop picks JK Rowling – since Harry Potter characters don’t quite fit the criteria for the list I figured I’d go with the next best thing. Really hoping she can bring some HP memorabilia and possibly thrown away manuscripts so I can continue with my HP love affair. Also, highly enjoy that she keeps herself out of the spotlight and is really into philanthropy since she certainly has the money. Not sure what I could bring to the table in this pairing but ehh that’s life.

KSquizz says "I can't believe I didn't think of this. I love her. I would want to talk to her about writing until she got a restraining order. I also love that she is so rarely in the spotlight despite being a kagillionaire."

Smurftastic says "Solid pick... I bet she'd foot the bill for some excellent recreational activities."

Smurftastic picks Hugh Laurie – Dr. House is one of my favorite characters on television right now, and he is played by one of my favorite actors. In every interview, Hugh displays the biting British wit that shows he won’t let me get away with crap without being mocked, but he is also self-deprecating enough that he can take it as well as dish it out. He’s not afraid to have my back if things get rowdy (see him kicking that dude’s ass who tried to harass Colin Farrel after SNL one day), but he’s also not afraid to be goofy. Plus he seems incredibly intelligent without being smug. That’s a great quality for a celebrity BFF.

CaliCoop says "I do love House, didn't know about him kicking some guy's ass after SNL but that's pretty bad ass. Definitely a good pick, he'd probably be full of excellent shit talking which makes him automatically an awesome buddy."

KSquizz says "I saw one of his Emmy speeches. It was hilarious. I never would have thought of this since I don't ever watch House, but I approve."

NUMBER 7

KSquizz picks Kaitlin Olson - Originally, I was going to go with the whole cast of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but I decided the one I would most like to hang out with is Kaitlin Olson. I can appreciate being a guys' girl a lot, and I am always down to hang out with another one. I
am positive she is not a little priss because she married the creator of Sunny and because she likes to use the expression "It's the tits." Following her on twitter pretty much cemented her for me as the one I would most like to roll with. Plus, I have an appreciation

for blondes named Kaitlin.

Smurftastic says "She may be the coolest girl on TV right now. I originally had Tina Fey on my list but she got booted for NPH. Tina's not as legit cool as Sweet Dee tho, Kaitlin FTW."

CaliCoop says "as I mentioned before, I've never watched the show although I've heard wonderful things, however, I enjoy the reasoning so I'm sure she's the coolest."

CaliCoop picks Bob Harper – quite different from the others I see us working out and doin

g an intense yoga session for our hangout time. Not only is Bob on one of my favorite TV shows he is sooo incredibly hot and super upbeat, totally making him seem like he’d be a friend for life. Ultimately Bob would mean a more flexible fit and happy me.

Smurftastic says "I haven't the vaguest idea who that is, won't lie." [ed note, he's apparently the trainer from Biggest Loser.]

KSquizz says "Is this Bob the Trainer from Biggest Loser? If yes, I LOVE HIM! Though he would totally judge anything you ate while with him which would make it less fun. (At least for me.)"

Smurftastic picks Bobby Knight – As an alumni of the great University of Illinois, I’m technically supposed to hate Bobby Knight. But I don’t. I love him. I think he is hilarious and awesome, yet still am a little afraid of him. It’s the perfect storm. If you haven’t seen the outtakes from his golf videos, you need to watch them, and you will understand why I want to hang out with him so much. He’s a loose cannon. Yeah, he may through a chair at me, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. In fact, I HOPE it happens. That would be the best day ever. A day hanging out with Bobby would involve lots of swearing, some unprovoked belligerence, the most competitive drinking games I’ve ever been a part of, an extreme growth in my college basketball knowledge, and a good healthy dose of grumpy old man. I foresee him getting more and more angry as I laugh at his grumpiness, which only makes me more entertained.

CaliCoop says "I judge a bit, although for the same reasons I love Sweet Lou I also fully understand. Not sure I'm a big enough person to risk having a chair thrown at me to be friends with him but the g

rumpy old man quality is highly underrated."

KSquizz says "My only concern about this is that he might throw a chair at you." [ed note, THAT'S THE POINT]

NUMBER 6

KSquizz picks Jason Segel - I imagine Jason Segel would be A LOT of fun to drink with. Mostly because he has time and time again demonstrated to me that he is hilarious. He really wins for writing Forgetting Sarah Marshall because I think it is the funniest of the Apatow produced
movies, and the parts that were based on Segel's life make me want to be his friend, especially his love of Muppets. I love Muppets. A lot. Again, I would also love to pick any successful writer's brain, butwith Segel I feel like a lot of the conversation would be quoting old movies and possibly getting him drunk enough to do something really stupid and/or embarrassing. I am down with either sort of night.

Smurftastic says "Excellent choice. Fully approve. Also thanks for reminding me that I forgot to include who will now become #2 on my list... my only problem with this is that I've seen Segel's wang, and it may make things awk"

CaliCoop says "I'm bummed I didn't add him to my list. I love Jason Segel. He seems like he'd have amazing embarassing stories to share and he's super cute in a non-sexual crush kinda way."

Cali Coop picks Kerri Walsh – cannot think of a more amazing female athlete. She’s absolutely one of the most dominant women athletes of our time and she grew up in the same neck of the woods as me. We could reminisce about Northern California, play with her baby, go to the beach, talk shit to each other about UCLA and Stanford and stare at her Olympic med

als. Doesn’t hurt her status either that I met her when she was playing college ball at Stanford and she was super nice and gracious.

Smurftastic says "Meh... not a volleyball fan, and probably would prefer Misty so I could ask her about DWTS, but at least you aren't judged for this one, with the caveat that I can think of more amazing female athletes... Christie Rampone for one... but we needn't bicker about that"

KSquizz says "I didn't know who she was until I read Abby's comment about Misty May. This is the blonde right? She seems cool, but all I know about her is what I saw in the Olympics."

Smurftastic picks Joel McHale – Joel McHale is an ideal choice because the man makes fun of celebrities for a living. If I could do that for a living, I would. He is smart, has a biting wit, and is quick on the uptake. He’s also not afraid of getting a little goofy, and I like that. The topics of conversation would be super entertaining, and I could see myself laughing all night.

CaliCoop says "LOVE LOVE LOVE him!! That's all I can say."

KSquizz says " I actually had Joel on my list for awhile, but I am a little concerned his success will make him too Hollywood."

NUMBER 5

KSquizz picks George Clooney - Like you wouldn't hang out with George Clooney Clooney is SO cool. He exudes cool in a way that so few actors do anymore. He knows everyone and has done everything at this point that he is like celebrity royalty, but yet always comes off as so down to earth and mildly self-deprecating. He is ridiculously charming. The reason I would like to hang out with him the most, though, is that he

is such a smart ass. I love that he pulls evil pranks on some of the biggest stars in Hollywood. He makes ridiculous statements to the press just to make himself laugh or poke fun at his friends. He seems like he would be such a hilarious, genuine guy. Sitting around at a bar, shooting the shit with him would be an amazing day. And you know he would pick up the tab.

Smurftastic says "see my #1"

CaliCoop says "can't argue with either of you on this one ... he is wonderful in so many ways but I imagine being his friend would be filled with fabulous destinations and never ending hilarity."

CaliCoop picks John Wooden – not only is John Wooden the most dominant college coach of all time, he’s the cutest old man ever. I’ve been obsessed with John Wooden ever since my first college basketball game at UCLA when I practically peeled my jaw from the floor after I walked by him signing autographs from his seat in Pauley Pavilion. Over my years at UCLA I became completely accustomed to seeing him at the games, however never came anywhere close to working up the guts to go over and talk to him much less get an autograph. However, for his 99^th birthday, I did send him a card, which I'm sure I was more excited about then he probably was to get. No matter, a day hanging out with Coach Wooden would be filled with the most amazing stories ever.

Smurftastic says "sigh. AWESOME pick. Ever since I first started watching College Basketball, it was evident that he is a man to be adored. Got assigned his book in sports management class in college, kept it, and have read it at least 5 times since. He is awesome."

KSquizz says "I don't follow college basketball really until there are brackets to fill out so this is totally lost on me. But the mention of college basketball reminds me of Jay Bilas, and that makes me happy."

Smurftastic picks John McEnroe – Same reasoning as Bobby Knight, except instead of throwing chairs, he’d throw tennis rackets, and instead of teaching me about college basketball, he’d teach me about tennis. And he has a healthier dose of sarcasm than Knight. I appreciate that.

KSquizz says "There is nothing I can say about this one, I love it."

CaliCoop says "do enjoy me some Johnny Mac, although not sure he brings enough self-depreciation to the table to risk the head injuries from a tennis racket."

NUMBER 4

KSquizz picks Zane Lamprey - If you are unfamiliar with Zane Lamprey, rent a season of Three Sheets immediately. The concept of Three Sheets is that one guy travels the world, goes to exotic locations and drinks the local booze, local mixed drink, participates in the local drinking game, and gets hammered. He then wakes up the next day and tries the local hangover cure. Since it is Zane's job to drink, he is good at it and knows how to make it fun. He also has traveled the world so I

have no doubt he has a few stories to tell. This is also the most plausible on the list since he runs trips occasionally where he and a bus full of tourists will do bar crawls in a famous city. When I have
money it is so on the list.

CaliCoop says "didn't know who this was til your description because I definitely just saw a commercial for the new season of this show. Gotta say this is the coolest job ever so he's bound to be pretty cool in person."

Smurftastic says "no idea who this is, but want to befriend him immediately, or at least watch his show"

CaliCoop picks Joshua Jackson – almost not included because of the non-hookup stipulation, Josh still made the list because of my love of Mighty Ducks, Dawson's Creek and Fringe. I imagine our day would include lots of quacking and possibly some awkward staring. No matter Josh is half Irish, which makes him automatically awesome, and probably a super good drinking buddy. Also, while he is dating Diane Kruger I don’t find her completely repulsive and am a big fan of the National Treasure movies so she gets a pass.

Smurftastic says "Dude, if 'getting him to hook up with Smurftastic' is not on your agenda for this hangout, we are no longer friends."

KSquizz says "God, he is so awesome. I took him off the list because anyone I had a crush on would make for an awkward hang out, but I love it."

Smurftastic picks Kenny Chesney – People judge me for my sexual attraction to Kenny, but this has nothing to do with it. Hanging with Kenny would involve chilling on a boat/beach/barbecue, shooting the shit about football, and an all around chill time. No anger, no excessive shouting, no drama. Just rocking back and forth on an Old Blue Chair drinking rum and getting a tan. And THAT would be awesome. Especially with all the intensity I’m undergoing with most of my other picks.

CaliCoop says "before reading your reasoning in its entirety I will say I judge you, although after the wonderful picture you've painted of your hang out time I must say I might try to steal away on this hang out. Although I do not find Kenny hot anymore the man does know how to chill and as we all know I'm a sucker for a man who can play a guitar."

KSquizz says "I do judge you for your sexual attraction toKenny. But I am down with anyone who can hang out, be laid back, and drink. Just as long as he keeps his shirt on because his chest creeps me out."

NUMBER 3

KSquizz picks Clint Eastwood - Um hi, it's Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood is AWESOME. He is one of the old school, bad asses. He is also unbelievably cool. Plus, he is an amazing artist who talks about his craft with an unbelievable reverence without me wanting to punch him

in the face. Not that I would try. He also can be a crotchety old curmudgeon, and I love that too. He tore young Hollywood a new one in the recent GQ, and I loved and agreed with every word of it. I would love to get him going on a rant over a pint. Though honestly, with a face like that, he probably would only want whiskey.

CaliCoop says "kinda sad I haven't read that GQ article but totally agree this is a great pick. Clint Eastwood has managed to continue making great movies throughout his lifetime which very few actors can claim, and despite me being a little intimidated by him I'm sure he's a great guy if you have the balls to actually sit down and have a glass with him."

Smurftastic says "Oh crotchety old men, you are so awesome."

CaliCoop picks Tim Lincecum – recently labeled the one famous person I might die if I met, despite his messed up grill I super HEART Timmy. I love his long hair, I love his gangly body, I love his weird pitching style, I love that he’s from Bellevue, Washington … love love love him. Probably should have pent up hatred for him because he pitched against UCLA in the Pac-10 while I was at school there, but I don’t, instead just pissed I didn’t go to any of the Washington v. UCLA games those years. Plus, as evident from his recent drug trouble with the cops in Washington, he clearly needs a lawyer BFF who could challenge the legality of those search and seizures. Lastly and most importantly, Timmy gets bonus points for being teammates with Noah Lowry – the hottest baseball player ever.

Smurftastic says "Baseball. Whatever. I may be mistaken, but doesn't he have terrible hair? Also I don't know how to say his name, so I feel like we would not get on well."

KSquizz says "Ah, the Freak. I don't know much about him other than he would prob like to sit around all day listening to your number 2 pick, eating cheetos. He is a pretty awesome player though so I will defer to your judgment."

Smurftastic picks Bode Miller – This dude is awesome. First of all, we’d clearly hang out in some sort of ski lodge, which is an enormous bonus. Second of all, it is well documented that HE GETS AFTER IT, Olympic competition tomorrow be damned. And he doesn’t care what people think of him, which is another enormous bonus. Couple that with the fact that nearly every single ski bum I’ve met is super chill, and I think I have a recipe for a fantastic night, should I live to tell the tale.

KSquizz says " I legitimately have no idea who this is."

CaliCoop says " I absolutely judge you. This dude is a prick, ski lodges and bums are awesome but there are plenty of ski bums who aren't douche bags ... I'm thinking Johnny Moseley ..." [ed note - I don't care... he's awesome.]

NUMBER 2

KSquizz picks Liam Neeson - As an Irish person, I have a special respect for drinkers from the motherland. It is a way of life. Why not go drinking with an Irishman and watch a master at work? On top of that, why not go drinking with Michael Effing Collins himself? It helps that I have a totally platonic crush on Liam Neeson. He just seems light-hearted, bad ass, and hilarious at the same time. That is amazing to do. Plus, the accent. It wouldn’t even matter what he talked about, just that he and I were speaking to one another.

CaliCoop says "Love Liam Neeson. Loved his late wife as well. Also, in Taken he reminds me so much of how I picture my father that it just made me love him that much more. Absolutely great pick."

Smurftastic says "Platonic crush... is that how I've been feeling about Liam all these years? APPROVE."

CaliCoop picks Dave Matthews – maybe partially as a gift to My Gentleman Caller, must still admit that Dave would be one hell of a hangout buddy. Clearly not afraid to have a good time and a huge fan of impromptu random bad dancing, Dave seems like the perfect drinking partner. Dave gets major points for his roles in Adam Sandler movies including my absolute favorite as the gay shop owner in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” leading me to believe that he may be buddies with Adam Sandler who made my honorable mention list since I find him hilarious and a surprisingly good actor. Dave may have made my absolute #1 if he could bring Adam Sandler and would be willing to play at my wedding since he currently holds the place as the author of my wedding song, but for now he is a strong #2.

KSquizz says "I used to love Dave. Our love has died out, but I agree that he would be a pretty sweet bar buddy. He'd def close down the place with you."

Smurftastic says "I'm not the worlds biggest fan, but I'd def hang out w/ him. Solid pick."

Smurfastic picks Neil Patrick Harris. OK. I am a terrible person. I totally forgot him when I was making this list (sorry Tina Fey, that gets you the boot). My obsession with NPH has been well documented on this here blog. Even if he's nothing like Barney Stinson, before I even started watching How I Met Your Mother, I knew NPH's awesomeness was a force to be reckoned with, thanks to a little movie called Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I legitimately had a dream that Harold and Kumar 2 was a two-part movie, and the second part was ENTIRELY about NPH. I was sad when I woke up. I think NPH is super funny, super down-to-earth, and very self deprecating. He's PERFECT. Also, one of my life goals is to have a gay best friend... NPH is the man against whom all other gay BFFs will be measured. Since he's a last minute addition, comments are to the realization that I skipped him...

KSquizz says "I was super surprised not to see him on your list. He almost made mine."

CaliCoop says "i was amazed you did not, although I didn't think of it until reading KSquizz's"

NUMBER 1

KSquizz picks Jack Nicholson - Jack may be the coolest man on Earth. He has been famous forever. He has all this attitude and confidence without trying coming off as an asshole. He is unapologetic about everything in his life, and you have to laugh it off and say that is just Jack.

I especially love him because he is a Jersey boy. One of my favorite stories about him is that he went to his high school reunion in Long Branch. Because why not? I love that he is a rabid sports fan, and a Yankees guy. He is also unbelievably interesting. He found out when he was like an adult man that his much older sister was actually his mom. He has been linked to a million famous women in Hollywood. He is one of the best and most decorated actors of all time. And he is
the only person in the world who doesn’t look like a total tool when he wears sunglasses inside.

