Belated and Brief fall TV preview

Just wanted to tell you the two new shows this season you should be watching.

1) Glee.

Absent my love for Studio 60, I think this is one of the best new TV premieres of the last 5 years. It has singing and romance for the ladies among us, and somewhat rude, biting humor for the men (and women, let's be honest). Plus the plotlines are ridiculous in the most hilarious ways. It's a feel good show but also makes you laugh out loud. Plus it (along with the musical Rock of Ages) has reawakened a Journey obsession within me. Plus Jane Lynch's character is amazing. If you missed the "Yes we Cane" episode... I pity you. The trailer below doesn't do it justice. If you don't watch Glee, I judge you.



2) Community.

Joel McHale is cute but still hilarious and attainable. Chevy Chase is brilliant and methinks officially back. The guy with Asperger syndrome is amazing. Plus last week, someone fell down ala America's Funniest Home Videos. I. Love. It. The humor is more obvious than the Office, but no less intelligent. Watch it.

Why Smurftastic hates America...

So every now and then, something completely ridiculous will happen, prompting me to declare... "I hate everyone." Sometimes, "everyone" includes merely America. Here are some of those things that have made me declare it.

Reasons why I hate America…

1) Paul Blart: Mall Cop, was the #1 movie in America for two weeks in a row.
2) Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the #1 movie in America for more than one week.

People can be heard to complain that “Hollywood assumes the average American is stupid”… you know why? BECAUSE YOU SEE CRAP LIKE THIS IN THE THEATERS. It’s Oscar season… and while I know that many may not want to see every single Oscar nominated pic… (I for example could not give a crap about Slumdog Millionaire… FYI there will likely be a pre-Oscar blog coming shortly)… but the fact is… there is smart work out there. Smart work that is not about a mall cop, or talking dogs. Or dogs in a hotel for that matter. If you keep buying it, the studios will keep making it. It’s that simple.

3) The litigiousness

You spill hot coffee on yourself, and get a million dollars? Really? I say you get what you deserve. Natural selection is a powerful thing. We should not be rewarding morons.

4) The cancellation of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Easily one of the most intelligent TV shows to ever be on TV. Everyone who I’ve shown it to really liked it. No one watched it when it was on. You know why? “It’s too smart.” Smart TV shows get no ratings (Eg Mad Men) and crap like Two and a Half Men & According to Jim gets the highest ratings. Way to go America, I hate you.

5) Dogs can’t go everywhere.

My friend SadieBean has an adorable dog. I was asking for suggestions for reasons why people may hate America and she suggested this. As someone who doesn’t have a dog right now, I can’t empathize, but I do agree. Dogs are awesome. When we were in Europe, people brought their dogs EVERYWHERE… including to outdoor beer gardens (please see my previous summer abroad blogs if you care that much). As long as I don’t step on their poo, and they don’t slobber on me, I say more dogs. My boss brings his dogs to work, and it’s awesome. Doesn’t hurt anyone. Bonus = if they hump someone’s leg and I can laugh at them.

6) Over babying children

Kids these days are WAY too coddled. Also they have ridiculous names (eg Bronx Mowgli). Parents get all oversensitive about what their kids are exposed to, and try to get shows taken off the air, and music off the radio, when the simple answer is… BE A PARENT. If your kid is watching Britney Spears dance around in next to nothing, either be aware enough of what they are doing to turn it off, limit their TV watching, or sit down with them and explain why Britney may be doing that, but perhaps your 12 year old daughter shouldn’t. The government of this country should not be responsible for raising your children. They have enough to do. And if you don’t raise your kids, they become a burden to society. A burden to society with a ridiculous name. Way to go, parents. Babies aren’t pets. You have to raise them. You know what doesn’t raise them? TVs. Or video games. If you want to spawn, take on the responsibility. Or get a nanny. Otherwise don’t procreate.

7) Lack of self responsibility

Are you fat? Don’t worry, in America it’s not your fault. It’s the restaurants. Or the bad genes. Or the length of the work week so you don’t have time to work out. Because in America,, you can eat complete and utter garbage, and lots of it, and only move your body to pick up your remote, and when you weigh 600 lbs, we have to feel bad for you. Don’t get me wrong… if you have an actual problem, I feel bad for you. If you are lazy, you get no pity. Get off your ass, or quit eating so GD much.


OK. So I realize that this turned into a super bitchy post. I usually don’t like to complain that much… it irritates me about people, and so I feel like a hypocrite. In response to that, I’d like to include a brief list of reasons why I love America.

