Tonight was ABC’s attempt to create anticipation for the climax of our favorite Bachelor’s quest for love….the seasonal “Women Tell All” episode. This is when the claws come out, the ladies get to hear all of the shit talked about them behind their backs, and the public gets to express their sympathy for the girls who didn’t get roses – either because they really deserved a rose, or more likely, because they appear so desperate and pathetic we all feel sorry for them and feel better about ourselves because at least last time we were dumped it wasn’t on national television, while wearing an unflattering prom dress and sobbing in a limo with make-up running down our cheeks.
Bring on the bitchiness!
blnd44illini (10:20:37 PM): who is more desperate... the contestants, or the women who are the audience at these shows?
Discuss.
Curtain rises:
The Bachelor stylists try to set the mood as the studio is filled with the standard “bachelor pad” furnishing: candles and roses
DJvictoriousT (10:24:54 PM): i should buy stock in whatever company supplies the votive candle holders and tea lights for this show
Jeflow1 (10:25:24 PM): Those used in the over-night dates would make you a wealthy woman.
blnd44illini (10:26:43 PM): or responsible for starting the
blnd44illini (10:26:45 PM): (too soon?0
The rejected ladies Brad didn’t find rose-worthy are re-introduced to the viewing audience. Key characteristics of each lovely lady jog our memory as to why they 1) were on the show in the first place, or 2) were kicked off
DJvictoriousT (10:10:42 PM): i don't remember any of these chicks
blnd44illini (10:10:53 PM): solisa is the whorish one
blnd44illini (10:11:22 PM): Jade's bangs are awful
Jeflow1 (10:14:35 PM): Is that the girl from the Wonder Years?
Jeflow1 (10:14:42 PM): Pink dress, back row.
Hillary, arguably the most memorable contestant, given her theatrical hyperventilating exit in a 3-sizes-too-small dress, is featured in a montage of sorts, which highlights her expert use of sound-bites. I’ve got to give it to Hillary – she knows how to get camera time. Kudos.
blnd44illini (10:11:37 PM): HOTTER THAN DAVID BECKHAM?
blnd44illini (10:11:43 PM): blasphemy hillary. blasphemy
blnd44illini (10:13:00 PM): waiiiiiiiit... did she just say she smelled like a fish taco???
DJvictoriousT (10:13:08 PM): yes
blnd44illini (10:13:12 PM): woooooooow
DJvictoriousT (10:13:14 PM): hillary needs her own show
blnd44illini (10:13:24 PM): i bet she's the bachelorette
blnd44illini (10:13:43 PM): she might be too emotional
blnd44illini (10:13:53 PM): i think chris just laughed in her face... way to go
Jeflow1 (10:20:54 PM): Jeff said Hillary should run for President
DJvictoriousT (10:21:00 PM): agreed
blnd44illini (10:21:00 PM): haha
blnd44illini (10:21:20 PM): hillary
Chris “I’ll make your ass look like a fool on national television if you don’t give me some *wink* *wink* in the post-rose-ceremony limo”
Jeflow1 (10:16:14 PM): Get your kleenex...here comes the cryer
DJvictoriousT (10:21:41 PM): oh - i remember that painful episode - when hillary wasn't getting the "friends" speech
Jeflow1 (10:22:13 PM): Can her dress be any tighter?
blnd44illini (10:23:04 PM): Chris harrison wishes she was wearing the tight dress again. he loves the boobies
Jeflow1 (10:24:01 PM): Nice, Chris!
DJvictoriousT (10:52:39 PM): wow - chris is holding nothing back with hillary
blnd44illini (10:52:50 PM): i think hillary rejected him in the limo
blnd44illini (10:24:05 PM):
Chris tries to instigate some hair pulling and nail scratching by showing clips of all of girls saying nasty things about each other. McCarten, resident bitch, assumes the responsibility of stating one of my favorite requisite reality TV rules: it’s okay to say not nice things about people, as long as you say it to their face. Riiiiiighttttt. We here at “Some People Knit” obviously have a hard time with this concept.