Smurftastic says "He'd be awesome to hang with, but I get the vibe that he's kind of a dick. That's not necessarily a problem for me (see also, Bode Miller)"

CaliCoop says "My Gentleman Caller suggested Jack for my list as well and I didn't include him, although after reading all this I'm glad someone did and it certainly fits you best with him being from Jersey and all. Had no idea about his sister/mom thing, although I find that kinda awesome. I'm afraid I'd run out of intelligent things to say to him too quickly but definitely agree he's the coolest."

CaliCoop picks Lou Piniella – last but certainly not least my best buddy “Sweet Lou.” I find Lou’s tantrums hilarious and awesome. He has changed my expectations of baseball managers for all time, and has led me to be completely bored and underwhelmed by managers who just sit quietly

in the dugout. Manager of my favorite baseball team, the Seattle Mariners, from 1993 to 2002 he filled my heart with happiness for 10 great seasons including the highlight of the Mariners history the record tying 116 win season in 2001. Currently #4 on the list of most ejected managers of all-time, his hat throwing, dirt-kicking hysterics are the best thing ever. My ideal day with “Sweet Lou” would include a few lessons in throwing temper-tantrums, competitive base throwing, random cursing and an overall growth of my baseball knowledge (yippee!!).

KSquizz says " I love it! I pray for the day when Sweet Lou comes home to manage the Yankees. (I love Girardi, but it's Lou!) I would love to hear all his stories and get him going on some drunken tirade. Great Pick!"

Smurftastic says "Again, baseball. Whatever. Though if he's a belligerent old sporting man, I'm clearly down."

Smurftastic picks George Clooney – I judge anyone who doesn’t want to hang out with Clooney, to be honest. This dude is smart, funny, loyal, and a true guy’s guy. Plus I’ve heard he’s a total prankster, and I would have buckets of fun trying to pull crap on his friends. In my head, any night with Clooney would end up with me behaving similarly to Danny DeVito on The View after too many lemoncellos, and I’m excited about the possibilities. My true “getting famous” dream is that I will be hired as a consultant on a Clooney movie about people in my line of work, and then they’ll realize that I’m the perfect choice to play me. I’ll be the rogue Academy Award nominee but then not really want to become an actress, I’ll go back to my work, and only take parts if they are awesome. Side benefit of that, Clooney and I become super close friends and start hanging out at sports bars. Everyone things we’re dating, but we really and truly are not… I’m just the newest addition to his group of friends… just one of the boys (clearly I've spent too much time thinking about this... but that's how much I want to hang out with Clooney).

CaliCoop says "slightly concerned I wouldn't live up to his standards and he'd throw me to the wayside but otherwise extremely solid pick. Also, gives you the possibility of extremely awesome hangout locations not usually available to those of our class."

KSquizz says "I obviously am wildly pro Clooney. See my #5 for reasons."

Thanks for stickin' with us through such a long post. Have a great Thanksgiving... your picks in the comments...

Gettin' on a soapbox. SORRY in advance.

2009-11-19T15:42:00.003-05:00

Just went to my first "big girl" fundraising cocktail party, and thought I'd just post a bit of information on a great organization that I'd never heard of before to help get the word out.

It's the United Nations Girl Fund, and it supports programs to ensure that girls enter and stay in school, as well as providing comprehensive, life skills-based reproductive and sexual health education and services. Seems like a great cause, given that so many "youth" funds focus a huge majority of their funds on programs that benefit only boys.

Find out more at www.thegirlfund.org.

Back to funny stuff on the next post. Any suggestions? Anything you want me to rant about? Leave it in the comments.

PEACE,

Smurftastic

Someone actually listens to my secret dreams?!?!?!?

2009-10-14T13:11:00.004-04:00

BREAKING NEWS...

MATTHEW PERRY IS MOST LIKELY RETURNING TO TELEVISION!

I may not have to "count the days till he makes his return to TV" for very long, because, according to the Hollywood Reporter, ABC has picked up a new comedy pilot created by, written by, and starring our very own Chandler Bing/Matthew Albie! Super excited.

The show is a single camera comedy "starring Perry as a self-involved manager of a second-rate sports arena who begins to reevaluate his life on his 40th birthday. " Congrats, Matthew, can't wait to see it!

See the full article here.

Belated and Brief fall TV preview

2009-10-05T14:18:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to tell you the two new shows this season you should be watching.

1) Glee.

Absent my love for Studio 60, I think this is one of the best new TV premieres of the last 5 years. It has singing and romance for the ladies among us, and somewhat rude, biting humor for the men (and women, let's be honest). Plus the plotlines are ridiculous in the most hilarious ways. It's a feel good show but also makes you laugh out loud. Plus it (along with the musical Rock of Ages) has reawakened a Journey obsession within me. Plus Jane Lynch's character is amazing. If you missed the "Yes we Cane" episode... I pity you. The trailer below doesn't do it justice. If you don't watch Glee, I judge you.

2) Community.

Joel McHale is cute but still hilarious and attainable. Chevy Chase is brilliant and methinks officially back. The guy with Asperger syndrome is amazing. Plus last week, someone fell down ala America's Funniest Home Videos. I. Love. It. The humor is more obvious than the Office, but no less intelligent. Watch it.

Top 10 Long Term Celebrity Crushes

2009-09-29T22:15:00.028-04:00

OK. So I'm keeping the intro short, cause this is gonna be LONG entry. Since I stole from KSquizz's twitter idea about long term celebrity crushes, I couldn't keep the list to just five, and within the twitter length limits. So here is the one rule - we must have been "mildly stalking these men for at least the last 5 years." That's it. My picks are first then KSquizz's follow. Comments are in small font below.

Smurftastic #10 = Jason Bateman. Ever since the Hogan Family I knew there was something about him. Then there was Arrested Development. And now I will see movies I otherwise would have no desire to see just because he's in them.

KSquizz - So I remembered Jason Bateman as one of the doofy twins on the Hogan family and vaguely remembered there was a hot older brother. But according to my extensive research (2 minutes of googling) he was the hot older brother? So yeah you were right to love him from then on. I am new to Arrested Development, but his relationship with Michael Cera makes me want to have his babies. (Also, Michael Cera makes it onto my reasons I am a borderline pedophile list also featuring the werewolf from Twilight and the littlest Jonas Brother.) Also, his character in Dodgeball was so awesome he should have won an oscar, just saying. Good pick.

K Squizz # 10 - Bradley Cooper. He is the most recent addition to this list since I discovered him in "I Want to Marry Ryan Banks" where he played the sidekick to Jason Priestley who eventually gets the girl. Oh ABC family, you are just wonderful. Since then, he has popped up as secondary characters or villains in a lot of stuff, including super douche Sack Lodge in Wedding Crashers. Since he often plays fratty types, I am pretty sure he is one in real life. But I am okay with that. As mentioned in the Twitter list, he loses some of his appeal because he is the new hot thing thanks to The Hangover, but I really wanted "Kitchen Confidential" to be a success for him so I guess I should be happy for him. His sudden appearance on the A List has all but killed any chance of he and I finding love. :( But Bradley, squished face Zewellger? (Yeah, I refuse to spell check that. Scew you, Squishy.) Not okay, Brad. Not okay.

Smurftastic - SOLID pick. He is actually my latest, and most intense, celebrity obsession. Mainly the addition of the floppy hair from The Hangover makes me super weak in the knees. 1) WHAT IS WRONG WITH FRATTY DUDES? And 2) how do you ditch Jen Aniston for Zelwegger, who is well past her adorable, not-creepily-skinny Jerry Maguire days? Could be sick in the head. Ugh.

KSquizz - In response to your BCoop response (yep, we are on a nickname basis in our imaginary relationship), I do have a special place in my heart for Fratty boys, but I require them to have a heart of gold. He might to Sack Lodgey in real life.

Smurftastic #9 = Lucas Johnson. Yes, I'll be ridiculously surprised (and impressed) if you've ever heard of him, but he used to play basketball for the Fighting Illini. He graduated my senior year of high school. Not a huge point scorer, but definitely the life and badass-ness of the team. My sister and I shared an obsession through his college career, culminating in me regularly buying him drinks at Kam's (home of the Drinking Illini) every time he comes back to campus to visit/score free drinks off of groupies like me (and my father... who buys him and his buddies beer by the pitcher). My senior year I made him hang out with the freshman girls from my sorority, and had the awkward "who is this guy?" chat with them, with him sitting right next to me. This obsession/mild stalking/crush has continued even past my college days, namely, when I venture back for Homecoming. I always said I wasn't truly a jersey-chaser in college, cause I really preferred the dudes who had already graduated. I have enclosed a picture for your reference, but really, the attitude is what I love. PS - his brother also played for U of I before I became a true fan = even hotter.

Smurftastic, keeping former college ball players relevant since 2001. http://www.fightingillini.com/sports/m-baskbl/mtt/johnson_lucas00.html

KSquizz - Rogue to pick a pseudo celeb who you have actually met, but I feel like that has probably made the obsession that much stronger. I can't wait until you guys get married and then have to get couples counseling because he sees this online. I know zip about him, but he seems like a giant, and you are so small so that makes me happy. Hopefully, he hasn't gotten the former athlete fats.

KSquizz #9 = Ryan Reynolds. I really did love him as snarky med student Berg [Ed note - 2 Guys and a Girl). Let's not lie. He is outrageously hot, and he has such range as an actor: wise ass college student, wise ass waiter, wise ass vampire slayer, and wise ass super hero. I would guess that Ryan Reynolds is a bit of a wise ass. But as long as he is shirtless in every role ever, he could be a wise ass plumber, and I would watch. I saw Blade Trinity in the theater for him, despite my undying hatred for Jessica Biel. There was a time where I believed I could actually date him because of the Alanis thing. Perhaps, he was a little bit blind? But now he is married to ScarJo. So much for that.

Smurftastic - Fact that he's Canadian = bonus points... He loses points because of the ScarJo thing (stripper lips and her in general turn me off), but I'd still hit it.

Smurftastic #8 = Donny Osmond. One of the first times I realized boys could be cute instead of just yucky was when I was approximately 8 years old and went to see him in Chicago in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It wasn't him in the loincloth that did it, it was the picture in the playbook. I said something to the likes of "oh without the ridiculous hair he's way cute" to my mother or my sister or whoever was sitting by me. From there I was hooked on his Mormon goodness, and had officially entered the realm of having crushes on celebrities. I became obsessed with the Joseph soundtrack, and spent more than one summer watching the Donny & Marie talk show every single day. Then I was made aware of "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan, which became one of my favorite Disney songs of all time. I loved it to the point where my high school friend and I chanted "Mulan... Mulan" over and over again when we went to his concert (yes, concert) with my mother. Eff Puppy Love, I wanted him to be mysterious as the dark side of the moon. He didn't sing it [Ed note - sadface]. He and Marie were in Vegas over 09 spring break performing at the same hotel where we were staying and despite my constant begging, my friends wouldn't go (some friends, the sluts). That didn't stop my from posing for pictures in front of cardboard cutout promo pics of him. Now he's going to be on Dancing with the Stars, and judging by the cheesiness of his solo press picture and the energy of his first two dances, it's going to be awesome (or ridiculous, or both). The man isn't hot, per se, but he is way cute in a puppy dog (Puppy Love?) kind of way, and I love it. Plus he seems like a good person, which is nice balance to some of the sex fiends on this list.

KSquizz - I won't lie. I do not get the Donny Osmond thing. He looks like a human bobble-head doll to me. But I don't dislike him, I simply find him asexual.

KSquizz #8 = Keanu Reeves - So I obviously became aware of Keanu's existence when he created all that Oscar buzz as Ted "Theodore" Logan. He didn't do it for me then, though. He was a slacker, stoner kid, and that isn't so much my thing. Also, I was like 5, and most boys had cooties still. However, I am, however, attracted to multi-racial, cocky, bomber-stopping LA cops with surfer accents and a heart of gold so Keanu and I fell in love when he made Speed. Seriously, he is outrageously hot in that movie. I literally watched Speed two nights ago and was still completely into him. Since then, I have seen a significant portion of his work, and it has all delivered: Point Break, Dracula, The Devil's Advocate, Matrix, Constanine,Replacements, etc. (It probably helps that I enjoy fanboy type movies and never saw his misguided attempt at Shakespeare.) For me, he has stood the test of time. I don't know how but he has maybe aged 5 years in the 20 I have been aware of him. I get that his acting is not the greatest, and he is a joke to a solid percentage of the population, but I love him. I have read his wiki page more than once for fun. A sign of true love. To conclude this paragraph of devotion to "cool breeze over the mountains" (oh that is what Keanu means), I am linking you to this slideshow which features Keanu's acting range. Yeah it is making fun of him, but he still looks hot so it is win win. .http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/12/a_field_guide_to_the_complete.html

Smurftastic - Keanu - Point Break is one of the greatest movies ever made (read, Swayze obit), but I never truly found he was that hot till he was romancing Diane Keaton in Somethings Gotta Give. Sigh... when I'm old I want a hot doctor to fall for me. With floppy hair no less. Also...

Smurftastic #7 = Matthew Perry. Started the crush when he was Carol's BF Sandy on Growing Pains (even though he died in a drunk driving accident on what was, I’m sure “a very special episode” that parents should watch with their kids)... fully developed into Chandler obsession. Chandler Bing, though fictional, may be my ideal man. Cute, but not in an intimidating way, and sarcastic… but in a funny, not a mean way. OK it’s kind of mean, but it’s definitely funny. It is my personal goal for my sense of humor to be as much like Chandler’s as possible. Usually that just presents itself as me quoting him. A lot. Also, the way he proposed to Monica still makes me tear up and I've seen it WELL over 50 times. It's one of the two "perfect proposals for Smurftastic" on this list. [Ed note, see also #5, and if you put them together, she'll be yours forever.] My love for Chandler and all things Matthew Perry led me to watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip for it’s entirely too short run. That became, quite possibly, my favorite television show of all time, and Matt Albie’s head writer/exec producer was the perfect mix of wit and complications for a Sorkin drama. Perry seems an unlikely romantic leading man, but his role in Studio 60 solidified him for me. I now spend weekends creeping on him on IMDB and renting his latest indie flicks. I count the days till he makes his return to TV, if that ever happens. Not to mention the man is Canadian, and not only a tennis fan, but my understanding is that he’s also an excellent player. Sigh. Couldn’t be more perfect for Smurftastic….

KSquizz - I think you are right that Chandler Bing is the ideal man. He also strikes me as totally attainable which is something else. I also am a big fan of Fools Rush In, his chick flick with Salam Hayek. I will watch it every time it comes on TBS.

KSquizz #7 = Nathan Fillion - Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place was not all bad. (I am pretty sure the pizza place eventually got cut from the title- unimportant.) Not only did it lead to my discovery of Ryan Reynolds, another hot Canadian burst onto my scene, the lovely and talented, Nathan Fillion. Since then, he was on Buffy which means hecan do no wrong for me. If you can find any Sci-Fi enjoyable, you must watch Firefly/Serenity. His character may in fact be the perfect man, and completely cements Fillion as a crush-worthy actor. I am sure people who aren’t familiar with him will probably still recognize him as he pops up all over, most notably as the doctor who Felicity loves in Waitress and as Kate’s almost husband on Lost. He is currently the star of Castle, where he is snarky and awesome. Also, he sings and is hilarious as Captain Hammer in “Dr. Horrible’s Sing A Long Blog.” Never saw it? Go hulu it or download it on itunes, immediately. I will wait. (Three Joss Whedon shows and Lost? Yes, I am a nerd.) So his career appeals to me, obviously, but there is more. Nathan is like PRINCE CHARMING HANDSOME. Look at him. That jaw! Those eyes! Yum. He also manages to be adorable and lovable in everything he does. His characters, even when they are douche bags or bad guys, are likable or at least enjoyable to watch. My stalking has reached a new level now that I follow him on Twitter. (He is the only man on this list who holds that honor.) The “following”, which even sounds like stalking, has led to an even greater obsession because he is hilarious and sweet and likable. I now find myself constantly rooting for him to succeed. I am like doing PR for him for free. It’s love.

Smurftastic - I'm least familiar w/ him, but I watched 5 mins of Castle last night and found him adorable/riveting. Plus he's apparently friends with NPH. TOTAL BONUS. And Canadian. Additional bonus. Sidenote - the two who I follow on twitter thusfar are Donny, Jordan, and Matthew, in case you care.

