Rooster hates you, we judge you.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Bachelor Pad episode 2

Unless the show quits sucking, or I start to understand it, pretty sure this will be the last Bachelor Pad blog. I'm giving it one more try, for you all.

1. I super don't understand the rules at all. Evidently, banging = alliance. Opposite of the Real World Road Rules Challenges, in my experience.
2. Um Gia. Who, in their right mind, willingly comes into this situation with a boyfriend?
3. Melissa, maybe you should eat some of that pie. You're still worthless on this show.
4. Krisily, sans gallbladder, can't eat pie? Whatever. What a dbag w/ the "suck it up" comment.
5. Why is it necessary to wear bras only for pie-eating? Also, the confessionals w/ pie all over your face still is pretty ridiculous.
6. Tinley is awful.
7. Something tells me that this isn't the first time these girls have vommed profusely. Way to go girl barfing into her own hand. And Tinley back into pie and then eating again? Good intensity. You're still awful
8. 2 hours is about 1 hour and 30 mins too long for this show.
9. Craig using hair to soak up pie, cause NOTHING is more appetizing than hair in your food.
10. Wonder if they changed the tablecloth in between girls and guys, or if they figure enough bodily fluids are exchanged already so it's not needed.
11. Is Weatherman really a weatherman?
12. Dear Melissa: Deep down, not everyone wants to be an artist. I couldn't think of something I'd like to do less. STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH! Also nice sparkly genie pants. Beat.
13. There is not enough booze present at this body paint date.
14. How did the "cool kids" get to be friends? Bachelor reunions? Gangbangs?
15. Peyton's accent is maddening.
16. Weatherman probably shouldn't be telling the 2 girls who AREN'T getting roses his strategy, cause they can use it to eff him over, yes?
17. Gia needs to stop talking... stat. Sooooo irritating. Also if i were her bf, I'd be STEAMED.
18. "I'm a dumb smart girl." And evidently kind of a whore.
19. Wes is hammeredpants. Love
20. What up Team Hypocrite, Gia?
21. I wish Kiptyn didn't have such a terrible name, cause he's a cutie.
22. Gingham shirt and spotted tie? Really, Chris Harrison? REALLY?
23. Tinley is awful.
24. The group convo makes me feel like Chris Harrison is a middle school cheerleading coach or camp counselor dealing with children. Ridic.
25. Sort of respect Nikki for keeping her word. Unfortunately I'm so bored I'm about to pass out. Hurry up, rose ceremony. Oh just kidding. I was washing dishes and missed that she flipped. Two-face fail.
26. The intense music is a good choice, won't lie. There are a lot of dude purple shirts this evening.
27. Super glad Krysali (sp?) was saved, but sucks about Craig douche-hair. Jessie S deserved what she got. Two-faced.

This show sucks. Laying it out there. Not a fan. This will probably be the last Bachelor Pad blog. Sorry.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

2010 Primetime Emmy Awards Live Blog

Will be tweeting briefly during the arrivals. So far, Claire Danes looks awesome... the gents at my place think Nina Dobrev is the HOTTEST. Loving the gray suit on NPH, and his general awesometude. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Hugh Laurie in the navy suit. He needs to win. STAT. Last season of House was the perfect one for this to be the year. Lea Michele gets a big WOW. Love the dress, like the hair. Steve Carell and his wife are the cutest. Giuliana Rancic has been bringing the awkward. She also needs to eat a sandwich.

Show is starting. Current guests include Sue-dawg, and DJ Victorious is on the way. Gent caller at work, but should be around in time for the big awards at the end of the night, after the Franzia has really kicked in for the ladies.

Glee kids at the beginning of the show. I feel good about this so far. Ewwwwwww Kate Gosselin should not be featured with the Glee kids. I'm displeased. Jon Hamm makes it all better. With Betty White my life is made. Could this be the best Emmy opening of all time? SUE SYLVESTER SAYS YES. Yeah this is definitely the best. If this song isn't available on iTunes, I"m going to be disappointed. Would have been great if Bruce actually showed. I'm still wildly pro. WILDLY.

Aaaand montages. My life needs more montages.

Comedy:

For comedy, I'd like to see NPH finally take one home. Steve Carell would be nice. NPH's category first. Sue-dawg likes Modern Family for everything. I'd like Glee to take home a few. In supporting actor, I'd really be disappointed if it's Cryer. Otherwise, good to go. I really need to start watching Modern Family. Planning to Hulu it pre season 2 premiere. Modern Family is going to CLEAN UP. Hope Glee brings at least a few home. If Sue Sylvester doesn't win, there's a high possibility that I break the television in a fit of rage. At least Colbert is announcing. Jane Lynch FTW. God I love her so freaking much it's ridic. Chandler Bing sighting. Happykinsssssssssssssssssss. His suit is great, btw. Sad that guest actor is pre-awarded, because that limits the amount of Agro Crag jokes which can be made about Mike O'Malley, but that's OK, I suppose. Outstanding lead actor. Love Baldwin and Morrison and Carrell. And it goes to Big Bang Theory. I hate America. Seriously. If it's on CBS and it's not How I Met Your Mother, I'm not interested. Ugh. Offended. Also dude is wearing wayyyyy too much makeup.

Reality:

Top Chef takes home best show, and I'm wildly pro. Sue-Dawg says she read a Gawker tell-all that said Padma is a horrific bitch, but that Gail is awesome. Not at all shocked.

Drama:

I'm back in love with Grey's Anatomy. Just saying. The last two seasons have sort of sucked, but the finale of this season totally made up for all of it. If Hugh Laurie doesn't win best actor after this season, I will be crazy upset. CRAZY upset. In the commercial we are now re-watching the opening cause DJ Victorious was a little late. Best. Opening. Ever. Hugh Laurie didn't win, again. Still hate America. Wildly pro Elton John outfit, Fallon. Good intensity with the ended dramas montage, Emmys. Not nearly as effing kickass as the Boyz II Men tribute. I can't adequately express my love of Boyz II Men and of Law and Order (thanks for helping me pass Criminal Procedure, BTW) and of pouring one out for my homies. I'll say it, Fallon is hitting a home run tonight. And I thought no one could surpass NPH. I love NPH, but Fallon is kicking ass. KEVIN BACON SIGHTING KEVIN BACON SIGHTING. Your wife's hair doesn't look cute.

Variety:

Would like to point out that I can see all the way up January Jones' skirt where she's sitting. Classy. Ricky Gervais steals the show again. "Mel Gibson has been through a lot. Not as much as the Jews." God damn it I love you Ricky Gervais. National treasure, for the Brits (thus, me vicariously). Opening ceremony director wins. Couldn't be happier unless I cared more, but the Vancouver Opening and Closing Ceremonies were phenomenal. Daily Show wins again. I'd have liked to see it be Conan or Colbert, but Daily Show is a solid choice.

Clooney:

All the humanitarian awards for Clooney. Love that Marguiles is presenting. ER love forever. I'm not super on board with the short in front long in back dresses. Laying it out there.

Dead People Montage:

Everyone knows this is my favorite part. And now I know why Jewel was invited. Bring on ALL the Golden Girls. Pouring some of my chillable red Franzia out for my Golden Girls bitches. GUMBY'S CREATOR DIED? Sadpants. Corey Haim makes the cut? REALLY? Boner shoutout. Love you Boner. So much. Gent caller once described the favorite tattoo he'd ever seen = two golden girls on one leg, two on the other. One leg, underneath ladies says "Dem." Under the others? "Bitches." I hate tats, but I'm on board.

Miniseries, etc:

These less famous people, the miniseries kids, they know good tuxes. Just saying. Claire Danes, I think, wins the best dressed award for the night.

