More Holiday Fun - Greatest Holiday MOVIES!

OK, in an increased fit of holiday spirit (to be combined with Christmas break boredom), Smurftastic proudly presents her favorite Holiday movies of all time.

1. A Christmas Story - Yes, I do usually watch at least 6 hours of TBS's 24hrs of a Christmas Story. The humor in this is amazing... best line = "I can't put my arms down!... You can put your arms down when you get to school." The little brother (who I think might do porn now), is the best character... by far.
2. It's a Wonderful Life - I know it's cheesy, I know it's a cliche for a best Christmas movie. But man... the Capra-Stewart combo is CLUTCH. Every movie they do is pretty much amazing. Also, is it wrong that I kind of have a crush on Jimmy Stewart in this movie? Whatever. Adorable.
3. Elf - if you haven't seen this movie (DJVic, I'm talking to you...), you NEED to. Even if you don't like Ferrell, this movie is amazing. I may like it so much because I see a lot of myself in Buddy the Elf (what's your favorite color?). The quotable lines in this flick are pretty numerous, and there is great music and arctic puffins!
4. White Christmas - Bing Crosby and the other dude, George Clooney's aunt and the other chick, singing great songs, loving the veterans, and falling in love at a ski resort. Bring it on.
5. All I Want for Christmas - Early nineties... heartwarming, precocious kids (Thora Birch!) trying to get their family back together. Plus Christmas movies in NYC are amazing. I just remember LOVING this movie when I was younger, then saw it on ABC Family a couple of years ago and still thinking it was awesome.
6. Miracle on 34th Street - original black and white version; features Maureen O'Hara, one of my favorite actresses of all time, plus it proves that Santa (and NYC Macy's commercialism) is real. Capitalism and the law is really what the holidays are all about.
7. Home Alone - best line that I recite WAY too much = "Buzz, your girlfriend... WOOF." Good memories with this one and watching it on TV every Thanksgiving for about 10 years.
8. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - animated version (F U Jim Carrey... though I never saw that one, I refuse on principle)
9. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - I may be stoned by some people for putting it so late on the list. I love Christmas Vacation, but I didn't actually see it fully (without TV editing) till a couple of years ago. Best scene = squirrel, hands down.
10. TIE! - The Santa Clause and Love Actually - The Santa Clause gets relegated to a tie because of the incessant number of sequels, but the original is actually pretty funny, and reminds us of the hey-day of Tim Allen. Love Actually is really one of the greatest movies I've seen ever, but it is relegated to a tie because though it has a Christmas slant, is totally watchable year around.

Holiday Songs Update - Worst of the Worst, and honorable mention

Bored during finals again... naturally... so in honor of our earlier post, Smurftastic presents the 5 worst Holiday songs of all time, and honorable mention for the greatest holiday songs.

First... the worst of the worst, in no particular order. What gets you to be the worst? General suckiness, ridiculousness that is not amusing, cheesiness, and the ability to get stuck in my head when I don't want you there. Feel free to leave your comments about songs that drive you nuts!

The 5 Worst Holiday Songs of All Time:

• Love on Layaway - Gloria Estefan
• The Little Drummer Boy - Anyone (I have the WEAKEST of tolerances for the Bowie/Crosby version... very weak... but it's there)
• Blue Christmas - Elvis
• Away in a Manger - Mannheim Steamroller (pretty much anything by Mannheim fits here because, seriously, they are the Enya of Christmas music... sorry DJVic and brother)
• Here Comes Santa Claus - Ludacris (featured in the credits for Fred Claus... just, well, awkward)

And now... for those of you who enjoyed the Greatest Holiday songs of all time... here are Smurftastic's honorable mentions:

• All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan - Kenny Chesney
• Wizard Chess - Harry and the Potters
• Angels We have Heard on High - Jesus (aka church music)
• Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - pretty much anyone
• Feliz Navidad - remember on Sesame Street Christmas when Big Bird ice skated to that song? AWESOME
• Run Rudolph, Run - Jimmy Buffett

Screw the writer's strike... we have bored law students during finals

What follows is an actual instant messenger conversation in which a movie was basically written. Try not to steal it. Because it WILL win the oscar. Enjoy.

