2Gether
Check out their video!Strength of schedule -
5: Came onto the scene with an MTV show mocking the big boybands of the late ‘90s, early ‘00s, so dealt w/ BSB, NSYNC, and all their followers
Overcoming adversity –
4 QT did suffer (and passed away from) a chronic disease, Chris Farley’s brother also had to overcome the fame and death of… Chris Farley
Album sales - 2 – 2 albums released before QT’s death. Single “The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)” reached 87 on the Billboard Hot 100
Tour/Merchandise 1 – opened for Britney Spears in 2000. No headlining
Artistic Performance 2– Not a whole lot of originality here, as they were a parody band; the intentional comedy was a welcome difference than the unintentional comedy of most Boy Bands
Alumni success 3 – Evan Farmer (Jerry) is now the host of “While You Were Out” on TLC; the other 3 living alumni do bit parts on crappy TV shows
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 3 – Smurftastic is a big fan, owns the first album; TV show/movie was good times was pretty funny
Miscellaneous 2 – humor of the songs are good times “Rub One Out” with the accompanying sound effects is worth a download
Post-success nostalgia 1 – this may just be Smurftastic and her friends from HS, but the first album is always good times to bust out at reunion parties
Total Score: 26
5ive
Strength of schedule 5 – Same as 2Gether; Hung out w/ NSYNC, BSB and the like
Overcoming adversity 0 – no well known adversity, other than being British,
Album sales 3 – according to Wikipedia, 20 million albums sold, but it was probably in Europe, not as cool. Sorry
Tour/Merchandise 1 – apparently 2 headlining Tours around UK and Europe AND got dropped from NSYNC’s Boys of Summer Tour because they wanted to lipsync. BOOO. Whatever, they were replaced w/the Sugar Hill Gang, and it was AWESOME
Artistic Performance 1 – Some of them had some CRAZY spiked hair, and if Smurftastic remembers accurately, one had it dyed like a soccer ball. EEW.
Alumni success 1 – 4 of the 5 band members reunited in 2006, so clearly, not much success
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 3 – Smurftastic, again, big fan… but only big enough to buy their first album from CDNOW.com for 67 cents. Oh and once watched the Disney Channel Special.
Miscellaneous 4 – “Slam Dunk Da Funk” deserves special praise. Became the theme song for the NBA in 1998, as well as featured on the Disney Channel Original Movie
Smart House; In addition, Smurftastic has sneaking suspicion it was the inspiration for “That’s How I Beat Shaq” by Aaron Carter, however negative points for this little Wikipedia tidbit: “They then began filming the video for the debut single of the album, "Let's Dance" with only four of the five members after band member Sean fell ill with
glandular fever and was replaced with a life-size cardboard cut-out.” AWESOME
-1Post-success nostalgia 3 – Not gonna lie, that CD can be busted out around kids my age, and is GREAT running music.
Total Score: 20
98 Degrees
Strength of schedule 5 – the 3rd most popular band in the land of NSYNC and BSB
Quick question… what the F is with all the bands w/ numbers in them that came out at the same time????
Overcoming adversity 2 – only 4 members instead of 5, less attractive than most boy bands (sorry Nick Lachey); also didn’t share the solos like they should have
Album sales 3 – sold 10 million albums by 2002, released 12 singles
Tour/Merchandise 2 – While Smurftastic never saw them in concert, they did come to the Illinois State Fair in Springfield once. That REALLY is the big time. Don’t sleep on 98 Degrees.
Artistic Performance 1 – sucky dancers, less flashy outfits, less entertaining
Alumni success 3 – Nick Lachey released 2 mediocre solo albums (negative points for the name of the first one, SoulO
douchebag) and married/railed Jessica Simpson; put up w/ her for like 3 years, was the subject of a
HILARIOUS SNL sketch, and now has moved in w/ Vanessa from MTV. His little bro was on Dancing with the Stars. Think he won, but not sure.
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 3Miscellaneous 3 – sang a song w/ Stevie Wonder on the
Mulan Soundtrack, but it wasn’t as good as Donny Osmond saying he’ll make a man out of us (see the Osmonds critique in a few); also had Screech and the Doritos chick star in a video
Post-success nostalgia 1 – hard to have post success nostalgia when the only semi-cute/talented member is still shoved in our face. Don’t really miss the other guys too much.
Total Score: 23
All 4 One
Strength of schedule 1 – Boys II Men, that’s about it… mid nineties was a dry time in Boy Band land
Overcoming adversity 2 -compared to Boys II Men a lot; apparently still together. Last album was an Asia only release. OUCH.; also, only 4 members
Album sales 3 – apparently the first two albums went high on Billboard charts. Whatever
Tour/Merchandise 0 – no idea. Don’t care
Artistic Performance 1 – nothing really worthwhile, just swaying back and forth in large mid nineties Button Down shirts.