The important awards:

Mad Men wins best Drama. Sue-dawg is displeased, as "Lost will never be nominated again." I haven't watched Lost yet, but intend to, and I've seen a few episodes of Mad Men, and they are excellent. I intend to watch them both. Whatever. TED DANSON FACIAL HAIR OFFENDS ME, just saying. Modern Family wins. It's at the top of my Netflix queue. I'm glad for them, and can't wait to watch it. I'm a Glee fanatic, but they had a rough stretch for a few episodes, and the focus on guest stars toward the later half was too much. Hopefully the Emmy loss inspires Glee to get even better. Plus Modern Family has all of the Illini references. WIN.

All in all, a girls night w/ a good casserole and all the boxed wine was a success, and I'm only offended about Hugh Laurie's lack of an Emmy... still....

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Bachelor Pad, Episode 1

OK kids. Apologies in advance as this is super delayed, but, I'll be honest. Now that we are working full time, sitting down to dedicate 2 hours to a reality TV blog is probably not going to happen. Least of all for Bachelor Pad, which, sorry to say, sucked in episode 1. Smurftastic is officially not a fan. I might need to just start blogging the shows I watch every week anyway (Real Housewives, Bethenny Getting Married, Top Chef) instead of forcing myself to watch something I don't really care about... or, you know, give up. For episode 1, I only have notes on the first half from DJ Victorious, and will interject them at the appropriate point with mine. I sincerely doubt that this will be a weekly occurrence. That said, the Emmys are on this Sunday, and you know I can always be counted on to bust out an awards show rundown. Get excited. But, for now, Bachelor Pad, episode 1 commences...

Smurftastic's thoughts:

So I’m so far unfamiliar with everyone they have shown in previews, thus, think they are all whoreish. Vaguely recall Chrysalee (sp?) for her ridic name… but still, all whoreish. Melissa Rycroft is beat when her hair is straight, btw. None of these assholes know the different between right and left. Absolutely the opposite of shocked. Captain Blowout wins and other dude says “I pretty much know that there is no god.” No idea who this is, but he seems pretty hated. Maybe I will decide to love him out of life spite. Lots of terrible dye jobs and decent boob jobs.

I was drinking and having heart to hearts during the explanation of the rules of this show, so I’m a bit confused at the drunken attempt at alliances. Elizabeth needs to reevaluate her foundation choices.

SOMEONE’S ALREADY ON THE MOVE FOR TEAM DORM-BONE! Classy. Over-under on amount of herp in this house? GO. “Ew do you think that they boned?” I’m not sure who said it, but I wanna be friends w/ them.

Terrible dye job girls don’t get further date/ rose. I determine Melissa needs to get her eat on. Lifehouse cover band? FAIL.

Bathroom fight? Bathroom fight. This seems dangerous and claw-ey. Tinley is also super dumb, just saying.

Yellow swimsuit? Opposite of a flattering angle, Nikki. Gross.

This show is awful. All of these women are insane.

Gia’s extensions are terrible, but her dress is awesome. The combo of all the dudes in jeans and blazers with uber fancy cocktail dresses is awkward, but not as awkward as harrison’s tie. Random dressed up dude + random flannel + random male jean capris = enormous amount of fail. Did they not have money for stylists on this show? JESUS. Melissa Rycroft is pointless in the elimination. If you’re gonna have her around, let her contribute. Nikki has a butt-chin. Might be former dude.


DJ Victorious' thoughts:

1. 1. Love that Chris Harrison is now playing the role of Bachelor/Bachelorette during the opening sequence as he greets everyone that exits the limos.

2. 2. These “Bachelor reunions” sound crazier than the Olympic Village

3. 3. Did he legally change his name to “Weatherman”? Cause I would respect him more if he did.

4. 4. Tenley sucks.

5. 5. Wes looks bloated. One too many trips to the buffet during those Bachelor reunions on the cruise ship.

6. 6. Elizabeth looks like a slightly younger version of Magda from “There’s Something About Mary.”

7. 7. Tenley sucks.

8. 8. Craig M. is like a poor man’s Wolverine.

9. 9. Weatherman wears WAY too much make-up.

10. 10. Is Peyton a man?

11. 11. $250,000 would just about pay off my law school loans, but I’m not sure I would be willing to spend a weekend, let alone a month, with the people in this house.

12. 12. Tenley sucks.

13. 13. Apparently, the key to winning Twister is being able to tell your left from your right.

14. 14. I’ve felt awkward this entire episode. These conversations are painful to watch.

15. 15. Lot’s of gratuitous ass shots.

16. 16. Thank god for night-vision cameras.

17. 17. Sex Panther.

18. 18. I don’t understand why the women are wearing bathing suits, but not other clothes, in the limo on the way to their “date” with Craig.


Smurftastic officially gives the win for this episode commentary to DJVictorious. Yours in the comments...



Tuesday, July 27, 2010

NEW BLOG SERIES UPDATE

DJ Victorious, Jeflow and I will be coming out of retirement beginning the week of August 9 to liveblog ABC's "The Bachelor Pad."

Let the unintentional (intentional?) hilarity ensue!

Show description below, via IMDB. Sounds a lot like The RW/RR Challenges to me, and that's a GOOD thing.

"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" meet "Big Brother" in this elimination contest, in which 19 castoffs from the ABC dating games face weekly challenges while living under the same roof. In the opener, they move into the bachelor pad, where their first challenge -- a game of Twister -- awaits. Then, before the elimination, there's a day-night group date. Chris Harrison and Melissa Rycroft are the hosts.

See you in a couple of weeks! While you wait for us and the show, let's take over/unders on the number of female contestants that Chris Harrison has already banged. Awwwwkwarrrrrd.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

2010 Oscars Live Blog

Hey all... Here's the standard Oscar blog. I'm kicking it off by saying that Zach Efron is looking GOOD tonight. Kathy Ireland is easily the most awkward interviewer I've ever seen. Ever.

The 10 movies nominated for Best Picture debate has begun. I think it's good for the Oscar ratings, but some movies nominated get ridiculous. However, I really hate watching the Oscars when I haven't seen any of the movies nominated for big awards. Nonetheless, even with more movies nominated, I still have only seen 2 movies nominated, and only liked one of them. Kate Winslet's hair looks great, but I've seen her in better dresses. I absolutely adore her in everything.

Why are these Twilight assholes all over the place? This blatant pandering for ratings is offensive to me.
Show is starting. Preliminarily, let me say that I am ridiculously excited about Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are hosting. I have a crush on Steve Martin, and I don’t even feel bad about it. He’s #2 on my old man crush list, second only to Harrison Ford.
NPH SURPRISE APPEARANCE! I simply cannot express how much I love him. Love his sparkly jacket. Love him singing. Love it all. Steve Martin’s glasses make him not as awesome, but I’d still do him. Meryl Streep burn. Awesome. This is digressing into awkwardness quickly, however. The blatantly awkward “oh look” is a kind of hilarious. Bringing up the Avatar-Hurt Locker ex-wife thing. Why are they sitting next to each other? They HATE each other.
Inglorious Basterds guy wins the supporting actor award. I’m sure he was wonderful, but I’m hesitant to be in favor of anything that makes Quentin Tarantino feel good about himself. Up wins best animated picture. Not shocking, and I in no way care. At least it led me to a Mr. Grant sighting. I love Mr. Grant.
Colin Farrel was in Crazy Heart? SINGING? INSTANTLY ADDING TO LIST OF MOVIES I WANT TO SEE. Writer just busted out “I love you more than rainbows.” Die. The intro to best screenplay with Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. is by far the most entertaining of the night. RDJ’s outfit is amazing.
John Hughes tribute. I’m foreseeing I’ll cry. I heart Matthew Broderick. Macaulay Culkin. Wow. He has grown to be a creepy adult. Shocking.
Break for the boring awards.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair looks ridiculous. It was pretty cute initially, but apparently got frizz sesh. Charlize Theron’s boob focus dress was a poor styling decision by all accounts.

