Dancing With The Stars... no live blogs, but some comments

So... we are into the final 7 of Dancing with the Stars. Lance is still in, thanks, I'm sure, in no small part to the fact that I vote for him multiple times per week... GO LANCE! Here are my thoughts on the season so far:

• Cloris Leachman is ridiculous. Watching her was like watching a car accident, and not even one of the good ones. I get really sad when amazingly talented people are clearly losing it (being on DWTS would be a hint, I guess)... on a great note, watching her was like watching her character in Now & Then every week (the gambling grandma with a wig, remember?) Awesome.
• Lance really has been making me feel bad about the fact that I always called him the worst dancer in NSYNC. Really. He has a legitimate complex about this, and I contributed to it. I must say, however, that I am a huge fan of he and Lacey. At first, I thought she was going to be too different and rebellious for the show, but she's good for Lance. GO LANCE GO! Him going home will be very depressing, perhaps almost to the level of when Steve Guttenberg went home.
• Warren Sapp is awesome. It's great to see a big man make moves like that, and he's legitimately entertaining.
• In the first episode, Kim Kardashian said she doesn't understand why she has terrible balance. If you don't immediately pick out the irony of that (huge ass), then you need to read celebrity blogs.
• Not only did my Halloween costume foster my Hannah Montana addiction, but now I have to deal with Cody being with my favorite female dancer and being awesome? Ugh.
• I have a girl crush on Brooke Burke.
• Susan Lucci is awkward. She kind of gets the steps, but wow it looks odd.
• Don't care that Toni Braxton went home, she's irritating
• Huge fan of Michael Flatley as the backup judge... he's less douchey than Lou, and I can fast forward when he does dances that give me migraines.
• I think Bruno would make a good pet. He's ridiculous, but I bet I could legally muzzle him when I wanted him to shut up.
• It's too bad Misty May Treanor got hurt, she had some potential... but that was a great injury video with that crack. It makes the athletic trainer in me smiley.
• I say more group dances. Watching Lance dance around in mullet wig while Susan Lucci legitimately tries to do a hip hop dance = what reality TV should be about. Plus Warren was being awesome more. I could handle a ballet group dance.... or a Broadway. It only ends well.

Smurftastics ideal final 3: Lance, Brooke, Warren

Smurftastic's predicted final 3: Brooke, Warren, Cody

Smurftastic's predicted winner: Warren

Audience members I hope to see: JC Chasez, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Steve Guttenberg

I think I have an addiction...

So. I mean we all knew this was coming. Well maybe not me. Maybe everyone knew I was sick (especially after the BBCS). But I didn't. I thought it was under control. I mean... I can quit anytime I want. In fact, I did quit. Twice. Denial must be a symptom.

I mean I sometimes did it for the homage value, but not cause I really liked it. And I always made fun of it while I secretly loved it.

I have now realized that I cannot quit anytime I want. I am sick. I have an addiction. And since the first step is acceptance, here goes.

My name is Smurftastic, and I'm addicted to boy bands.

Phew. I got that off my chest. I am a 24 year old woman who hearts boy bands. I have hearted boy bands since I first listened to my sister's New Kids on the Block tapes. Then I suddenly became EXTREMELY anti-boy band. All through grade school and junior high, I was "too good" for boy bands. I liked "quality" music (apparently that sometimes meant crap like Limp Bizkit... but whatever). Stuff that the cool kids listened to. And while I would NEVER give up that period of my life (I mean it introduced me to the Beatles, after all...) it's not me.

All it took was 1 Disney Channel In Concert Special and a summer in a new town where I had only 1 friend (who was obsessed) to suck me right back in. And that is when NSYNC entered my life. And made it infinitely better. First concert I ever went to... NSYNC. I may have cried. I know I peed at least 10 times before the show because I was so excited. I even had a sign. A crazy fan threw a Chris Kirkpatrick pin at my head. I think i might still have it somewhere.

Boy band obsession then came full circle (or so I thought). Jordan Knight opened for NSYNC during their "Boys of Summer" tour. Yes, they took my "New Kids forever" sign away from me (but that was really just for ironic purposes, right?) but I still had a fabulous time and thought I was a winner as a 15 year old who knew both NSYNC and NKOTB... and even felt superior to those poor 8 year old girls who didn't know NKOTB. Seriously. Judged them for not understanding the history. Well the rest of high school is self explanatory. 3 more NSYNC concerts, a Backstreet Boys concert, an Aaron Carter concert (seriously), and a 98 Degrees and a 5ive CD. By that point, my mother could name all members of NSYNC including their middle names (with a little prodding, she can still do it).

Then, as soon as it started, it ended. Justin went solo. JC tried. Lance acted. I moved on. Sure, when I'm sad, nothing brings me up like a good NSYNC song... and when I'm excited, they're good too. And yes, I have been known to do the full on dances in public (preferably bars or at karaoke)... but it was an homage to my past, right? Just recognizing where we came from? I got more into country music. And rap. And classic rock. And 90s rock that I missed out on while being obsessed with boy bands. I was expanding.

And then. And then. The reunion tour was announced. THE reunion tour. New Kids on the Block... of course. I fully intended to go but it was "for humor value only" and because "I owed it to 2nd grade Smurftastic", etc. I thought I was totally over it when I watched their premiere video and laughed my head off at how ridiculous it was. I thought I was too grown up. And then, and then... I went to the concert. Before the show, I was excited, but it was the kind of excited that is like "I can't believe I'm actually doing this..." not "OMFG IF JORDAN KNIGHT SMILES IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL PEE MY PANTS!" I recognize that they have kids and are grown up. I'm technically grown up. I get there and laugh at the old ladies in puffy painted T-shirts and intend to drink to get through it if they play too many new songs instead of the old stuff.

And then something in me changed. As I saw Jordan, Joey and the others up there I stopped laughing hysterically and started smiling and giggling. And the beast was awakened. Texts were sent declaring "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE" and I took more pictures than would fit in a standard facebook album. I jumped up and down and clapped. I screamed a little. I am 24. The worst part... 5 days later, I purchased their new album.

I, Smurftastic, own the 2008 New Kids on the Block CD release. And it's not a greatest hits album (I already owned that one). It's ALL NEW. First time I listened to it, I thought it was the worst crap... ever. Now, just a few weeks later... I love it. I can't help it. I know it's "bad" music. I know there is a song that literally makes a Baby, Swayze, Dirty Dancing reference. But I love it. I could sing most of it right now.

When I went home last weekend for Homecoming it really came to my attention that I have a problem. It was the moment when I made my mom listen to the CD in the car on the way home from the airport. Her response was "Wow, this is really boy-bandy. Like really." My response, "No, no it's not... it's... it's..." My mom gently says "I thought you grew out of this."

I didn't. I didn't and now I realize that it's not my fault. I love boy bands. My all time favorite band was technically a boy band (The Beatles, duh), and the oldies I like are mostly boy bands (Jackson 5, the Monkees, etc...). Why had I not seen it? Is it genetic? Is this curable? Is there rehab? Support groups? Am I the only one with this affliction? How do I get rid of it? Do I even want to? I had some hard times after my realization, and then realized, as long as it doesn't run my life, I can handle it.

Tonight, my friends, tonight, I'm starting to wonder whether or not I can handle it. Now, although I am a boy-band fan, I consider myself a boy-band snob. There are good boy bands, and there are boy bands that are complete shit - devoid of the talent and the producing and writing needed to make something good. Like O-town. They were awful. I mean I have a song or two of theirs, but only because they were ridiculous (sound familiar?). I was anti-Hanson until they came out with the "This Time Around" album... which had some good songs... but I was never a fan of MmmBop. Throw something as obvious as "Boyztown" at me and I will judge you, and possibly punch you. At least try to disguise it. Honestly.

Tonight, I realized I am not as "high brow" as I thought. A Friday night at home and I get bored with my Netflix date for the night and decide to research my Halloween costume. I am going as Hannah Montana (most likely)... but have never seen a single one of her shows or heard one of her songs. No harm no foul, right? Have to make sure the costume is accurate, right? This RAPIDLY progresses to watching every single Jonas Brothers video on YouTube... just to see what the fuss is about, right? "Wow this is awful!" I say, while I watch another video and buy another song from iTunes. And now, and now, I HEART a few of their songs. But their songs aren't that good... But here's the weird part... I don't really think they are hot (I guess that's good because that means I'm not a pedophile...), but if their songs aren't good and they aren't hot and they don't dance... why am I listening?

Well, here it is, I think. I like dudes that sing like girls. There, I said it. I think it's so when I sing along, they are in my range. Girl artists get too high for me, and deep voiced dudes go too low. Also, I find 5-part harmonies soothing. They put me at peace. Hence, NSYNC and NKOTB are my favorite boy bands of the modern boy-band era. Also, choreography is fun. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The obsession may sleep again, but I need to be prepared that it will surface again. After all, NSYNC is still under contract for 3 more albums. And by then, maybe I can be one of those 30-something women peeing themselves at a boy-band concert. A girl can dream, right?

Wow. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. But can you recover if you don't want to?