1) State fairs

Fat people in inappropriately tight clothes? CHECK. White Trash bingo? CHECK (if you go with me). Lots and lots of mullets? CHECK. Rides? CHECK. Butter cow? In Illinois… CHECK. Delicious fried food? CHECK. Beer tents with 80s cover bands? CHECK. I needn’t say any more.

2) Teenagers doing stupid crap on video

I mentioned in the reasons I hate America a few things about natural selection. You know when natural selection is awesome? When some 15 year old asshole thinks it’s an awesome idea to jump off a roof on his skateboard. Or jump from a roof into a basketball hoop. Or from a roof to a trampoline. Pretty much when someone videotapes themselves or another person doing something completely idiotic and completely dangerous and then posts it on the internet, I love America. Great example of this idea (pre youtube) = AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. Because people getting hurt is hilarious. Even more hilarious is people getting what they deserve. Freedom of action and freedom to post your stupid actions on the internet so that I might mock you is one of the main reasons I’m glad I live in America.

3) American football

Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer. DJ Vic hearts rugby. Aussie rules football is badass. But there’s just something about when the weather turns chilly on Saturday and Sundays in the fall. You are going to drink outside during the day and watch big dudes hit each other. LOVE IT. Also prop bets during the Super Bowl are amazing (mainly because I win them a lot).

4) Yankee Doodle Dandy

That’s pretty much a funny name. Thanks for the suggestion, SadieBean.

Do you have things about this country that frustrate you? Things you think are awesome? Bring them on in the comments.

Smurftastic's EuroTrip: It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

1:36 pm: Somewhere over the Atlantic, near Halifax, Nova Scotia

Finally on the way home from the long ordeal-slash-extensive awesomeness that was my trip to Europe for summer 2007. Yes, thought I’d stick with the Boyz II Men theme.

Basic point:

1) Rome is AWESOME. I can’t wait to go back.
2) Penis boxer/biker shorts may seem inappropriate at first, but are both rather comfortable and hilarious. Especially when your mom buys them for you. EEEEWWW.

So now to the real bulk of this entry (cause I’ve been going a bit overboard, I know)… but I just re-watched 3 episodes of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and the finale for the first time. Wow. I have officially just made a personal vow to myself that I will watch any Aaron Sorkin produced show for at least one season. In addition, Bradley Whitford is a fantastic actor, and I’ll pretty much see anything with him in it as well. It took me a while to get over the hump of him being the weasel guy in Billy Madison… but this show basically did it for me. Also, if the season comes out on DVD (which I’m sure it will)… here is my official request for someone to get it for me for Christmas. I LOVE THIS SHOW… also loved the casual “Friends” interjection at the end, Matthew Perry/Chandler Bing… I LOVE YOU!

The final 4 episodes seemed to my untrained (but entertainment business addicted) eyes to be filled with many possible Emmy nods. For example:

Best Actor:
Bradley Whitford
Matthew Perry (? – as a loyal Chandler Bing fan, I do have to say he was amazing, but *ouch*, not quite as gripping as Whitford)

Best Supporting Actor:
Steven Weber
Timothy Busfield
D.L. Hughley (can’t believe I just typed that… remember the Hughleys??? Neither does anyone else.)
Nathan Corddry

Best Writing

Best Producer

Best Dramatic Series

Best New Series

OK, in short (well, not so short) this was a great show and it’s too bad it won’t be on anymore. Seriously, I know I’ve been raving about a show that not very many people watched, and that is no longer going to be on in new episodes, but seriously, I highly recommend anyone who likes smart television that isn’t too heavy but also not slapstick or cheesy to check it out. That should be everyone, cause this show was the shit. That is all. I am 1 hour and 40 minutes from Newark, and can’t wait to get home to normalcy.

This normalcy will involve drinking lots of tap water, skim milk, and eating blue box mac and cheese. Easy to please, I am. PEACE!

Smurftastic's EuroTrip... We've Come To the End of the Road

Dublin Airport 11:04 am

Yeah, that’s right. I busted out a Boyz II Men song title. Don’t hate the player… hate the game (and check back to the BBCS and relive some memories). Anyway, really have come to the end of the road. I’m chillaxin’ in the beautiful Dublin airport, after a great 3 weeks in Galway. I highly recommend it as a vacation spot. Perhaps not for a full 3 weeks if you aren’t taking classes, but definitely for a while. There’s a lot to see and a lot to drink. Here are some things I’ve learned about Ireland.