Smurftastic #6 - JC Chasez, formerly of the band NSYNC, currently of the show “America’s Best Dance Crew,” permanently of my heart. Well done, MTV, for taking a show I’d never watch otherwise (and probably actively avoid), and put the high school love of my life on it for brief moments. Well done, JC, for having a career beyond the solo albums, and being a pretty great producer these days. My love for JC was borne out of 2 things: 1 – when I discovered NSYNC, I didn’t want to pick Justin as my favorite, because EVERYONE liked Justin. Every so often, I crave originality. 2 – on my NSYNC *N The Mix VHS (which I still have, obvi) and the Disney In-Concert special, JC came off as the most educated about the art of music as well as about the industry. He plays piano and creates jazz/classical versions of some NSYNC songs. My heart partially melted. Heart fully FULLY melted when I saw the NSYNC edition of the old VHI show “Before They Were Stars,” and they show JC’s Mickey Mouse Club audition video. Pretty much the cutest thing ever when tween aged JC sings Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting for You. Then came Disney Channel re-airing the Mickey Mouse Clubs on a “Where’d you MMC them first” weekend (Featuring Justin, Britney, Christina, JC, Ryan Gosling, Keri Russel, etc). Just. Awesome. Not to mention JC has the dark hair green/blue eyes thing going for him. That’s my fave. Pretty sure there isn’t anything he could do to make me not love him, especially after that part of their No Strings Attached Concert DVD where they sing Digital Get Down. If you’ve ever spent more than 2 hours in my apartment, you probably know what it is. I’ve shown it to you. If not, you’re missing out. Also he’s pretty good friends with Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl’s Nate) now. That’s a lot of hotness to be present together. Just saying.

KSquizz - Oh how I once loved J.C. Chasez. He was my love on MMC. In fact, as I was writing my Ryan Gosling paragraph I had a moment where I remembered J.C singing "Right Here Waiting for You." Adorable. He was my favorite NSyncer, too. And I also owned/constantly watched NSYNC in the Mix and the Disney Channel Concert Special. J.C. and I broke up though when he launched his solo career. "Some Girls Dance with Women" Oh, J.C. Terrible. Also, he took on a pretty douchey personality/personal style for awhile when he was dating Eva Longoria. I couldn't take it. But I loved him once

Smurftastic - I'm not denying the album wasn't great. But I did buy it, the day it came out. Still sometimes listen to it. I'd still hit it, terrible music and debateable douchiness included.

KSquizz #6 = Ryan Gosling – The person who cast the new Mickey Mouse Club should win some sort of award. Timberlake, Britney, Aguilera, Russell, and the baby goose. He was adorable on the show though admittedly I loved J.C. more as a child. (I know, I could have picked a little better but he was cute! [Ed note - offended]) Still there was no denying that RG was a cutie and he has managed to stay that way. He also turned out to be arguably the most talented actor the MMC produced. I don’t see Timberlake or Spears with any Oscar nominations on their resume. I always knew he had it in him when I was watching that miserable fake SBTB on a cruise ship he was on as a teenager. Yep, that’s right a teen comedy on a cruise ship. And I watched it. He really was THAT cute. Gosling increased his acting cred and slowly grew into a serious adult hottie in things like Remember the Titans and Murder by Numbers (playing a hot serial killer- a hot serial killer? I may need therapy.) He even bagged himself a cougar during the latter project. Somehow his dating Sandra Bullock made him hotter to me like he was learning stuff…mmm…anyway. If you did not want him after The Notebook, well, I don’t know what to do with you. He was romantic, funny, bad ass, also his body in that?!?!?!....all in all generally totally bone-able (bonable?). He even made scruff hot, and I generally am anti-scruff. Since then he has gone on to be in ridiculously good movies, earned himself the a forementioned Oscar nomination and dated Rachel McAdams (a girl crush of mine) twice, all while appearing incredibly down to earth, hard-working, and likable. Your move, Timberlake.

Smurftastic - Weird that this pick is the same number as JC, the other MMCer on the list. Loved BabyGoose on MMC, particularly when he did those fake news reports, and that time he sang in a quartet with Justin, JC and the random black kid who's name I don't remember. They were wearing beigey-white VERY baggy clothes and it was HOTTTT. Also love him in Remember the Titans. Refuse to watch the Notebook on principle, but ONLY saw Murder by Numbers because of him. True story. Also a true story, I thought he was the same dude as the son from "The Nanny." For several years. This is what the world was like before IMDB.

OH AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

Smurftastic #5 - Devon Sawa. Though my love for him has diminished in intensity as of late (cause he’s not in much anymore), I will always credit him for being the dude to lead me into my boy crazy/Tiger Beat phase. I remember when we were scheduled to watch Casper in 6th grade, all of my friends were like “OMG WAIT TILL YOU SEE DEVON HE’S SO DREAMY!” I, till that point, had chosen to look at those boy crazy Jonathan Taylor Thomas fans with disdain. I was better than them because I stuck with more admirable pursuits than putting posters on my wall [Ed note - like playing pogs]. That was up until the scene where Casper became a real, live, HOT boy, who swept both Christina Ricci and myself of our respective feet. To this day, if a boy ever legitimately whispered “Can I keep you?” in my ears, I might literally die. I’d for sure accept a wedding proposal that featured it, in case you care. I then was sucked into the Tiger Beat firestorm. Devon was everywhere on my walls (along with a few JTT, and lots of Jonathan Brandis, who would be on this list, but for the fact that he’s no longer alive, [Ed note - pause while I pour one out for my SeaQuest homie]). After Casper, Devon had a fabulous role as Scott Wormer in Now & Then, possibly my favorite movie of tween-hood. Also if you pause it at the exact right spot during the skinny dipping scene, you can see his man-business. Devon had other roles littered with kickassery in Idle Hands, Little Giants, and Final Destination. He is still working, with 2 movies set to be released in 2009. Also, according to his most recent IMDB bio photo, he has aged quite well. http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3402729728/nm0001701

KSquizz - I loved Devon, too. A lot. He was adorable in all those movies. I saw Wild America in the theater, the epic tween film featuring Devon, JTT, AND Brian Littrel's future wife. The last thing I remember him doing was playing "Stan" in Eminem's video. He was in kind of an unattractive awkward stage in it. Glad to see he has grown out of it.

KSquizz #5 = Mark-Paul Gosselar – No shock here. Every girl in her twenties should be in love with MPG. Zack Morris and his dyed locks (sad face that he isn’t a natural blonde) stole the hearts of little girls everywhere. He was outrageously hot and the character was amazingly lovable, which if you think about it, is a testament to MPG’s acting skills because Zack could have potentially been douche if played wrong. Unlike some other teen idols of the day (see the Joe Mac v. Jordan Knight Debate), Mark-Paul owned the hearts of every Saved by the Bell fan. Have you ever met someone who thought Slater was hotter? No. You haven’t because no one in their right mind could ever feel that way. I have seen every Saved by the Bell episode featuring Zack. College years, Hawaiian style (which I own on vhs), even his cameos on the new class. He definitely struggled a little post SBTB, which made it hard to stick with him, but I continued to root for his hotness to succeed. He did a very standard teen idol thing at the time and played a rapist who attacked Candace Cameron Bure and Six from Blossom in a tv movie that I am sure they still run on Lifetime. He was pretty good playing a non-Zack in Dead Man on Campus. He played a straight man who was a gay porn star on Law & Order SVU.Seriously. Finally, he seemed to rise above the rest of his Saved bythe Bell cast (deservedly so) to become a legitimate actor and an apparent muse of Steven Bochco. He was good on NYPD Blue. He was GREAT on Commander in Chief. He is some of the good that keeps Raising the Bar from being BAD. He also wins at life for coming to terms with SBTB and appearing IN CHARACTER as Zack Morris on Jimmy Fallon. Love! Finally, he is the only person on this list I have ever actually seen in person and he was totally awesome. Note: Raising the Bar is written/produced by a former professor from Smurftastic’s and my law school. They had a legit premiere of the show featuring a Q&A by MPG at the school. At the end, as he was being pushed out the door by his biotchy PR girl, he stopped to take a picture with me even though the PR chick had already told everyone no. He even grabbed someone to take the pic. A celebrity who appreciates that the fans are the reason you are famous. LOVE!

Smurftastic - sigh, he made my honorable mention - let's talk about MPG's visit to the school. I bought a new camera (henceforth known as Zack Morris camera), curled my hair, wore skinny jeans and heels, and anyone who knows me knows that getting me out of a hoodie and sneaks is a rare feat. I almost got into a car accident when my friend told me he was coming to the school. I then called no fewer than 10 of my friends and family to relay my excitement via screaming and lots of "OH MY GOD"s. Much like Ferris Bueller, Zack was a childhood hero. Unlike Ferris, I also lusted after him. I had a "SBTB Wedding in Las Vegas party" in Summer of 2008. I served champagne. I also watch Raising the Bar and think it is awesome. MPG, in my opinion, hotter with dark hair.

Smurftastic #4 - Harrison Ford. By far the elder statesman of this esteemed compilation, Harrison Ford grabbed my attention the very first time I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark. Sigh. He’s so dreamy. Then I saw Star Wars. Also dreamy (worse hair and fedora-less, but still dreamy). Both characters had a wit and disdain about them that I was extremely attracted to (chicks like mean D-bags, what can I say?). Harrison is yet another that has aged very VERY well, from the Fugitive through Air Force One. I’ll see pretty much anything he’s in (including Hollywood Homicide. In the theaters. On opening day. Shudder). Yes, I still think he is hot. I actually liked (though not as much as the previous 3) the new Indiana Jones’ movie. I am even willing to put up with the fact that he now has an earring and is engaged to Ally McBeal. I will love him forever. He is to me as Paul Newman was to my mom.

KSquizz - He is EPIC. He is starting to look a little old, but only justa little. I am VERY anti him and Callista though. Yick.

KSquizz #4 = Leonardo DiCaprio - Honestly, if he didn’t appear on this list it would be a shame, but he dropped a little bit from his original ranking. I, like so many, did love him as the adorable homeless kid Mike Seaver saves on Growing Pains. His character was essentially supposed to be the new likable Mike Seaver since Kirk Cameron decided to find God and lose evolution. And truly, Leo did it better. That is how you knew he was going to be huge. Though despite his best efforts (Gilbert Grape), he was dragged into the teen idol realm for a long time. I like so many other teenaged girls spent hundreds of dollars I wish I had back on teen magazines to paper the walls of my room with pictures of the Backstreet Boys, Nsync, and Leonardo Dicaprio. I saw Titanic for my 14th Birthday party. He was a legit, modern Beatle [Ed note - offended]. Liking Leo at that time was a guilty pleasure for me. I was actually mildly ashamed of it then because SO MANY people were obsessed with him, but still he graced my walls with excuses like “Oh well, he looks hot in that one so I hung it.” Meanwhile, I was watching Romeo and Juliet and Titanic and secretly hoping he would find me and, despite our 9 year age gap, want to marry me. I was a 15 year old judging myself for loving him. That’s how popular he was. But then he completely justified my love for him by making totally legit movies and becoming a hot man. Gangs of New York! Catch Me If You Can! The Departed!!!! Are you kidding me? !!! How awesome an actor do you have to be to steal scenes from Nicholson? Someone please give this man an Oscar! Also, the hottest he has ever been in a film. There are more, like Blood Diamond, and I am dying to see Shutter Island, but you get the picture. He rules. He is occasionally photographed with his hot foreign supermodel of the moment girlfriend appearing kind of chunky, but I can totally forgive him a belly. He is still ridiculously handsome. He is another one with great eyes. Add in the fact that my number one ultimate girlcrush, Kate Winslet, has professed her undying love for Leo as a person. Well, he gets continuous love from me, pretty much forever.

Smurftastic - Sigh... I never fully got on the Leo train. His hot/adorableness peaked for me on Growing Pains. I find him attractive, and incredibly talented, but I don't stalk. He's all yours.

Smurftastic #3 = Hugh Grant - Surprisingly, he's the only British or accented dude on my list. That is unexpected, as people with British, Irish, and/or Australian accents are better than regular people in almost all situations. Believe it or not, Hugh first arrived on my radar at around the same time the "picking up a hideous prostitute named Devine" scandal broke. Yet I stuck by him/continually defend him to my mother [Ed note - IT WAS 14 YEARS AGO, LET IT GO!]. Was it the floppy hair? Probably not, I like him better without it. The puppy dog droopy eyes? Maybe. The accent? Definitely had a part in it. But what keeps me coming back for more with good old Hugh is his biting wit, and the fact that he makes fun of pretty much everyone. That, and I think I’m secretly destined to marry a bumbling Brit. I even watched American Dreamz and found it less than horrific (Dennis Quaid certainly didn't hurt either). Hugh's early work (eg Four Weddings and a Funeral) is not my favorite of his, but his roles in 4 of my favorite movies EVER (Bridget Jones' Diary, About a Boy, Two Weeks Notice, and Love Actually) will keep him high atop my most dateable celebrities list from years to come. No matter how many times he "unretires" from acting or romantic comedies, I won't get frustrated. The man has an accent and a sense of humor. Plus he went to Oxford. He’s smart, and he doesn’t often deal with bullshit from the press. He's like my kryptonite, hooker loving or not. Plus, according to his Wikipedia page, he’s not dating anyone seriously. [Ed note - AHEM. Neither am I. AHEM.] On a creepy note… the look he gets in his eyes right before he’s about to have that perfect kiss with his leading lady at the end of his movies just might be the sexiest thing ever. EVER.

KSquizz - Hugh Grant is not my favorite. I actually would choose Colin Firth if I were living a real life Bridget Jones love triangle. However, his prime minister in Love Actually is adorable. I especially love his dance scene. And you can't go wrong with British accents.

Smurftastic - HAVE YOU SEEN COLIN FIRTH KISS A WOMAN IN THE MOVIES? AWKWARD. FACE. EATER. Otherwise, yeah he'd probably be on here. But he looks like a Disney Prince slash chiropractor.

Ksquizz #3 - Joshua Jackson. The Mighty Ducks may be the greatest children’s movie of all time. I think we can all agree that it is probably top 5. Say what you want about the sequels, I also love them. There are two reasons those movies stand the test of time with our generation: 1) Emilio, and 2) adorable little Joshua Jackson. Though my crush was firmly placed on Adam Banks in those movies, Charlie held a special place in my 9 year old heart. But Joshua Jackson’s career was not over and neither were his plays for my affection. Because Joshua Jackson is also Pacey Witter. That’s right, Super Hot, Smart Ass, Banging a Teacher, Kind of a Jerk, but with a heart of gold, PaceyWitter. He played the absolute perfect character for me to fall in love with as a teenager. If you were on Team Dawson while you watched Dawson’s Creek, I am judging you. Right now, judged. Even the writers ended up on Team Pacey! He got the girl!!! (In real life too,before Tom Cruise. Nice work, Josh.) Now, he is on Fringe which appeals to all my nerdy sensibilities and is pretty successful. I am pretty convinced Joshua Jackson is the new George Clooney. They have a similar look and attitudes. Funny, a little bit sneaky, and handsome. Check the poker scene in Ocean’s Eleven which they are both in, you will see it. Plus, both started out on a popular chick shows. Reappeared on popular prime time dramas. Soon Joshua will be a big time movie star with an Italian villa. You’ll see. And I will still love him then because ducks fly together.

Smurftastic - see my #1. I was on team Dawson, mainly because NO ONE DATES SPAZZWAY BUT ME. Also, back off. Because I will cut you for him.

Smurftastic #2 = Jordan Knight - Formerly and currently of New Kids on the Block (alias NKOTB). Jordan is by far the longest of my long term crushes, and has the honor of being the only guy on this list I owned a doll of (yes, I had the NKOTB dolls. Sometimes used for NKOTB fun, most often used as the male characters when I played Full House with my Barbies. Jordan was always Steve, because I wanted to be DJ). I picked him out of New Kids glory when I was 4 or 5 and my sister was the avid NKOTB fan. I believe the impetus was that Donny (at the time my favorite) had grown a rat-tail and Jordan got rid of his. I’m proud to have been anti rat-tail even in the late 80s before it was cool. Jordan’s falsetto has been melting my heart ever since. After NKOTB broke up, I felt something missing in my life… an emptiness. But Jordan came roaring back with the erotically charged “Give it to You” and a full solo album, and TOURED WITH NSYNC on the Boys of Summer Tour. Worlds colliding in the very very best way. More proof that he’s the one for me. He’s still adorable, can still dance, and still has mad pipes. NKOTB reunited in 2008, and reclaimed my heart. My love for Jordan clearly has legs and will be around for a long, long time. Someday I’ll simultaneously teach my children about the benefits of having “the Right Stuff” and the pitfalls of rat-tails.