An homage to classic hotness and real movie stars

So I'm a little tired, cause I stayed up late to watch the Bears' victory over the Eagles, but I wanted to acknowledge the loss of one of the greatest movie stars. Ever. Paul Newman died on Saturday, of lung cancer (HINT, if lung cancer can take someone that awesome down, it can probably take you down)... In my range of hotties, he was the upper echelon, age-wise. Now Harrison Ford will have to take the top spot. But Newman deserves to be honored, because he made great movies, and, I'm told, great spagetti sauce. Plus my mom and sister met him once. RIP Paul... you'll be missed. And now for the eye candy:

60th annual Emmy Awards - live commentary

60th annual Emmy Awards:

At thins point, we all know that I’m obsessed with awards shows. Even better than regular awards shows are awards shows that honor some kind of big anniversary. Like 60 years of the Emmys. Why are they awesomer? MORE MONTAGES. Montages of the past… featuring big stars and great shows. Some of which we may have forgotten about. So in anticipation of many montages to come ahead, let’s get this Emmy commentary started. Will also be featuring rando comments from my sister.

The hosts make their first appearance after an intro by Oprah (who, my sister and I agree, looks huge)– all 5 reality show host nominees. All wearing suits. Even Heidi Klum. Jeff Probst isn’t wearing a tie. C’mon man. Even Heidi’s in a tie. Lame. Howie Mandel’s “soul patch” is RIDICULOUS. He’s really fallen off since Bobby’s World. And by fallen off, I mean that was the only decent thing he’s ever done. Oh god, in talking about Klum wearing something not slutty, William Shatner of course comes on stage to strip her. Ugh. I’m pretty anti Shatner, namely because he’s so overexposed.

First award presented by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. She is super cute pregnant. Award is best supporting actor in a comedy. I would like to see this one go to Rainn Wilson or Neil Patrick Harris. They are just SO AMAZING. Stinson over Dwight though. Well, goes to Jeremy Piven. Again. He’s awesome on Entourage, and a personal inspiration to me… but he just doesn’t make me laugh out loud like NPH and Dwight do. Barney Stinson is my personal hero. Ari is just my professional hero.

Getting pretty excited about Josh Groban performing 30 of television’s theme songs. I can’t even begin to guess what all they’ll have.

Now best supporting actress in a comedy series: I’d like to see this one go to Amy Poehler or Jean Smart… mainly cause those are the only two whose shows I’ve seen. Jean Smart gets it… she is hilarious on Samantha Who. I love her. I wish I watched that show more, cause every time I’ve seen it I’ve really enjoyed it.

Ads for David Blaine’s new stunt… it’ll either be his best stunt, or his last. Let’s hope it’s his last. Not that I want him to die, I just want him to stop living.

Women’s montage! YES! Nope, that was a trick… just Desperate Housewives. Best supporting actor in a Drama. I’d like to see this go to Ted Danson or John Slattery, just because he’s awesome. I don’t watch any of the shows with actors nominated, but Damages and Mad Men are the only two I’d actually like to see.

Ricky Gervais… hilarious. Again proving my point that British people are better than regular people. And mocking his American counterpart, Carrell… well done to keep a straight face. I’m impressed, Michael Scott.

Conan slams Katherine Heigl. Love it. I’m hoping the best supporting actress in a drama award goes to Chandra Wilson from Greys. She’s way better than Sandra Oh and on the only show I watch. Dianne Wiest gets it. I love her, because she was in Footloose. Well done.

COLBERT REPORT gets its first writing award. Couldn’t be more thrilled. I heart Colbert.

Steve Martin has aged well. As has Tommy Smothers.

Is it really necessary for Josh Groban to change his voice for each theme song? Weird. MR. ROGER’S NEIGHTBORHOOD! Yess… He did a great job with South Park though. He actually sounded like Cartman. BAYWATCH! YES! AND FRESH PRINCE! This may be the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced! Wow… Ed MacMahon doesn’t look good. Losing your house must be rough. Can’t believe he didn’t sing Cheers. That is too bad. And I officially just downloaded the theme song to Baywatch. I judge myself.

Baldwin is wearing Tina Fey Glasses kind of. He looks a bit like Harry Carey too… weird. Outstanding Actress in miniseries – should go to Laura Linney… mainly cause she’s awesome. Good call, me, good call.

Outstanding musical, comedy or variety series – I hope this goes to Colbert or Daily Show. This Laugh-in lead in is a little long… Daily Show gets it… well deserved, but I still favor Colbert.
I’m pretty offended that Lauren Conrad is allowed on stage at the Emmys… but Guest actor/actress for comedy series… I think I want it to go to Will Arnett and Carrie Fisher or Elaine Stritch. But I was wrong.

Martin Sheen! I love that man, and not just because he brought Emilio Estevez into the world. He wants us to vote. I was planning on it, but thanks for the reminder.

Grey’s anatomy cast – Sandra Oh looks so much better in person than on the show. I would pay money to run my hands through Patrick Dempsey’s hair.

John Adams wins for best miniseries. I kind of wish I watched this, it was supposed to be awesome… I just don’t know if I have the energy/time for a historical miniseries.

NPH appearance! And he mocks Howie! I knew I loved him. Another nomination for Colbert – individual performance… I think he deserves this. Though Stewart was awesome on the Oscars. And Don Rickles wins. The old people always beat out my Stephen.

Kate Walsh makes an appearance. I have a total girl-crush on her. And love her new haircut.

Paul Giamatti totally snubs his real wife. Though I’d thank Laura Linney above her too. Wifey looked pissed, though.

Alec Baldwin wins for best comedic actor. Though I’d have preferred Steve Carrell… I love Jack Donaghy in 30 Rock. He’s awesome.
Dead people montage: If they leave out Roy Scheider again, I’m gonna be pissed. DUDE HE WAS REJECTED AGAIN. THAT’S IT MAN. IF OSCARS FORGET HIM, I’M WRITING A LETTER. SEAQUEST WAS ON TV. IT WAS A GREAT SHOW. FOR 3 WHOLE SEASONS! LAME!

Glad that a smaller show won for best lead actor in a drama… mainly because it’s not James Spader. Enough with Boston Legal already. Tina Fey wins for 30 Rock. God that’s a great show. I think I’m developing a girl crush on Tina Fey.

Best Reality Show host – Jeff Probst. Makes sense, he’s the original. Betty White is eerily similar to my grandma.

Tom Selleck appearance: My sister “Tom is still hot”. Me “I would totally do him.” Mad Men wins. I officially resolve to start watching that show. All in all, a decent Emmy awards. Great leadup to the biggest TV premiere week of the season. Can’t wait. Sorry this wasn’t that exciting of a blog, but I’m pretty tired/distracted by baking cookies for DJ Victorious’ birthday. Have a good one!

DANCING WITH THE STARS STARTS TOMORROW! GO LANCE!

DID YOU MISS ME? Summer recap and Fall TV preview

Hey all - realize it's been a while since I've posted anything... but it's been a busy summer. So I thought I'd recap it for you. First of all - I am watching the premeire of the new 90210. I have a few comments.

Kelly and David Silver's little sister is the "bad girl" who goes only by the last name Silver. Joe E. Tata is back. The best part of the first seventeen minutes is that the grandma on the show plays pretty much the same character as Gangy from Arrested Development. Bonus. The kids are TERRIBLE actors. It's like a show filled with Marissa Coopers. This really just makes me miss the OC. "Welcome to Beverly Hills, bitch" doesn't have the same ring. Where are Ryan Atwood and Seth Cohen? At least there's some diversity with the adopted black kid. Oh and apparently the students and teachers go to the same club (which is called "The Pit", obvi). Good casting on Aunt Becky's daughter (and no I'm not bothering to learn her 90210 character's name), they look exactly alike. I'm giving this show till my regular TV shows start... then I make no guarantees.

OK so the biggest news stories of the summer (besides politics, which I won't get into) are the Olympics. Everything has already been talked about ad nauseum, but here are some of my thoughts:
- No way more than 2 of the Chinese Gymnasts were over 16... my question is... why is this such a big deal? It's not new. Is it just because they beat the US that we're getting whiny? Chinese Gymnasts in no way are the appropriate age. Just like there was no way the old Soviet athletes didn't use roids. It's a commie thing.
- It's really shady how the US women's soccer team still gets less attention than the men, cause the men blow. Now I'll NEVER pretend to be a fan of female sports (WNBA = eeew), but still, women's soccer is one of the most watchable women's sports ever made. Start giving them their props. They won the gold, for craps sake.
- Very proud of the US Men Gymnastics and Basketball teams.
- Michael Phelps swims fast. Never thought I'd think a guy looked hotter in a swim cap than without. Weird.

Other big sports stories:
- Big year for Spain. They win the European Championships (over Germany and Michael Ballack's bad ass bloody jersey) and Nadal wins the greatest Wimbledon final of all time to overtake Federer for #1 in the tennis rankings. I feel like there was something else, but I'm not sure I care enough to look it up. My problem with Spain is that Nadal wears male capri pants, and it offends me. That and Michael Ballack is hotter than everyone on the Spanish soccer team, combined. I had to find someone else to cheer for in Euro because England didn't make it.
- Tiger Woods is out for the season and the Cubs have the best record in baseball.