Irish people LOVE to tell stories and/or just listen to themselves talk. Even me… Chatty McCathy… couldn’t get a word in edgewise the past few nights. I found a great little DOMB (Dirty Old Man Bar – Pia’s in Champaign… I’m lookin’ at you here), and these old Irish men love me… basically cause I’m the youngest female in the bar by at least 20 years. But pretty much they just like to tell me about random crap such as the last time they were in the Dublin airport and had to dump out their water bottle. Good times.

Irish accents are a lot harder to understand than I thought they would be. I felt very rude making people say stuff two or three times, but whatever. They mock me for my Chicago A’s, so they can say stuff more than once for me.

The American Dollar is awesome – stuff at home is going to be so cheap. If I had any money left in my life at all… I would look forward to shopping/eating/drinking in Manhattan.

I always get shafted when it comes to nicknames. I never end up with random awesome nicknames. This trip gave us such golden names for others as “Lilly” (for a boy), “Boo!yah”, “Stinky/Little Britches”, and “El Heffe.” What do I get? Gail. Seriously. Or BigGail. Even better. Makes me really appreciate some of the more original names I got in college (ahem…Smurf…ahem). Come on law school-ers… lets get creative.

Sheep in Ireland are speedy. Also, they do NOT appear to like being chased. Yeah they are everywhere, in the streets, running free, whatever. If you are going to make yourself available, I WILL chase you and try to take a picture giving you a hug. Don’t baaaaa at me. If you just waited for 10 seconds while I took a picture, maybe I wouldn’t need to chase you. Quit being so insensitive. And now I don’t have a sheep picture with me in it. Just of you running away.. A-holes.

Even in the rain, Ireland is still fabulous – some of our tours were completely water-logged, and while a lot of people on the trip hated it… whatever… its still Ireland and that’s better than pretty much anything the US has to offer. However, if you go to Galway ever, I would not recommend doing both the Aran Islands AND the Burren unless you have loads of time. One or the other is probably OK. Rocks and rock walls and rock forts by cliffs are basically the same anywhere.

Irish guys are hot – but I knew that already. Sometimes things just need to be reiterated.

Severe Mayo obsession alert – seriously. It’s on EVERYTHING. I mean I know I don’t like mayo anyway… but seriously… don’t you get sick of the stuff? Just like cream or butter is on everything. Are there no lactose intolerant people in Europe? Maybe there were, but they all were killed by milk and cheese… or run down by sheep trying to escape tourists (my bad).

Everyone in Ireland hates Dublin, except people from Dublin… it’s a lot like the way a lot of Americans feel about NYC or LA, or the way quite a few Canadians feel about Toronto… but it appears to be justified.

There is a lack of karaoke and cigars in Galway – all I wanted was a nice Cuban and to sing Johnny Cash… is that too much to ask?

White horse rumors are silly – our bus driver on the way into Galway told us that if you see 7 white horses while you are in Galway, you will end up marrying someone from Galway. Well … including the 2 white horses that lived on the grounds where our dorms were (do you think they were trying to tell me something?)… I saw 15 white horses without looking too hard… and I didn’t meet any guys from Galway, but met a Canadian. Hmmmm…

Anyway, it’s been real, all…but I need to head home to DJ Victorious. She misses our reality show blogs. And who wouldn’t. Here’s a creeptastic taste of the UK though… they have a real time live Big Brother. It’s seriously on EVERY TIME I turn on the TV. I think it has its own channel. Seriously? Do I need to watch them sleep? Apparently. Oh also, they still have Maury. Only here I watched it with breakfast, and it made me happy and was a great start to the day.

I’m heading to Rome for 3 days with the family (come on Grandma slipping me cash…) then back to the Jers for a super hott American summer. Keep those fingers crossed for good movies on the plane so you don’t have to read another super interesting rant about it.

Random thoughts about the goings on in the world.

Looking like its going to be another Federer-Nadal Wimbledon final. BORING. I mean I love Federer, but let’s have some new people. *cough* Andy “The Choker” Roddick *cough*. Also, there is only so much male Capri pant a girl can take, and spending a month in Europe already is not boding well for Nadal.
Also… Venus Williams’ tennis outfits are inappropriate. I have boy cut underwear that covers more of my ass than her shorts. This ain’t the US Open. Keep it classy. Also… I love Johnny Mac. Yes… I knew that already… but his Wimbledon BBC commentary is amazing. Also, I miss Andre Agassi.

Studio 60 is officially cancelled. I already bought the final episode on iTunes, but I’m saving it for a very special occasion where I can bitch /weep openly. I need a Chandler Bing fix… so let’s get him a new show ASAP. Maybe I should just hire him to live in my apartment and be funny. I bet he’d do it for free blue box mac & cheese and 15 bucks a month, right? Who wouldn’t.