KSquizz - Jordan was my favorite new kid, and he still is. I saw that boys of summer tour he did with NSYNC. I lost track of him though, I must admit. He has managed to remain pretty hot though. Good for him

KSquizz #2 = Gavin Rossdale. I know Gavin Rossdale is a rogue choice especially so high on the list, but he has been someone I have consistently lusted after since the 5th grade. And overall, I think he may be the absolutely hottest guy on this list. It definitely helps that he wrote and sang some of my favorite songs of my middle school career. I heard Swallowed on the radio the other day and blasted it as loud as it would go [Ed note - that's what she said]. Something about him is just sexier to me than most of the guys on this list. I am sure the musician thing is helping. I KNOW the British thing is helping. Accents are delicious. The fact that he hasn’t changed at all in the 15 years I have loved him probably helps. Additionally, I know he makes some adorable babies and is married to one of my all time girl crushes(which helps a dude’s cred on this list). He also doesn’t seem to mind at all that his wife is currently more famous than him. He just remains incredibly cool and chills with Roger Federer. I just LOVE Gavin. I really liked his last album, and I kept hoping for it to be huge commercially. I also keep hoping he will break out as an actor,which he may. He was really good as a demon in Constantine. I am even going to dvr his ass on Criminal Minds this season. I could make some dorky joke about my love for Gavin remaining the same, but I won’t. He is far too cool for that.

Smurftastic - He's cute, and British, I can't fault you for that. And that's all I have to say about that (she types while thinking in a Forrest Gump accent)

Smurftastic #1 - JOSHUA JACKSON. My love for Josh began in 1992 with a little movie called The Mighty Ducks. Charlie Conway skated into my heart as the somewhat bumbling, yet tender and passionate leader of a team of economically disadvantaged young hockey players. He made Gordon Bombay CARE about his team, and changed the face of motion pictures as we know it. Josh was back in D2 with a haircut that made him even cuter, and with D3, we got to see him grow before our very eyes. Joshua was the SOLE reason I started watching Dawson’s Creek, and the scene in the detention episode of the first season (see below) is one of my most treasured in television history. Throughout the shows run, I very rarely called him Pacey, instead referring to him as Charlie, even though Pacey was my favorite character. I passionately hated any woman he dated on the show, because IT SHOULD BE ME. He had some great roles in movies like Cruel Intentions, The Skulls, Bobby and Urban Legend, and returned to television in 2008 on the Fox show “Fringe.” Prior to Fringe, Joshua was my most frequently IMDBed actor, because I couldn’t wait to see what the Duck’s captain would come up with next. He is Canadian (bonus), and always plays rather witty characters. I love him. I will always love him. I will see pretty much anything he is in. He is currently dating Diane Kruger. I hate her. I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over before he falls in love with me. Will it be yes or will it be... sorry?

QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK GOOOOOOOOOO DUCKS!

KSquizz - Joshua Jackson almost overtook Gavin Rossdale to make it to my #2. Heis simply the new George Clooney. Mark my words!

Smurftastic - again, back off. I will cut you.

KSquizz #1 = DEREK JETER – Gavin lost his original spot as number one on this list when I decided that an athlete counted and that there is no person I have been devoted to as obsessively in my whole life as Derek Jeter. He first appeared as a Yankee in 1995, but his 1996 season was when I and the rest of the world took notice. I have loved him as a fan since he became the Yankees everyday shortstop, but he managed to cement that love by signing a personalized autograph to me when I was in 6th grade and spelled my name correctly without prompting. It doesn’t take much for a superstar to get a 12 year old to love him. Since then I have been envisioning scenarios where I would meet him and we would fall in love. At 15, I was still picturing him stopping baseball games in the 7th inning to propose. No lie. I still find myself plotting how I am going to get invited to a Turn 2 Foundation event, because that is all it will take, obviously. Derek and I have had our rough patches, particularly his dating of Mariah Carey and Jessica Biel- VOMIT. But we have managed to make it through. I am somehow dealing with rumors he is engaged to his new girlfriend. Some chick on Friday Night Lights who my boyfriend calls the hottest woman on television. I can deal as long as it isn’t Mariah, Madonna, or Kate Hudson. (Gross, A-rod. Gross.) What else is there to say? I mean, you may hate the Yankees, but there is no denying the man is hot. His skin is perfect. He has a great smile. He is an athlete so his body is sick, particularly his very nice ass. He has a solid relationship with his family. He is serious, but not so much that he won’t make a joke at his expense. He is also the epitome of class and professionalism in my favorite sport that has taken some really terrible blows the last few years. My level of obsession would probably frighten him in real life, but it is definitely the most serious long term celebrity crush I have had in my whole life. And it isn’t going anywhere.

Smurftastic - Non NYer here, but HE'S BEEN ON THE TEAM SINCE 95?!?!?!?!?!?!? Eesh, I am behind in the times. He's cute, proves funny at times, and is in commercials with Roger Federer. Plus he's not A-Rod, so he has that goin' for him. Me lusting after him would require me spending FAR too much time with Yankee fans to be worth it (no offense). Athletes are always respectable picks, nonetheless. In 1 year, David Beckham will be eligible to be on this list, and will most likley be added, so I see where you are coming from.

So that's it. Sorry it was so long, but we are passionate about our stalking. Let us know what you think and who your long term crushes are in the comments.

2009 Emmy's Live Thoughts

2009-09-20T23:00:00.001-04:00

Present for this live blog = J-bone, Smurftastic and Gingerette.
Occasionally submitting comments via electronic media = Smurftastic’s sister and KSquizz.

Would like to kick this off by saying I’m creepily excited because of NPH hosting. I swear he could do nothing but make Taylor Swift cry and it will still be infinitely better than the “reality host” debacle of last year. He is wearing a white tuxedo jacket with black pants, and this will not be the first time tonight that I lament the fact that the man is gay. Do you think he’d be down to hang out if I got a sex change? I’D DO IT FOR NPH!

My over under bet for Kanye West jokes is 5. KSquizz thinks three, sister thinks 8. AND THAT’S ONE. Tracey Morgan did not think it was funny. They are dividing the show based on genre. I’m pretty exciteddddddddddd… so I don’t get stuck with a whole 2 hours in the middle of shitty cinematography jokes.

Kicking things off with comedy. I’m predicting 30 Rock to win big, but I NEED to see NPH take home a trophy. Of course in the montage they have Jon Hamm cause he’s too good for just drama. I could spread him on a cracker. The glasses theme for the best supporting actress nominees is pretty ridiculous. Big ups to Vanessa Williams for bucking the trend. Kristen Chenoweth wins. Whatever. She’s cute. Her show was cancelled. The tears are excessive. I’m uncomfortable. Moving on.

This breakthrough performance award thing (online vote) seems interesting. I like both Chuck & Blair and the Kris Allen. Eff True Blood. I’m so over this vampire trend. HIMYM presenters. The ladies’ post baby bods look good. Outstanding writing. Boring. 30 Rock. One of my favorite parts of NPH hosting is that he mocks his own terrible jokes. NPH’s award is up. I want NPH to win, but I’d be quite happy with either of the 30 Rock or Rainn Wilson. Jon Cryer wins. I hate America for liking Two and a Half Men so much. Rethink your lives. I mean I love Ducky, don’t get me wrong. But I’m displeased.

Just flipped to NFL Sunday Night Football in the commercial and saw my first ad for the Vancouver Winter Olympics. My heart is warmed.

Justin Timberlake makes an appearance. My uterus skipped a beat. He’s basically describing me as the girl who all guys dream about. Why thank you, Justin. I feel the same about you. Also, congrats on letting the curls grow back. HUGSIES. Best comedic actress. Clearly Tina Fey will win. UPSET - Toni Collette takes it home for United States of Tara. It’s supposed to be great, but I don’t get premiere cable. So whatever.

Steve Carell looks foxy tonight. Just saying.

ROB LOWE. Yummy. He gets more dreamy with time. Best actor in a comedy. I’m hoping Steve Carell takes it home. But I do love Alec Baldwin. And Jermaine Clement. No surprise Baldwin wins. Jack Donaghey is my ideal boss.

Shifting to reality genre. If they don’t show a clip from Real Housewives of NJ, I’ll be WAY upset. CAROLINE! Theresa! I LOVE THAT SHOW. Maksim and Karina from DWTS perform. I freaking love Maksim. In agreement with KSquizz = AWKWARD. They used to be engaged. And as of mere days ago, they are no longer. Nothing to write home about, honestly. Jeff Probst wins for best host. Apparently they still air Survivor. Way to congratulate NPH, because you did a HORRIBLE job last year.

Tracey Morgan arrives. He is apparently sober now. I’m not thrilled. Amazing Race wins best competition series. Whatever. It’s no Project Runway, American Idol, or DWTS.

Miniseries. I have seen 0. Whatevz. Signing off sesh till something interesting happening.

KSquizz question of the commercial break: “True or False: You would act as a surrogate for NPH and his partner?” Gingerette and I are a RESOUNDING yes. Sister is a “no.” Not the first time I have judged her during this telecast, and it won’t be the last.

I really love that in his intros, this guy is only picking rogue roles that no one remembers instead of what they are known for. BIG FAN. Patricia Arquette looks like complete garbage. That dress is an embarrassment.

Jessica Lange has aged well. This needs to speed up. I’m getting grumpy.

OK moving into Variety. So shit I actually watch and isn’t lame. Sorry miniseries and TV movies, but you suck at life.

BRIAN WILLIAMS SIGHTING. I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH.

Really happy MotherLover got nommed. Here’s Ricky Gervais, just generally being awesome. As per usual. Jon Stewart gives NPH mad props. I love them both so much, but the edge in awesome goes to NPH, obvs. KSquizz: “Wow. Ricky Gervais wins at presenting.” Indeed, KSquizz, indeed.

Finally up to the drama category. Meaning we’re through the dragging middle part, and I’m that much closer to being able to go to bed.

DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE! Sung along with by Sarah Mclachlan’s “I will remember you.” I get it, but will this song never die? It’s not a high school graduation. It’s a dead people montage. The song almost ruined it for me. Didn’t tear up till Paul Newman, Michael Jackson, and Swayze. Sigh. Rough year for celebrity deaths. KSquizz comments: “I wish Jimmy Fallon was in the death montage.” My response: “I wish that song was in the montage and never heard again.” KSquizz: “I think I am going to use ‘I wish they were in the death montage at the next award show’ as another way to express my hatred of things.” Good idea.

Glenn Close wins. Makes me want to watch Damages. Kind of. But after Glee, Community, Gossip Girl and Melrose Place… I’m pretty sure I don’t have room to take on any new TV shows this season.

Final awards of the night. I’m predicting 30 Rock and Mad Men. Bob Newhart is one adorable old man. I like all of the comedic nominees, but have never seen Weeds. 30 Rock wins, no surprise, and well deserved. True Blood wins the breakthrough award. DIE IN A FIRE VAMPIRES. Ugh so overexposed. Mad Men wins. Good show. KSquizz wins the Kanye joke bet with the final count at 3. Congrats. I’m signing off. NIGH NIGH.

RIP, Johnny/Bodhi/Vida/Sam

2009-09-14T20:33:00.004-04:00

1952-2009

Guest Entry #2, Kanye Response

2009-09-14T17:53:00.004-04:00

Below is a response from another new contributor, KSquizz. Get ready to see her featured more, in some more lighthearted fare. (I promise we won't rant forever). Enjoy.

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While my fellow pop culture pundits have taken to the interwebs to express their shock and anger at the ridiculous display of douchebaggery that was Kanye West at these most recent VMAs, I am here to attack the issue from another angle.

I was incredibly angry last night watching a man in his 30s rip the microphone out of the hands of a teenaged girl who was probably experiencing one of the happiest and most exciting moments of her life. He completely ruined her moment because he was drunk (or my guess pretending to be drunk), and he thought Beyonce should have won.
Looking at it a day later, my view is that Kanye West may be the most pathetic human being on the Earth.

This is nothing new for West. He is pretty much a guarantee to rush the stage at any award show he attends if the producers make the mistake of awarding musical acts they believe are the best rather than stroking Kanye’s gigantic ego or having the audacity not to agree with his very limited musical tastes. West seems to ignore the fact that Taylor Swift’s latest effort is the biggest selling album of the year. Beyonce’s album sold 1.3 million copies less than Taylor’s. Swift also outsold West by 2.1 million copies. Kanye may think he is a “glitch in the matrix” showing the world that awards are going to the unworthy, but he is just not in touch in reality. He simply cannot believe that the public could disagree with his musical tastes and preferences.

Many blogs and commenters have attacked West’s outbursts as being motivated by racism and sexism. West has made some pretty ridiculous comments in the past that would lead any literate human being to believe that he is in fact both a racist and a sexist POS, but I honestly don’t think his outburst was motivated by any sort of hate belief system.

Kanye West is a narcissist and delusional. He stormed that stage like he storms every other because he legitimately thinks that 1) his opinion matters above all others, and 2) that the public ACTUALLY wants to see and hear from him. It’s actually sad. Perhaps it is our culture that builds celebrities up to thinking that their opinions somehow outrank the opinions of the masses or the educated because so often celebrities take stances and are allowed to speak to millions on subjects that should not be tackled by people with little to no education (Angelina Jolie and Ashton Kutcher come to mind).

However, West has nowhere near the kind of A list fame where his outbursts can be blamed on the public caring too much. Turns out, we don’t care, Kanye. His outbursts, therefore, can only be blamed on mental illness. I imagine he actually sits in his mansion, awkwardly next to oft-naked Amber Rose trying not to touch her, imagining millions of people in the outside world doing nothing but listening to his music and discussing him, hoping and praying Kanye will grace them with a word.

Meanwhile Kanye, in the real world, you aren’t really that famous. Sure, you have fans, but you are at best a C List celebrity. Gays and teenaged girls rule the world and decide who is famous. It is a simple fact of celebrity. You don’t appeal to them. So the people of the world continue their lives, worried about their futures in this economy and spending the little disposable income they have on Taylor Swift or Beyonce’s music. ( I mean I look for jobs while belting out “You Belong with Me” on a pretty much daily basis.)

Kanye is also sad and pathetic because he legitimately believes himself to be brave for gracing the world with the gift of his outbursts without realizing that he only goes on these tirades when he is attacking someone he views as defenseless or unlikely to give him shit for what he is doing. Pink was on the Today show this morning and said that she did not believe he would have rushed the stage if she had won. I agree. Pink would have punched him in the face without hesitation. He is a big tough man when rushing the stage and snatching microphone from a 90 pound teenaged girl. If Pink had won, he would have taken one look at that tiny ball of lightning and stayed firmly planted in his seat. Then, he would have simply taken to his blog and bitched about how BEYONCE WAZ ROBBED BUT PINK IS STIL MAD GUD. GO ON GRRL!!! J West would not want to anger Pink because unlike Swift who said little about the subject and was obviously shaken, Pink would have made the grown man cry. I mean, would you mess with Pink?

Finally, Kanye is pathetic because he believes he was in the right. After he got his and his girlfriend’s giant asses kicked out of the awards, he did the only thing he could do, “apologize” without actually being sorry or saying he was wrong in ALLCAPS. HE IS SOOOOOOO SORRY BUT BEYONCE DESERVED IT AND HE IS REAL. How is that an apology? It just continues to insult Swift and her fans. Kanye believes he can insult all these people because he is simply better than them and people love him. No one loves you, Kanye. You are a sad, little man. You are an embarrassment to your late mother, who was an educated English professor.
Unfortunately, Kanye is getting exactly what he wants. This is the first time I have thought about Kanye West for more than 30 seconds since Hurricane Katrina. He occasionally crosses my mind when I see pictures of his beard, the outrageous Amber Rose, dressed up in dental floss. I think we can all agree that their relationship is nothing more than a desperate cry for publicity.

Congratulations Kanye, your desperate need for attention has made you infamous. Like a bratty child, you have obviously decided that negative attention is better than none at all. You have joined the infamous ranks of ODB and Soy Bomb, oh and Lil Mama (who rushed the stage during Jay Z and Alicia Key’s snoozefest VMA closing performance).

Is it me or does she look like a kid posing with the wax figures at Madame Tussauds?

Believing that West is just a desperate, pathetic loser dying for his name to get into the news at the expense of a talented young woman, I vote that we officially turn our backs on the KING OF THE CAPS LOCK KEY. He is like a child screaming and throwing a temper tantrum in a toy store. If we simply turn around and ignore his screams, maybe he will calm down and go away. Ignoring him and making him less famous is the only way to truly get to West. Hopefully, the public will ignore him enough that he is forced to get a real job and live in the real world. And then hopefully, his ass gets fired for using CAPS LOCK in company emails. (http://consumerist.com/5350635/new-zealand-woman-fired-after-sending-too-many-all+caps-e+mails)

Thanks for the time!

xoxo,
KSquizz

Guest entry #1, Kanye response... UPDATED

2009-09-14T12:08:00.004-04:00

Below is a response from a first-time contributor, CaliCoop. This has not been edited or toned down upon reciept. It is probably in everyone's best interest not to mess with her. You'll see...