Movie recommendations:
- Go see = Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder
- Don't see = Mamma Mia. Meryl Streep was OK, and Amanda Seyfried was FABULOUS, but the terribleness of Pierce Brosnan ruined it all.

Fall TV preview - this is going to be a great TV season. At least it'd better be after waiting through the writer's strike last season.
- Grey's Anatomy: Not gonna lie, last season was subpar. Plus there were all those rumors about Katherine Heigl being a total bitch about her character angle, that there are now talks of a storyline this season that's anything from a brain tumor to a huge romance (not George). Derek and Meredith are finally together, but it's Derek and Meredith, so it'll get whiny. Should be a good season, at least to start out they have a lot of big stories coming out.
- How I Met Your Mother: Just got into this show during the writers' strike last year, and it's pretty awesome. Who would have thought that a character played by Neil Patrick Harris would become my personal idol. I'm hoping for lots more slap bets/givings. I don't really care who the mother is, but I'm a bit worried that now that Barney is in love with Robin, he'll be a little less legen (wait for it) dary. I hope not, because then the show is not really worth watching.
- House: Amber died (thank God), but it may be a huge problem for the already testy (hahaha testy) friendship between Wilson and House. Not gonna lie, I don't watch this show for the ongoing character stories, I watch to look at Hugh Laurie and to figure out cool medical mysteries.
- Private Practice: I'm really ready for Addison and Pete to get together. I love Addison, and I love Tim Daly. Bring it on. I'm glad that Dell manned up and kissed Naomi as well. I don't remember much else about the finale because this didn't come back after the strike, but Cooper and Violet need to hurry up and fall in love too.
- The Office: Even though it saddens me both that Jim Halpert is not real and is not single anymore, he and Pam are just so amazing together. I foresee problems in their future because they haven't gotten engaged yet and she has to go out of town for her graphic design class, but it's Jim and Pam... it'll work out. Angela and Dwight and Andy triangle is gonna be awesome, namely because Dwight and Andy are so amazing when they are at each other's throats. Glad Ryan went to jail, cause he's pretty douchey. Mostly in the upcoming season, I hope the new PR lady thinking Kevin is mentally retarded continues, because that was one of the funniest things. Ever. I thought nothing could replace the Toby-Michael hatred. I may be proven wrong.
- 30 Rock: I'm glad they're starting to explore the relationship between Jack and Liz, this could keep things interesting. Plus Jennifer Aniston is guest starring. Bonus.
- Raising the Bar: I'm gonna watch it, because my professor wrote it and Zack Morris is in it. That's all.
- Dancing with the Stars - this is going to be one of the BEST Dancing With the Stars seasons, EVER. Lance Bass, Cloris Leachman, Misty May Treanor, Kim Kardashian's ass... the list goes on. It's gonna be RIDICULOUS. I don't think I'm going to watch the Bachelor, but I WILL be watching this on Mondays.

OK this blog was lame, but I was distracted by the terribleness that is 90210. I can't handle it's awfulness... at least not for more than a couple of weeks. Ugh. OH! Kelly Taylor has a son... do we think it's Luke Perry's or Jason Priestley's?

Oh good, two episodes in a row... I hope they show more Gangy. Peace though.

ESPY awards commentary

So by now we are all aware of my love of awards shows. And my love of sports. And my love of NSYNC. What better way to celebrate such things than to watch the ESPY awards and share my thoughts with you. Get. Excited.

I'm already loving this because the images are giving me the chills. And my apartnemt is hot as balls. AWESOME.

So the Brett Favre retirement videos... don't you think they should have changed it since he's most likely coming back now? Nnot that I mind... cuase he's hot... but still.

AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE COMES OUT TO THE 90s CHICAGO BULLS ENTRANCE MUSIC... amazing!!!!!!

Oh Patriots zing... pretty lame. But the Kobe-Shaq double zing was respectable. HAHAHAHAHA mocking Eli for being lame and finally seeing a woman naked = awesome. Justin may have been flirting with David Beckham. I think I might be a bit turned on.

First award. Danica Patrick presents. Her hair looks like shit. Best upset award - if it ISN'T Appalachian State... I hate everyone. OK... the NY Giants win for the Super Bowl. Obviously the best Super Bowl I have ever witnessed, but compared to App State, it wouldn't be the same unless like the CFL beat the Patriots. Or a Pop Warner team. And if I hated the Patriots nearly as much as I hate Michigan. D bags.

So Favre is making jokes about coming back. I'm starting to genuinely feel bad for Aaron Rodgers... even though he's in no way as hot as Favre.

Oh god. JT is about to sing a song with Greg Oden on piano. Damn you Buckeyes... but this has potential to be ridiculous. The song is obviously inappropriately cheesy... then he strips down and goes all Billy Crystal and sings about what happens... OH HOCKEY REFERENCE! And he mocks Jessica Simpson. AGAIN. Not as good asw the SNL edition... but awesome. Referencing Janet Jackson's boob. This is really lame. I'm bored.

OK WHY IS TOM CRUISE NARRATING THE TOMMIE SMITH JOHN CARLOS BLACK POWER SALUTE MONTAGE? Other than Michael Richards, I really can't think of anything more ridiculous. Big ups to the Forrest Gump theme as soundtrack... I approve.

Tyree's Lord and Savior Jesus Christ won the SuperBowl. Obvi.

OK I'm giving up on this live blog. It is lame. WAIT DAVID BECKHAM IS TALKING!!!!! OK I'm bored again. Later.

UPDATE: I definitely started to cry when Kevin Everett came on stage to accept the Jimmy V award of perseverence... Wow... I know I say it a lot... but that guy actually for real pisses intensity. No lie. Big ups. I am inspired. What a champ.

AFI's 10 Top 10... a Smurftastic Rant/commentary

Sooooo... last week, CBS aired the American Film Institute's 10 Top 10 Films, counting down 10 Top films in 10 genres. You can check out the full list at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AFI, and more info at http://www.afi.com/10top10/, including descriptions of why these movies were chosen.

Because of my love of all things pop culture, entertainment, countdown and judgment related, I of course tuned in. And, I must say, I agreed with the countdowns... for the most part. I'm not going to lie, though, some movies were GLARINGLY absent from their respective categories... and the choice of categories itself is a little weird.

So here, my friends, are my comments on the lists, including which movies should have been higher, which should have been left off, and which prompted me to scream at the TV "What the eff!?!?! Why isn't XYZ on the list?!?!? LAME." Pretty much those exact words too. It was fun. In addition, I will be providing you with my personal picks for said categories, and mini-lists for genres which weren't included in the Top 10. Your agreements and gratuitous praise (as well as disagreements) are welcomed in the comments.

Category 1: ANIMATION

Winning movie: SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

My first issue with this movie is... shouldn't it be "Dwarves?"

I completely understand why this movie made the number 1 spot, as it was the first full length animated feature, Walt Disney's entrance into our lives (and thus near complete domination of this category) yada yada yada... but I'm not a fan. There. I said it. I like the story... but MY GOD the voice of Snow White was SO high pitched it makes me want to cut my ears off, Van Gogh style. It ruined the whole movie for me.

As the countdown started with #10, Finding Nemo, my first thought was "I will stab someone if they have Finding Nemo on this list but not Toy Story." That thought was echoed, but more passionately so, when Shrek came in at #8. Now I enjoyed Finding Nemo enough... but Shrek, not gonna lie... thought it was overrated. It was entertaining, but I didn't appreciate the more adult jokes thinly masked in a child's story... at least in Disney movies, it was less obvious. I just don't understand why the world goes apeshit for Shrek movies.

Finally, Toy Story makes it in at number 6. Fitting that it outranks both the other "Pixar-style" movies, because it was the first of it's kind. Plus, it's AWESOME. Tom Hanks and Tim Allen make a great team... and I still to this day can be heard quoting from the movie ("you are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.") Awesome.

Lion King makes number 4, and I honestly think it should be higher. Cinderella & Fantasia should also be higher. Movies which should have beeen lower but still on the list = Pinocchio, Bambi (too damn sad... but Thumper is awesome).

Movies not on the list that should be - Peter Pan, Aladdin.

One of my favorite animated movies that shouldn't be on the list but is awesome = The Emperor's New Groove.

Category 2: ROMANTIC COMEDIES

Winning Movie: CITY LIGHTS

Well. Um. Nothing to say about this movie cause I've never heard of it. I don't even think there was speaking. And sorry, but Charlie Chaplin, while inarguably talented, is not a leading man for a romantic comedy. Based on it's high ranking and what people said about it, it should probably still be on the list, but not number 1.

Movies which should have been higher - When Harry Met Sally. Not for the orgasm scene (that makes me uncomfortable)... but that is one of the best movies (not just romantic comedies) of all time. I think what makes a great romantic comedy is that it appeals to both men and women, and many men I know happen to really like this movie. I'm not sure WHMS should beat out Annie Hall, but I haven't seen Annie Hall (though I really want to).

