UPDATE - A blogging montage to people left out of Oscar montages

In case you live under a rock, you know that the Academy Awards were last night. People won awards, wore stupid clothes, some looked pretty, and gave acceptance speeches. Whatever. One of my favorite parts of all awards shows are the montages. There were TONS of montages this year, which is always fun, and even some comedic montages. But the greatest montages are always the dead people montages. They remind us of awesome people who have passed, and people who we never knew existed also died too and worked in the movies and/or were agents (yessssssssss maybe one day I'll be on the ESPY awards dead people montage).

This year there seemed to be a lot of producers and "executives" in the montage. As someone I was watching with said, "If I had tons of money, I could greenlight a shitty movie. That's not art." Well said. What was most disturbing was the lack of certain dead people in this montage. I honor them here, because Oscars apparently wanted to make me angry.

Seriously, how could you NOT put Scheider on this list? Jaws was awesome. You FAIL. I was most deeply offended by the lack of him in the montage. Whatever... Roy Scheider (1932-2008), I'm here for you. I miss you. And Seaquest DSV... but that's a different story. He gets two pictures for being left out. Also he's from Jersey!

UPDATE: THE CUTOFF FOR DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE AT THE OSCARS WAS JAN. 31ST. CATCH YA NEXT YEAR, SCHEIDER. This does not mean I miss him any less.

Next forgotten actor, no doubt overshadowed by Heath Ledger who died in the same week:

RENFRO! Brad Renfro (1982-2008), overdosed. Was in The Client. Was left out of dead people montage. This is what he looked like all grown up:

IMDB fun fact about Renfro - "Auditioned for the part of Gabriel Martin in The Patriot (2000), which eventually went to Heath Ledger, who died from an overdose of prescription drugs on January 22, 2008, exactly one week after Brad's death."

My suggested punishment for leaving these (and probably others) out of the dead people montage? WHEN YOU DIE YOU DON'T GET TO BE IN THE DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE. Suck on that.

New Years Eve 2008... Wisconsin Dells - A parade in awesomeness

We here at SomePeopleKnit, every now and then, feel the need to take a break from judging people and mocking reality television to provide some sort of social service for our loyal reader(s?). Today’s contribution to the world = party planning. Enjoy.

Q: Hey Some people knit, You are the wittiest blog ever. I wish I could be just like you. I have a question for your imminent wisdom, Where should I spend my next New Year?
A: WISCONSIN DELLS

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Wisconsin Dells = the new December 31 hotspot. One of Smurftastic’s best college buddies organized a ski trip over the holiday to Cascade Mountain where we were to stay at the Chula Vista Resort in Wisconsin Dells.

First, for those of you who are not from the Midwest, Wisconsin Dells is something of an institution. Smurftastic had never before been to Wisconsin Dells, but spent summers in her first 22 years of life watching commercials about the allegedly super fun water parks and golf courses that the town a few hours north of Chicago has to offer. But even after going on Chula Vista’s website to look at the resort and discovering that they had an INDOOR water park, she still was grossly un-prepared for the awesomeness that would await her as she drove into the city. Waterparks = EVERYWHERE. Indoor. Outdoor. Indoor-Outdoor combos. More waterparks seen in a 2 mile drive than she has seen in her entire life. Clearly, buying the new swimsuit from Target’s limited winter holiday selection was a good call.

Next, Smurftastic turns onto main street of Wisconsin Dells. Cut to theme restaurants and advertisements. Her hypothesis that Wisconsin Dells might turn out to be the poor man’s Branson, Missouri -- which for those who don’t know, is like (in Smurftastic’s best guess, she’s never been there) the poor man’s Vegas, but for families… so like Atlantic City, for families -- , is rapidly validated. Family restaurants, buffets, kitschy shops, you name it. Smurftastic’s personal favorite (where her friends refused to go to with her) was Crabby’s. Crabby’s was pirate themed, and would have been a worthwhile trip with Smurftastic just for the intense amount of STD jokes which would have surely made it into the conversation. Plus they served all you can eat crab and prime rib for a super low price. Everyone loves explosive diarrhea, right?

Now we are off the main road and heading to the resort. What should we see but the local strip club of Wisconsin Dells. Named Wisconsin Dolls. Please take a moment to let the creative naming sink in…….
After Smurftastic slows the car down to laugh hysterically, she and her passenger evaluate the establishment to the best of their ability at 9pm in a snowstorm. It looks like two doublewide trailers attached to each other. Smurftastic thinks this is where our group should go after a delish dinner at Crabby’s (her friends also let her down on this one – apparently they don’t appreciate STD jokes to the same extent as Smurftastic).