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First, I’d like to thank Smurftastic for allowing me to guest blog on this particularly poignant topic. Now onto the goods …

Dear Kanye:

While I’d certainly be glad to admit that your first two albums weren’t the most horrible things ever to grace my inner ear, this will be a far cry from pointing out just your amazing fall from fame … although I must point out your free fall on Forbes Most Powerful Celebrities List from 27 in 2008 to 46 in 2009, while Taylor has gone from unranked to 69. Whether you are a country music fan or not the presence of Taylor Swift in music is undeniable. No album has had the staying power on the Billboard 200 for more weeks since 1999-2000 (years before Kanye released his first album) than Taylor’s Fearless album. Her second album, Fearless, recorded the largest opening in 2008 for ANY female artist, and only fourth behind Lil’ Wayne, AC/DC and Coldplay … again, no Kanye. Not to mention she is absolutely adorable and much too young to have to deal with some douche bag stealing her thunder.

Just because your music sucks and no one gives a flying sh*t if you live to make another song or not does not mean you need to ruin everyone else’s life in the meantime. Some musicians are STILL actually making good music … deal with it! And what kind of prick ruins a 19 year old girl’s first VMA Award EVER!?! You strut around acting like you are some kind of charitable person minus your outrageous tirades and obvious inability to accept others, when in fact the charity that you yourself started in the name of your mother you have donated less than a million dollars to … when you make over 25 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR?! What kind of cheap bastard are you?!

With that, I’ll end with this for now … you are and forever will be #1 on my die in a fire list until you somehow make amends for your absolutely outrageous conduct and by no means does posting some half-hearted apology on your blog count towards anything. You are scum of the earth and the reason why there is still so much hatred towards people that are different, if you are so full of yourself that you are incapable of politely sitting in your seat while a 19 year girl accepts her first VMA I truly hope you are never in a position to need any kind of assistance or acceptance by someone who finds you different, because it is at that moment you MAY realize the ignorance and absolute ridiculousness of your ways and actually become a real man, until then find the nearest bridge and take a jump … no one will miss your tirades and your best music is already left for those of us who can still stand the sound of your voice to enjoy.

Thanks very much,
CaliCoop

PS - and how could I forget … why is it after failing to win a VMA for yourself in 2006 and 2007 and vowing to never return to the VMAs ever again are you still back every year?! Is it because you are such a bitter jerk that you have stooped to the level of raining on the parade of those actually talented enough to win?! Or possibly that even though you’ll never actually win yourself, especially because your albums are now a shameful excuse for music, you love the possibility of even a second of air time even on an overhead shot of the audience because you’re a total attention whore whose music has failed to satisfy his thirst for publicity for years now. Oh why on earth could we have not been so lucky for you to have actually kept your promise …

Dear Kanye, WTF?

2009-09-14T09:56:00.006-04:00

So this rant will be short, but not so sweet, and possibly will be continued by some guest bloggers. For those of you who still pay attention to such things as the VMAs (or watch the news), you know that Kanye West stormed the stage during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Music video last night, took the mic from her, and said that Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time (she was also nominated but didn't win). He was booed and later kicked out of the show (his performance was cancelled as well), and Beyonce, after winning Video of the Year, called Taylor back onstage to "have her moment" (= mad class) Here are my brief thoughts.

Dear Kanye:

WTF, dude? Why do you even care? Are you and Beyonce friends? Cause it seems like she was pretty pissed at you. What happened to you, man? Did you realize that after your first two albums, which I own and love, your music started to get lame? Is this some desperate attempt to stay relevant? Your douchiness used to be kind of funny, but when it humiliates a 19 year old girl during one of the most exciting moments of her life, that crosses a line. Maybe you should work instead on making music that shows your producing talent that was so evident on "College Dropout" and "Late Registration" which is ever so lacking now. Maybe you should work on dating someone who is not (I'm pretty sure), a dude.

We know you have a vendetta against country music, as evidenced when you lost out on an award to Carrie Underwood and had a fit, but don't fault these girls for having crossover appeal which you, apparently, are jealous of. That was not classy, or funny, and it made someone who used to be one of your biggest fans (me), not even want to listen to your old stuff that I loved so much. I get that not everyone likes country, its fine. But don't blatantly hurt feelings just for attention. Get over yourself.

Yours Truly,
Smurftastic, disappointed former fan

PS - Shaving designs in your head is SOOOOO VANILLA ICE. And he did it better.
PPS - Big ups to Beyonce and MTV for handling the situation gracefully

Real Housewives of New Jersey: A rant slash obsession:

2009-07-01T23:19:00.005-04:00

OK. So I'm aware it's been a while since either DJ Victorious or myself have written. But now we're studying for the bar exam, and thus, I'm ridiculously bored. Go figure. In the past, I may have mentioned my love of Bravo TV shows, but there is one, which recently concluded its first season which may, no joke, be the best show. EVER. OK, that's a little extreme. Maybe the best REALITY show ever. Yes, better than the Bachelor. Yes, better than the Duel/Gauntlet/Real World Road Rules Challenges. This show is the Real Housewives of NJ. The fourth iteration of the series, after the OC, New York, and Atlanta (Atlanta sucked, btw, but the other 2 were also awesome), this gem of the media takes place in my adopted home state of New Jersey, not more than 30 minutes from where my office is. It's tough to explain in just a teeny blog entry, but you need to catch the reruns. This is awesome. I have a couple of things I'd like to rant about regarding the show. 1 - Caroline Manzo. 2 - Crazy Danielle.

1. Dear Caroline. I love you. You are awesome. Literally, I'm considering paying money to hire you as my personal advisor. I'm a little scared of you, but in a really good way. You tell it like it is, and once I convince you to like me, I'm pretty sure you'd scare the pants of/beat up anyone who tried to harm me.

Caroline is, without a doubt, my favorite character to ever appear on reality TV. Why? Because she's actually REAL while on reality TV. She is sane, makes logical arguments, and behaves the way I should hope to behave if I were ever on such a show. Plus she's funny. Her reactions to the craziness of everyone around her (ahem, Danielle, ahem) are PRICELESS, and make the entire show. Plus she calls people on their shit. There's something incredibly respectable about that. You win at life. One day, I hope I'm half as kick-ass as you are.

Great Caroline quotes (from only the 2nd half of the reunion episode, she is classic the whole season): To Danielle: "I disliked you prior to the book" ( further story on THAT later), and with realllllllllll angry eyes, to Danielle, "I'm not buying it." If you haven't seen Caroline Manzo tell someone off you haven't lived. True story. More about her later.

2. Danielle. What the hell. How are you a real person? Every single thing about you is ridiculous. You tried to garner sympathy for the whole "I have 2 kids thing", but then you let your kids speak to you, and hear stuff about you, that I'd probably have to cut my ears off if I heard stuff half as bad as that from my own mother. Really, I don't understand your rationale/life decisions. You have this "past", which you know was referenced in a book (Cop Without A Badge), but when it comes out via Dina or Caroline (or whoever, I'm inclined to think the producers leaked it, but that's just me), you act ALL offended that "this was your past, and someone else brought it to the forefront and it didn't need to be."

Here's the deal. You have a criminal past. You know there is a book. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU EVER AGREE TO GO ON A REALITY SHOW IF YOU WANTED TO KEEP IT QUIET? Are you as stupid as you seem? REALLY? You're going to put yourself in the public eye and expect people to NOT dig this up? This is the age of the Internet. 90% of the people out there have nothing better to do than watch TV with their laptops on and look up shit about people they are seeing (yours truly included). Don't whine about this coming out on TV when it was YOUR CHOICE to go on national TV in the first place. Regardless of the stories you tell, I in no way do, or ever will, feel badly for you. You're a moron.

Choice Danielle quote: in reference to the ex husband in the book, trying to get his 15 minutes of fame "He'll have to answer to MY fans." Guess what sweetheart, women who look up to you, and/or are your fans, are ALSO ridiculous, and possibly bat shit crazy. His "fans" and your "fans" battling it out, might be good thing for society. Your experience on this show was that bad because people saw through your CRAP (namely Caroline) and called you out on it. Too bad. I have no pity for someone who wants to keep the past in the past and then willingly puts themselves in the public eye. You get what you deserve at that point.

That said, Danielle, hope you're back in the second season, because I REALLY want to find out what you did off camera to make Dina and Caroline and their whole family so mad. What was Caroline so upset about? I love her, don't like to see her upset. My hypothesis? You tried to make moves on one of their husbands, most likely Dina's. Can't wait till next season. Well done, Bravo.

PS - Just watched the first episode of NYC Prep. Prob gonna blog about it. Here's a preview. I hate everyone on this show (yet somehow, love the show). Stay tuned!

RIP Michael!

2009-06-25T18:44:00.003-04:00

Michael Jackson has just died in LA. Despite all the child molestation rumors, and the general craziness, he was the man. No question about it. THE MAN. The Jackson 5 are probably in my top 10 favorite bands of all time, and my college buddies used to sing Billie Jean to me at bars. And, importantly, even with the crazy (and the whole Beatles catalogue debacle), his new music didn't suck. It was actually pretty good. The new songs on the Thriller re-release in 08 were fantastic. There may have been more on the way but we'll never really know.

DJ Victorious will much more accurately convey feelings because in her words "I'm actually really upset. Do you think this will increase the value of my Michael Jackson Barbie Doll?"

Rest in Peace Michael, you were the man.

Why Smurftastic hates America...

2009-02-04T20:08:00.003-05:00

So every now and then, something completely ridiculous will happen, prompting me to declare... "I hate everyone." Sometimes, "everyone" includes merely America. Here are some of those things that have made me declare it.

Reasons why I hate America…

1) Paul Blart: Mall Cop, was the #1 movie in America for two weeks in a row.
2) Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the #1 movie in America for more than one week.

People can be heard to complain that “Hollywood assumes the average American is stupid”… you know why? BECAUSE YOU SEE CRAP LIKE THIS IN THE THEATERS. It’s Oscar season… and while I know that many may not want to see every single Oscar nominated pic… (I for example could not give a crap about Slumdog Millionaire… FYI there will likely be a pre-Oscar blog coming shortly)… but the fact is… there is smart work out there. Smart work that is not about a mall cop, or talking dogs. Or dogs in a hotel for that matter. If you keep buying it, the studios will keep making it. It’s that simple.

3) The litigiousness

You spill hot coffee on yourself, and get a million dollars? Really? I say you get what you deserve. Natural selection is a powerful thing. We should not be rewarding morons.

4) The cancellation of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Easily one of the most intelligent TV shows to ever be on TV. Everyone who I’ve shown it to really liked it. No one watched it when it was on. You know why? “It’s too smart.” Smart TV shows get no ratings (Eg Mad Men) and crap like Two and a Half Men & According to Jim gets the highest ratings. Way to go America, I hate you.

5) Dogs can’t go everywhere.

My friend SadieBean has an adorable dog. I was asking for suggestions for reasons why people may hate America and she suggested this. As someone who doesn’t have a dog right now, I can’t empathize, but I do agree. Dogs are awesome. When we were in Europe, people brought their dogs EVERYWHERE… including to outdoor beer gardens (please see my previous summer abroad blogs if you care that much). As long as I don’t step on their poo, and they don’t slobber on me, I say more dogs. My boss brings his dogs to work, and it’s awesome. Doesn’t hurt anyone. Bonus = if they hump someone’s leg and I can laugh at them.

6) Over babying children

Kids these days are WAY too coddled. Also they have ridiculous names (eg Bronx Mowgli). Parents get all oversensitive about what their kids are exposed to, and try to get shows taken off the air, and music off the radio, when the simple answer is… BE A PARENT. If your kid is watching Britney Spears dance around in next to nothing, either be aware enough of what they are doing to turn it off, limit their TV watching, or sit down with them and explain why Britney may be doing that, but perhaps your 12 year old daughter shouldn’t. The government of this country should not be responsible for raising your children. They have enough to do. And if you don’t raise your kids, they become a burden to society. A burden to society with a ridiculous name. Way to go, parents. Babies aren’t pets. You have to raise them. You know what doesn’t raise them? TVs. Or video games. If you want to spawn, take on the responsibility. Or get a nanny. Otherwise don’t procreate.

7) Lack of self responsibility

Are you fat? Don’t worry, in America it’s not your fault. It’s the restaurants. Or the bad genes. Or the length of the work week so you don’t have time to work out. Because in America,, you can eat complete and utter garbage, and lots of it, and only move your body to pick up your remote, and when you weigh 600 lbs, we have to feel bad for you. Don’t get me wrong… if you have an actual problem, I feel bad for you. If you are lazy, you get no pity. Get off your ass, or quit eating so GD much.

OK. So I realize that this turned into a super bitchy post. I usually don’t like to complain that much… it irritates me about people, and so I feel like a hypocrite. In response to that, I’d like to include a brief list of reasons why I love America.

1) State fairs

Fat people in inappropriately tight clothes? CHECK. White Trash bingo? CHECK (if you go with me). Lots and lots of mullets? CHECK. Rides? CHECK. Butter cow? In Illinois… CHECK. Delicious fried food? CHECK. Beer tents with 80s cover bands? CHECK. I needn’t say any more.

2) Teenagers doing stupid crap on video

I mentioned in the reasons I hate America a few things about natural selection. You know when natural selection is awesome? When some 15 year old asshole thinks it’s an awesome idea to jump off a roof on his skateboard. Or jump from a roof into a basketball hoop. Or from a roof to a trampoline. Pretty much when someone videotapes themselves or another person doing something completely idiotic and completely dangerous and then posts it on the internet, I love America. Great example of this idea (pre youtube) = AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. Because people getting hurt is hilarious. Even more hilarious is people getting what they deserve. Freedom of action and freedom to post your stupid actions on the internet so that I might mock you is one of the main reasons I’m glad I live in America.

3) American football

Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer. DJ Vic hearts rugby. Aussie rules football is badass. But there’s just something about when the weather turns chilly on Saturday and Sundays in the fall. You are going to drink outside during the day and watch big dudes hit each other. LOVE IT. Also prop bets during the Super Bowl are amazing (mainly because I win them a lot).

4) Yankee Doodle Dandy

That’s pretty much a funny name. Thanks for the suggestion, SadieBean.

Do you have things about this country that frustrate you? Things you think are awesome? Bring them on in the comments.

It's Superbowl time again!

2009-01-25T22:13:00.003-05:00

Just a quick line to wish DJVictorious, Jeflow and the rest of the Steeler fans good luck in the Superbowl next week... though I am more attracted to Kurt Warner than to Big Ben... it is baffling to me that the Cardinals are in the Superbowl. My normal cheering plan won't work, because both the Cards and the Steelers have 2 former Illini on their team... and one of the Steelers' has been out with a season ending injury since week 4. So good luck to Carey Davis, Neil Rackers (Card kicker) and Nathan Hodel. Otherwise, my allegiances lie with DJ Vic.

GO STEELERS.

Oh Bruce Springsteen is doing the halftime show... I'm indifferent... which is pretty much how I feel about the entire game this year.

Golden Globe Awards 2009

2009-01-20T22:56:00.004-05:00

So it’s that time of year… my favorite… AWARDS SEASON! The legitimate awards kick off tonight with the Golden Globes… and true to my fans, I’m providing a short commentary as I watch… Apologies because this will be more sparse than normal, since due to flight delays, I arrived back from Winter break a day late, and am currently folding every single piece of clothing I own, which I had to wash because my neighbors got bed bugs (ew). I only slept an hour last night after getting back from the bars and then getting up to catch my replacement flight… so this will either be lazy and hilarious or lazy and lame… I’m not really sure how good my sense of humor can be as I’m putting everything I own in garbage bags… let’s see.

First off, NFL playoff games are ending for the weekend – I so far really enjoy the outcome of today’s games… the Giants get knocked out (lots of unhappy people at school tomorrow) and the Steelers are winning with about a minute to go… Since DJ Victorious is a Steelers fan and promised to take me to Pittsburgh if they make it to the bowl, I’m obvi rooting for them.

I’m watching with my friend Ginger McWeasley, so if he says anything awesome, I’ll let you know. Early predictions for the awards:
Ginger thinks Heath Ledger, as do I, but Tom Cruise or Robert Downey winning for Tropic Thunder would be hilarious
Best picture = no idea. I’ve seen none of these. Neither has Ginger.
TV Shows = I think 30 Rock, Ginger thinks the Office
Ginger thinks True Blood for best dramatic series because “there’s enough tits in that movie to make people vote for it. And they were GOOOOOD tits.”
I think Mad Men
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see Neil Patrick Harris (hereinafter NPH) win for best supporting actor in a TV Show.
Meryl Streep is a shoe in for something at least, because it’s Meryl Streep.
Ginger McWeasley thinks someone is going to fall down the stairs. I’m just looking forward to the drunks.