Tex (1:55:03 PM): ok, i have a movie idea
Tex (1:55:15 PM): Smurftastic is... THE DIVORCE PLANNER
Smurftastic (2:05:44 PM): but that requires me to get married
Smurftastic (2:05:51 PM): whilst my true plan is just to get rich
Smurftastic (2:06:10 PM): and that have a HUGE party in which i wear a white dress, there is open bar, and we do the electric slide
Tex (1:55:38 PM): not really
Tex (1:55:46 PM): you can just plan each of my divorces for me
Tex (1:56:04 PM): Tex is a thrice-divorced attorney, living in new york
Tex (1:56:18 PM): he just got married and this time, he wants to make sure he gets his divorce right
Smurftastic (2:06:43 PM): and to avoid getting assraped by the Mrs.
Smurftastic (2:07:02 PM): he hires a spunky, talented, yet socially troubled law school buddy to help him w/ the prenup
Smurftastic (2:08:05 PM): it'll make you laugh, cry, and question your alcohol tolerance.
Tex (1:58:02 PM): and... we have our tagline
Tex (1:58:20 PM): you'll fall in love... before quickly falling out of love again
Smurftastic (2:08:35 PM): cultures clash as a corn fed alci from the midwest tries to navigate the complicated lovelife from a transplanted texan
Tex (2:00:14 PM): oh yes, it's the wedding planner meets fear and loathing in las vegas
Smurftastic (2:11:07 PM): does that make me j-lo? cause i need a bigger ass
Tex (2:01:05 PM): no no, that makes you mescalin
Smurftastic (2:12:27 PM): ps the movie will be rated R for male nudity, general profanity, multiple strip club scenes, and substance abuse
Tex (2:04:59 PM): the strip clubs in the movie will be called "The Penetration Station" and "The Hot Box"
Smurftastic (2:15:19 PM): can i drop out now and start writing?
Tex (2:05:14 PM): i already did
Smurftastic (2:16:48 PM): who should play you? or are we being damon-affleck about this?
Tex (2:07:02 PM): well, unless we are making a horror movie i probably shouldn't be the lead
Tex (2:07:06 PM): owen wilson
Tex (2:07:13 PM): because of the broken nose and he's from texas
Smurftastic (2:19:55 PM): i call reese witherspoon
Smurftastic (2:22:48 PM): also she's cute
Smurftastic (2:23:04 PM): hmmmmmmmmmm... who else could play me - if we are thinking divorce and disaster.... Britney?
Smurftastic (2:23:09 PM): but i don't like fried chicken that much
Tex (2:13:07 PM): i need a real bitch
Tex (2:13:12 PM): like the chick in saving silverman
Tex (2:13:29 PM): who would be a great bitch?
Smurftastic (2:25:45 PM): um. me.
Tex (2:15:36 PM): no way
Smurftastic (2:25:54 PM): plus it'd be fun to win an oscar
Smurftastic (2:26:02 PM): for both actress and screenplay
Smurftastic (2:26:34 PM): your wife will be....................
Smurftastic (2:27:11 PM): bridget moynahan
Smurftastic (2:27:16 PM): tainted goods w/ brady baby
Smurftastic (2:27:40 PM): so i can try and navigate the agreement so you still get brady's chiuld support money after you dump the bitch
Smurftastic (2:28:02 PM): which may lead to a scene in which i seduce brady (played by him) - to get him to agree to it
Smurftastic (2:30:24 PM): wife must be brunette so as to clash w/ my blonde ambition
Tex (2:20:45 PM): or my first wife was blonde, my second was a redhead, and now this new wife is a brunette
Tex (2:20:50 PM): there's a joke right there
Smurftastic (2:31:28 PM): I was your first wife... so there's drama w/ the divorce there
Smurftastic (2:31:51 PM): and i took so much from you that i sort of grew a conscience and want to prevent it from happening to you again
Smurftastic (2:32:11 PM): PLUS conflict of interest in that i don't want this new brunette bitch taking a percentage of my alimony
