DOMBs around the world - McGOVERN'S

DOMBs around the world:

McGovern’s Tavern, Newark, NJ

McGovern’s has been a favorite law school hangout since our 2nd or 3rd week of school way back when we were 1Ls. How did we discover it? Well an older student took us of course. Technically, McG’s is a Rutgers bar. But Rutgers sucks. And we owned it on Thursday nights. And still own it today.

Things that make McGovern’s a great bar:
Ranked one of the 100 best bars in America by Esquire Magazine
Owner/manager/bartender nice guy who puts up w/ CERTAIN people calling him the
wrong name for like 7 months… but always takes care of his regulars
Official beer pong table (with lined inserts for the cups and everything)
Darts
Good deals on booze (for the east coast at least)

Things that make McGovern’s a dirty old man bar:
Never any darts for the dartboard
Most modern songs on the jukebox from 1995
People bring their own darts
Go in at lunch. Dirty old men (professors) drinking
Also a cop hangout – cops who like to hit on busty, smurflike blonde girls
Usually vomit in the bathroom and/or on the sidewalk outside
Only one big screen, not HD
Usually not open on the weekends
They have a band. And by band… I mean one guy… w/ a guitar and background music.
Effectively they have an official karaoke singer. Who sucks. And has his own banner.

McGovern’s, as a dirty old man bar, falls at the opposite end of the spectrum from our previous bar, Pia’s. It has the feeling of an old DOMBy Irish pub… but college kids hang out there. Still… for anyone visiting Newark (the brave souls)… I highly recommend it. Some of my favorite law school memories have taken place there…. As Newark aficionados, we need to keep McGovern’s in our hearts, and on our barcrawl lists… especially since the new Prudential Center bars are opening downtown. Remember… new bars will come and go… but DOMBs last a lifetime. Just ask the 80 year old man who’s been sitting on the same stool since the Second World War.

Keep McGovern’s in your heart… even though Scully’s is owned by the same people and may be awesome… it’s not McGovern’s.

DOMBs around the world - PIAS

Alright readers, its time for a new ongoing column. This one requires less research than the BBCS, so that's awesome. Big ups to Smurftastic's sister for suggesting this one. So for a while, DJVictorious and I will be reviewing DOMBs around the world. What is a DOMB you may ask? Why it's a Dirty Old Man Bar, of course.

What makes a good dirty old man bar varies from location to location. Sometimes it's good beer, sometimes it's cheap beer, sometimes it's a hot bartender, sometimes it's the creepiest men ever... who usually provide for good stories... well basically it could be anything. To kick things off, I proudly present the best DOMB that Champaign, Illinois (home of the greatest university in the world... who now has a better football record than MICHIGAN! hahahahahaha amazing) has to offer.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you PIA'S SPORTS BAR & GRILL.

1609 W Springfield Ave, Champaign, Illinois

Pia's came into my life in a very unique way. That is to say, my sister worked there. For a ridiculously long time. Including time after she recieved a college degree. CLASSY. Anyway, I've been going to Pia's since I was a young lass. Aka pre21 (but they never let me drink before I was 21, don't worry). Even after dear sister stopped working there, Pia's kept a hold over her like nothing else can. This means that I continued to hang out there an inappropriate amount.

Things that make Pia's a good bar:

1. cheap Amber Boch in frosted mugs
2. Good bar food - including corn dog bites. Man they are delish
3. NTN trivia
4. TVs
5. Naked photo hunt (and other types of electronic trivia) machine
6. Shuttles to Illini games
7. Occasionally has hot bartenders who are actually friendly

Things that make Pia's a DIRTY OLD MAN bar.

1. Dirty old men
2. Opens at 6am so the 3rd shifters from the Kraft plant can drink after work. That's right. CLASSY
3. An off campus bar in a college town - few things are more dirty old man than townies
4. An owner who has grabbed my boobs more times than I can count, and has also grabbed my mother's ass, and done god knows what to my sister - he's still a nice guy tho (ish) - PS he also is married with children
5. Old men who stare at you inappropriately when you walk in, even if you are in sweatpants - so excited to see a young girl there, you get random free shots sent to you from the end of the bar
6. The kind of bar you go to every day and see the same people in the same seats (at the same poker machines usually) - like Cheers... only less attractive
7. People who offer you and your sorority sisters free shots to dance on the bar on a Wednesday at 6pm
8. Video Poker machines that people play instead of talking to each other
9. No HD TV's and only one big screen
10. Nascar often on big screen
11. Semi-toothless man named Chicken
12. Door handle is a baseball bat
13. General dirtiness... in the dive bar sense

I could go on and on here, but Pia's is something you must experience for yourself. I highly recommend it, and go there nearly every time I go back to my alma mater.

So that's our first installment of DOMBs around the world. If you have any nominations for a good dirty old man bar in a city that we haven't reviewed yet, comments are welcome!