I'm not entirely sure Sleepless in Seattle should be on the list (and before you flip out, let me explain why). I watched it 5 days ago on TV, cause I couldn't remember if I'd ever seen it all the way through. It's good. But it's not really a romantic COMEDY... something about a guy in a deep depression because his wife dies doesn't scream comedy. This movie should def be on some sort of Top 10, but we'll get to that later.

Movies which should DEFINITELY have been on the list and weren't: Pretty Woman, Love Actually. Everyone has seen Pretty Woman, so I'll only say this... if a movie is responsible for bringing to light one of (if not THE) greatest romantic comedy leading lady of all time... it needs to be on the list. If you haven't seen Love Actually, definitely watch it. It is one of those gems that appeals to both men (hello boob shots) and women. It's heartwarming, dramatic, but still makes you laugh out loud in parts. Plus the multiple stories keep things interesting. And British accents. Those are key.

Movies that would be on MY top 10 list, but probably needn't be on the official one: Two Weeks Notice, One Fine Day, the Cutting Edge.

Category #3: WESTERN

Winner: THE SEARCHERS

I in no way care about westerns and have seen zero of these movies. Though there is a western movie I could handle (American Outlaws) which featured Colin Farrell. Moving swiftly on.

Category #4: SPORTS

Winner: RAGING BULL

OK... I liked Raging Bull... but as a sports movie enthusiast, I'm not sure it should be the number 1 sports movie of all time. Should DEFINITELY be on the list... it was a great film... but that's a lot of boxing and drama and black and white. I think it should be in the 4 spot instead of Hoosiers, and Rocky or my WTF movie (see below) should be #1.

Pride of the Yankees at #3 is a solid move. Haven't seen the movie, hate the Yankees, and couldn't care less about baseball, but it's supposed to be awesome. I actually want to see it. There's a 95% chance that I will cry, and I like that in a sports movie.

Why on earth was Breaking Away on the list? A) I've never heard of it. B) It's about bike racing. Ok think about it. Bike racing. Who wants to see that? LAME. On that note, The Hustler probably shouldn't be on the list. I LOVE Paul Newman, but billiards is not a sport. Along the same line... peace out, National Velvet. Horse racing is lame. And sports movies shouldn't star girls (except A League of Their Own, which wasn't on the list... but should have been).

Good call on Jerry Maguire at #10. It's one of my favorite movies of all time... but it's not good enough to be higher on the list.

Ok. Now for the biggest "What the eff" moment of this entire countdown. You know what WAS NOT on the list? Wait for it. You'll be offended. Rudy. Effing RUDY, not on a list of the greatest sports movies of all time? Yet a movie about BIKING makes it? SERIOUSLY? This is one of the biggest countdown-related travesties of all time. Rudy deserves the number 1 or 2 spot, no question. I challenge any American male or female (who is not a complete waste of space) to watch that movie and not at least agree it should be Top 5. IT'S RUDY. If AFI didn't provide me with so much countdown related fun, I would tell them to die in a fire for this omission.

I was also offended that Field of Dreams wasn't on the list, but we'll get to that shortly.

Other movies which could/should have been on the list: The Mighty Ducks, Remember the Titans, Miracle, The Sandlot (I'm not a huge Sandlot fan, but most people I know love that movie like I love Mighty Ducks, so I respect that.)

Movies that I love which shouldn't be on the list: Rookie of the Year, Little Giants, D3: The Mighty Ducks. Coach Gordon Bombay is god.

Category #5: MYSTERY

Winner: VERTIGO

I have seen zero of these movies. Moving on.

Category #6: FANTASY

Winner: THE WIZARD OF OZ

Undisputed that this should be the number one. If you disagree, please tell me what movie you think should be higher, so that I can call you an idiot with more specific arguments to back it up rather than just punching you in the face.

Number 2 is the first Lord of the Rings movie. I understand that this is the first one, but Return of the King was SO MUCH BETTER. They were all good, and this is from a Harry Potter purist who only saw the first two because that's what people in her dorm were doing. I don't think any of the LOTR movies should be as high as #2, though.

It's a Wonderful Life should be #2 instead of 3, but it also could be in a different category, which will be discussed later.

Field of Dreams is included on this list... which is a solid move as it is both Fantasy and Sports. There are so many good sports movies that it works to move it here.

Movies which shouldn't be on the list: King Kong, The Thief of Bagdad. I know King Kong was a marvel of it's time, but man it looks hokey and lame. And the clips of Thief of Bagdad looked RIDICULOUS.

Big should have been higher. That is a phenomenal film, and a great starmaker for Tom Hanks.

Movies which should have been included: Hook, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Liar Liar

Category #7: SCIENCE FICTION

Winner: 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Wow... it's 7 years after when the "future" was supposed to be. I'm old.

I don't really care about Science Fiction movies, but I totally agree with Star Wars (original) on the list at #2, though I do like Return of the Jedi and Empire Strikes Back better.

ET should totally be on the list, but I must say, I'm not a fan. Never got into it. It was scary and sad when I was a kid, and I guess I never grew out of it. Though Reeses Pieces are delish.

Back to the Future should be ranked MUCH higher. Marty McFly can't be beat.

Category #8: GANGSTER

Winner: THE GODFATHER

Never seen it, but it's definitely on my list.

I like Goodfellas at #2, mainly because I've actually seen it and liked it. I'm not a huge fan of gangster movies and haven't seen many of them. I need to see all the Godfathers first... but I'm just not sure I can dedicate that kind of time.

Movie I love that shouldn't be on the list: Dick Tracy

Category #9: COURTROOM DRAMA

Winner: TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

Definitely on my list of movies to see. I totally agree with this call.

A Few Good Men should be higher on the list, because the cast is phenomenal, the plot is great, and the courtroom scenes are second to none. In my trial prep class, my teacher brought it in as an example of the ideal way to cross examine. This is one of those movies that if it is on TV, I will watch it, even if I was already watching something else, despite the fact that I've seen it at least 20 times. It's SO GOOD. Plus quotable, which I totally support. Plus it's the only one of this list I've seen, and I'm in law school.

Category #10: EPIC

Winner: LAWRENCE OF ARABIA

This a great list, and probably the one I have the least amount of problems with. I think that Gone With the Wind (at number 4) should be moved up to the 1 or 2 spot... but otherwise, no significant problems. Gone With the Wind is AWESOME (beautiful scenery, great story, overdramatic, THE COSTUMES, quotable, and hot guy... what more do you want?)... and the movies on the list I haven't seen, I definitely want to. Epic movies are what make going to the movies so much fun. I would be intrigued to see how "Epic" is officially defined, but other than that... solid effort AFI. Almost make up for not having Rudy on the sports list, but not quite.

One movie which probably should have been included... but I don't know what it would replace = Forrest Gump

Why weren't these categories?

I noticed that there were some pretty broad categories left off the list, which leads to great movies being left off, simply because they don't fit. Plus a lot of the categories were SUPER specific. So here are mini lists of the categories they DIDN'T have, and what movies should have been included:

Action:

Die Hard

The Fugitive (one of those that I watch WHENEVER it's on, no matter what)

James Bond (Casino Royale, Dr. No, most of the ones with Roger Moore)

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Mission: Impossible 2

Air Force One (so I have a thing for Harrison Ford, so sue me)

Romance: - I find pure romance movies to be pretty lame, but they are quite separate from romantic comedies... so here's what I would assume should be included

Undisputed #1 - Casablanca - seriously... how was it NOT one of the 100 movies on the above list? That, my friends, is why their categories were messed up. Casablanca isn't just one of the best romances of all time, it's one of the best movies of all time.

Sleepless in Seattle

Ghost

Brokeback Mountain

The American President

Sabrina

The ones I haven't seen which would probably end up on the list:

An Affair to Remember

Love Story - I have zero desire to see this.

The Notebook - I refuse to see this movie. I don't care how good everyone says it is. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit. And I really enjoy both of the leads (Gosling in Remember the Titans was amazing). But NOT seeing it.

Comedy

Old School

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Wayne's World

Billy Madison

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Zoolander

Clueless

Three Men & a Baby

Father of the Bride

American Pie

Ghostbusters

Big Daddy

Drama (generally)

Casablanca (if not included on general romance)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (man, Jimmy Stewart was AWESOME)

Forrest Gump (if not an epic)

Goodwill Hunting

American History X

Stepmom

I am Sam

Cast Away

Cool Hand Luke (Newman = great)

Finding Neverland

Ones I haven't seen which would probably end up on the list:

Shawshank Redemption

Citizen Kane

Grapes of Wrath

Holiday: - check out explanations here - http://somepeopleknit.blogspot.com/2007/12/more-holiday-fun-greatest-holiday.html

It's a Wonderful Life

A Christmas Story

White Christmas

Miracle on 34th Street

All I want for Christmas

Elf

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Home Alone

Kids' movies (non animated, non sports)

Now & Then

Camp Nowhere

The Goonies

Stand by Me

Casper

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Musicals (non animated)

The Sound of Music

Grease

Phantom of the Opera

Across the Universe

Chicago

Hairspray (2007)

Fiddler on the Roof (just kidding, that movie and musical BLOW)

Wizard of Oz

Mary Poppins

Ones I haven't seen that should probably end up on the list:

My Fair Lady

A Hard Days Night

Sorry this post was so long, but I hope you enjoyed it! Comments are welcome and encouraged!

