Bachelor Pad episode 2

Unless the show quits sucking, or I start to understand it, pretty sure this will be the last Bachelor Pad blog. I'm giving it one more try, for you all.

1. I super don't understand the rules at all. Evidently, banging = alliance. Opposite of the Real World Road Rules Challenges, in my experience.

2. Um Gia. Who, in their right mind, willingly comes into this situation with a boyfriend?

3. Melissa, maybe you should eat some of that pie. You're still worthless on this show.

4. Krisily, sans gallbladder, can't eat pie? Whatever. What a dbag w/ the "suck it up" comment.

5. Why is it necessary to wear bras only for pie-eating? Also, the confessionals w/ pie all over your face still is pretty ridiculous.

6. Tinley is awful.

7. Something tells me that this isn't the first time these girls have vommed profusely. Way to go girl barfing into her own hand. And Tinley back into pie and then eating again? Good intensity. You're still awful

8. 2 hours is about 1 hour and 30 mins too long for this show.

9. Craig using hair to soak up pie, cause NOTHING is more appetizing than hair in your food.

10. Wonder if they changed the tablecloth in between girls and guys, or if they figure enough bodily fluids are exchanged already so it's not needed.

11. Is Weatherman really a weatherman?

12. Dear Melissa: Deep down, not everyone wants to be an artist. I couldn't think of something I'd like to do less. STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH! Also nice sparkly genie pants. Beat.

13. There is not enough booze present at this body paint date.

14. How did the "cool kids" get to be friends? Bachelor reunions? Gangbangs?

15. Peyton's accent is maddening.

16. Weatherman probably shouldn't be telling the 2 girls who AREN'T getting roses his strategy, cause they can use it to eff him over, yes?

17. Gia needs to stop talking... stat. Sooooo irritating. Also if i were her bf, I'd be STEAMED.

18. "I'm a dumb smart girl." And evidently kind of a whore.

19. Wes is hammeredpants. Love

20. What up Team Hypocrite, Gia?

21. I wish Kiptyn didn't have such a terrible name, cause he's a cutie.

22. Gingham shirt and spotted tie? Really, Chris Harrison? REALLY?

23. Tinley is awful.

24. The group convo makes me feel like Chris Harrison is a middle school cheerleading coach or camp counselor dealing with children. Ridic.

25. Sort of respect Nikki for keeping her word. Unfortunately I'm so bored I'm about to pass out. Hurry up, rose ceremony. Oh just kidding. I was washing dishes and missed that she flipped. Two-face fail.

26. The intense music is a good choice, won't lie. There are a lot of dude purple shirts this evening.

27. Super glad Krysali (sp?) was saved, but sucks about Craig douche-hair. Jessie S deserved what she got. Two-faced.

This show sucks. Laying it out there. Not a fan. This will probably be the last Bachelor Pad blog. Sorry.

2010 Primetime Emmy Awards Live Blog

Will be tweeting briefly during the arrivals. So far, Claire Danes looks awesome... the gents at my place think Nina Dobrev is the HOTTEST. Loving the gray suit on NPH, and his general awesometude. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Hugh Laurie in the navy suit. He needs to win. STAT. Last season of House was the perfect one for this to be the year. Lea Michele gets a big WOW. Love the dress, like the hair. Steve Carell and his wife are the cutest. Giuliana Rancic has been bringing the awkward. She also needs to eat a sandwich.

Show is starting. Current guests include Sue-dawg, and DJ Victorious is on the way. Gent caller at work, but should be around in time for the big awards at the end of the night, after the Franzia has really kicked in for the ladies.

Glee kids at the beginning of the show. I feel good about this so far. Ewwwwwww Kate Gosselin should not be featured with the Glee kids. I'm displeased. Jon Hamm makes it all better. With Betty White my life is made. Could this be the best Emmy opening of all time? SUE SYLVESTER SAYS YES. Yeah this is definitely the best. If this song isn't available on iTunes, I"m going to be disappointed. Would have been great if Bruce actually showed. I'm still wildly pro. WILDLY.

Aaaand montages. My life needs more montages.