Twilight kids. Ugh. Then salute to horror montage. LOVE. IT. Zac Efron is getting hella screen time. I must say that I am really excited to see “Me and Orson Welles” and for his legitimate acting career to take off. The sound editor from “The Hurt Locker” is horrifying.
John Travolta. In jeans. What an uber douche.

Demi Moore is here. I feel dead people montage. Ghost theme song. Swayze. James Taylor singing In My Life. Instantly choked up. Natasha Richardson is the one who officially gets me. Ugh. Interpretive dance montage. I’m sure this is all very impressive, but I’m calling it an awkward fail. God. This is way too long. This is an abortion. I'd rather watch the sci tech awards again than this dance montage. That's the problem w/ modern dance. It's all very pretty, but it never fits the music or the theme and just ends up making everyone uncomfortable.

JASON. BATEMAN!

Tyler Perry, please stop talking. Hurt Locker is taking a lot of the smaller awards from Avatar. Might bode well for best picture. As long as it’s not Avatar.

Who invited Keanu Reeves? Oh the “Point Break” bond with Bigelow. Pro. I literally cannot accurately capture my hatred of Quentin Tarantino in words. It’s unfortunate that he’s so talented when he’s so irritating.

The fellating of the best actor nominees has begun. I am tired. This needs to move on, even though I’m quite enjoying the close ups of the guys, and Colin Farrel. Jeff Bridges gets the W. Absolutely not surprised. I hope he accepts entirely as The Dude. I kind of want to see his movie now, but I probably won’t. I probably should have added Jeff Bridges to the list of famous people I want to hang out with.

Best actress montage. I actually am excited to see who this award goes to. Our hostess says “I hope the Precious chick wins, because she’ll never get the chance to win again.” Our hostess’ brother taking the late comer hilarity award of the night with the following gems... “Because she’ll be dead in an hour and a half? It’s tough to act when you’ve lost both your feet to diabetes. She’s so fat her eyes don’t open. She wins for attacking that trainer at Sea World last week.” Sandra Bullock is kind of a surprise, won’t lie. I might have to see The Blind Side. She wins the gracious speech award. Jesse James loses hella street cred for crying.

Finally best picture award. Just kidding. Best direction. DIAF, Oscars. It’s almost midnight, and I’m a tuckered out little lamb. Why is Barbara Streisand presenting this? Fail. Kathryn Bigelow wins… there’s an awkward “will he congratulate his ex wife?” moment with Cameron. If he does, it’s not caught on camera. Way to go Point Break director! OK. Enough. They need to get more dedicated to the “wrap it up” rule. This is getting ridiculous.

Tom Hanks is here, so I’m hoping THIS is actually best picture. Hurt Locker wins again. Congrats. Suck it James Cameron. I’m going home.

Good night, ya’ll!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

WORLDS... WILL... COLLIDE...

I think they need to ask me to star in this movie, and the above should be the tagline. Just saying. Somepeopleknit's favorite unicorn rider has signed on to play the lead in the...





wait for it...










SMURFS. MOVIE.

Via JustJared.com - "Neil Patrick Harris will star in the forthcoming Smurfs: The Movie!" Read more at http://justjared.buzznet.com/2010/03/04/neil-patrick-harris-lands-lead-in-smurfs-the-movie/.

Further reading leads me to believe this movie will be TERRIBLE, but I in no way care. Not terrible enough for me not to dress up as a Smurf, spike a blue ICEE with some form of liquor, and terrify small children in the theater on opening night. HEART YOU NPH!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

2010 Grammy Awards

Here we go... half assed as per usual lately. Working full time really takes it out of you.

Gaga-Elton John. “How wonderful life is with Gaga in the world.” Vom.

Stephen Colbert – hope he’s the host. He is so fantastic.

T Swift wins country album of the year – not surprised. She’s badass cause she writes her own songs. She and her mom are sitting next to Ringo Starr. Lucky kid…

Beyonce singing “You Oughta Know” is kinda amazing. She’s tossing her hair too much, but otherwise a great performance.

Pink performance. Not a fan. Turned back to Planet Earth Extremes. THOSE COCKROACHES ATE THAT BAT DOWN TO THE BONE. Awesome.

Zac Brown Band wins best new artist. Good for them, good for country music… they really do the genre the right way, staying away from too much pop.

MILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks great. Sad that she’s announcing the Black Eyed Peas, as they are INCREDIBLY irritating. JBone: “This performance is heinous.” Agreed. Back to Planet Earth.

Jonas Brothers introduce Lady Antebellum singing “Need You Now.” Wildly pro everything involved. Even when the girl gets hit in the face with the sheet. Love it all. Can’t get enough of that song.

Glad Stephen Colbert won for comedy album, mainly because it’s the only one I’ve heard.

Robert Downey Jr. is wearing a ridiculous suit jacket with straps, and I love it. He intros Jamie Foxx attempting to sing opera. Ridiculous. Wildly anti auto tune. Oh heyyyyyy- Otter pups learning to fish! Nice to see you. Look out for that crocodile.

T Swift with Stevie Nicks was cool. T’s outfit was ridiculous. Now MJ tribute, but seems like they’re just gonna do slow jam. If I am dealing with Usher in an MJ tribute, I want him dancing, not singing We Are the World. Just saying. This 3-D is lame, as I have no goggles, and so it’s all fuzzy… makes J Bone and I feel like we’re a few more beers in than we are in. Carrie Underwood, per usual, looks fantastic. Also on Planet Earth Extremes, a polar bear tried to kill walruses, but instead he died. I’m basically heartbroken.

Bon Jovi performance. Still not sure why they are on, but I’m on board, I suppose. Glad they brought out Jennifer Nettles for “Who Says You Can’t Go Home,” but now she’s awkwardly standing behind them during “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Oh she sings… she must be in heaven. I would be. Bon Jovi has only gotten better looking with age.

I’M ON A BOAT WAS ROBBED!

Just realized this goes till 11:30. I am not happy. Instead, I’ll watch the cockroaches eat the bat again.

Maxwell. Never heard this song. Pretty indifferent, and fading fast.

Of course because I’m watching something else I miss the beginning of the dead people montage. Hope there wasn’t anyone awesome at the beginning. The Les Paul tribute is pretty awesome.

Lady Gaga’s outfit #3 of the night is awful, pretty standard, actually. Quentin Tarantino’s outfit is even worse with the polka dot shirt. He’s also speaking with a fake thug ish accent. Pretty exciting how much I hate him, really.

Lil Wayne and some other rappers. Whatever... The sound goes out and I actually don’t care. Unaware that Eminem was still making music. He’s pretty talented but I’m equally indifferent. Lil’ Wayne really is little.

T Swift brings home album of the year. Good for her. Hers is the only album I listened to all the way trhough, but when the neighbors bought Lady Gaga I wanted to kill myself, so there you go. She’s so adorable it’s almost too much. Excited it went to a country artist.

Going to bed. Peace out.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Golden Globes 2010

I was up till 5am last night, so this will be admittedly half assed. I can’t skip, however, because Ricky Gervais is hosting, and he is the man. Finally these awards shows are getting smart and hiring people who are actually entertaining to host these things, and after NPH on the Tonys and Emmys, I have high hopes for Ricky.