They can't be serious... can they? UPDATE

Sooooooo approximately 1 minute ago, the season premiere of the new New Kids on the Block video aired on VH1. Number of times I laughed out loud = 4. Number of times I felt uncomfortable = 3. I'll leave futher judgment to you... pretty much cause I am at a loss for words...



... this is not to say that I don't love NKOTB... Don't get me wrong. I have tickets to see them in concert. I just hope it's less awkward than this and/or that they concentrate on old songs. And Jordan. Jordan is still hott in this video. Don't deny it.

Boy Band Sesh!

Every now and then, I find myself having an instant messenger conversation, that while entertaining, makes me want to judge myself. This most often happens during finals week, and sometimes, they are good enough to share. This is one of those times.

This topic of conversation starts off based on a discussion of New Kids on the Block’s upcoming reunion tour. My away message at this time referenced the concert coming to Jersey in September. What follows is a walk down memory lane. Enjoy.

Rum&Efron: you’re lucky...we have to wait until Oct 4th for Joey
Smurftastic: joey = lame
Smurftastic: jordan is where it's at
Rum&Efron: he was my second fav
Rum&Efron: obviously I had them ranked 1-5
Smurftastic: obvi
Smurftastic: if danny wasn't last, we are no longer friends
Rum&Efron: Joey, Jordan, Jonathan, Donny, Danny
Rum&Efron: in case you wanted to know
Smurftastic: I started out liking donny best
Smurftastic: when jordan had a rat tail
Rum&Efron: he did have an incredible rat tail
Smurftastic: then jordan cut his rat tail, and donny grew one
Smurftastic: so jordan made it to #1
Smurftastic: so my final cut was Jordan, Donny, Jon, Joey, Danny
Smurftastic: Donny and Jon were kind of tied for 2nd
Rum&Efron: WOW
Rum&Efron: I cant believe Joey wasn’t a top 2
Rum&Efron: suprising
Smurftastic: i know... i'm unique
Smurftastic: he was a little girly for me
Smurftastic: and his little boy voice just couldn't compare to jordan's falsetto
Smurftastic: plus i used my NKOTB dolls to play full house
Smurftastic: and joey was always joey Gladstone
Smurftastic: who was the most lame
Rum&Efron: amazing
Smurftastic: danny was not featured in the games with my barbies, cause he's the worst
Rum&Efron: I only had the joey doll
Rum&Efron: so I had to go to my friends house who had donny and jordan
Rum&Efron: danny was the worst
Rum&Efron: I wonder if he still has a complex
Rum&Efron: and if bad memories will resurface during the tour
Smurftastic: i hope
Smurftastic: extra points if donny burns down a hotel room
Smurftastic: danny = kevin from BSB
Smurftastic: he's a realtor now i think- : TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY!
Rum&Efron: he is a realtor...according to my People magazine\
Rum&Efron: he also has 2 or 3 kids
Smurftastic: YES
Smurftastic: BABY NKOTB
Rum&Efron: 1 of which he must have had literally right after they fell off the face of the earth, bc he's a teenager
Smurftastic: HOLY GOD danny has a teenager?
Smurftastic: REPLACEMENT!
Rum&Efron: for real
Smurftastic: for when his hip gives out and shit
Smurftastic: Jonathan almost dropped to #4 in my rankings after i saw true hollywood story and found out he dated that firecrotch Tiffani
Rum&Efron: he has anxiety disorder
Rum&Efron: which I find attractive for some reason
Smurftastic: if you haven't seen that THS, you really should watch it
Smurftastic: it's AWESOME
Smurftastic: it will make you love jon
Rum&Efron: Danny’s kids are : Anthony 16, Daniel Jr 15, and Vega 9
Smurftastic: VEGA?
Rum&Efron: what the fuck does vega mean?
Smurftastic: girl or boy
Rum&Efron: hmm
Rum&Efron: doesnt say
Smurftastic: ?
Smurftastic: WOW... vega
Rum&Efron: oh wait Chance is 9 too
Smurftastic: really
Rum&Efron: so 4 kids
Smurftastic: JESUS
Rum&Efron: with a set of twins
Smurftastic: i hope he married a groupie
Smurftastic: so chance's sibling is VEGA... ok
Rum&Efron: yes
Rum&Efron: I am thinking Vega is a girl
Rum&Efron: safe bet
Smurftastic: and probably will eventually be some sort of stripper
Rum&Efron: Jordan has 2 sons
Smurftastic: WHAT
Smurftastic: is jordan married?
Rum&Efron: yes
Rum&Efron: he has been married for 3 years
Rum&Efron: but his son is 9
Rum&Efron: so you do the math
Smurftastic: ILLEGIT
Smurftastic: MY WORLD IS COLLAPSING AROUND ME
Rum&Efron: Jon is single~~
Rum&Efron: Donny has Xavier 15, Elijah 7
Rum&Efron: Joey has a baby Griffin
Smurftastic: oh. my. god.
Rum&Efron: they were popping out kids
Smurftastic: i feel incredibly old right now
Rum&Efron: I am closer in age to their children then to them
Rum&Efron: sick
Smurftastic: wooooooow
Rum&Efron: I was still playing with barbies and they were procreating
Rum&Efron: oh man
Smurftastic: I WAS PLAYING FULL HOUSE WITH MY BARBIES AND THEIR DOLLS WHILE THEY WERE CHANGING DIAPERS
Rum&Efron: was that not featured in my Bop magazine???
Rum&Efron: how come I didn’t know they had kids?
Rum&Efron: I should have known in 93
Smurftastic: cause in 93, that was like Dirty Dawg years. I blocked it out of my mind
Rum&Efron: yeah I gave up on them then
Smurftastic: I mean I knew that Joey from NSYNC had a kid when the band was together, but i try not to think about it
Rum&Efron: yeah I was 16 then so I was cool with it
Rum&Efron: especially since he was my fourth fav
Rum&Efron: Justin, JC, Lance, Joey, and Chris
Rum&Efron: once again for your point of reference
Smurftastic: JC, Lance, Justin, Chris, Joey
Rum&Efron: wow you liked chris better than Joey??
Rum&Efron: even when he had crazy braids and wore those goggles?
Smurftastic: I enjoyed chris' dreadlocks
Smurftastic: also he waved at me at a concert once
Smurftastic: and i stood on a chair and touched the braids, they were sparkly at that time
Rum&Efron: I guess that does leave an impression on one's heart
Smurftastic: i had a chris poster in HS
Smurftastic: that someone bought me, and i felt bad not putting up
Smurftastic: but judged myself for owning
Rum&Efron: my whole freshmen dormroom was filled with Justin posters, bobble heads, and marionette puppets
Rum&Efron: my roommates were freaked
Smurftastic: also Chris was pretty hilarious...
Smurftastic: at times i debated ranking him above justin
Rum&Efron: WHAT
Rum&Efron: above Justin????????
Smurftastic: justin was so low because EVERYONE liked him and i didn't want to be like everyone else
Smurftastic: i made the JC over justin decision based solely on that
Smurftastic: less competition for JC
Rum&Efron: thats blasphemy
Smurftastic: i know
Smurftastic: i'm glad i never did it
Smurftastic: even for a day if that ranking changed in my mind... I don’t think I could live with myself
Rum&Efron: yeah I went back and forth between JC and Justin in the early years
Rum&Efron: but then stuck with JT all the way
Smurftastic: PS - did you ever watch Mission: ManBand on VH1?
Smurftastic: cause chris GETS AFTER IT
Smurftastic: i mean he's somewhat douche... but he gets after it
Smurftastic: but when i discovered JC was a host of America's Best Dance Crew I watched an MTV marathon for like 6 hours
Rum&Efron: ]well worth it
Smurftastic: i really wanted to go see Joey (NKOTB) when he was on broadway
Smurftastic: but never got around to it
Smurftastic: i'm hoping to not let that happen for clay aiken
Rum&Efron: are you a claymate?
Smurftastic: no
Smurftastic: but i lived w/ one for a semester
Smurftastic: we even drove to the indiana state fair for one of his concerts, which would probably have been lame... but there was a KEYTAR... Keytars are awesome
Rum&Efron: I think thats why I love Dancing with the Stars bc I am always secretly hoping for an old ass boy band member
Rum&Efron: Drew Lachey was my fav in 98 degrees
Smurftastic: oh drew was the best
Rum&Efron: and obviously Joey (NKOTB)
Smurftastic: DWTS got me hooked when they got NSYNC Joey
Smurftastic: namely to watch tfor the audience appearances
Smurftastic: fucking Justin never went
Smurftastic: ass
Rum&Efron: ass
Rum&Efron: I would like to see Nick Carter on
Smurftastic: that would totally work, but BSB sucks at dancing
Rum&Efron: and Nick Carter is so large and awkward now
Rum&Efron: it would be hilarious
Smurftastic: THOUGH, beyond audience appearances from the other band members
Smurftastic: we might get aaron carter
Smurftastic: which is reason enough for me
Rum&Efron: I LOVE HIM
Rum&Efron: I owe 1 cd of his
Rum&Efron: which I feel is alot for a 25 year old
Smurftastic: saw him in concert
Rum&Efron: You did????
Smurftastic: oh yeah
Rum&Efron: so jealous
Smurftastic: illinois state fair
Smurftastic: less than 10 rows back
Smurftastic: i had crazy high school friends who waited for three hours to get in the front
Smurftastic: and he kissed one of them on the cheek during the show
Smurftastic: mind you, we were 16 or 17 at this time
Smurftastic: and he was like 13
Rum&Efron: that is amazing
Rum&Efron: 1 benefit to living in Springfield
Smurftastic: same group of friends scored tickets to see him in peoria. on valentine's day. front row.
Smurftastic: one girl's long term boyfriends birthday was valentines day
Rum&Efron: WHAT??
Smurftastic: and she ditched him. for aaron carter.
Rum&Efron: fuck him
Rum&Efron: its Aaron Carter for crying out loud