Comedy:

For comedy, I'd like to see NPH finally take one home. Steve Carell would be nice. NPH's category first. Sue-dawg likes Modern Family for everything. I'd like Glee to take home a few. In supporting actor, I'd really be disappointed if it's Cryer. Otherwise, good to go. I really need to start watching Modern Family. Planning to Hulu it pre season 2 premiere. Modern Family is going to CLEAN UP. Hope Glee brings at least a few home. If Sue Sylvester doesn't win, there's a high possibility that I break the television in a fit of rage. At least Colbert is announcing. Jane Lynch FTW. God I love her so freaking much it's ridic. Chandler Bing sighting. Happykinsssssssssssssssssss. His suit is great, btw. Sad that guest actor is pre-awarded, because that limits the amount of Agro Crag jokes which can be made about Mike O'Malley, but that's OK, I suppose. Outstanding lead actor. Love Baldwin and Morrison and Carrell. And it goes to Big Bang Theory. I hate America. Seriously. If it's on CBS and it's not How I Met Your Mother, I'm not interested. Ugh. Offended. Also dude is wearing wayyyyy too much makeup.

Reality:

Top Chef takes home best show, and I'm wildly pro. Sue-Dawg says she read a Gawker tell-all that said Padma is a horrific bitch, but that Gail is awesome. Not at all shocked.

Drama:

I'm back in love with Grey's Anatomy. Just saying. The last two seasons have sort of sucked, but the finale of this season totally made up for all of it. If Hugh Laurie doesn't win best actor after this season, I will be crazy upset. CRAZY upset. In the commercial we are now re-watching the opening cause DJ Victorious was a little late. Best. Opening. Ever. Hugh Laurie didn't win, again. Still hate America. Wildly pro Elton John outfit, Fallon. Good intensity with the ended dramas montage, Emmys. Not nearly as effing kickass as the Boyz II Men tribute. I can't adequately express my love of Boyz II Men and of Law and Order (thanks for helping me pass Criminal Procedure, BTW) and of pouring one out for my homies. I'll say it, Fallon is hitting a home run tonight. And I thought no one could surpass NPH. I love NPH, but Fallon is kicking ass. KEVIN BACON SIGHTING KEVIN BACON SIGHTING. Your wife's hair doesn't look cute.

Variety:

Would like to point out that I can see all the way up January Jones' skirt where she's sitting. Classy. Ricky Gervais steals the show again. "Mel Gibson has been through a lot. Not as much as the Jews." God damn it I love you Ricky Gervais. National treasure, for the Brits (thus, me vicariously). Opening ceremony director wins. Couldn't be happier unless I cared more, but the Vancouver Opening and Closing Ceremonies were phenomenal. Daily Show wins again. I'd have liked to see it be Conan or Colbert, but Daily Show is a solid choice.

Clooney:

All the humanitarian awards for Clooney. Love that Marguiles is presenting. ER love forever. I'm not super on board with the short in front long in back dresses. Laying it out there.

Dead People Montage:

Everyone knows this is my favorite part. And now I know why Jewel was invited. Bring on ALL the Golden Girls. Pouring some of my chillable red Franzia out for my Golden Girls bitches. GUMBY'S CREATOR DIED? Sadpants. Corey Haim makes the cut? REALLY? Boner shoutout. Love you Boner. So much. Gent caller once described the favorite tattoo he'd ever seen = two golden girls on one leg, two on the other. One leg, underneath ladies says "Dem." Under the others? "Bitches." I hate tats, but I'm on board.

Miniseries, etc:

These less famous people, the miniseries kids, they know good tuxes. Just saying. Claire Danes, I think, wins the best dressed award for the night.

The important awards:

Mad Men wins best Drama. Sue-dawg is displeased, as "Lost will never be nominated again." I haven't watched Lost yet, but intend to, and I've seen a few episodes of Mad Men, and they are excellent. I intend to watch them both. Whatever. TED DANSON FACIAL HAIR OFFENDS ME, just saying. Modern Family wins. It's at the top of my Netflix queue. I'm glad for them, and can't wait to watch it. I'm a Glee fanatic, but they had a rough stretch for a few episodes, and the focus on guest stars toward the later half was too much. Hopefully the Emmy loss inspires Glee to get even better. Plus Modern Family has all of the Illini references. WIN.