It’s pouring rain for the arrivals, and I’m getting legitimately embarrassed for the NBC arrivals show team (awful, btw), because they keep awkwardly insulting people about being wet “your hair looks a little different this year… a little matted…”. Who are you to judge, D list entertainer? (I'm looking at you Vanessa Minnillo... it looks like you are going to a 2002 prom)

I hate Quentin Tarantino. Ugh. Do less coke dude. Just SHUT UP already. You look like a rapist in that duster, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelpha taught me that dusters are hilarious. Don't ruin it for me.

Quick comments about the football game that just ended. Jets. Wow. Nice game. I hope they get DESTROYED by the Colts, but a big day for New York, and Rex Ryan's general hilarity. For NFC Championships this weekend, hoping more for a good game than a particular team to win. As a Bears fan I'm supposed to hate the Vikings, but I can't bring myself to. I like the Saints this season, but I'd like to see Favre end his career with a Super Bowl. Also I've been saying all season that it will probably be a Saints-Colts Super Bowl, so maybe I'll seem smart if that's how it goes. Either way, want an NFC victory in the biggest game.

Let the digs at NBC begin. Just to register my opinion, I have always been a fan of Jay Leno in the Late Night Wars (meaning ONLY that I prefer him to Letterman, but I honestly almost never watch late night talk shows anyway, so my opinion is borderline irrelevant). Conan was on too late for me, and I find some of the stuff of his I see the next day on youtube to be entertaining, but I honestly don’t know him much at all. However, the way he has been treated by the network is sad. He has handled this well, and I wish him the best. I will still always prefer Stephen Colbert and Craig Ferguson for my late night hosts.

Monique wins for Precious. Whatever. I have no interest in this movie. Looks WAY too depressing for my taste. Toni Collette beats out two of my favorites (Tina Fey and Rachel from Glee) for best comedy actress on TV, but for all reviews I’ve heard, this is well deserved. NPH’s award is up. He looks nervous. I will be disappointed if he doesn’t take this home, per usual. John Lithgow. LAME. Apparently he’s awesome on Dexter, but he’s not NPH, so right now, he can die in a fire. How I Met Your Mother needs to stay on the air until NPH finally gets the Emmy he so richly deserves. Michael C. Hall beats out Hugh Laurie, and I don’t watch Dexter, so I’m not happy. But, good for him. Everything I hear about that show is amazing. I legitimately don’t care about any of the woman nominated for best actress in drama. Watch zero of the shows.

Starting the boring miniseries, foreign language and music awards. Catch ya in an hour or so.

Jennifer Aniston’s dress slit is out of control, but she looks great. She and Courteney Cox have both aged fantastically. Go Friends!

Mad Men wins best drama. No surprises here. If it had gone to True Blood, I might have boycotted forever. Not saying it’s not a decent show, but I’m WILDLY anti the vampire trend.

Aaaand in the commercial breaks I have discovered a sequel to the Planet Earth series… Planet Earth Extremes. As a direct result, I am skipping Martin Scorsese’s lifetime achievement award. Hope I don’t also miss the dead people montage… though there wasn’t one last year. Do the Golden Globes even do dead people montages?

GERVAIS JUST OWNED MEL GIBSON. That was awesome. “I like a drink as much as the next man, unless the next man is Mel Gibson.” Just phenomenal. I can't believe Mel didn't go ballistic, but, then, he seems like such a sane and calm human being.

GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WINS best comedy TV series – SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving show! Mama Smurftastic finally started watching it, and she's a fan too... I hope this show keeps up its standards and has a long run, it's literally the happiest part of my week.

Mike Tyson with the cast of The Hangover. Wishing Zack Galifianakis was there, though, as he makes everything amazing. Hangover wins best comedy motion picture and I am wildly pro. Love that they are walking up to the stage to the “What do tigers dream of?” song as sung by Ed Helms. Love that R rated comedies are doing well. Love Todd Phillips ("I'm here for the gang bang.")… you make my life better. Please keep making movies... forever.

Sandra Bullock wins best actress in a drama for the Blind Side. I may actually have to see this movie. I do love sports movies and Sandra Bullock, but I thought this looked cheesy and figured it's a rental at best. I’ve been sold. Men’s comedy acting goes to Robert Downey Jr. He was great in Sherlock Holmes, and his acceptance speech was by far my favorite of the night. Not my favorite movie, but I enjoyed it. He is hilarious.

The Dude wins best drama actor for Crazy Horse. I know absolutely nothing about this movie. But I’m pro The Dude (just watched the Big Lebowski for the first time last week, and loved it). Meryl Streep's comedy win surprises no one. Really want to see Julie and Julia, because in my head I'm already a 49 year old cat lady.

Ready for bed. Let’s get this last award going. Julia Roberts seems awesome, just a fun chick to hang out with. Avatar wins, and I have to say I’m starting to revert back from wanting to see the movie (after holding out forever), to being a part of the backlash. Enough already. James Cameron’s hair is ridiculous, and when he spoke in his made-up language, I basically judged him for life.

Verdict – Ricky Gervais is still awesome, and would be if the rest of the show sucked (it didn't) for the Mel Gibson burn alone. Best dressed = Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Dianna Agron , Worst dressed = Chloe Sevigny, Christina Aguilera.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Until next time...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Best songs of 2009

As promised... here are my rankings for the 10 best pop songs of 2009. I'm lazy, so these songs are picked merely from the Wikipedia lists of the Billboard Hot 100 #1 songs of 09 and the Top 10 singles in 2009, based on the Billboard Hot 100. This list includes the songs that made it to the Top 10 at some point in 2009 (some may have been released in 08, but didn't hit top 10 till 09. I also looked at iTunes top downloads and added random songs I remember that I LOVED that are on none these. I'm sure I forgot something, but here goes.

Honorable Mentions: "Single Ladies" - Beyonce, "Tik Tok" - Ke$ha. Single Ladies - I didn't like enough of the actual song for it to be included, but the video was so good (Kanye would say the greatest of all time) and became such a phenomenon that it warrants a mention. Tik Tok is awesome, but too new to include in the greatest of the year. Thought about adding "Live Like We're Dying" - but in reality I just love everything Kris Allen does... doesn't deserve to be top 10 of the year though.

10. TIE - "Empire State of Mind" - Jay-Z feat Alicia Keys, "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum - Empire State of Mind was the ANTHEM for those of us on the East Coast. I wanted to hate it because it was so integral in the Yankee World Series celebrations (don't say "we've waited a long time for this" when you won it 9 years ago. Ask the Cubs, you a-holes). But I couldn't hate it. This song is awesome. Need You Now is a very recent discovery of mine, but has fast become one of my fave songs ever (penchant for drunk dialing, anyone?). The male-female duet combo is always a surefire way to get me to fall in love with a song.

9. "You Belong With Me" - Taylor Swift - T Swift, obviously, had a very big year. I love this song and her entire album. I was toying with putting "Love Story" on this list, cause I also ADORE that song, but I thought since You Belong With Me was the subject of the now infamous Kanye VMA incident, that it goes on the list. This song has a great ability to speak to anyone who's ever had a crush on someone dating someone else. T Swift sort of writes songs for high school girls and tweens, but we all remember what that was like. Plus it's upbeat and fun.

8. "Lucky" - Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat - Beachy, romantic, about being in a relationship with your best friend. Just sort of warms my heart. Love both Mraz and Caillat. Would love to hear them duet more in the future.

7. "Cowboy Casanova" - Carrie Underwood - the first single off her third album. I've never been shy about my love for Carrie, and this song doesn't disappoint. It's got a sexy beat and has an interesting storyline. Every girl loves a bad boy, even if they know better.