I totally just realized I have no idea who’s hosting… but Ginger tried to tell me it was Ted Danson, which would be AMAZING! Also if they ignore Roy Scheider in the dead people montage, you know the drill, I’m going on a rant.

Jennifer Lopez is out first. If she is the host I need to start drinking… IMMEDIATELY. Maybe there is no host. A girl can dream. She looks terrible… some sort of golden dress… she just shushed people… and I want to punch the TV for the first of many times this evening. Kate Winslet wins best supporting actress for The Reader… which I really want to see if it ever comes to a non-Indy theater. God I hate acceptance speeches. This is still going on. I could have knitted a sweater in the time it took her to thank unimportant people.

Sting presents best original song… since when is he brunette? I’m creeped out. Ginger predicts Springsteen… but likes Peter Gabriel. Well done Ginger. Springsteen calls out Clint Eastwood. Even though you’re from Jersey, dude, Eastwood could kill you with only a look… so watch out.

NP’s award is up. I love him SO MUCH. He does not look confident. I think Piven will get it. Again. Or Tom Wilkinson for John Adams. That shit wins EVERYTHING. Come on NPH! God damn it. Tom Wilkinson. But NPH will always be first in my heart.

Movie related question: Why is Don Cheadle in Hotel for Dogs? Isn’t he like a well renowned actor? Does he have no self respect?

Zac Efron makes an appearance. Big ups to Rum&Efron… good to see you yesterday. I like John Hamm or Hugh Laurie for best actor in a drama. I really just want to hear Hugh Laurie talk in his sexy accent. Gabriel Byrne wins, no huge surprise. Kevin Bacon looks awfully shiny. Ginger thinks his hair looks ridiculous. Ginger watches and loves True Blood, but he made a “something smells” face when Ana Paquin won for best actress. She should think about investing in braces. Just saying.

Ricky Gervais is being Ricky Gervais. He’s pretty awesome.

Jonas Brothers announce the award Miley Cyrus is nominated for = awkward. This award is OBVI going to Wall-E.

Ginger and I are rooting for best actress to go to Emma Thompson. Another English lady wins. Her teeth are RIDIC.

Ummmmmmmm who was in charge of Drew Barrymore’s hair and makeup? Cause that is unnecessary in so many ways.

Supporting Actor Award… this is obvi the big one of the night. Tom Cruise can’t stop laughing at himself. I would too, Les Grossman, I would too. Heath Ledger wins. No surprise.
Colin Farrel makes a cocaine joke and my love for him grows even more. Does it make me a bad person that I’m a little bit sad he’s sober now?

Sad turtle Maggie Gyllenhaal makes an appearance. She looks sad and turtle-like. And is also reading WAY too slowly.

Love that Alec Baldwin won for 30 Rock. I secretly want Jack Donaghey to be my boss.

WTF happened to Renee Zelwegger? I mean she was never that great looking, but she looks like she aged 20 years overnight. And fired her stylist and hired Sharon Stone instead.

Tracy Morgan accepts for 30 Rock. He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO high right now. Love him.

I’m really fading here… something awesome needs to happen. Where is the dead people montage?

Kate Winslet has won for both supporting actress and best actress. She seems genuinely surprised… I think I find her quite endearing.

Mad Men = no surprise.

Mickey Rourke takes home best actor. I’m pretty excited to hear his speech. I hope it’s a big bucket full of crazy. Ginger has left the building, but he missed Mickey tripping up the stage, just as he predicted. He is surprisingly coherent. I’m disappointed.

Slumdog Millionaire wins… I really have no interest in seeing this movie. I’m passing out. It’s been real. I'll be dreaming of dead people montages, because I missed out this year.

See you at the Oscars, if not before.

Dancing With The Stars... no live blogs, but some comments

2008-11-03T21:10:00.006-05:00

So... we are into the final 7 of Dancing with the Stars. Lance is still in, thanks, I'm sure, in no small part to the fact that I vote for him multiple times per week... GO LANCE! Here are my thoughts on the season so far:

Cloris Leachman is ridiculous. Watching her was like watching a car accident, and not even one of the good ones. I get really sad when amazingly talented people are clearly losing it (being on DWTS would be a hint, I guess)... on a great note, watching her was like watching her character in Now & Then every week (the gambling grandma with a wig, remember?) Awesome.
Lance really has been making me feel bad about the fact that I always called him the worst dancer in NSYNC. Really. He has a legitimate complex about this, and I contributed to it. I must say, however, that I am a huge fan of he and Lacey. At first, I thought she was going to be too different and rebellious for the show, but she's good for Lance. GO LANCE GO! Him going home will be very depressing, perhaps almost to the level of when Steve Guttenberg went home.
Warren Sapp is awesome. It's great to see a big man make moves like that, and he's legitimately entertaining.
In the first episode, Kim Kardashian said she doesn't understand why she has terrible balance. If you don't immediately pick out the irony of that (huge ass), then you need to read celebrity blogs.
Not only did my Halloween costume foster my Hannah Montana addiction, but now I have to deal with Cody being with my favorite female dancer and being awesome? Ugh.
I have a girl crush on Brooke Burke.
Susan Lucci is awkward. She kind of gets the steps, but wow it looks odd.
Don't care that Toni Braxton went home, she's irritating
Huge fan of Michael Flatley as the backup judge... he's less douchey than Lou, and I can fast forward when he does dances that give me migraines.
I think Bruno would make a good pet. He's ridiculous, but I bet I could legally muzzle him when I wanted him to shut up.
It's too bad Misty May Treanor got hurt, she had some potential... but that was a great injury video with that crack. It makes the athletic trainer in me smiley.
I say more group dances. Watching Lance dance around in mullet wig while Susan Lucci legitimately tries to do a hip hop dance = what reality TV should be about. Plus Warren was being awesome more. I could handle a ballet group dance.... or a Broadway. It only ends well.

Smurftastics ideal final 3: Lance, Brooke, Warren

Smurftastic's predicted final 3: Brooke, Warren, Cody

Smurftastic's predicted winner: Warren

Audience members I hope to see: JC Chasez, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Steve Guttenberg

I think I have an addiction...

2008-10-17T22:36:00.005-04:00

So. I mean we all knew this was coming. Well maybe not me. Maybe everyone knew I was sick (especially after the BBCS). But I didn't. I thought it was under control. I mean... I can quit anytime I want. In fact, I did quit. Twice. Denial must be a symptom.

I mean I sometimes did it for the homage value, but not cause I really liked it. And I always made fun of it while I secretly loved it.

I have now realized that I cannot quit anytime I want. I am sick. I have an addiction. And since the first step is acceptance, here goes.

My name is Smurftastic, and I'm addicted to boy bands.

Phew. I got that off my chest. I am a 24 year old woman who hearts boy bands. I have hearted boy bands since I first listened to my sister's New Kids on the Block tapes. Then I suddenly became EXTREMELY anti-boy band. All through grade school and junior high, I was "too good" for boy bands. I liked "quality" music (apparently that sometimes meant crap like Limp Bizkit... but whatever). Stuff that the cool kids listened to. And while I would NEVER give up that period of my life (I mean it introduced me to the Beatles, after all...) it's not me.

All it took was 1 Disney Channel In Concert Special and a summer in a new town where I had only 1 friend (who was obsessed) to suck me right back in. And that is when NSYNC entered my life. And made it infinitely better. First concert I ever went to... NSYNC. I may have cried. I know I peed at least 10 times before the show because I was so excited. I even had a sign. A crazy fan threw a Chris Kirkpatrick pin at my head. I think i might still have it somewhere.

Boy band obsession then came full circle (or so I thought). Jordan Knight opened for NSYNC during their "Boys of Summer" tour. Yes, they took my "New Kids forever" sign away from me (but that was really just for ironic purposes, right?) but I still had a fabulous time and thought I was a winner as a 15 year old who knew both NSYNC and NKOTB... and even felt superior to those poor 8 year old girls who didn't know NKOTB. Seriously. Judged them for not understanding the history. Well the rest of high school is self explanatory. 3 more NSYNC concerts, a Backstreet Boys concert, an Aaron Carter concert (seriously), and a 98 Degrees and a 5ive CD. By that point, my mother could name all members of NSYNC including their middle names (with a little prodding, she can still do it).

Then, as soon as it started, it ended. Justin went solo. JC tried. Lance acted. I moved on. Sure, when I'm sad, nothing brings me up like a good NSYNC song... and when I'm excited, they're good too. And yes, I have been known to do the full on dances in public (preferably bars or at karaoke)... but it was an homage to my past, right? Just recognizing where we came from? I got more into country music. And rap. And classic rock. And 90s rock that I missed out on while being obsessed with boy bands. I was expanding.

And then. And then. The reunion tour was announced. THE reunion tour. New Kids on the Block... of course. I fully intended to go but it was "for humor value only" and because "I owed it to 2nd grade Smurftastic", etc. I thought I was totally over it when I watched their premiere video and laughed my head off at how ridiculous it was. I thought I was too grown up. And then, and then... I went to the concert. Before the show, I was excited, but it was the kind of excited that is like "I can't believe I'm actually doing this..." not "OMFG IF JORDAN KNIGHT SMILES IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL PEE MY PANTS!" I recognize that they have kids and are grown up. I'm technically grown up. I get there and laugh at the old ladies in puffy painted T-shirts and intend to drink to get through it if they play too many new songs instead of the old stuff.

And then something in me changed. As I saw Jordan, Joey and the others up there I stopped laughing hysterically and started smiling and giggling. And the beast was awakened. Texts were sent declaring "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE" and I took more pictures than would fit in a standard facebook album. I jumped up and down and clapped. I screamed a little. I am 24. The worst part... 5 days later, I purchased their new album.

I, Smurftastic, own the 2008 New Kids on the Block CD release. And it's not a greatest hits album (I already owned that one). It's ALL NEW. First time I listened to it, I thought it was the worst crap... ever. Now, just a few weeks later... I love it. I can't help it. I know it's "bad" music. I know there is a song that literally makes a Baby, Swayze, Dirty Dancing reference. But I love it. I could sing most of it right now.

When I went home last weekend for Homecoming it really came to my attention that I have a problem. It was the moment when I made my mom listen to the CD in the car on the way home from the airport. Her response was "Wow, this is really boy-bandy. Like really." My response, "No, no it's not... it's... it's..." My mom gently says "I thought you grew out of this."

I didn't. I didn't and now I realize that it's not my fault. I love boy bands. My all time favorite band was technically a boy band (The Beatles, duh), and the oldies I like are mostly boy bands (Jackson 5, the Monkees, etc...). Why had I not seen it? Is it genetic? Is this curable? Is there rehab? Support groups? Am I the only one with this affliction? How do I get rid of it? Do I even want to? I had some hard times after my realization, and then realized, as long as it doesn't run my life, I can handle it.

Tonight, my friends, tonight, I'm starting to wonder whether or not I can handle it. Now, although I am a boy-band fan, I consider myself a boy-band snob. There are good boy bands, and there are boy bands that are complete shit - devoid of the talent and the producing and writing needed to make something good. Like O-town. They were awful. I mean I have a song or two of theirs, but only because they were ridiculous (sound familiar?). I was anti-Hanson until they came out with the "This Time Around" album... which had some good songs... but I was never a fan of MmmBop. Throw something as obvious as "Boyztown" at me and I will judge you, and possibly punch you. At least try to disguise it. Honestly.

Tonight, I realized I am not as "high brow" as I thought. A Friday night at home and I get bored with my Netflix date for the night and decide to research my Halloween costume. I am going as Hannah Montana (most likely)... but have never seen a single one of her shows or heard one of her songs. No harm no foul, right? Have to make sure the costume is accurate, right? This RAPIDLY progresses to watching every single Jonas Brothers video on YouTube... just to see what the fuss is about, right? "Wow this is awful!" I say, while I watch another video and buy another song from iTunes. And now, and now, I HEART a few of their songs. But their songs aren't that good... But here's the weird part... I don't really think they are hot (I guess that's good because that means I'm not a pedophile...), but if their songs aren't good and they aren't hot and they don't dance... why am I listening?

Well, here it is, I think. I like dudes that sing like girls. There, I said it. I think it's so when I sing along, they are in my range. Girl artists get too high for me, and deep voiced dudes go too low. Also, I find 5-part harmonies soothing. They put me at peace. Hence, NSYNC and NKOTB are my favorite boy bands of the modern boy-band era. Also, choreography is fun. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The obsession may sleep again, but I need to be prepared that it will surface again. After all, NSYNC is still under contract for 3 more albums. And by then, maybe I can be one of those 30-something women peeing themselves at a boy-band concert. A girl can dream, right?

Wow. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. But can you recover if you don't want to?

An homage to classic hotness and real movie stars

2008-09-28T23:57:00.003-04:00

So I'm a little tired, cause I stayed up late to watch the Bears' victory over the Eagles, but I wanted to acknowledge the loss of one of the greatest movie stars. Ever. Paul Newman died on Saturday, of lung cancer (HINT, if lung cancer can take someone that awesome down, it can probably take you down)... In my range of hotties, he was the upper echelon, age-wise. Now Harrison Ford will have to take the top spot. But Newman deserves to be honored, because he made great movies, and, I'm told, great spagetti sauce. Plus my mom and sister met him once. RIP Paul... you'll be missed. And now for the eye candy:

60th annual Emmy Awards - live commentary

2008-09-21T22:59:00.001-04:00

60th annual Emmy Awards:

At thins point, we all know that I’m obsessed with awards shows. Even better than regular awards shows are awards shows that honor some kind of big anniversary. Like 60 years of the Emmys. Why are they awesomer? MORE MONTAGES. Montages of the past… featuring big stars and great shows. Some of which we may have forgotten about. So in anticipation of many montages to come ahead, let’s get this Emmy commentary started. Will also be featuring rando comments from my sister.

The hosts make their first appearance after an intro by Oprah (who, my sister and I agree, looks huge)– all 5 reality show host nominees. All wearing suits. Even Heidi Klum. Jeff Probst isn’t wearing a tie. C’mon man. Even Heidi’s in a tie. Lame. Howie Mandel’s “soul patch” is RIDICULOUS. He’s really fallen off since Bobby’s World. And by fallen off, I mean that was the only decent thing he’s ever done. Oh god, in talking about Klum wearing something not slutty, William Shatner of course comes on stage to strip her. Ugh. I’m pretty anti Shatner, namely because he’s so overexposed.

First award presented by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. She is super cute pregnant. Award is best supporting actor in a comedy. I would like to see this one go to Rainn Wilson or Neil Patrick Harris. They are just SO AMAZING. Stinson over Dwight though. Well, goes to Jeremy Piven. Again. He’s awesome on Entourage, and a personal inspiration to me… but he just doesn’t make me laugh out loud like NPH and Dwight do. Barney Stinson is my personal hero. Ari is just my professional hero.

Getting pretty excited about Josh Groban performing 30 of television’s theme songs. I can’t even begin to guess what all they’ll have.

Now best supporting actress in a comedy series: I’d like to see this one go to Amy Poehler or Jean Smart… mainly cause those are the only two whose shows I’ve seen. Jean Smart gets it… she is hilarious on Samantha Who. I love her. I wish I watched that show more, cause every time I’ve seen it I’ve really enjoyed it.

Ads for David Blaine’s new stunt… it’ll either be his best stunt, or his last. Let’s hope it’s his last. Not that I want him to die, I just want him to stop living.

Women’s montage! YES! Nope, that was a trick… just Desperate Housewives. Best supporting actor in a Drama. I’d like to see this go to Ted Danson or John Slattery, just because he’s awesome. I don’t watch any of the shows with actors nominated, but Damages and Mad Men are the only two I’d actually like to see.

Ricky Gervais… hilarious. Again proving my point that British people are better than regular people. And mocking his American counterpart, Carrell… well done to keep a straight face. I’m impressed, Michael Scott.

Conan slams Katherine Heigl. Love it. I’m hoping the best supporting actress in a drama award goes to Chandra Wilson from Greys. She’s way better than Sandra Oh and on the only show I watch. Dianne Wiest gets it. I love her, because she was in Footloose. Well done.

COLBERT REPORT gets its first writing award. Couldn’t be more thrilled. I heart Colbert.

Steve Martin has aged well. As has Tommy Smothers.

Is it really necessary for Josh Groban to change his voice for each theme song? Weird. MR. ROGER’S NEIGHTBORHOOD! Yess… He did a great job with South Park though. He actually sounded like Cartman. BAYWATCH! YES! AND FRESH PRINCE! This may be the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced! Wow… Ed MacMahon doesn’t look good. Losing your house must be rough. Can’t believe he didn’t sing Cheers. That is too bad. And I officially just downloaded the theme song to Baywatch. I judge myself.

