Alright readers, its time for a new ongoing column. This one requires less research than the BBCS, so that's awesome. Big ups to Smurftastic's sister for suggesting this one. So for a while, DJVictorious and I will be reviewing DOMBs around the world. What is a DOMB you may ask? Why it's a Dirty Old Man Bar, of course.
What makes a good dirty old man bar varies from location to location. Sometimes it's good beer, sometimes it's cheap beer, sometimes it's a hot bartender, sometimes it's the creepiest men ever... who usually provide for good stories... well basically it could be anything. To kick things off, I proudly present the best DOMB that Champaign, Illinois (home of the greatest university in the world... who now has a better football record than MICHIGAN! hahahahahaha amazing) has to offer.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you PIA'S SPORTS BAR & GRILL.
1609 W Springfield Ave, Champaign, Illinois
Pia's came into my life in a very unique way. That is to say, my sister worked there. For a ridiculously long time. Including time after she recieved a college degree. CLASSY. Anyway, I've been going to Pia's since I was a young lass. Aka pre21 (but they never let me drink before I was 21, don't worry). Even after dear sister stopped working there, Pia's kept a hold over her like nothing else can. This means that I continued to hang out there an inappropriate amount.
Things that make Pia's a good bar:
- cheap Amber Boch in frosted mugs
- Good bar food - including corn dog bites. Man they are delish
- NTN trivia
- TVs
- Naked photo hunt (and other types of electronic trivia) machine
- Shuttles to Illini games
- Occasionally has hot bartenders who are actually friendly
Things that make Pia's a DIRTY OLD MAN bar.
- Dirty old men
- Opens at 6am so the 3rd shifters from the Kraft plant can drink after work. That's right. CLASSY
- An off campus bar in a college town - few things are more dirty old man than townies
- An owner who has grabbed my boobs more times than I can count, and has also grabbed my mother's ass, and done god knows what to my sister - he's still a nice guy tho (ish) - PS he also is married with children
- Old men who stare at you inappropriately when you walk in, even if you are in sweatpants - so excited to see a young girl there, you get random free shots sent to you from the end of the bar
- The kind of bar you go to every day and see the same people in the same seats (at the same poker machines usually) - like Cheers... only less attractive
- People who offer you and your sorority sisters free shots to dance on the bar on a Wednesday at 6pm
- Video Poker machines that people play instead of talking to each other
- No HD TV's and only one big screen
- Nascar often on big screen
- Semi-toothless man named Chicken
- Door handle is a baseball bat
- General dirtiness... in the dive bar sense
I could go on and on here, but Pia's is something you must experience for yourself. I highly recommend it, and go there nearly every time I go back to my alma mater.
So that's our first installment of DOMBs around the world. If you have any nominations for a good dirty old man bar in a city that we haven't reviewed yet, comments are welcome!
3 comments:
Yes, I'm Smurftastic's sister who was classy enough to work at Pias even after graduation! And, I'm so proud that it made it to be not only the #1 DOMB in C-U but also was first on the list of DOMBs to be reviewed! I will keep posted to see what other DOMBs I can start visiting! Cheers & Beers!
LMAO...I have been to Pia's...and my brother is probably one of those DOM (he sent me the blog address--allison sent it to him--I've probably even met allison) you are talking about--sending shots, not grabbing boobs. I'm Kenny's sister...I'm sure you've met him. I go to DOMBs all the time and LOVE them--I used to smoke...and you can always smoke in the DOMB...now I don't know why I like them--maybe it is the men with no teeth...they are always there. And the college graduates working behind the bar are always there too so don't give Allison too hard of a time. They always have cold beer and at least in Oklahoma they aren't $4-5. When you drink a lot, you have to save where you can...hahaha.
After reading your blog, I'm wondering why I spent all those years in grad school--I could have been blogging. It is extremely funny but my favorite is the "throwgasm." I'm not into the bachelor thing...deparate women make me wanna puke. Like the music thing, football, and the DOMB. Anyway, I know ya'll are having some kind of 'gasm over illini football this year so congratulations!
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