6. "I Do Not Hook Up" - Kelly Clarkson - When I first got introduced to this song, I thought it was ridiculous and kind of annoying. The second time I heard it, I was hooked. Every time I hear it, I want to sing and dance a lot. Plus it's the anti-slut anthem. Big fan.

5. "Good Girls Go Bad" - Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester - It's such a simple format. Another of these that I thought was TERRIBLE the first time I heard it, but then slowly it sunk into my subconscious. I spent a big part of August driving around the Midwest, and I constantly surfed the radio hoping to hear this song. It's become a "getting ready to go out" staple. It's sort of the opposite of K Clarks, the slut anthem, but man is it fun. 2009 was also the year that I discovered Gossip Girl, and Meester's character Blair Waldorf has become my style hero. Viva Leighton.

4. "Dead and Gone" - T. I. feat Justin Timberlake - this is the song that got me to buy T.I.'s Paper Trail album. That album is probably the best rap album I've bought in the last five years. I love his rap style, and the running theme through this song and the album is making mistakes (T.I. is currently serving a year in prison for illegally having enough guns at his home to win the Iraq war). This song is perfect for anyone who's ever decided to make a change in their life. The combination of T.I.'s lyrics and Justin's mournful chorus is perfect. I find Timberlake's bridge to be particularly awesome/inspirational - "I turn my head to the East, I don't see nobody by my side. I turn my head to the West, still nobody in sight. So I turn my head to the North, swallow that pill that they call pride. The old me's dead and gone, but the new me will be alright."

3. "Party in the USA" - Miley Cyrus - Love it or hate it, but this song is HELLA catchy. Plus it warrants awesome choreography ("I put my hands up, they're playing my song..."). This is one of those songs that you think is RIDICULOUS the first time you hear it, and terrible. Hear it two or three more times, and you're hooked, I promise. It'll be played at my wedding, no lie.

2. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Glee Cast - T Swift had a big year, but 2009, for me, was the year of Glee. This song is the best known (and one of the best) of the first half of the first season of the show. It's the perfect storm of inspirational, catchy, upbeat, and fun to sing to. Journey has had a big year in my book, as the version of "Don't Stop Believin'" from the musical Rock of Ages is also one of my favorites of the year.

1. "The Climb" - Miley Cyrus - (off the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack) This will probably go down as Miley's biggest song. It was certainly her biggest song of the year. Say what you want about Miley, but she wrote this herself, and it represents (in the movie and in life) when she finally steps out fully as Miley, and not as "that girl who plays Hannah Montana." This song could inspire anyone. It's basically the modern "Don't Stop Believin'." Miley's voice may not be the best, but the girl can belt. LOVE IT.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Catchiest Songs of 2009 via Festival Crashers

In honor of me apparently kicking everyone's ass in a random "Catchiest Songs of 2009" bracket, I'd like to post a link for you to vote in the final four of said contest, on FestivalCrashers.com, if you feel you want to. http://www.festivalcrashers.com/2009/12/26/final-four-catchiest-songs-of-2009/.

In addition, sometime this week I will be posting a blog of my favorite songs of 2009, and possibly, if I'm super ambitious and inspired, the best songs of the decade. Let me know if you have requests to be featured. And to the Festival Crasher guys who think I came out of nowhere, yeah I probably did. But I don't win contests about terrible yet addicting pop music for my knowledge of indie bands, so there ya go.

Hint: If Party in the USA wins, I win a prize pack of music I've never heard of in my life. Vote and be nice to me, and maybe I'll give you some.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Top 10 Celebrities we'd most like to HANG OUT with

What up! Just in time for Thanksgiving, Smurftastic and her guest bloggers KSquizz and CaliCoop present the Top 10 Celebrities we'd most like to Hang Out with. Rules are simple. Celeb must be alive currently. Any sort of sex, hook up, or romantic interlude with said celebrity is off the table. This is a list of celebs we'd most want to hang out with without the prospect of boning, so choices picked to "hopefully make him fall in love with me" are out. KSquizz' picks first (yellow), then CaliCoop's (purple), then mine (yellow), comments in small font below. Leave your picks in the comments, cause that's where my honorable mentions will be. Enjoy.

NUMBER 10

KSquizz picks Lindsay Lohan - I am starting off the list with Lindsay Lohan. Irealize there will be some doubts about my first choice but hear me out. Don't worry, I am not one of those delusional Lohan fans who thinks she can magically transform herself back into Mean Girls
Lindsay. Lohan is a TRAINWRECK, and I LOVE IT. Could you imagine seeing her out for a night of drinking first hand? I'd watch as she hooks up with dudes while claiming to be in love with Samantha Ronson. I could her hold her blackberry as she tweets nonsense about loving
someone whose family hates you, her gross sister, and her mummy (shepretends she is British when she tweets which is amazing since she is from Long Island). I would get to drink and hang out with other celebrities in the VIP section while she goes to the bathroom every 20
minutes to powder her nose. Another plus, I would definitely bephotographed and even on, my worst day, next to Lohan, I would look amazing. Susan Boyle on her worst day would still look better thanLindsay. Final perk, getting to become famous for 15 minutes after selling my story to the tabloids.

CaliCoop says - "I don't even judge you for this pick because hanging out with Lindsay Lohan would be horrific and awesome all at the same time. Must say my biggest concern would be getting arrested though which I am wildly against."
Smurftastic says - "Fully support, and admire your boldness."

CaliCoop picks Chuck Lorre – hard to imagine how the creator of Two and Half Men and Big Bang Theory would not be awesome to hang out with. Although he’s slightly creepy looking so really hoping he’s a combination of Charlie Harper and Sheldon in real life … making him a remarkably self-assured, nerdy, smart ass, alcoholic … not sure you could get better.

Smurftastic says - "CaliCoop, CONSIDER YOURSELF JUDGED."
KSquizz says - "I have heard good things about Big Bang Theory so I judge less than Smurftastic, but Two and a Half Men? Yuck. No thanks."

Smurftastic picks Stephen Colbert – This was almost an honorable mention. I know he’s not at all like his Colbert Report character, and that’s why I love him. He has his pulse on everything going on in the world, and puts a sarcastic edge on it. If nothing else, my choices in this list should show that I heart sarcasm. Plus he’s high energy and outrageous. I would have no idea what to expect. He’s super smart, so I could learn a lot, but I’m slightly worried that he would make me feel like an idiot, and I hate that. However, the man looks good in a holiday sweater, and has a strong background in self-deprecating humor.

CaliCoop says "surprisingly didn't consider him but definitely agree with the pick. Even
if he isn't his crazy TV character he'd still make for super interesting company, although my fear would be he may make my head hurt for trying to be intelligent while hanging out."
KSquizz says "He must be awesome, but I feel as though I have no idea what the real Stephen Colbert is like and that would make me nervous about picking him."

NUMBER 9

KSquizz picks Alyssa Milano - I have wanted to be Alyssa Milano's friend since I was like 6 and Who's the Boss was on. She was so cool then, and I imagine still really cool now. I never watched Melrose Place, but I amdown to hear some gossip about Heather Locklear, Aaron Spelling, and whoever else. Also, she was a badder bitch than Shannen Doherty and got her thrown off Charmed. Also, Milano is a huuuuuuge sports fan,exhibited by her sports apparel line and her banging of lots ofbaseball players. I am also down to grab a beer and talk sports.

CaliCoop says "don't know much about her personally other than the sports apparel line she has which does have some really cute stuff, otherwise
my knowledge of her is limited to Who's the Boss where she was totally awesome."
Smurftastic says "I'm pretty indifferent to this pick. To be frank, if we're going Who's the Bo
ss, I'm more apt to pick Tony Danza or the crazy ginger grandma."