Alumni success 0 – still together. OUCH again
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 0 – Smurftastic found that song “I Swear” (and the girls who were obsessed w/ it) pretty freaking annoying, and she has a pretty strong tolerance for HORRIBLE music
Miscellaneous 1 – Song still played at weddings (ew); Actually was a cover from an equally obnoxious country song
Post-success nostalgia 0 – I really don’t have anything here… not a huge fan, don’t really ever need to hear “I Swear” or “I Can Love you Like That” ever again
Total Score: 8
B2K
Strength of schedule 3 – came on right at the end of the NSYNC BSB era, had a pretty strong hold on the R&B crew
Overcoming adversity 1 – one of the guys is cousins with Roger from Sister Sister. Nuff said.
Album sales 2 – One platinum, one gold, and an album entitled “Santa Hooked Me Up” Kill yourselves. Now.
Tour/Merchandise 2 – headlined a tour w/ Roger and Nick Cannon, among others
Artistic Performance 1 - good dancing intensity, matching hugely baggy outfits
Alumni success 1 – Omarion might still be a big deal, don’t really know, also were in the movie “You Got Served”
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 1 – harsh, but Smurftastic never got on board, though DJ Victorious is apparently a HUGE fan of You Got Served
Miscellaneous 2 – Bump Bump Bump was an alright song for Pom Teams to sluttily dance to, however, negative points because Wikipedia says their website is: b2klovesyou.com. Again… kill yourselves; positive points for being associated w/ KFed before he hooked up w/ Britney (You Got Served)
Post-success nostalgia 0.5 – only cause the one dude reminds me of Sister Sister and that was a decent show.
Total Points: 13.5
Boyz II Men 
Strength of schedule 2 – they were BY FAR the strongest of their time… I mean, All 4 One was their competition. Boo.
Overcoming adversity 2 – management issues (whatever); and snuck backstage at a Bel Biv DeVoe concert in Philly after they first formed (ew); originally started w/ 5 members, now down to 3.
Album sales 5 – according to Wikipedia, the best selling R&B group of all time, sold over 90 million albums and 50 million singles. SNAP!
Tour/Merchandise 4 – Opened for Hammer’s 2 Legit to Quit Tour (BONUS), otherwise probably really successful
Artistic Performance 3 – sappy songs always get the girls’ hearts, but Smurftastic needs to see more in a video than flowy early 90s shirts and newsboy caps
Alumni success 2 – still together, last album released exclusively online on Valentine’s day.
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 4 – can’t get enough of the II album (which I used to own on cassette tape!), and (although I judge myself) liked the Mariah Carey duet.
Miscellaneous 4 – “Motown Philly” featured on Full House as Stephanie Tanner’s dance recital music, when she wore a cap w/ mirrors and sequins an did the running man. Fantastic, but negative points for “I’ll Make Love to You.” Smurftastic does not enjoy the phrase 'making love;. It’s not a damn soap opera in the 1800s! Just call it 'boning' already.
Post-success nostalgia 4 – ever since I typed “Motown Philly” I’ve been singing that song in my head, and am now downloading it. Dammit Boyz II Men and your hold on me!!
Total Score: 30
The Jackson Five
Strength of schedule 4 – 1968-1975 (actually 1990 according to Wikipedia, but that doesn’t count); great time for all music, Motown was at its strength, also similar in time to the Osmonds and other big family bands
Overcoming adversity 5 – Father was CRAZY (if you didn’t’ see the VH1 movie… that shit was OUT OF CONTROL); from Gary Indiana; once met a group of guys dressed like Pimps on the PATH train who said they were going to be on Joe Jackson's reality show... good lord I hope that never happens; oh and a little thing called MICHAEL JACKSON WAS IN THE BAND… that’s some adversity if I ever saw any
Album sales 5 – 10 albums before 1975, 6 after that, countless singles and greatest hits albums; 4 #1 singles
Tour/Merchandise 4 – Rolling Stone described their 1981 tour as one of the best 25 tours between 1967 and 1987. Intersting; Had their own magazine and tons of merchandise aimed at kids.
Artistic Performance 4 – sparkly costumes, afros, and group bouncing and spinning. Don’t’ forget the bellbottoms
Alumni success 4 – Would be a 5 for Michael Jackson, but Michael also cost them half a point for being weird, also don’t forget Tito and Jermaine. Ew.
the USA Today/Coaches Poll 5 – Smurftastic HEARTS the Jackson 5
Miscellaneous 3 – had a Saturday morning cartoon… YES; also allowed Janet Jackson to sing with them sometimes before she turned uberslutty
Post-success nostalgia 4 – Jackson 5 songs add a sense of nostalgia to any good movie, just look at Now and Then… I love that movie. Also, on one tour, NSYNC did a music decades thing, and the Jackson 5 was the 70s representatives. Good times.
Total Score: 38