And the best possible summary of this conversation =
Smurftastic: i feel like looking back on this conversation, i should hate myself. but i can't

NFL Draft 1st round random thoughts... UPDATE

So I am in the library, studying (ish) for finals. Watching the NFL.com live coverage of the draft. Have been informed I am missing a lot of the unintentional comedy featured on the ESPN coverage... but what can you do. I'm gonna stop paying attention earlier than it would be worth it for me to have stayed home. That said... some comments on NFL commentators. I totally forgot how small Deion Sanders is. Also Marshall Faulk has a really fat face. And I really enjoy Rich Eisen. Also, I LOVE that there are only 10 minute limits between picks. Makes things flow much faster.

1) OMG I'm so surprised that Jake Long went first! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... move on. Michigan still sucks.
2) Chris Long is kind of hot. I'm glad he didn't follow his Dad's haircut footsteps as well as his football footsteps.
3) FULLY enjoy both the Matt Ryan pick and the Matt Ryan sweatervest. KSK has already named him Matty Ice... and he is the anti-Vick... Solid moves.
4) Raiders taking FOREVER... COME ON MCFADDEN..... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - wooooooooo pig suey! Yes he has lots of illegitimate children... but that guy is AMAZING. I may now have to start watching Raider games. Oh PS - NFL network just reminded us that Darren McFadden vs. LT will be on their network. I will be watching. ...HAHAHA McFadden just said he can help his family (read... illegit kids) out with whatever they need. This is a good man. Childsupport what what?!? OK, enough DMC family jokes... he's still my favorite college player of the last 10 years.
5) KC gets Dorsey. Whatever. The bling on his watch is inappropriate for someone before he's been drafted.
6) Jets on the clock. I'm already bored with references to the fact that the draft is held in NYC and it's a New York team making the pick. Um Jets fans in the audience with painted faces? REALLLLLLLLLLLY? Gholston picked. Really enjoying how the NFL commentators are digging into Michigan for the fact that he OWNED Jake Long in every game they played in college. Though I on principle hate Ohio State more than Michigan, Gholston got picked lower and we beat Ohio State this year and lost to Michigan (though it was not because they were better... it's cause we screwed ourselves)... anyway... Now all the guys in the green room have been picked... too bad we won't have a Brady Quinn this year cause that was awesome.
7) Pats trade 7th pick to the Saints who take Sedrick (yes I spelled that correctly... ridiculous) Ellis from USC. Don't know much about it other than he owned Illinois in the Rose Bowl.
8) Another trade. Ravens give the pick to the Jags and fall back to get a cheaper player for an extra pick. I care about neither of these teams. Derrick Harvey, DE from Florida. Whatever...
9) Bengals on the clock - (insert them being criminals joke here) - Keith Rivers. another guy who owned in the Rose Bowl.
10) Patriots getting booed... a lot. This just in... JETS fans are kind of whiny. Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee. The best part (perhaps only good part) about Tennessee is that they bring live adorable dogs to the games. Doesn't quite make up for how ugly their "orange" is.
11) Bills take Leodis McKelvin. Moving on.
12) Broncos take Ryan Clady from Boise State... their first ever 1st round pick... Adorable.
13) One pick before the Bearssss are set to go. I'm getting excited. Mendenhall still on the board. We are getting remarkably close to the last picks I care about. Oh and the Panthers take Jonathan Stewart from Oregon. Ducks, as an animal, are awesome. As a movie? MIGHTY.
14) DA BEARSSSS on the clock. NFL commentators just referred to Mendenhall's shimmy and wiggle. Sexy. HOLY CRAP... NFL interviewing Bill Belichick. He is wearing a suit. With a pink shirt and tie.... My world is collapsing around me. Bears take Chris Williams from Vandy. Though Mendenhall would have been AWESOME... I like this pick. OT are what we need the most. But I'd like to see them pick up a RB in an upcoming pick... Remember Benson? HE SUCKS.
15) Lions on the clock. I've been expecting Mendenhall to go here for a long time. I don't like it, cause the Lions suck and I won't get to see many of their games. But keeping him Midwest is pretty chill. OH TRADE! That was somewhat unexpected. Now Kansas City has a pick, and takes Brandon Albert. I'm starting to freak out that Mendenhall won't go first round. I will be PISSED, cause if that's the case he could have stayed at Illinois for his senior year.
16) Now Cardinals on the clock. In my head, all I can hear is "THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!" Damn you Coors Light commercials. I was just informed that Kansas City has more holes than Swiss cheese. ZING. Cardinals take Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. His name is way too long.
17) Lions back on the clock... now's the time to take Mendenhall and justify my predictions... NOPE go with a tackle, Gosder Cherilus. I am really starting to flip out....
18) Houston on the clock. Ravens trade for the spot. Take QB Joe Flacco. Whatever. He's from Delaware... now all I can hear is "Hi... I'm in Delaware." Extra points for anyone who knows what movie that is from.
19) Eagles on the clock. TRADE to Carolina who take Jeff Otah. SERIOUSLY? They gave up a lot for this guy. Hope it works out. Just kidding. I don't give a rat's ass if it works out.
20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the clock. I like pirates, so Mendenhall could go here... I guess. They take Aqib Talib. Rhyming is fun.
21) Redskins on the clock. Kind of would be chill for Mendenhall to go to them, because of the Chief Illiniwek metaphors. That said... PLEASE TAKE HIM SO HE IS NOT AVAILABLE TO THE COWBOYS. I HATE THE COWBOYS! Redskins trade with the Falcons. They take tackle Sam Baker. Oh good. Mendenhall still available.
22) Cowboys. They just made reference to "America's Team" and I threw up in my mouth a little. There is a twelve year old red-headed boy at the Dallas draft table with headphones and all. What? They take Felix Jones from Arkansas. I'm quite glad they didn't take Mendenhall, but it's pretty depressing that Jones went ahead of him. Even though I really like Jones and he's a way better fit with Dallas, I'm starting to think Mendenhall should have gone back to Illinois for his senior year.
23) Steelers on the clock. DJ Victorious' team. They take RASHARD MENDENHALL! It's about goddamn time. I REALLY like this pick the more I think about it. First of all, now DJ Vic and I can root for the Steelers together. NICE. Also, he's on the East Coast. Meaning I will get to see him play more, and if he stays there till I get money, I can roadtrip to a game. Plus I think he'll be quite successful there. OK it's been nearly 3 hours since I did any legit work. So peace out. I don't care about any other picks below this to keep watching. Enjoy the rest of the drafts, peeps.

UPDATE: So one of my favorite parts about the draft and the live blogs I was reading were all the jokes about Keyshawn Johnson's outfit. Because I was watching NFL.com's live coverage, I didn't see ESPN and the magic that was this outfit. But Sunday morning, I finally found a pic. And it is AMAZING.

I would like to congratulate Tex on winning the best response after seeing this pic:

Tex: my sweet jesus god...

Tex: my stomach hurts just looking at that

Bachelor Blog Hometown Dates, now featuring Lorenzo Lamas and Janice from the Muppets

It’s time for the hometown dates, loyal readers. We have Noelle, Shayne, Meeps and Chelsea getting to bring our handsome bachelor home. We’ll start out with our reactions to the previews of the episode.

Jeflow1 (10:03:16 PM): well hello
Smurftastic (10:03:27 PM): LORENZO!
DJvictoriousT (10:03:29 PM): yes!!!!!
Smurftastic (10:03:40 PM): he is rather squinty
Smurftastic (10:04:05 PM): OMG MOM LIP KISSING!?!?!?!?!?!?
Smurftastic (10:04:10 PM): mrs meeps!
DJvictoriousT (10:04:26 PM): i'm guessing that chelsea's mom is another crazy one.... like into astrology

Now it’s time to Shayne’s hometown date, where we start off having a quick meal of wine and cheese w/ Lorenzo Lamas, then go to her mom’s house to have pot roast w/ mom and sister.