CaliCoop picks Matthew Perry – no matter what Matthew Perry has been in I have always found him hilarious and completely endearing. He was almost knocked out for the whole smoking bit, but was included because he surely has awesome stories from his years on Friends and druggie years. Additionally, if his tweets are anything like him in real life, we are soooo on the same page and I would absolutely require him to bring the new Super Mario Brothers for Wii during any of our bonding times. Plus the possibility for cameos by other favorites makes him a definite on my list.

Smurftastic says "Agreed. He was a thought for my list as well, but-for the fact he was just included in my long term celeb crush list, he'd be there"
KSquizz says "Solid pick. I like Matthew a lot, but I don't know
if he and I would have much to talk about."

Smurftastic picks Charlie Day – OK. I don’t know a lot abo
ut Charlie personally, but the fact that he is one of the creative minds behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is enough for me.
If I have even a quarter of the amount of fun they have on that show, it will be the greatest night of my life. I imagine a night with Charlie would involve some sort of hare brained scheme and a lot of laughs. The inappropriate and juvenile jokes would be flowing like the cheap domestic beer. Anyone who knows me knows I thrive in an environment of juvenile jokes and beer. Plus we can talk about when cats make too much noise. I hate that. Maybe we can knit some kitten mittons.

CaliCoop says "ehh can't really judge one way or another on this since I don't watch the show, although must admit the kitten mittons were pretty freaking awesome."
KSquizz says "Since I almost put Charlie on my list with the wholecast of Sunny. I agree he would be awesome. I imagine a lot of his
jokes would be self-deprecating, and you could probably get him to do
something wild at the bar. Wildcard, bitches!"

NUMBER 8

KSquizz picks Joss Whedon - It is about to get reeeeal nerdy up in here. I love Joss Whedon, to an unhealthy extent. For those unaware, Joss Whedon created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Angel, Dr. Horrible's Sing A Long Blog, and Dollhouse (they can't all be winners). He has also
done some writing in the comic book, movie, and tv world. And is about to direct an episode of Glee. I am not lying when I say that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one of my all time favorite shows. I
have a girl crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar that probably has more to do with the character Whedon created than SMG. Buffy, like most of his other shows, was both hilarious, action packed, and dramatic atthe same time. As an aspiring writer, I would love to pick his brain about all of the characters he created and how he did it. The more beers in me, the nerdier the questions would get for sure, and the hanging out might come to an abrupt end when he comes back from the
bathroom and finds me going through his cell phone for the numbers of Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, and SMG, but it would be worth it.

Smurftastic says "I'm not anti Buffy, but I'm indifferent as to this pick"
CaliCoop says "I apologize in advice but I have a strong hatred for SMG ... not even entirely sure why I still harbor this hatred but I can't get rid of it. With that said anyone who directs Glee is a friend of mine."

CaliCoop picks
JK Rowling – since Harry Potter characters don’t quite fit the criteria for the list I figured I’d go with the next best thing. Really hoping she can bring some HP memorabilia and possibly thrown away manuscripts so I can continue with my HP love affair. Also, highly enjoy that she keeps herself out of the spotlight and is really into philanthropy since she certainly has the money. Not sure what I could bring to the table in this pairing but ehh that’s life.

KSquizz says "I can't believe I didn't think of this. I love her. I would want to talk to her about writing until she got a restraining order. I also love that she is so rarely in the spotlight despite being a kagillionaire."
Smurftastic says "Solid pick... I bet she'd foot the bill for some excellent recreational activities."

Smurftastic picks Hugh Laurie – Dr. House is one of my favorite characters on television right now, and he is played by one of my favorite actors. In every interview, Hugh displays the biting British wit that shows he won’t let me get away with crap without being mocked, but he is also self-deprecating enough that he can take it as well as dish it out. He’s not afraid to have my back if things get rowdy (see him kicking that dude’s ass who tried to harass Colin Farrel after SNL one day), but he’s also not afraid to be goofy. Plus he seems incredibly intelligent without being smug. That’s a great quality for a celebrity BFF.

CaliCoop says "I do love House, didn't know about him kicking some guy's ass after SNL but that's pretty bad ass. Definitely a good pick, he'd probably be full of excellent shit talking which makes him automatically an awesome buddy."
KSquizz says "I saw one of his Emmy speeches. It was hilarious. I never would have thought of this since I don't ever watch House, but I approve."

NUMBER 7

KSquizz picks Kaitlin Olson - Originally, I was going to go with the whole cast of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but I decided the one I would most like to hang out with is Kaitlin Olson. I can appreciate being a guys' girl a lot, and I am always down to hang out with another one. I
am positive she is not a little priss because she married the creator of Sunny and because she likes to use the expression "It's the tits." Following her on twitter pretty much cemented her for me as the one I would most like to roll with. Plus, I have an appreciation
for blondes named Kaitlin.

Smurftastic says "She may be the coolest girl on TV right now. I originally had Tina Fey on my list but she got booted for NPH. Tina's not as legit cool as Sweet Dee tho, Kaitlin FTW."
CaliCoop says "as I mentioned before, I've never watched the show although I've heard wonderful things, however, I enjoy the reasoning so I'm sure she's the coolest."

CaliCoop picks Bob Harper – quite different from the others I see us working out and doin
g an intense yoga session for our hangout time. Not only is Bob on one of my favorite TV shows he is sooo incredibly hot and super upbeat, totally making him seem like he’d be a friend for life. Ultimately Bob would mean a more flexible fit and happy me.

Smurftastic says "I haven't the vaguest idea who that is, won't lie." [ed note, he's apparently the trainer from Biggest Loser.]
KSquizz says "Is this Bob the Trainer from Biggest Loser? If yes, I LOVE HIM! Though he would totally judge anything you ate while with him which would make it less fun. (At least for me.)"

Smurftastic picks Bobby Knight – As an alumni of the great University of Illinois, I’m technically supposed to hate Bobby Knight. But I don’t. I love him. I think he is hilarious and awesome, yet still am a little afraid of him. It’s the perfect storm. If you haven’t seen the outtakes from his golf videos, you need to watch them, and you will understand why I want to hang out with him so much. He’s a loose cannon. Yeah, he may through a chair at me, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. In fact, I HOPE it happens. That would be the best day ever. A day hanging out with Bobby would involve lots of swearing, some unprovoked belligerence, the most competitive drinking games I’ve ever been a part of, an extreme growth in my college basketball knowledge, and a good healthy dose of grumpy old man. I foresee him getting more and more angry as I laugh at his grumpiness, which only makes me more entertained.


CaliCoop says "I judge a bit, although for the same reasons I love Sweet Lou I also fully understand. Not sure I'm a big enough person to risk having a chair thrown at me to be friends with him but the g
rumpy old man quality is highly underrated."
KSquizz says "My only concern about this is that he might throw a chair at you." [ed note, THAT'S THE POINT]

NUMBER 6

KSquizz picks Jason Segel - I imagine Jason Segel would be A LOT of fun to drink with. Mostly because he has time and time again demonstrated to me that he is hilarious. He really wins for writing Forgetting Sarah Marshall because I think it is the funniest of the Apatow produced
movies, and the parts that were based on Segel's life make me want to be his friend, especially his love of Muppets. I love Muppets. A lot. Again, I would also love to pick any successful writer's brain, butwith Segel I feel like a lot of the conversation would be quoting old movies and possibly getting him drunk enough to do something really stupid and/or embarrassing. I am down with either sort of night.