Jeflow1 (10:14:09 PM): cat fight
Jeflow1 (10:14:51 PM): McCarten is an ass.
blnd44illini (10:15:29 PM): dear McCarten... this does not concern you. SHut the f up
DJvictoriousT (10:15:31 PM): Where did McCarten grow up? All girls talk shit behind each others' backs
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Chris goes for some one-on-one time with Bettina – the last to leave. There really aren’t any good things to say about Bettina. I mean, Hillary might be certifiably insane, but at least she has a personality.
Jeflow1 (10:28:45 PM): Don't like her.
DJvictoriousT (10:28:48 PM): i think bettina might be heavily medicated
DJvictoriousT (10:28:52 PM): prozac?
blnd44illini (10:29:00 PM): i think stronger than prozac
blnd44illini (10:29:06 PM): vicoden?
blnd44illini (10:29:13 PM): horse tranquilizer?
Jeflow1 (10:29:22 PM): combination skin
DJvictoriousT (10:29:57 PM): i can see bettina going total fatal attraction
Jeflow1 (10:30:00 PM): Stephen King Dad
DJvictoriousT (10:30:09 PM): aghhhh!!!!
Jeflow1 (10:30:10 PM): Freak!
DJvictoriousT (10:30:22 PM): wait...was her first husband actually her dad?
DJvictoriousT (10:30:26 PM): this would explain alot
blnd44illini (10:30:37 PM): maybe her first husband is buried under the floorboards
Jeflow1 (10:30:37 PM): Dad lost it for her.
Jeflow1 (10:31:01 PM): Bad complexion.
DJvictoriousT (10:31:13 PM): times like this i wish i had HDTV
DJvictoriousT (10:31:27 PM): for full skin-judgment potential
Jeflow1 (10:31:30 PM): HD is not good to her.
Jeflow1 (10:31:39 PM): Its real bad.
Chris brings Sheena to the stage. Her fashionable attire includes some sort of complicated belt. The exchange is pretty tame, probably because Sheena seems somewhat normal (even though her mother might technically live on another planet).
blnd44illini (10:39:22 PM): i wish sheena's mom were a guest
Jeflow1 (10:39:31 PM): nice bat utility belt
DJvictoriousT (10:40:25 PM): she needs the bat utility belt in case she has to walk down another set of stairs -2 falls on national television would be social suicide
ABC has obviously done their research and understands their target audience because they once again try to pull the ol’ twin-switcheroo on us. We won’t be fooled this time! After a short session with
Jeflow1 (10:35:02 PM): Brad and his twin brother to come!
blnd44illini (10:42:43 PM): yessssss twin test again
DJvictoriousT (10:42:44 PM): not again!
Jeflow1 (10:44:20 PM): dolt
Jeflow1 (10:44:37 PM): double dolt
DJvictoriousT (10:51:12 PM): i think brad stole that velvet jacket out of brett's closet
blnd44illini (10:52:38 PM): HAHA brett doesn't need it cause he's watching the niners today
Bettina confronts Brad. Awkwardness follows. Seems to confirm why Brad really gave her the rose over Sheena.
blnd44illini (10:53:36 PM): you got the rose cause i know you'd be kinkier in cabo than sheena
Jeflow1 (10:54:12 PM): bettina sheets
What we learned:
#1. Jeflow1 (10:56:28 PM): kind of a lame show
#2. DJvictoriousT (10:57:02 PM): i think we should nominate someone to be the next bachelor
#3. blnd44illini (11:01:56 PM): jenni and deanna had the best dresses on day 1
blnd44illini (11:02:01 PM): we should have known they'd stay
DJvictoriousT (11:02:17 PM): you're right - this is a life lesson for all women
Next week we find out who Brad picks – can you handle the excitement?! Our pre-game thoughts:
blnd44illini (11:03:13 PM): ok final pics for the winner?
DJvictoriousT (11:03:18 PM): jenni
Jeflow1 (11:03:30 PM): Deanna from day 1
blnd44illini (11:04:01 PM): i think it'll be deanna - jenni is WAY too happy to keep around all the time
blnd44illini (11:04:34 PM): but that chemistry w/ jenni is OOC
Who will Brad choose? Stay tuned…….
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