DJvictoriousT (10:04:38 PM): LAMAS!!!!!!
Smurftastic (10:04:42 PM): what does this tell us about the episode that they are STARTING w/ lamas?
DJvictoriousT (10:04:46 PM): Welcome to the Z-list Matt
Smurftastic (10:05:17 PM): please join me for some cheese? seriously?
DJvictoriousT (10:05:33 PM): I just saw her weave stitching
DJvictoriousT (10:05:53 PM): oh - i;m sorry, the white girls call them "extensions"
Jeflow1 (10:06:07 PM): aged
Jeflow1 (10:08:04 PM): what's up with the f*cked up uneven nostrils
Jeflow1 (10:08:12 PM): on shayne
DJvictoriousT (10:08:19 PM): is matt crying?
DJvictoriousT (10:08:23 PM): i would be....
Smurftastic (10:08:28 PM): lorenzo plays mind games
DJvictoriousT (10:09:15 PM): do you get the impression that lamas is kind of pissed that his daughter is getting more camera time than he is right now?
DJvictoriousT (10:09:26 PM): woah - those nostrils are weird!
DJvictoriousT (10:09:29 PM): what is that?!
Smurftastic (10:09:38 PM): nose job?
Smurftastic (10:09:46 PM): missy piggy?
DJvictoriousT (10:10:00 PM): shayne does kind of resemble miss piggy
DJvictoriousT (10:10:58 PM): and shayne's mom looks like Janice from the Muppets
Smurftastic (10:10:59 PM): shayne, your mom... WOOF
DJvictoriousT (10:11:03 PM): they're a whole Muppet family
DJvictoriousT (10:15:29 PM): WHAT is THAT?
Smurftastic (10:15:50 PM): OH MY GOD
Jeflow1 (10:16:13 PM): shaynes out
Jeflow1 (10:16:25 PM): you think
Smurftastic (10:16:26 PM): nice fake boobies, mrs. shayne
Smurftastic (10:16:40 PM): oh no i'm sorry, those are your lips
DJvictoriousT (10:17:05 PM): that seriously is Janice from the Muppets
Jeflow1 (10:17:24 PM): why do think lorenzo left her
Jeflow1 (10:17:36 PM): he screwed up
Smurftastic (10:17:42 PM): he went plastic surgery broke
Smurftastic (10:18:04 PM): OH good - mom showing how flexible she is
DJvictoriousT (10:18:20 PM): http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Janice
DJvictoriousT (10:19:18 PM): That's a bit of a Muppet mess if Janice ends up being Miss Piggy's mother
Jeflow1 (10:19:22 PM): i can't wait to meet her grand pap and great uncle
Jeflow1 (10:19:31 PM): their up in the balcony
Smurftastic (10:19:35 PM): holy lipliner batman
DJvictoriousT (10:19:51 PM): he is REALLY into Shayne
Smurftastic (10:19:54 PM): on google image search for "janice the muppets" the last picture on the first page is of new york from I Love New York
Jeflow1 (10:20:08 PM): there was nothing brilliant going on in that house
Smurftastic (10:20:12 PM): shaynes mom is like hte same sort of deal as hot chicks with fat friends
Smurftastic (10:20:23 PM): everyone looks better in comparison
Smurftastic (10:21:33 PM): i realize that is incredibly shallow... but seriously, that is the only explanation i have for why he's SO attracted to shayne after that visit

Now we go see Chelsea somewhere where it snows. I forget where, and I don’t really care. At the end of the date there is making out, obvi, cause we must recall that Chelsea had the homemade fantasy suite card last week.

Jeflow1 (10:25:29 PM): a little cold for all that cleavage
DJvictoriousT (10:26:56 PM): i don't understand her father's haircut
DJvictoriousT (10:27:00 PM): or mustache
Smurftastic (10:28:16 PM): her blush is pretty intense
DJvictoriousT (10:28:48 PM): matt needs to consider the fact that when chelsea ages she will most likely look like her mother...normal....when shayne ages, she will also look like her mother. enough said.
Jeflow1 (10:29:03 PM): good point
Jeflow1 (10:29:39 PM): when the good bye was the best part of the date

Now Noelle’s date. We meet mom, dad and sister… on their ranch. Matt and Noelle go on a horseback ride before meeting the parentals. Her dad mentions that they look like the “Last Supper”… OK….

DJvictoriousT (10:30:05 PM): I forgot who Noelle was. She's gone.
Jeflow1 (10:30:17 PM): great another bitter can't find a man sister
Smurftastic (10:34:00 PM): ummmm covered wagon in the front yard?
Smurftastic (10:34:12 PM): is that like the cowboy version of the frat boy couch on the lawn?
DJvictoriousT (10:34:43 PM): that looks dangerous - kissing while riding 2 horses
Jeflow1 (10:35:12 PM): get some pictures this could be the last you see him photographer girl
Jeflow1 (10:36:29 PM): and kisses better than grand pa too!!!
DJvictoriousT (10:37:25 PM): i feel uncomfortable
Smurftastic (10:37:46 PM): i don't think that at the last supper jesus mentioned he could get his legs over his head
Smurftastic (10:37:50 PM): i could be mistaken
Smurftastic (10:39:22 PM): ok i'm over the ranch
Smurftastic (10:39:26 PM): i want horny mom
Jeflow1 (10:39:40 PM): we all do
DJvictoriousT (10:39:35 PM): i know - give us the good stuff

Now we finally get the good stuff when we get to meet Meeps’ parents. The previews show her mom trying to make out w/ Matt and grabbing his nipples. Then Meeps’ dad sees and gets pissed off. We are excited. Oh but wait, Meeps reveals that she wanted to play a prank on Matt and hired actors to be douchey parents. Matt immediately freaks out and starts drinking. Matt still gets to have dinner with her real parents, then Meeps brings him up to her room for makeout party.

DJvictoriousT (10:40:46 PM): she hired actors?!!!!
Jeflow1 (10:40:49 PM): actors damn
Smurftastic (10:40:49 PM): ACTORS
Smurftastic (10:40:50 PM): LAME
Smurftastic (10:45:51 PM): OH MY GOD
Smurftastic (10:46:20 PM): and i would be reacting the same way as matt = drinking excessively
DJvictoriousT (10:46:25 PM): this prank is a little in poor taste
Smurftastic (10:47:02 PM): COUGAR
Smurftastic (10:47:45 PM): so will they not get to meet real parents/
DJvictoriousT (10:47:58 PM): there's only 10 minutes left....
Smurftastic (10:48:02 PM): EW EW EW EW
DJvictoriousT (10:48:08 PM): he just said nipple
Smurftastic (10:48:14 PM): i just puked in my mouth a little
Smurftastic (10:48:32 PM): so. awkward.
Smurftastic (10:49:25 PM): FAKE DAD TRIPS DOWN THE STAIRS

Now it’s time for the rose ceremony cocktail party. Noelle is sent home. She thinks it’s because she can’t open up

DJvictoriousT (10:50:51 PM): who goes?
DJvictoriousT (10:50:53 PM): i say noelle
Smurftastic (10:51:04 PM): i think chelsea
Jeflow1 (10:51:13 PM): caron agrees with noelle
Jeflow1 (10:51:49 PM): i'm going with meeps
Jeflow1 (10:53:50 PM): matt should get even with a fake rose
Jeflow1 (10:53:14 PM): shayne's a mess
DJvictoriousT (10:54:05 PM): good call
Smurftastic (10:54:31 PM): yes! meeps!
Smurftastic (10:54:36 PM): preseason MVP
Smurftastic (10:55:28 PM): DJ Vic = victorious
DJvictoriousT (10:55:36 PM): as usual
Smurftastic (10:55:48 PM): i think it was casue Noelle was dressed the least slutty
Jeflow1 (10:56:11 PM): the sisters screwed her
Smurftastic (10:57:22 PM): so far handling it maturely
Smurftastic (10:57:24 PM): ish
DJvictoriousT (10:57:41 PM): i don't think she was totally into it
Smurftastic (10:57:47 PM): i concur

Previews of next week – vacation date to Barbados. Things are promised to get sexy before Matt eventually picks a gal and then proposes.

DJvictoriousT (10:58:45 PM): "get sexy"
DJvictoriousT (10:58:57 PM): chelsea is out

Gasp! Something on the Bachelor was fake?!? Say it ain't so!

Here is a link to a site w/ pics of Patrick Dempsey at the London Premiere of Made of Honor YESTERDAY. http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/04/21/patrick-dempsey-made-of-honor-premiere/
Lest we forget that the Bachelor went on a date with Holly to the premier several weeks ago. HOW DARE YOU LIE TO US, CHRIS HARRISON! WE TRUSTED YOU. Oh, no, wait. We didn't...