Smurftastic says "Excellent choice. Fully approve. Also thanks for reminding me that I forgot to include who will now become #2 on my list... my only problem with this is that I've seen Segel's wang, and it may make things awk"
CaliCoop says "I'm bummed I didn't add him to my list. I love Jason Segel. He seems like he'd have amazing embarassing stories to share and he's super cute in a non-sexual crush kinda way."

Cali Coop picks Kerri Walsh – cannot think of a more amazing female athlete. She’s absolutely one of the most dominant women athletes of our time and she grew up in the same neck of the woods as me. We could reminisce about Northern California, play with her baby, go to the beach, talk shit to each other about UCLA and Stanford and stare at her Olympic med
als. Doesn’t hurt her status either that I met her when she was playing college ball at Stanford and she was super nice and gracious.

Smurftastic says "Meh... not a volleyball fan, and probably would prefer Misty so I could ask her about DWTS, but at least you aren't judged for this one, with the caveat that I can think of more amazing female athletes... Christie Rampone for one... but we needn't bicker about that"
KSquizz says "I didn't know who she was until I read Abby's comment about Misty May. This is the blonde right? She seems cool, but all I know about her is what I saw in the Olympics."

Smurftastic picks Joel McHale – Joel McHale is an ideal choice because the man makes fun of celebrities for a living. If I could do that for a living, I would. He is smart, has a biting wit, and is quick on the uptake. He’s also not afraid of getting a little goofy, and I like that. The topics of conversation would be super entertaining, and I could see myself laughing all night.

CaliCoop says "LOVE LOVE LOVE him!! That's all I can say."
KSquizz says " I actually had Joel on my list for awhile, but I am a little concerned his success will make him too Hollywood."

NUMBER 5

KSquizz picks George Clooney - Like you wouldn't hang out with George Clooney Clooney is SO cool. He exudes cool in a way that so few actors do anymore. He knows everyone and has done everything at this point that he is like celebrity royalty, but yet always comes off as so down to earth and mildly self-deprecating. He is ridiculously charming. The reason I would like to hang out with him the most, though, is that he
is such a smart ass. I love that he pulls evil pranks on some of the biggest stars in Hollywood. He makes ridiculous statements to the press just to make himself laugh or poke fun at his friends. He seems like he would be such a hilarious, genuine guy. Sitting around at a bar, shooting the shit with him would be an amazing day. And you know he would pick up the tab.

Smurftastic says "see my #1"
CaliCoop says "can't argue with either of you on this one ... he is wonderful in so many ways but I imagine being his friend would be filled with fabulous destinations and never ending hilarity."

CaliCoop picks John Wooden – not only is John Wooden the most dominant college coach of all time, he’s the cutest old man ever. I’ve been obsessed with John Wooden ever since my first college basketball game at UCLA when I practically peeled my jaw from the floor after I walked by him signing autographs from his seat in Pauley Pavilion. Over my years at UCLA I became completely accustomed to seeing him at the games, however never came anywhere close to working up the guts to go over and talk to him much less get an autograph. However, for his 99th birthday, I did send him a card, which I'm sure I was more excited about then he probably was to get. No matter, a day hanging out with Coach Wooden would be filled with the most amazing stories ever.

Smurftastic says "sigh. AWESOME pick. Ever since I first started watching College Basketball, it was evident that he is a man to be adored. Got assigned his book in sports management class in college, kept it, and have read it at least 5 times since. He is awesome."
KSquizz says "I don't follow college basketball really until there are brackets to fill out so this is totally lost on me. But the mention of college basketball reminds me of Jay Bilas, and that makes me happy."

Smurftastic picks John McEnroe – Same reasoning as Bobby Knight, except instead of throwing chairs, he’d throw tennis rackets, and instead of teaching me about college basketball, he’d teach me about tennis. And he has a healthier dose of sarcasm than Knight. I appreciate that.

KSquizz says "There is nothing I can say about this one, I love it."
CaliCoop says "do enjoy me some Johnny Mac, although not sure he brings enough self-depreciation to the table to risk the head injuries from a tennis racket."

NUMBER 4

KSquizz picks Zane Lamprey - If you are unfamiliar with Zane Lamprey, rent a season of Three Sheets immediately. The concept of Three Sheets is that one guy travels the world, goes to exotic locations and drinks the local booze, local mixed drink, participates in the local drinking game, and gets hammered. He then wakes up the next day and tries the local hangover cure. Since it is Zane's job to drink, he is good at it and knows how to make it fun. He also has traveled the world so I
have no doubt he has a few stories to tell. This is also the most plausible on the list since he runs trips occasionally where he and a bus full of tourists will do bar crawls in a famous city. When I have
money it is so on the list.

CaliCoop says "didn't know who this was til your description because I definitely just saw a commercial for the new season of this show. Gotta say this is the coolest job ever so he's bound to be pretty cool in person."
Smurftastic says "no idea who this is, but want to befriend him immediately, or at least watch his show"

CaliCoop picks Joshua Jackson – almost not included because of the non-hookup stipulation, Josh still made the list because of my love of Mighty Ducks, Dawson's Creek and Fringe. I imagine our day would include lots of quacking and possibly some awkward staring. No matter Josh is half Irish, which makes him automatically awesome, and probably a super good drinking buddy. Also, while he is dating Diane Kruger I don’t find her completely repulsive and am a big fan of the National Treasure movies so she gets a pass.

Smurftastic says "Dude, if 'getting him to hook up with Smurftastic' is not on your agenda for this hangout, we are no longer friends."
KSquizz says "God, he is so awesome. I took him off the list because anyone I had a crush on would make for an awkward hang out, but I love it."

Smurftastic picks Kenny Chesney – People judge me for my sexual attraction to Kenny, but this has nothing to do with it. Hanging with Kenny would involve chilling on a boat/beach/barbecue, shooting the shit about football, and an all around chill time. No anger, no excessive shouting, no drama. Just rocking back and forth on an Old Blue Chair drinking rum and getting a tan. And THAT would be awesome. Especially with all the intensity I’m undergoing with most of my other picks.

CaliCoop says "before reading your reasoning in its entirety I will say I judge you, although after the wonderful picture you've painted of your hang out time I must say I might try to steal away on this hang out. Although I do not find Kenny hot anymore the man does know how to chill and as we all know I'm a sucker for a man who can play a guitar."
KSquizz says "I do judge you for your sexual attraction toKenny. But I am down with anyone who can hang out, be laid back, and drink. Just as long as he keeps his shirt on because his chest creeps me out."

NUMBER 3

KSquizz picks Clint Eastwood - Um hi, it's Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood is AWESOME. He is one of the old school, bad asses. He is also unbelievably cool. Plus, he is an amazing artist who talks about his craft with an unbelievable reverence without me wanting to punch him
in the face. Not that I would try. He also can be a crotchety old curmudgeon, and I love that too. He tore young Hollywood a new one in the recent GQ, and I loved and agreed with every word of it. I would love to get him going on a rant over a pint. Though honestly, with a face like that, he probably would only want whiskey.

CaliCoop says "kinda sad I haven't read that GQ article but totally agree this is a great pick. Clint Eastwood has managed to continue making great movies throughout his lifetime which very few actors can claim, and despite me being a little intimidated by him I'm sure he's a great guy if you have the balls to actually sit down and have a glass with him."
Smurftastic says "Oh crotchety old men, you are so awesome."