All in all, a girls night w/ a good casserole and all the boxed wine was a success, and I'm only offended about Hugh Laurie's lack of an Emmy... still....

Bachelor Pad, Episode 1

OK kids. Apologies in advance as this is super delayed, but, I'll be honest. Now that we are working full time, sitting down to dedicate 2 hours to a reality TV blog is probably not going to happen. Least of all for Bachelor Pad, which, sorry to say, sucked in episode 1. Smurftastic is officially not a fan. I might need to just start blogging the shows I watch every week anyway (Real Housewives, Bethenny Getting Married, Top Chef) instead of forcing myself to watch something I don't really care about... or, you know, give up. For episode 1, I only have notes on the first half from DJ Victorious, and will interject them at the appropriate point with mine. I sincerely doubt that this will be a weekly occurrence. That said, the Emmys are on this Sunday, and you know I can always be counted on to bust out an awards show rundown. Get excited. But, for now, Bachelor Pad, episode 1 commences...

Smurftastic's thoughts:

So I’m so far unfamiliar with everyone they have shown in previews, thus, think they are all whoreish. Vaguely recall Chrysalee (sp?) for her ridic name… but still, all whoreish. Melissa Rycroft is beat when her hair is straight, btw. None of these assholes know the different between right and left. Absolutely the opposite of shocked. Captain Blowout wins and other dude says “I pretty much know that there is no god.” No idea who this is, but he seems pretty hated. Maybe I will decide to love him out of life spite. Lots of terrible dye jobs and decent boob jobs.

I was drinking and having heart to hearts during the explanation of the rules of this show, so I’m a bit confused at the drunken attempt at alliances. Elizabeth needs to reevaluate her foundation choices.

SOMEONE’S ALREADY ON THE MOVE FOR TEAM DORM-BONE! Classy. Over-under on amount of herp in this house? GO. “Ew do you think that they boned?” I’m not sure who said it, but I wanna be friends w/ them.

Terrible dye job girls don’t get further date/ rose. I determine Melissa needs to get her eat on. Lifehouse cover band? FAIL.

Bathroom fight? Bathroom fight. This seems dangerous and claw-ey. Tinley is also super dumb, just saying.

Yellow swimsuit? Opposite of a flattering angle, Nikki. Gross.

This show is awful. All of these women are insane.

Gia’s extensions are terrible, but her dress is awesome. The combo of all the dudes in jeans and blazers with uber fancy cocktail dresses is awkward, but not as awkward as harrison’s tie. Random dressed up dude + random flannel + random male jean capris = enormous amount of fail. Did they not have money for stylists on this show? JESUS. Melissa Rycroft is pointless in the elimination. If you’re gonna have her around, let her contribute. Nikki has a butt-chin. Might be former dude.

DJ Victorious' thoughts:

1. 1. Love that Chris Harrison is now playing the role of Bachelor/Bachelorette during the opening sequence as he greets everyone that exits the limos.

2. 2. These “Bachelor reunions” sound crazier than the Olympic Village

3. 3. Did he legally change his name to “Weatherman”? Cause I would respect him more if he did.

4. 4. Tenley sucks.

5. 5. Wes looks bloated. One too many trips to the buffet during those Bachelor reunions on the cruise ship.

6. 6. Elizabeth looks like a slightly younger version of Magda from “There’s Something About Mary.”

7. 7. Tenley sucks.

8. 8. Craig M. is like a poor man’s Wolverine.

9. 9. Weatherman wears WAY too much make-up.

10. 10. Is Peyton a man?

11. 11. $250,000 would just about pay off my law school loans, but I’m not sure I would be willing to spend a weekend, let alone a month, with the people in this house.

12. 12. Tenley sucks.

13. 13. Apparently, the key to winning Twister is being able to tell your left from your right.

14. 14. I’ve felt awkward this entire episode. These conversations are painful to watch.

15. 15. Lot’s of gratuitous ass shots.

16. 16. Thank god for night-vision cameras.

17. 17. Sex Panther.

18. 18. I don’t understand why the women are wearing bathing suits, but not other clothes, in the limo on the way to their “date” with Craig.

Smurftastic officially gives the win for this episode commentary to DJVictorious. Yours in the comments...