CMT awards... random thoughts

OK. So I don't get CMT. (eff you, comcast.) Last year I watched the CMT awards via webcast. This year I forgot and was Bachelor blogging. But they have the full show online (cmt.com = awesome). So I have been watching it whilst preparing for my oral argument tomorrow (insert childish giggle here... oral). I have a few things I'd like to point out:

1) Miley Cyrus made reference to being born in 1992. And I now want to kill myself.
2) CMT apparently has a show called "Gone Country" where washed up stars try to learn how to sing country. Hilarious on its face. Features Marcia Brady, Bobby Brown and... wait for it... keep waiting... I swear the wait it'll be worth it... here it comes... SISQO. Yup. That's right. Sisqo. The crew presented an award, and PS... his hair is still ridiculous.
3) Billy Ray Cyrus' facial hair is inappropriate.
4) Taylor Swift is very endearing and I like her voice and all... but in person...there's something about her look that freaks me out.
5) Miley Cyrus' voice = good, but not great.
6) Faith Hill's haircut saddens me.
7) Oh good, Snoop appearance on the CMT awards. Too bad there isn't a country version of "Sexual Eruption"... yet... (http://youtube.com/watch?v=WzR3au5OS_s)
8) Increasing the randomness... Robert Plant won an award.
9) FINALLY Brooks & Dunn didn't win a duo award. Honestly, I was over them 10 years ago.
10) My girl crush on Carrie Underwood = still going strong.
11) Spotted: Kenny Chesney nipping hard.
12) Oh, and perhaps most random... show opens with cameos from John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama (among others)... o...k...

There was probably other funny stuff happening, but I was pretending to do work so I didn't blog about it.

Sidenote... I would just like to say what complete garbage it is that a blogger from my favorite NFL site got fired from his job at the Washington Post for revealing his true identity on the site. LAME... full story here: http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5531, and full coverage of the event on http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/.

Bachelor Blog - on location!

Sorry for the lack of bachelor blog last week… but it was national championship basketball. Sports are way more important than judging. This week, Matt takes all the ladies to Idaho to go skiing. There will be 2 individual dates and a 4 person group date. The remaining four get hometown visits next week. DJ Vic was absent this week.

Smurftastic: i was sad to discover i missed the episode when crazy singer was axed
Jeflow1: it was so weird
Smurftastic: i saw a clip
Smurftastic: and it was AWFUL
Smurftastic: as was the song
Smurftastic: i would just like to throw out there that it is amazing how slutty you can look in the freezing cold

Chelsea gets the first one on one date, and gets to go on a romantic sleigh ride, where Matt admits he really gets along with her, but doesn’t know if she can be romantic. She mentions that she hates PDA and has a fear of holding hands… okay….

Jeflow1: we're ready to sleigh ride
Smurftastic: who is afraid of holding hands?
Smurftastic: freak
Jeflow1: she has manhands
Smurftastic: i empathize... i occasionally have had issues w/ sweaty boy hands

Chelsea decides to show how she can be romantic. Even though fantasy suites aren’t till the end, she gets up to leave randomly… and decides to write a note and invite herself to Matt’s room for the night. Classy.

Jeflow1: Chelsea is doing well
Jeflow1: she has to go throw up her food
Smurftastic: HOMEMADE FANTASY SUITE CARD
Smurftastic: HOLY CRAP
Smurftastic: slutttttttttttttt sesh
Jeflow1: wow
Jeflow1: what was that only two drinks and he has her
Smurftastic: maybe there was straight whiskey in the coffee cups on the sleigh
Smurftastic: or beer... they could have been budweiser clydesdales
Jeflow1: when you said clydesdales did you mean the horses or Marshanda and Robin
Smurftastic: both... but i prefer the horses, cause they probably smell better

Shayne, Robin, Miss Earth, and Meeps get the group date. Matt takes them skiing/snowboarding and then they head to an outdoor hot tub. Robin infiltrates Shayne and Matt’s snow makeout. This is, of course, after Chris Harrison has told us multiple times that “the biggest confrontation in bachelor history” is on the way.

Jeflow1: how is shayne still there
Jeflow1: robin brings the hate
Smurftastic: odds on racial slurs tonight in the "biggest fight in bachelor history?"
Smurftastic: prolly from robin
Jeflow1: 3 to 1
Smurftastic: zing virgin on the snow joke
Jeflow1: Marshanda looks hot in the ski gear - it must be the layers
Smurftastic: super skinny ones freak me out
Smurftastic: people get grumpy when they're hungry

Shayne wipes out on her snowboard… and immediately pulls out a compact and brushes and starts doing her makeup with Matt sitting next to her in the snow.

Smurftastic: ugh she sucks
Smurftastic: i bet she borrowed the compact from dad

In comes Robin on the snowboard.

Jeflow1: plow
Jeflow1: cock block
Smurftastic: he does not seem amused by robin
Smurftastic: i mean if he's got this connection w/ her, why doesn't he want to be alone w/ her?

Alone in a hot tub, Meeps tells Matt that her family lives in a doublewide trailer and will cook him dinner if he goes to visit them.

Jeflow1: possum
Smurftastic: YES TRAILER! From a preseason MVP.
Smurftastic: YES
Smurftastic: redneck girls are feisty in bed
Smurftastic: or so i've heard
Jeflow1: that's not a possum eating body
Smurftastic: maybe she just eats the tail
Smurftastic: less fat there
Jeflow1: it sounds like you have had a little redneck in you
Jeflow1: what was his name
Smurftastic: it's called growing up in Illinois and i have family in arkansas
Smurftastic: driving through hickland missouri and arkansas on the way to little rock can be, shall we say, very eye opening

Noelle, then, gets the last one on one date. He takes her ice skating. They both suck at it. Matt makes a comment that he thinks he looks like an ice robot. They also share a heart to heart about scars. Chicks dig scars.

Smurftastic: his main objective is to "know" Noelle... biblically
Jeflow1: holding hands
Jeflow1: she one up on chelsea
Jeflow1: it's tough to skate after a car wreck
Jeflow1: maybe she wrecked into ice skaters

Now the girls left at home get in a fight. Someone tells Miss Earth that it seems like she sometimes has a bad attitude. This is, of course, after she claims to “know how he lives.” Shayne sounds uncharacteristically smart when she says that Miss Earth can’t honestly believe that this is how he acts in real life.

Smurftastic: hahahahaha this is amazing
Smurftastic: she just gets pissy for NO REASON
Smurftastic: i don' tknow if you caught that, but "she will not have it"
Smurftastic: i love when arguments just involve repeating the same stuff over and over again
Smurftastic: it is a valid lawyering strategy that i intend to use

Marshana is in confessional after the argument to tell us how she is a great person, and a giver, and otherwise awesome.

Smurftastic: "I am a great person"
Jeflow1: i'm sorry somethings with my cable
Jeflow1: flavo flav just came on
Jeflow1: oh wait it's still the bachlor
Smurftastic: maybe trailer girl would be like a preview of rock of love

At the cocktail party (hahaha COCK tail)… the girls vie for Matt’s attention… interrupting each other. Harrison says Robin will do anything to get a hometown date.

Jeflow1: i hope she doesn't try panty
Smurftastic: so when harrison said "robin will do anything to get there," I just started hearing meatloaf in my head
Smurftastic: she will do anything for love
Smurftastic: but she won't do that
Smurftastic: i resent it
Smurftastic: damn you harrison. damn you!
Jeflow1: i want the home visit to shayne's
Smurftastic: OMG... WILL LORENZO MAKE AN APPEARANCE?
Smurftastic: i bet ther eis some kind of contract that shayne must make it hometown

Miss Earth and Matt are having 1 on 1 time… Chelsea, who fought with Marshana the night before, butts her way into the convo. Miss Earth is less than pleased, because that means she doesn’t get a kiss.

Jeflow1: she can take a hint
Jeflow1: or not
Smurftastic: chelsea may not be straight
Smurftastic: i just don't know if she knows it
Smurftastic: she seems disgusted with him
Smurftastic: FACE EATING MAKEOUT

While Chelsea and Matt are making out… Miss Earth is explaining that it was wrong to interrupt. Robin and Shayne point out that she would do the same thing if the roles were reversed. She gets angry, and tells Robin, “at least I sleep every night, and I’ll drink to that.”

Jeflow1: call it what you will; but please call it a word that i understand
Smurftastic: why does it matter that miss earth sleeps every night?
Smurftastic: why do you need to drink to that?
Smurftastic: i sleep too
Smurftastic: most people do
Smurftastic: why is that worthy of celebration?
Jeflow1: i have to drink to sleep

Matt lets Miss Earth and Robin go… after thanking the girls for tugging at his heart.

Smurftastic: they've tugged at more than his heart
Smurftastic: YES LORENZO... NEXT. WEEK.
Smurftastic: meeps!
Smurftastic: robin is gonna flip out

Robin and Marshana have very different ways of complaining about being kicked off. First… Marshana…

Jeflow1: say my name say my name
Smurftastic: she sounds like tyra when she kicks someone out of america's next top model

Now Robin, who only tells Matt “bon soir” and then walks away without letting him say anything to her.

Smurftastic: F BOMB
Smurftastic: think harrison gets a bitch three way?
Jeflow1: what did she call him
Jeflow1: she called him a bum sore
Jeflow1: she called him a hemorrhoid

Previews of next week…

Smurftastic: YES LORENZO!
Smurftastic: mom making moves
Smurftastic: amazing
Jeflow1: i can't wait
Smurftastic: alright if DJ Victorious misses lorenzo, we are no longer friends

Credit shot = Marshana skiing into a line divider for a ski lift and wiping out.

Smurftastic: HAHAHA
Smurftastic: that was the best credit shot... ever
Jeflow1: the little tramp that could
Smurftastic: miss earth = clotheslined!
Smurftastic: OWNED