Baldwin is wearing Tina Fey Glasses kind of. He looks a bit like Harry Carey too… weird. Outstanding Actress in miniseries – should go to Laura Linney… mainly cause she’s awesome. Good call, me, good call.

Outstanding musical, comedy or variety series – I hope this goes to Colbert or Daily Show. This Laugh-in lead in is a little long… Daily Show gets it… well deserved, but I still favor Colbert.
I’m pretty offended that Lauren Conrad is allowed on stage at the Emmys… but Guest actor/actress for comedy series… I think I want it to go to Will Arnett and Carrie Fisher or Elaine Stritch. But I was wrong.

Martin Sheen! I love that man, and not just because he brought Emilio Estevez into the world. He wants us to vote. I was planning on it, but thanks for the reminder.

Grey’s anatomy cast – Sandra Oh looks so much better in person than on the show. I would pay money to run my hands through Patrick Dempsey’s hair.

John Adams wins for best miniseries. I kind of wish I watched this, it was supposed to be awesome… I just don’t know if I have the energy/time for a historical miniseries.

NPH appearance! And he mocks Howie! I knew I loved him. Another nomination for Colbert – individual performance… I think he deserves this. Though Stewart was awesome on the Oscars. And Don Rickles wins. The old people always beat out my Stephen.

Kate Walsh makes an appearance. I have a total girl-crush on her. And love her new haircut.

Paul Giamatti totally snubs his real wife. Though I’d thank Laura Linney above her too. Wifey looked pissed, though.

Alec Baldwin wins for best comedic actor. Though I’d have preferred Steve Carrell… I love Jack Donaghy in 30 Rock. He’s awesome.
Dead people montage: If they leave out Roy Scheider again, I’m gonna be pissed. DUDE HE WAS REJECTED AGAIN. THAT’S IT MAN. IF OSCARS FORGET HIM, I’M WRITING A LETTER. SEAQUEST WAS ON TV. IT WAS A GREAT SHOW. FOR 3 WHOLE SEASONS! LAME!

Glad that a smaller show won for best lead actor in a drama… mainly because it’s not James Spader. Enough with Boston Legal already. Tina Fey wins for 30 Rock. God that’s a great show. I think I’m developing a girl crush on Tina Fey.

Best Reality Show host – Jeff Probst. Makes sense, he’s the original. Betty White is eerily similar to my grandma.

Tom Selleck appearance: My sister “Tom is still hot”. Me “I would totally do him.” Mad Men wins. I officially resolve to start watching that show. All in all, a decent Emmy awards. Great leadup to the biggest TV premiere week of the season. Can’t wait. Sorry this wasn’t that exciting of a blog, but I’m pretty tired/distracted by baking cookies for DJ Victorious’ birthday. Have a good one!

DANCING WITH THE STARS STARTS TOMORROW! GO LANCE!

DID YOU MISS ME? Summer recap and Fall TV preview

2008-09-02T20:12:00.003-04:00

Hey all - realize it's been a while since I've posted anything... but it's been a busy summer. So I thought I'd recap it for you. First of all - I am watching the premeire of the new 90210. I have a few comments.

Kelly and David Silver's little sister is the "bad girl" who goes only by the last name Silver. Joe E. Tata is back. The best part of the first seventeen minutes is that the grandma on the show plays pretty much the same character as Gangy from Arrested Development. Bonus. The kids are TERRIBLE actors. It's like a show filled with Marissa Coopers. This really just makes me miss the OC. "Welcome to Beverly Hills, bitch" doesn't have the same ring. Where are Ryan Atwood and Seth Cohen? At least there's some diversity with the adopted black kid. Oh and apparently the students and teachers go to the same club (which is called "The Pit", obvi). Good casting on Aunt Becky's daughter (and no I'm not bothering to learn her 90210 character's name), they look exactly alike. I'm giving this show till my regular TV shows start... then I make no guarantees.

OK so the biggest news stories of the summer (besides politics, which I won't get into) are the Olympics. Everything has already been talked about ad nauseum, but here are some of my thoughts:
- No way more than 2 of the Chinese Gymnasts were over 16... my question is... why is this such a big deal? It's not new. Is it just because they beat the US that we're getting whiny? Chinese Gymnasts in no way are the appropriate age. Just like there was no way the old Soviet athletes didn't use roids. It's a commie thing.
- It's really shady how the US women's soccer team still gets less attention than the men, cause the men blow. Now I'll NEVER pretend to be a fan of female sports (WNBA = eeew), but still, women's soccer is one of the most watchable women's sports ever made. Start giving them their props. They won the gold, for craps sake.
- Very proud of the US Men Gymnastics and Basketball teams.
- Michael Phelps swims fast. Never thought I'd think a guy looked hotter in a swim cap than without. Weird.

Other big sports stories:
- Big year for Spain. They win the European Championships (over Germany and Michael Ballack's bad ass bloody jersey) and Nadal wins the greatest Wimbledon final of all time to overtake Federer for #1 in the tennis rankings. I feel like there was something else, but I'm not sure I care enough to look it up. My problem with Spain is that Nadal wears male capri pants, and it offends me. That and Michael Ballack is hotter than everyone on the Spanish soccer team, combined. I had to find someone else to cheer for in Euro because England didn't make it.
- Tiger Woods is out for the season and the Cubs have the best record in baseball.

Movie recommendations:
- Go see = Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder
- Don't see = Mamma Mia. Meryl Streep was OK, and Amanda Seyfried was FABULOUS, but the terribleness of Pierce Brosnan ruined it all.

Fall TV preview - this is going to be a great TV season. At least it'd better be after waiting through the writer's strike last season.
- Grey's Anatomy: Not gonna lie, last season was subpar. Plus there were all those rumors about Katherine Heigl being a total bitch about her character angle, that there are now talks of a storyline this season that's anything from a brain tumor to a huge romance (not George). Derek and Meredith are finally together, but it's Derek and Meredith, so it'll get whiny. Should be a good season, at least to start out they have a lot of big stories coming out.
- How I Met Your Mother: Just got into this show during the writers' strike last year, and it's pretty awesome. Who would have thought that a character played by Neil Patrick Harris would become my personal idol. I'm hoping for lots more slap bets/givings. I don't really care who the mother is, but I'm a bit worried that now that Barney is in love with Robin, he'll be a little less legen (wait for it) dary. I hope not, because then the show is not really worth watching.
- House: Amber died (thank God), but it may be a huge problem for the already testy (hahaha testy) friendship between Wilson and House. Not gonna lie, I don't watch this show for the ongoing character stories, I watch to look at Hugh Laurie and to figure out cool medical mysteries.
- Private Practice: I'm really ready for Addison and Pete to get together. I love Addison, and I love Tim Daly. Bring it on. I'm glad that Dell manned up and kissed Naomi as well. I don't remember much else about the finale because this didn't come back after the strike, but Cooper and Violet need to hurry up and fall in love too.
- The Office: Even though it saddens me both that Jim Halpert is not real and is not single anymore, he and Pam are just so amazing together. I foresee problems in their future because they haven't gotten engaged yet and she has to go out of town for her graphic design class, but it's Jim and Pam... it'll work out. Angela and Dwight and Andy triangle is gonna be awesome, namely because Dwight and Andy are so amazing when they are at each other's throats. Glad Ryan went to jail, cause he's pretty douchey. Mostly in the upcoming season, I hope the new PR lady thinking Kevin is mentally retarded continues, because that was one of the funniest things. Ever. I thought nothing could replace the Toby-Michael hatred. I may be proven wrong.
- 30 Rock: I'm glad they're starting to explore the relationship between Jack and Liz, this could keep things interesting. Plus Jennifer Aniston is guest starring. Bonus.
- Raising the Bar: I'm gonna watch it, because my professor wrote it and Zack Morris is in it. That's all.
- Dancing with the Stars - this is going to be one of the BEST Dancing With the Stars seasons, EVER. Lance Bass, Cloris Leachman, Misty May Treanor, Kim Kardashian's ass... the list goes on. It's gonna be RIDICULOUS. I don't think I'm going to watch the Bachelor, but I WILL be watching this on Mondays.

OK this blog was lame, but I was distracted by the terribleness that is 90210. I can't handle it's awfulness... at least not for more than a couple of weeks. Ugh. OH! Kelly Taylor has a son... do we think it's Luke Perry's or Jason Priestley's?

Oh good, two episodes in a row... I hope they show more Gangy. Peace though.

ESPY awards commentary

2008-07-21T19:27:00.004-04:00

So by now we are all aware of my love of awards shows. And my love of sports. And my love of NSYNC. What better way to celebrate such things than to watch the ESPY awards and share my thoughts with you. Get. Excited.

I'm already loving this because the images are giving me the chills. And my apartnemt is hot as balls. AWESOME.

So the Brett Favre retirement videos... don't you think they should have changed it since he's most likely coming back now? Nnot that I mind... cuase he's hot... but still.

AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE COMES OUT TO THE 90s CHICAGO BULLS ENTRANCE MUSIC... amazing!!!!!!

Oh Patriots zing... pretty lame. But the Kobe-Shaq double zing was respectable. HAHAHAHAHA mocking Eli for being lame and finally seeing a woman naked = awesome. Justin may have been flirting with David Beckham. I think I might be a bit turned on.

First award. Danica Patrick presents. Her hair looks like shit. Best upset award - if it ISN'T Appalachian State... I hate everyone. OK... the NY Giants win for the Super Bowl. Obviously the best Super Bowl I have ever witnessed, but compared to App State, it wouldn't be the same unless like the CFL beat the Patriots. Or a Pop Warner team. And if I hated the Patriots nearly as much as I hate Michigan. D bags.

So Favre is making jokes about coming back. I'm starting to genuinely feel bad for Aaron Rodgers... even though he's in no way as hot as Favre.

Oh god. JT is about to sing a song with Greg Oden on piano. Damn you Buckeyes... but this has potential to be ridiculous. The song is obviously inappropriately cheesy... then he strips down and goes all Billy Crystal and sings about what happens... OH HOCKEY REFERENCE! And he mocks Jessica Simpson. AGAIN. Not as good asw the SNL edition... but awesome. Referencing Janet Jackson's boob. This is really lame. I'm bored.

OK WHY IS TOM CRUISE NARRATING THE TOMMIE SMITH JOHN CARLOS BLACK POWER SALUTE MONTAGE? Other than Michael Richards, I really can't think of anything more ridiculous. Big ups to the Forrest Gump theme as soundtrack... I approve.

Tyree's Lord and Savior Jesus Christ won the SuperBowl. Obvi.

OK I'm giving up on this live blog. It is lame. WAIT DAVID BECKHAM IS TALKING!!!!! OK I'm bored again. Later.

UPDATE: I definitely started to cry when Kevin Everett came on stage to accept the Jimmy V award of perseverence... Wow... I know I say it a lot... but that guy actually for real pisses intensity. No lie. Big ups. I am inspired. What a champ.

AFI's 10 Top 10... a Smurftastic Rant/commentary

2008-06-24T13:05:00.017-04:00

Sooooo... last week, CBS aired the American Film Institute's 10 Top 10 Films, counting down 10 Top films in 10 genres. You can check out the full list at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AFI, and more info at http://www.afi.com/10top10/, including descriptions of why these movies were chosen.

Because of my love of all things pop culture, entertainment, countdown and judgment related, I of course tuned in. And, I must say, I agreed with the countdowns... for the most part. I'm not going to lie, though, some movies were GLARINGLY absent from their respective categories... and the choice of categories itself is a little weird.

So here, my friends, are my comments on the lists, including which movies should have been higher, which should have been left off, and which prompted me to scream at the TV "What the eff!?!?! Why isn't XYZ on the list?!?!? LAME." Pretty much those exact words too. It was fun. In addition, I will be providing you with my personal picks for said categories, and mini-lists for genres which weren't included in the Top 10. Your agreements and gratuitous praise (as well as disagreements) are welcomed in the comments.

Category 1: ANIMATION

Winning movie: SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

My first issue with this movie is... shouldn't it be "Dwarves?"

I completely understand why this movie made the number 1 spot, as it was the first full length animated feature, Walt Disney's entrance into our lives (and thus near complete domination of this category) yada yada yada... but I'm not a fan. There. I said it. I like the story... but MY GOD the voice of Snow White was SO high pitched it makes me want to cut my ears off, Van Gogh style. It ruined the whole movie for me.

As the countdown started with #10, Finding Nemo, my first thought was "I will stab someone if they have Finding Nemo on this list but not Toy Story." That thought was echoed, but more passionately so, when Shrek came in at #8. Now I enjoyed Finding Nemo enough... but Shrek, not gonna lie... thought it was overrated. It was entertaining, but I didn't appreciate the more adult jokes thinly masked in a child's story... at least in Disney movies, it was less obvious. I just don't understand why the world goes apeshit for Shrek movies.

Finally, Toy Story makes it in at number 6. Fitting that it outranks both the other "Pixar-style" movies, because it was the first of it's kind. Plus, it's AWESOME. Tom Hanks and Tim Allen make a great team... and I still to this day can be heard quoting from the movie ("you are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.") Awesome.

Lion King makes number 4, and I honestly think it should be higher. Cinderella & Fantasia should also be higher. Movies which should have beeen lower but still on the list = Pinocchio, Bambi (too damn sad... but Thumper is awesome).

Movies not on the list that should be - Peter Pan, Aladdin.

One of my favorite animated movies that shouldn't be on the list but is awesome = The Emperor's New Groove.

Category 2: ROMANTIC COMEDIES

Winning Movie: CITY LIGHTS

Well. Um. Nothing to say about this movie cause I've never heard of it. I don't even think there was speaking. And sorry, but Charlie Chaplin, while inarguably talented, is not a leading man for a romantic comedy. Based on it's high ranking and what people said about it, it should probably still be on the list, but not number 1.

Movies which should have been higher - When Harry Met Sally. Not for the orgasm scene (that makes me uncomfortable)... but that is one of the best movies (not just romantic comedies) of all time. I think what makes a great romantic comedy is that it appeals to both men and women, and many men I know happen to really like this movie. I'm not sure WHMS should beat out Annie Hall, but I haven't seen Annie Hall (though I really want to).

I'm not entirely sure Sleepless in Seattle should be on the list (and before you flip out, let me explain why). I watched it 5 days ago on TV, cause I couldn't remember if I'd ever seen it all the way through. It's good. But it's not really a romantic COMEDY... something about a guy in a deep depression because his wife dies doesn't scream comedy. This movie should def be on some sort of Top 10, but we'll get to that later.

Movies which should DEFINITELY have been on the list and weren't: Pretty Woman, Love Actually. Everyone has seen Pretty Woman, so I'll only say this... if a movie is responsible for bringing to light one of (if not THE) greatest romantic comedy leading lady of all time... it needs to be on the list. If you haven't seen Love Actually, definitely watch it. It is one of those gems that appeals to both men (hello boob shots) and women. It's heartwarming, dramatic, but still makes you laugh out loud in parts. Plus the multiple stories keep things interesting. And British accents. Those are key.

Movies that would be on MY top 10 list, but probably needn't be on the official one: Two Weeks Notice, One Fine Day, the Cutting Edge.

Category #3: WESTERN

Winner: THE SEARCHERS

I in no way care about westerns and have seen zero of these movies. Though there is a western movie I could handle (American Outlaws) which featured Colin Farrell. Moving swiftly on.

Category #4: SPORTS

Winner: RAGING BULL

OK... I liked Raging Bull... but as a sports movie enthusiast, I'm not sure it should be the number 1 sports movie of all time. Should DEFINITELY be on the list... it was a great film... but that's a lot of boxing and drama and black and white. I think it should be in the 4 spot instead of Hoosiers, and Rocky or my WTF movie (see below) should be #1.

Pride of the Yankees at #3 is a solid move. Haven't seen the movie, hate the Yankees, and couldn't care less about baseball, but it's supposed to be awesome. I actually want to see it. There's a 95% chance that I will cry, and I like that in a sports movie.

Why on earth was Breaking Away on the list? A) I've never heard of it. B) It's about bike racing. Ok think about it. Bike racing. Who wants to see that? LAME. On that note, The Hustler probably shouldn't be on the list. I LOVE Paul Newman, but billiards is not a sport. Along the same line... peace out, National Velvet. Horse racing is lame. And sports movies shouldn't star girls (except A League of Their Own, which wasn't on the list... but should have been).

Good call on Jerry Maguire at #10. It's one of my favorite movies of all time... but it's not good enough to be higher on the list.