We pull into Chula Vista resort. Looks intense (-ly awesome). I mean this place is HUGE (that’s what she said). The indoor waterpark is ginormous, and includes enclosed slides which veer outside and then back in. We finally figure out where our friends are staying, since they had to move to a smaller suite after the first night. Instead of a private condo with its own hot tub (Smurftastic was told that it was only big enough to fit 3 people, and even that would be snug. This is clearly a sex hot tub), we were in a suite with enough beds for everyone. That’s pretty much all we were worried about. And when we walked in it smelled a lot less like booze than it did when we left two nights later. No hot tub though. Don’t worry, the resort also had a 50 person outdoor hot tub. (Insert orgy joke here). The friends had already checked it out, said it was nice, but they were forced to sit uncomfortably close to some Europeans. J and Smurftastic tried it out the next night (after the water park, which was awesome, btw), and it was actually classier than Smurftastic expected. Not too crowded, and there were towels warming by the huge fireplace at one end, with a waitress taking bar orders. And no gross hot tub people touched her. Bonus.

The rest of the first night we just chilled in the room, so not much funny stuff there. The following day (actually New Year’s Eve), we drove out to the ski resort. We checked out Wisconsin Dolls in the harsh light of day, and realized our 2 double-wide estimate was surprisingly accurate. Smurftastic still wants to go, but the friends are frightened.

Here’s the good part. The resort had a huge New Year’s Eve party with a band, a DJ, a kid’s carnival, and several hours of open bars for a low price of 50 bucks. The name of this party was Chula Fest ’08. In case you didn’t figure it out, Chula Fest = hilarious name. Several comparisons to a newly discovered pretend disease are made, and Smurftastic spends a significant amount of the evening running up to her friends, yelling “CHULA FEST” in a creepy voice and fist-pumping. She is happy.

We start off in the DJ room, but decide it’s a little too dance-party-intense to start the evening, so we decide to check out the band. Let the magic begin. The band’s name was Spicy Thai Band. FYI, there was no one of Asian descent in said band. Apparently the state of Wisconsin is really good at naming things cleverly. The lead-singing duties were split by a woman whose other skills seemed to be dancing and playing the tambourine, a guy who just sang, and a bald male guitar player. This bald man will become Smurftastic’s enemy of the evening. He is douchey, but she’s not sure why.. He rubs Smurftastic the wrong way early on, so she immediately begins to hate him and everything he stands for… completely randomly and probably completely baselessly.

We enter the band area, and there is a dance floor. Populated by old/middle aged people slow-dancing. This seems awkward, but there is a shorter line for the bar, so we hang out for a while. Thank goodness. The band starts to play some more fast music, and hilarity begins to ensue. We spot some rat tails, and completely hilarious outfits, including a woman bringing in her kids whilst wearing a backless shirt. You could barely tell, because her entire back was covered in tattoos. Hot. We decide to hang for a while just to judge people. The only other female in our group comes up with what may be the best idea ever, “We need to look for Mom Jeans.” We have a new mission. Mom Jeans. (for those of you who don't know, here's a good Mom Jeans explanation: http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/mom-jeans.html). I mean this is Wisconsin. It’s like Mom Jeans breeding grounds. The first pair of Mom Jeans spotted was less than 10 minutes later. These beauties weren’t just your every day Mom Jeans. This was New Year’s Eve after all. This was Chula Fest. You gotta get fancy with it. These Mom jeans were silver. Not just gray. Shiny silver. With a red shirt tucked into it. These Mom Jeans were out to party. It was at this moment I decided to write the blog which you read today.

A few more words about Spicy Thai Band. They played every kind of music you could imagine. Country, punk, oldies, Buffett, adult comtemporary (of course). At one point, we were hanging in a bar where some of our party could smoke, and we heard Nelly’s Country Grammar coming from the band room. Smurftastic gets excited and immediately runs in. Her excitement was noticeably dampened when she saw that the “rapper” was Douchey McBald. Her happy moment is ruined, but not for too long. Our crew returned then to our normal spot sitting in the back on a speaker and mocking the middle-aged. At this point, it has been open bar for about 2.5 hours, and the middle-aged are starting to get intoxicated.