Smurftastic's Eurotrip... Made it to Ireland and some social commentary

What up all!

Sorry its been so long since my last update. Nothing super exciting and/or hilarious has really happened since I've gotten to Galway. So I have dubbed this entry my "snobby American bitchy entry." I hate when people on vacation bitch about how things aren't like at home. No shit, you're on vacation. WTF did you expect? Anyway, there is a lot of bitch worthy things here, so I'm allowing myself to embrace them.

1) The place we are staying is pretty terrible. What was promised as free internet access is in fact 10 Euro a week. And crappy internet access at that. Similarly, the rooms are super moldy like 40 year old dorm rooms, and people (yours truly) are starting to get sick. For almost 50 Euro a night... clean the ventilation. In addition... Galway currently is under a boil water requirement for some bacteria or something, so I'm paying extra bank for bottled water and boiling like its my job. Whatevs... not a huge deal, cept we can't make ice in the apt or do dishes w/ out boiling first... BOO erns. Probably more bitching about this place could happen, but I ended up w/ a giant room, so whatever.

2) I hate the exchange rate. In Leuven, it was bad, but we were paying like 1 Euro 80 cents for a beer... fine. Here, we pay around 4 Euro. That shit is pricey!!!! Plus food costs a ton... so I have to cook for myself... BOO.

3) Galway bars close early except on Friday or Saturday. That's actually probably a good idea, so I shouldn't bitch about that.

4) The weather is terrible. Today was the first day in a week and a half it didn't rain. The high was a very warm 52 Fahrenheit. Get excited. I've had to buy even more random Ireland clothes than I intended just to keep warm.

5) Air Lingus sucks ass. I don't even want to go into the horrors of our 6 am Brussels airport experience. Just steer clear.

6) You can't call them Irish Carbombs. I generally frown on being socially appropriate, and don't know the other name for them, so this is an issue.

7) I have outside of class homework here. Although yesterday, my professor actually talked for a few minutes on the economics of the "bling market"...

*) In order to move on from my bitchy Americanness... here is what is awesome about here...
accents, Guinness, cute boys, beautiful views, the fact that it is not America, the fact that its not hot as balls, Fish and Chips, the fact that there is a show called "Badly Dubbed Porn", and its exactly what you think it would be and its amazingly hilarious, etc....

I am actually having a great time, and behaving myself WAY more than I would have expected... I think it's cause I'm with some great people who I can have fun with sober or not. However, being the only single chick in a city w/ really hot guys is awkward for three reasons... First, some people want to live vicariously through you, Second, lack of real wingmen, and Third, people watch you like a hawk at all times. Boo.

Anyway, that was boring... here are some of my thoughts on pop culture events of the past week or so.

1) Paris is out of jail. What the fuck ever.

2) Tank Johnson got dropped from the Bears for being an embarrassment. I see the rationale behind this, however I don't want him to bust a cap in Urlacher or Sexy Rexy's ass. We should be trying to be friends w/ the guy w/ all the weapons, not firing him. Also, I need a new thug to mock this football season. COME ON CHICAGO!

3) Theirry Henry has been transferred from Arsenal to Barcelona. Not that I blame him, but there are two reasons I am sad. First, I love Arsenal, they are the shit, and won't be as good w/out him. Second, I was just in Barcelona, and may have purchased some sort of Barca memorabilia if I had known that one of my favorite players was headed there. I don't know how I'll be able to watch Arsenal w/out Henry. It'll be like watching Man U without Beckham for the first time, except Arsenal is not one of the two anti-Christs of British soccer and I actually watch them and care about how they do.

4) Rumors (and pretty substantial ones) are saying that Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is officially cancelled, and the last episode will air this Thursday. This is garbage. I hardly ever let myself watch new TV shows, and I absolutely fell in love with this one. To the point where when I'm abroad I bought the last 4 episodes on ITunes just to be able to see them. I hate the ratings and how stupid America is when a show is too smart to make it on the air. GOD FORBID. Anyway, ya'll should check out the DVDs of it when they inevitably come out, and/or reruns... I like that show for the same reasons poly sci majors hearted the West Wing... entertainment, smart, funny... It will be sorely missed.

5) Movies I cannot wait to see - LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD... we are probably going to go on the 4th of July in Ireland, whilst wearing shirts and singing "America, Fuck Yeah!"... Also... Harry Potter mania is setting in, but I'm trying to resist till I get home... GOOD LUCK.

More updates later, hopefully with some funny stories.... LATAZ.