Ok. Now for the biggest "What the eff" moment of this entire countdown. You know what WAS NOT on the list? Wait for it. You'll be offended. Rudy. Effing RUDY, not on a list of the greatest sports movies of all time? Yet a movie about BIKING makes it? SERIOUSLY? This is one of the biggest countdown-related travesties of all time. Rudy deserves the number 1 or 2 spot, no question. I challenge any American male or female (who is not a complete waste of space) to watch that movie and not at least agree it should be Top 5. IT'S RUDY. If AFI didn't provide me with so much countdown related fun, I would tell them to die in a fire for this omission.

I was also offended that Field of Dreams wasn't on the list, but we'll get to that shortly.

Other movies which could/should have been on the list: The Mighty Ducks, Remember the Titans, Miracle, The Sandlot (I'm not a huge Sandlot fan, but most people I know love that movie like I love Mighty Ducks, so I respect that.)

Movies that I love which shouldn't be on the list: Rookie of the Year, Little Giants, D3: The Mighty Ducks. Coach Gordon Bombay is god.

Category #5: MYSTERY

Winner: VERTIGO

I have seen zero of these movies. Moving on.

Category #6: FANTASY

Winner: THE WIZARD OF OZ

Undisputed that this should be the number one. If you disagree, please tell me what movie you think should be higher, so that I can call you an idiot with more specific arguments to back it up rather than just punching you in the face.

Number 2 is the first Lord of the Rings movie. I understand that this is the first one, but Return of the King was SO MUCH BETTER. They were all good, and this is from a Harry Potter purist who only saw the first two because that's what people in her dorm were doing. I don't think any of the LOTR movies should be as high as #2, though.

It's a Wonderful Life should be #2 instead of 3, but it also could be in a different category, which will be discussed later.

Field of Dreams is included on this list... which is a solid move as it is both Fantasy and Sports. There are so many good sports movies that it works to move it here.

Movies which shouldn't be on the list: King Kong, The Thief of Bagdad. I know King Kong was a marvel of it's time, but man it looks hokey and lame. And the clips of Thief of Bagdad looked RIDICULOUS.

Big should have been higher. That is a phenomenal film, and a great starmaker for Tom Hanks.

Movies which should have been included: Hook, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Liar Liar

Category #7: SCIENCE FICTION

Winner: 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Wow... it's 7 years after when the "future" was supposed to be. I'm old.

I don't really care about Science Fiction movies, but I totally agree with Star Wars (original) on the list at #2, though I do like Return of the Jedi and Empire Strikes Back better.

ET should totally be on the list, but I must say, I'm not a fan. Never got into it. It was scary and sad when I was a kid, and I guess I never grew out of it. Though Reeses Pieces are delish.

Back to the Future should be ranked MUCH higher. Marty McFly can't be beat.

Category #8: GANGSTER

Winner: THE GODFATHER

Never seen it, but it's definitely on my list.

I like Goodfellas at #2, mainly because I've actually seen it and liked it. I'm not a huge fan of gangster movies and haven't seen many of them. I need to see all the Godfathers first... but I'm just not sure I can dedicate that kind of time.

Movie I love that shouldn't be on the list: Dick Tracy

Category #9: COURTROOM DRAMA

Winner: TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

Definitely on my list of movies to see. I totally agree with this call.

A Few Good Men should be higher on the list, because the cast is phenomenal, the plot is great, and the courtroom scenes are second to none. In my trial prep class, my teacher brought it in as an example of the ideal way to cross examine. This is one of those movies that if it is on TV, I will watch it, even if I was already watching something else, despite the fact that I've seen it at least 20 times. It's SO GOOD. Plus quotable, which I totally support. Plus it's the only one of this list I've seen, and I'm in law school.

Category #10: EPIC

Winner: LAWRENCE OF ARABIA

This a great list, and probably the one I have the least amount of problems with. I think that Gone With the Wind (at number 4) should be moved up to the 1 or 2 spot... but otherwise, no significant problems. Gone With the Wind is AWESOME (beautiful scenery, great story, overdramatic, THE COSTUMES, quotable, and hot guy... what more do you want?)... and the movies on the list I haven't seen, I definitely want to. Epic movies are what make going to the movies so much fun. I would be intrigued to see how "Epic" is officially defined, but other than that... solid effort AFI. Almost make up for not having Rudy on the sports list, but not quite.

One movie which probably should have been included... but I don't know what it would replace = Forrest Gump

Why weren't these categories?

I noticed that there were some pretty broad categories left off the list, which leads to great movies being left off, simply because they don't fit. Plus a lot of the categories were SUPER specific. So here are mini lists of the categories they DIDN'T have, and what movies should have been included:

Action:

Die Hard

The Fugitive (one of those that I watch WHENEVER it's on, no matter what)

James Bond (Casino Royale, Dr. No, most of the ones with Roger Moore)

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Mission: Impossible 2

Air Force One (so I have a thing for Harrison Ford, so sue me)

Romance: - I find pure romance movies to be pretty lame, but they are quite separate from romantic comedies... so here's what I would assume should be included

Undisputed #1 - Casablanca - seriously... how was it NOT one of the 100 movies on the above list? That, my friends, is why their categories were messed up. Casablanca isn't just one of the best romances of all time, it's one of the best movies of all time.

Sleepless in Seattle

Ghost

Brokeback Mountain

The American President

Sabrina

The ones I haven't seen which would probably end up on the list:

An Affair to Remember

Love Story - I have zero desire to see this.

The Notebook - I refuse to see this movie. I don't care how good everyone says it is. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit. And I really enjoy both of the leads (Gosling in Remember the Titans was amazing). But NOT seeing it.

Comedy

Old School

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Wayne's World

Billy Madison

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Zoolander

Clueless

Three Men & a Baby

Father of the Bride

American Pie

Ghostbusters

Big Daddy

Drama (generally)

Casablanca (if not included on general romance)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (man, Jimmy Stewart was AWESOME)

Forrest Gump (if not an epic)

Goodwill Hunting

American History X

Stepmom

I am Sam

Cast Away

Cool Hand Luke (Newman = great)

Finding Neverland

Ones I haven't seen which would probably end up on the list:

Shawshank Redemption

Citizen Kane

Grapes of Wrath

Holiday: - check out explanations here - http://somepeopleknit.blogspot.com/2007/12/more-holiday-fun-greatest-holiday.html

It's a Wonderful Life

A Christmas Story

White Christmas

Miracle on 34th Street

All I want for Christmas

Elf

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Home Alone

Kids' movies (non animated, non sports)

Now & Then

Camp Nowhere

The Goonies

Stand by Me

Casper

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Musicals (non animated)

The Sound of Music

Grease

Phantom of the Opera

Across the Universe

Chicago

Hairspray (2007)

Fiddler on the Roof (just kidding, that movie and musical BLOW)

Wizard of Oz

Mary Poppins

Ones I haven't seen that should probably end up on the list:

My Fair Lady

A Hard Days Night

Sorry this post was so long, but I hope you enjoyed it! Comments are welcome and encouraged!

They can't be serious... can they? UPDATE

2008-06-08T14:05:00.007-04:00

Sooooooo approximately 1 minute ago, the season premiere of the new New Kids on the Block video aired on VH1. Number of times I laughed out loud = 4. Number of times I felt uncomfortable = 3. I'll leave futher judgment to you... pretty much cause I am at a loss for words...

... this is not to say that I don't love NKOTB... Don't get me wrong. I have tickets to see them in concert. I just hope it's less awkward than this and/or that they concentrate on old songs. And Jordan. Jordan is still hott in this video. Don't deny it.

Boy Band Sesh!

2008-05-04T14:31:00.002-04:00

Every now and then, I find myself having an instant messenger conversation, that while entertaining, makes me want to judge myself. This most often happens during finals week, and sometimes, they are good enough to share. This is one of those times.

This topic of conversation starts off based on a discussion of New Kids on the Block’s upcoming reunion tour. My away message at this time referenced the concert coming to Jersey in September. What follows is a walk down memory lane. Enjoy.

Rum&Efron: you’re lucky...we have to wait until Oct 4th for Joey
Smurftastic: joey = lame
Smurftastic: jordan is where it's at
Rum&Efron: he was my second fav
Rum&Efron: obviously I had them ranked 1-5
Smurftastic: obvi
Smurftastic: if danny wasn't last, we are no longer friends
Rum&Efron: Joey, Jordan, Jonathan, Donny, Danny
Rum&Efron: in case you wanted to know
Smurftastic: I started out liking donny best
Smurftastic: when jordan had a rat tail
Rum&Efron: he did have an incredible rat tail
Smurftastic: then jordan cut his rat tail, and donny grew one
Smurftastic: so jordan made it to #1
Smurftastic: so my final cut was Jordan, Donny, Jon, Joey, Danny
Smurftastic: Donny and Jon were kind of tied for 2nd
Rum&Efron: WOW
Rum&Efron: I cant believe Joey wasn’t a top 2
Rum&Efron: suprising
Smurftastic: i know... i'm unique
Smurftastic: he was a little girly for me
Smurftastic: and his little boy voice just couldn't compare to jordan's falsetto
Smurftastic: plus i used my NKOTB dolls to play full house
Smurftastic: and joey was always joey Gladstone
Smurftastic: who was the most lame
Rum&Efron: amazing
Smurftastic: danny was not featured in the games with my barbies, cause he's the worst
Rum&Efron: I only had the joey doll
Rum&Efron: so I had to go to my friends house who had donny and jordan
Rum&Efron: danny was the worst
Rum&Efron: I wonder if he still has a complex
Rum&Efron: and if bad memories will resurface during the tour
Smurftastic: i hope
Smurftastic: extra points if donny burns down a hotel room
Smurftastic: danny = kevin from BSB
Smurftastic: he's a realtor now i think- : TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY!
Rum&Efron: he is a realtor...according to my People magazine\
Rum&Efron: he also has 2 or 3 kids
Smurftastic: YES
Smurftastic: BABY NKOTB
Rum&Efron: 1 of which he must have had literally right after they fell off the face of the earth, bc he's a teenager
Smurftastic: HOLY GOD danny has a teenager?
Smurftastic: REPLACEMENT!
Rum&Efron: for real
Smurftastic: for when his hip gives out and shit
Smurftastic: Jonathan almost dropped to #4 in my rankings after i saw true hollywood story and found out he dated that firecrotch Tiffani
Rum&Efron: he has anxiety disorder
Rum&Efron: which I find attractive for some reason
Smurftastic: if you haven't seen that THS, you really should watch it
Smurftastic: it's AWESOME
Smurftastic: it will make you love jon
Rum&Efron: Danny’s kids are : Anthony 16, Daniel Jr 15, and Vega 9
Smurftastic: VEGA?
Rum&Efron: what the fuck does vega mean?
Smurftastic: girl or boy
Rum&Efron: hmm
Rum&Efron: doesnt say
Smurftastic: ?
Smurftastic: WOW... vega
Rum&Efron: oh wait Chance is 9 too
Smurftastic: really
Rum&Efron: so 4 kids
Smurftastic: JESUS
Rum&Efron: with a set of twins
Smurftastic: i hope he married a groupie
Smurftastic: so chance's sibling is VEGA... ok
Rum&Efron: yes
Rum&Efron: I am thinking Vega is a girl
Rum&Efron: safe bet
Smurftastic: and probably will eventually be some sort of stripper
Rum&Efron: Jordan has 2 sons
Smurftastic: WHAT
Smurftastic: is jordan married?
Rum&Efron: yes
Rum&Efron: he has been married for 3 years
Rum&Efron: but his son is 9
Rum&Efron: so you do the math
Smurftastic: ILLEGIT
Smurftastic: MY WORLD IS COLLAPSING AROUND ME
Rum&Efron: Jon is single~~
Rum&Efron: Donny has Xavier 15, Elijah 7
Rum&Efron: Joey has a baby Griffin
Smurftastic: oh. my. god.
Rum&Efron: they were popping out kids
Smurftastic: i feel incredibly old right now
Rum&Efron: I am closer in age to their children then to them
Rum&Efron: sick
Smurftastic: wooooooow
Rum&Efron: I was still playing with barbies and they were procreating
Rum&Efron: oh man
Smurftastic: I WAS PLAYING FULL HOUSE WITH MY BARBIES AND THEIR DOLLS WHILE THEY WERE CHANGING DIAPERS
Rum&Efron: was that not featured in my Bop magazine???
Rum&Efron: how come I didn’t know they had kids?
Rum&Efron: I should have known in 93
Smurftastic: cause in 93, that was like Dirty Dawg years. I blocked it out of my mind
Rum&Efron: yeah I gave up on them then
Smurftastic: I mean I knew that Joey from NSYNC had a kid when the band was together, but i try not to think about it
Rum&Efron: yeah I was 16 then so I was cool with it
Rum&Efron: especially since he was my fourth fav
Rum&Efron: Justin, JC, Lance, Joey, and Chris
Rum&Efron: once again for your point of reference
Smurftastic: JC, Lance, Justin, Chris, Joey
Rum&Efron: wow you liked chris better than Joey??
Rum&Efron: even when he had crazy braids and wore those goggles?
Smurftastic: I enjoyed chris' dreadlocks
Smurftastic: also he waved at me at a concert once
Smurftastic: and i stood on a chair and touched the braids, they were sparkly at that time
Rum&Efron: I guess that does leave an impression on one's heart
Smurftastic: i had a chris poster in HS
Smurftastic: that someone bought me, and i felt bad not putting up
Smurftastic: but judged myself for owning
Rum&Efron: my whole freshmen dormroom was filled with Justin posters, bobble heads, and marionette puppets
Rum&Efron: my roommates were freaked
Smurftastic: also Chris was pretty hilarious...
Smurftastic: at times i debated ranking him above justin
Rum&Efron: WHAT
Rum&Efron: above Justin????????
Smurftastic: justin was so low because EVERYONE liked him and i didn't want to be like everyone else
Smurftastic: i made the JC over justin decision based solely on that
Smurftastic: less competition for JC
Rum&Efron: thats blasphemy
Smurftastic: i know
Smurftastic: i'm glad i never did it
Smurftastic: even for a day if that ranking changed in my mind... I don’t think I could live with myself
Rum&Efron: yeah I went back and forth between JC and Justin in the early years
Rum&Efron: but then stuck with JT all the way
Smurftastic: PS - did you ever watch Mission: ManBand on VH1?
Smurftastic: cause chris GETS AFTER IT
Smurftastic: i mean he's somewhat douche... but he gets after it
Smurftastic: but when i discovered JC was a host of America's Best Dance Crew I watched an MTV marathon for like 6 hours
Rum&Efron: ]well worth it
Smurftastic: i really wanted to go see Joey (NKOTB) when he was on broadway
Smurftastic: but never got around to it
Smurftastic: i'm hoping to not let that happen for clay aiken
Rum&Efron: are you a claymate?
Smurftastic: no
Smurftastic: but i lived w/ one for a semester
Smurftastic: we even drove to the indiana state fair for one of his concerts, which would probably have been lame... but there was a KEYTAR... Keytars are awesome
Rum&Efron: I think thats why I love Dancing with the Stars bc I am always secretly hoping for an old ass boy band member
Rum&Efron: Drew Lachey was my fav in 98 degrees
Smurftastic: oh drew was the best
Rum&Efron: and obviously Joey (NKOTB)
Smurftastic: DWTS got me hooked when they got NSYNC Joey
Smurftastic: namely to watch tfor the audience appearances
Smurftastic: fucking Justin never went
Smurftastic: ass
Rum&Efron: ass
Rum&Efron: I would like to see Nick Carter on
Smurftastic: that would totally work, but BSB sucks at dancing
Rum&Efron: and Nick Carter is so large and awkward now
Rum&Efron: it would be hilarious
Smurftastic: THOUGH, beyond audience appearances from the other band members
Smurftastic: we might get aaron carter
Smurftastic: which is reason enough for me
Rum&Efron: I LOVE HIM
Rum&Efron: I owe 1 cd of his
Rum&Efron: which I feel is alot for a 25 year old
Smurftastic: saw him in concert
Rum&Efron: You did????
Smurftastic: oh yeah
Rum&Efron: so jealous
Smurftastic: illinois state fair
Smurftastic: less than 10 rows back
Smurftastic: i had crazy high school friends who waited for three hours to get in the front
Smurftastic: and he kissed one of them on the cheek during the show
Smurftastic: mind you, we were 16 or 17 at this time
Smurftastic: and he was like 13
Rum&Efron: that is amazing
Rum&Efron: 1 benefit to living in Springfield
Smurftastic: same group of friends scored tickets to see him in peoria. on valentine's day. front row.
Smurftastic: one girl's long term boyfriends birthday was valentines day
Rum&Efron: WHAT??
Smurftastic: and she ditched him. for aaron carter.
Rum&Efron: fuck him
Rum&Efron: its Aaron Carter for crying out loud

And the best possible summary of this conversation =
Smurftastic: i feel like looking back on this conversation, i should hate myself. but i can't