A bald man (not the one in the band) is a dancing machine. He has cleared a space on the floor for himself that is probably bigger than the living room in our suite so that he can gesture wildly (to the beat…ish). Every now and then we see him dancing with a woman, but each woman is wearing the same combination look of wonderment, confusion, amusement, and a touch of fear. They don’t last long.

One particularly awesome grown-up drunk sighting was the pair of drunken late 50 year old women. First spotted whilst in line for booze, running up to their respective husbands and making out with them. YIKES. Immediately after this, the pair of them are running/stumbling/dancing around the dance floor with their arms around each other and just presenting themselves to people around them. At this point our crew decides to speculate about which of them will vomit tonight. Then their husbands join them on the dance floor. One couple (the woman is the one Smurftastic picked to yarf… she was smaller and stumbling more), starts hard core going at it on the dance floor. We're talking face eating makeout and butt grabbing. Smurftastic is disgusted, yet we are all still enthralled. Until… the planner of this little road trip runs up excitedly to inform us that he has spotted a man dressed as a woman sitting by the bar. We all go up to have a look (discreetly… except for J who went up to take a picture). This is one grumpy cross-dresser. She is sitting by herself, in all black, at a table near the bar. We never see her talk to anyone or get up. She’s just drinking. Hope she had a better night later on.

At this point, we have had enough of the band, and it is almost midnight, so we decide to head to the DJ room to ring in the New Year, and hopefully hear Soulja Boy (a personal goal for Smurftastic). We hang there for a few hours, and it’s your average DJ party. Except there’s little kids hanging around. At this point it is WELL after midnight, and these kids appear to have minimal supervision. That’s good parenting. No wonder these people grow up to be Packer’s fans. Suddenly, a group of wannabe fratty boys rip their shirts off on the dance floor and start going to the magical land of dance party. We watch for a short period of time with amusement and disdain, and then we spot a boy wearing a furry hat with ear flaps. With a “happy New Year” headband on top. Awesome. Then we spot tattoo lady in the backless shirt. Inappropriately grinding on a boy. Aged 19 max. I feel like I should be seeing this on Cinemax. It seems that her children are the ones running around unattended. If we DON’T see them on Jerry Springer in a few years, I will be sorely disappointed.

We then decided to head to bed, but not without deciding that this trip should become an annual occurrence. All are invited to join in the judging of others, and if I have forgotten anything hilarious we saw, I apologize. On the way out the next morning, despite my best arguments that I wanted to kick off 2008 with Bloody Marys at Wisconsin Dolls… we drove right to IL to watch the Fighting Illini get destroyed in the Rose Bowl.

I CAN’T WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR!

Grammy Awards Recap!

Thoughts on the Grammys:

Not gonna lie, pretty offended by the opening duet with Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra. I mean I get that everyone goes apeshit for her, and some of her songs are good. But she doesn’t do it for me. And I bet she wouldn’t do it for Frankie. And I swear, if she EVER says anything like “On behalf of the Chairman of the Board” again, I may need to hurt her. I may be a little defensive of him. Maybe. At least it wasn’t a Beatles song. Then it could get violent (or more violent).

Carrie Underwood – my god her legs got toned. She sounded good… hopefully she’ll sound even better when I see her in concert on Wednesday (get excited). Revamped version of Before He Cheats was pretty intense. Solid effort.

Commercial tells me a Beatles tribute is coming. Grammys are usually pretty good about tributes – the Eagles tribute last year was amazing, so I have high hopes. If it's Alicia Keys, I will stab someone.

Chairman of the Grammys + the original members of The Time + key-tar = I’M A HAPPY CAMPER. I have an inappropriate obsession w/ key tars. Key-tar, however, promptly leaves the stage to give way to Rhianna. (which I have no idea how to spell) Think she’s catchy and all, but performance would have been more awesome if they kept the key tar around. Key-tars (like piano key neckties or tuxedo T-shirts) make everything better.

I desperately want to see the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show. Looks like I may need to be on shrooms to understand it, but whatever. I’ll probably like it anyway.

Random presenting combo award goes to: Cindy Lauper and Miley Cyrus. Cindy Lauper is pretty cracked out, and Miley seems a little afraid. I would be too.

JASON BATEMAN APPEARANCE! YES I LOVE HIM! HOGAN FAMILY! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT! Ok, that may have been too much all caps. I apologize for my exciteability.