CaliCoop picks Tim Lincecum – recently labeled the one famous person I might die if I met, despite his messed up grill I super HEART Timmy. I love his long hair, I love his gangly body, I love his weird pitching style, I love that he’s from Bellevue, Washington … love love love him. Probably should have pent up hatred for him because he pitched against UCLA in the Pac-10 while I was at school there, but I don’t, instead just pissed I didn’t go to any of the Washington v. UCLA games those years. Plus, as evident from his recent drug trouble with the cops in Washington, he clearly needs a lawyer BFF who could challenge the legality of those search and seizures. Lastly and most importantly, Timmy gets bonus points for being teammates with Noah Lowry – the hottest baseball player ever.

Smurftastic says "Baseball. Whatever. I may be mistaken, but doesn't he have terrible hair? Also I don't know how to say his name, so I feel like we would not get on well."
KSquizz says "Ah, the Freak. I don't know much about him other than he would prob like to sit around all day listening to your number 2 pick, eating cheetos. He is a pretty awesome player though so I will defer to your judgment."

Smurftastic picks Bode Miller – This dude is awesome. First of all, we’d clearly hang out in some sort of ski lodge, which is an enormous bonus. Second of all, it is well documented that HE GETS AFTER IT, Olympic competition tomorrow be damned. And he doesn’t care what people think of him, which is another enormous bonus. Couple that with the fact that nearly every single ski bum I’ve met is super chill, and I think I have a recipe for a fantastic night, should I live to tell the tale.

KSquizz says " I legitimately have no idea who this is."
CaliCoop says " I absolutely judge you. This dude is a prick, ski lodges and bums are awesome but there are plenty of ski bums who aren't douche bags ... I'm thinking Johnny Moseley ..." [ed note - I don't care... he's awesome.]

NUMBER 2

KSquizz picks Liam Neeson - As an Irish person, I have a special respect for drinkers from the motherland. It is a way of life. Why not go drinking with an Irishman and watch a master at work? On top of that, why not go drinking with Michael Effing Collins himself? It helps that I have a totally platonic crush on Liam Neeson. He just seems light-hearted, bad ass, and hilarious at the same time. That is amazing to do. Plus, the accent. It wouldn’t even matter what he talked about, just that he and I were speaking to one another.

CaliCoop says "Love Liam Neeson. Loved his late wife as well. Also, in Taken he reminds me so much of how I picture my father that it just made me love him that much more. Absolutely great pick."
Smurftastic says "Platonic crush... is that how I've been feeling about Liam all these years? APPROVE."

CaliCoop picks Dave Matthews – maybe partially as a gift to My Gentleman Caller, must still admit that Dave would be one hell of a hangout buddy. Clearly not afraid to have a good time and a huge fan of impromptu random bad dancing, Dave seems like the perfect drinking partner. Dave gets major points for his roles in Adam Sandler movies including my absolute favorite as the gay shop owner in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” leading me to believe that he may be buddies with Adam Sandler who made my honorable mention list since I find him hilarious and a surprisingly good actor. Dave may have made my absolute #1 if he could bring Adam Sandler and would be willing to play at my wedding since he currently holds the place as the author of my wedding song, but for now he is a strong #2.

KSquizz says "I used to love Dave. Our love has died out, but I agree that he would be a pretty sweet bar buddy. He'd def close down the place with you."
Smurftastic says "I'm not the worlds biggest fan, but I'd def hang out w/ him. Solid pick."

Smurfastic picks Neil Patrick Harris. OK. I am a terrible person. I totally forgot him when I was making this list (sorry Tina Fey, that gets you the boot). My obsession with NPH has been well documented on this here blog. Even if he's nothing like Barney Stinson, before I even started watching How I Met Your Mother, I knew NPH's awesomeness was a force to be reckoned with, thanks to a little movie called Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I legitimately had a dream that Harold and Kumar 2 was a two-part movie, and the second part was ENTIRELY about NPH. I was sad when I woke up. I think NPH is super funny, super down-to-earth, and very self deprecating. He's PERFECT. Also, one of my life goals is to have a gay best friend... NPH is the man against whom all other gay BFFs will be measured. Since he's a last minute addition, comments are to the realization that I skipped him...



KSquizz says "I was super surprised not to see him on your list. He almost made mine."
CaliCoop says "i was amazed you did not, although I didn't think of it until reading KSquizz's"

NUMBER 1

KSquizz picks Jack Nicholson - Jack may be the coolest man on Earth. He has been famous forever. He has all this attitude and confidence without trying coming off as an asshole. He is unapologetic about everything in his life, and you have to laugh it off and say that is just Jack.
I especially love him because he is a Jersey boy. One of my favorite stories about him is that he went to his high school reunion in Long Branch. Because why not? I love that he is a rabid sports fan, and a Yankees guy. He is also unbelievably interesting. He found out when he was like an adult man that his much older sister was actually his mom. He has been linked to a million famous women in Hollywood. He is one of the best and most decorated actors of all time. And he is
the only person in the world who doesn’t look like a total tool when he wears sunglasses inside.

Smurftastic says "He'd be awesome to hang with, but I get the vibe that he's kind of a dick. That's not necessarily a problem for me (see also, Bode Miller)"
CaliCoop says "My Gentleman Caller suggested Jack for my list as well and I didn't include him, although after reading all this I'm glad someone did and it certainly fits you best with him being from Jersey and all. Had no idea about his sister/mom thing, although I find that kinda awesome. I'm afraid I'd run out of intelligent things to say to him too quickly but definitely agree he's the coolest."

CaliCoop picks Lou Piniella – last but certainly not least my best buddy “Sweet Lou.” I find Lou’s tantrums hilarious and awesome. He has changed my expectations of baseball managers for all time, and has led me to be completely bored and underwhelmed by managers who just sit quietly
in the dugout. Manager of my favorite baseball team, the Seattle Mariners, from 1993 to 2002 he filled my heart with happiness for 10 great seasons including the highlight of the Mariners history the record tying 116 win season in 2001. Currently #4 on the list of most ejected managers of all-time, his hat throwing, dirt-kicking hysterics are the best thing ever. My ideal day with “Sweet Lou” would include a few lessons in throwing temper-tantrums, competitive base throwing, random cursing and an overall growth of my baseball knowledge (yippee!!).

KSquizz says " I love it! I pray for the day when Sweet Lou comes home to manage the Yankees. (I love Girardi, but it's Lou!) I would love to hear all his stories and get him going on some drunken tirade. Great Pick!"
Smurftastic says "Again, baseball. Whatever. Though if he's a belligerent old sporting man, I'm clearly down."

Smurftastic picks George Clooney – I judge anyone who doesn’t want to hang out with Clooney, to be honest. This dude is smart, funny, loyal, and a true guy’s guy. Plus I’ve heard he’s a total prankster, and I would have buckets of fun trying to pull crap on his friends. In my head, any night with Clooney would end up with me behaving similarly to Danny DeVito on The View after too many lemoncellos, and I’m excited about the possibilities. My true “getting famous” dream is that I will be hired as a consultant on a Clooney movie about people in my line of work, and then they’ll realize that I’m the perfect choice to play me. I’ll be the rogue Academy Award nominee but then not really want to become an actress, I’ll go back to my work, and only take parts if they are awesome. Side benefit of that, Clooney and I become super close friends and start hanging out at sports bars. Everyone things we’re dating, but we really and truly are not… I’m just the newest addition to his group of friends… just one of the boys (clearly I've spent too much time thinking about this... but that's how much I want to hang out with Clooney).

CaliCoop says "slightly concerned I wouldn't live up to his standards and he'd throw me to the wayside but otherwise extremely solid pick. Also, gives you the possibility of extremely awesome hangout locations not usually available to those of our class."
KSquizz says "I obviously am wildly pro Clooney. See my #5 for reasons."

Thanks for stickin' with us through such a long post. Have a great Thanksgiving... your picks in the comments...