I want light up sunglasses like Kanye. Pleased that Daft Punk made an appearance. In space suits. Awesome. Kanye West, as usual, wins at life.

Tina Turner/Beyonce. The outfits were ridiculous and unnecessary. Also the crotch on Tina is saggy… but better a saggy crotch than camel toe. Also the talking before Proud Mary = creepy. My roommate Rooster says it all, “Why is Tina wearing a spacesuit?”

OH! Jesus brought the sunshine. Thanks man. Keep up the good work. Jesus music medley. Uh oh, one of my college buddies, alias Rum&Efron is on to you! “It’s like they are only giving Jesus music 5 minutes so get as many people up there as possible, bc then we are switching to coke addicts.” I couldn’t have said it better if I wanted to. So far Amy Winehouse has won 2 awards. They keep saying she can’t be here, and I want to giggle, cause her visa got denied and she has now moved in with the Osbournes after leaving rehab. Looking forward to her performance a bit… if any of the internet videos I’ve seen of her in the last few months are any indication, it should be entertaining.

Brand new information… the song sung by Feist is an actual song and not just an iPod commercial. Go figure.

Kid Rock + folk singer = awkward. Rum& Efron, being very smart, has muted.

This just in: ROY SCHEIDER HAS DIED. I love Roy Scheider. Jaws, SeaQuest… it doesn’t get much better than that. He was an integral part of my youth, and I secretly wanted him as my father/grandpa. RIP. He will be missed.

Vince Gill just called out Kanye West for never having been given a Grammy by one of the Beatles. Holy Crap. I want Kanye to win whatever else he is nominated for tonight, just to see his response.

Amy Winehouse performs. I am disappointed I can understand most of what is coming out of her mouth. Yikes, the dancing is awkward though. There is NO WAY she is completely sober. Either that or she really has to pee. I find it ironic that she’s saying she won’t go to rehab. This conversation is what transpired after Rum&Efron said she was going to sleep:
Rum&Efron: dude I had to sign back on....what the fuck was that shit????
Smurftastic: ummmmmmmmm CRACKED OUT
Rum&Efron: 1. She was convulsing on stage while grabbing her crotch
Rum&Efron: 2. her back up singers kept looking at her
Rum&Efron: 3. she kept growling while singing
Rum&Efron: 4. she gave a shout out to her incarerated boyfriend
Rum&Efron: 5. she looked like she had no clue how to talk into a microphone
Rum&Efron: seriously....we gave her 3 grammys?
Rum&Efron: only in America can a foreign crack head win 3 grammys
Rum&Efron: that is all I have to say
Rum&Efron: good night!

Pretty fabulous performance by Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli. Yes, I love those guys, and yes, my mother introduced me to them. I am the epitome of cool. It's OK to be jealous.

Closing performance – Little Richard, Fogerty, Jerry Lee Lewis. Little Richard’s hair is probably bigger than Amy Winehouse’s. Fogerty sounds good though. Lewis has a pretty decent voice for as old has he is. Little Richard looks exactly the same, but may have made up some lyrics. Throwbacks are fun though, so I shant rant too much.

Usher mocks Kanye West also. Herbie Hancock wins album of the year. Awesome, though it would have been nice to hear what Kanye had to say. Gotta love the jazz shoutouts. I love jazz.

All in all, a solid effort on the Grammys this year. Not the best I've ever seen, but certainly not the worst. Only 2 weeks till the Academy Awards AND the writer's strike is over, so they may actually be funny and/or happen. I'm a happy camper.

A rant on... Superbowl Halftime Shows

Because we here at SomePeopleKnit like to keep up on current events, and the outcome of the game is being exhausted by people who know much more about football than I do, I’d like to take a moment and discuss what many people really care about during the Superbowl (besides the commercials, which have sucked a lot lately anyways). That’s right. The Halftime show – this year, starring one of Smurftastic’s favorite bands, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.

Diligent Internet research (or like 5 minutes and a google search worth), informs me that popular musical artists only became a regular staple of the Halftime shows in 1988. Prior to that, they used marching bands and large choral groups. Everyone likes marching bands at football games right? My research has led me to one overall question… Why do the superbowl organizers consistently pick music that in NO WAY goes with the mood of the game at all?

For example, my personal favorite in randomness… in 1992, the Halftime show starred Gloria Estefan, Brian Boitano, and Dorothy Hamill. Please take a moment and let that sink in. I’ll wait and look at this gratuitously hot picture of Tom Brady...



Yeah. Cuban music and ice skating, hmmm? That’s clearly what fat drunk people eating chili really want to see in the middle of a game. That kind of performance probably isn’t even bringing in the female viewers. I’ll be honest, Boitano is NOT hot enough to draw women into watching the game. I'm assuming that even with a full box of Franzia under my belt, he’s still not doing it for me. (In case you were worried... Tom and Eli, you succeed, but that’s not the point). Other combos that somehow just don’t scream football for me – 1995: Patti LaBelle, Tony Bennett, Arturo Sandoval, Miami Sound Machine; 1998: Boyz II Men, Smokey Robinson, Martha Reeves, Temptations, Queen Latifah; and 2000: Phil Collins, Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias, Toni Braxton.

Please bear in mind that I am in NO WAY criticizing the quality of these artists (I do enjoy me some Phil Collins)… simply their lack of conduciveness to football games. I want some classic rock, maybe some country… something badass that gets you fired up to hit people. Not something that gets me fired up to salsa dance or Jr. High style-slow dance.

Another issue with Superbowl Halftime shows which sometimes turns out awesome, and other times confusing and awkward are the combinations of artists asked to perform on the same stage. The one that to me sticks out as the most random (excluding where the co-performers are ice skaters, of course) in 2003, when Shania Twain shared the stage with No Doubt. I hardly remember this performance, so it probably wasn’t that good. More randomness? In 1999, the performers were Stevie Wonder, Gloria Estefan, and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. The Superbowl seems to LOVE Gloria Estefan. No recollection of this performance at all, so I’m gonna go with awkward and/or not good.

One random collaborative performance that I absolutely LOVED (yeah, this is gonna be obvious) – when NSYNC shared the stage with Aerosmith. You can watch it at http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xcy5e-23-vs. Special guests in this performance were Britney Spears (yes, pre-crazy, but you think you’d be able to foresee it cause she wears a sock on her arm, and look for her to trip and then instant camera cut away, hilarious), Nelly (who didn’t sing the same song as everyone else, which was Walk This Way, but instead just did a quick set from one of his songs, to his own beat, while the other song was going on = ridiculous/amazing), and Mary J. Blige (whatever… never really got into Mary J. Sorry). MTV presented this Halftime show, obviously. Also there is a decently funny opening scene with Ben Stiller as the “Pageant Piston” halftime show coordinator, Adam Sandler as DJ Stanley Steemer, and Chris Rock being himself. What I like about this performance is it was over the top, as good Superbowl Halftime Shows should be, but each major artist stuck to their own songs and did what they do best. They melded together well enough, so it was more of a full performance as opposed to 2 separate bands performing. Plus, I like the idea of NSYNCOSmith and AeroSYNC. Sidenote – JC’s gold pants = HOT, as is Justin w/ the pyrotechnic gloves. I could have done without Aerosmith singing Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing… sorry it’s just not intense. But I loved Jaded when it was big.


As far as random combinations go, the national anthem performance halftime combo usually always succeeds at being random as well. The year of NSYNCOSMITH, Backstreet Boys opened the game. And sucked (obviously). It was awkward, yet I found it hilarious. Greatest combo which I have officially decided is the greatest musical Superbowl of all time – 1991: Whitney Houston in the warm up suit for national anthem. Halftime show by New Kids on the Block. WOW. I was only 6 when it happened, but I bet it was awesome. I wish I could remember it. Other good combos – 1993 – Garth Brooks opens, Michael Jackson Halftime, and 1994, when Natalie Cole opened and the Halftime show was Clint Black, Tanya Tucker, Travis Tritt, Wynonna & Naomi Judd. Also, shoutout to national anthem 1995 singer, Kathie Lee Gifford. Remember her? Moment of silence for her career (and to admire Eli Manning)...




OK, because I feel it has to be said, some thoughts on the Janet/JT nipple incident. I did not enjoy this for several reasons – a) the performance wasn’t that good to begin with, b) her nipple ring was TERRIFYING, and c) this issue led to the end of really huge halftime shows. The networks are really into playing it safe now. Big ups to Paul McCartney who put on a great show in ’05. Rolling Stones and Prince were OK in the following years, but it just didn’t have the same kind of pizzazz. Hopefully Tom Petty can up the intensity this year. And a suggestion for National Anthem singers? Let's keep it random. I want the Spice Girls. British Girl Power celebrating America? Oh yeah.