Smurftastic (2:32:15 PM): man this is getting complicated
Tex (2:22:21 PM): writing an oscar-winner is never easy
Tex (2:23:10 PM): but most importantly it can't have a happy ending
Tex (2:23:17 PM): the last scene must be me divorcing bridget
Smurftastic (2:33:37 PM): no not at all
Smurftastic (2:33:50 PM): NO the unhappy ending is that you paid so much in legal fees
Smurftastic (2:33:55 PM): but then stay happily married
Smurftastic (2:34:07 PM): you have a ball and chain forever
Smurftastic (2:34:12 PM): (insert ball joke here)
Tex (2:23:58 PM): we just wrapped up the entire male ages 13-200 demographic
Smurftastic (2:34:22 PM): and tom brady wraps up the chicks
Smurftastic (2:34:42 PM): literally
Smurftastic (2:34:43 PM): ZING
Tex (2:25:52 PM): bridget's character's name? monica scarpelli
Tex (2:30:35 PM): i bet this is how good will hunting was started
Tex (2:30:46 PM): well, this conversation + truckloads of douchebaggery
Tex (2:34:04 PM): this conversation will become a class at the USC film school some day
Smurftastic (2:45:01 PM): i should post it on my blog
Smurftastic (2:45:06 PM): so studios can start reading about it and raising money
Smurftastic (2:45:18 PM): FUCK YOU WRITERS STRIKE ... we have tex and smurftastic
Tex (2:35:07 PM): yeah, we need to start thinking about capital
Tex (2:42:29 PM): ok, so we have our primary cast
Tex (2:42:36 PM): what is the main obstacle for the movie in general
Smurftastic (2:56:10 PM): giving up your playboy lifestyle to settle down w/ a 3rd woman
Smurftastic (2:56:25 PM): or better yet, convincnig that 3rd woman to allow you to keep bitches on the side
Tex (2:46:24 PM): while simultaneously dealing with the emotional baggage from my past 2 failed marriages
Tex (2:46:47 PM): kind of like a greek tragedy
Tex (2:47:07 PM): i know i shouldn't get married, but i do anyway, and in the end i die
Tex (2:47:46 PM): your character is kind of like the muse, you give me good advice but i ignore it and i pay
Tex (2:48:56 PM): metaphorically die
Tex (2:49:01 PM): stay married in this case
Tex (2:49:45 PM): if we change it to where i've already been divorced three times then my exes could be the 3 witches from hamlet
Smurftastic (3:00:17 PM): bridget divorces you after catching you in bed w/ gisele
Smurftastic (3:00:30 PM): w/ a comical throwing hands up and saying "oh god not again"
Tex (2:50:35 PM): then one of those "wah wah wah" sound effects
Smurftastic (3:04:08 PM): clearly, lots of sound effects are needed in this movie
Tex (2:54:32 PM): and that effect what the camera zooms in on someone and the background falls back
Smurftastic (3:05:10 PM): in the bedroom, during gisele acts of indiscretion
Smurftastic (3:08:05 PM): what about artists/songs who should be on the soundtrack?
Smurftastic (3:08:17 PM): the dan band, of course
Tex (2:58:49 PM): i'd want some texas country in there
Tex (2:59:06 PM): and flogging molly for the obligatory 3rd bachelor party scene where i'm getting fucked up with all the guys
Smurftastic (3:09:26 PM): clearly
Tex (2:59:29 PM): and they keep making fun of me that my bachelor party is pretty much a yearly occasion
Smurftastic (3:12:01 PM): who is your best man played by?
Tex (3:02:01 PM): the guy from knocked up?
Smurftastic (3:12:25 PM): EXCELLENT
Smurftastic (3:12:54 PM): my very harried but head over heels in love with me assistant will be played by John Kraszinski
Smurftastic (3:13:06 PM): and we will wind up together in the end
Smurftastic (3:13:12 PM): having hooked up at your divorce party
Smurftastic (3:13:28 PM): but we will be so in love, that we won't need a divorce planner
Tex (3:03:18 PM): haha, from the death of my marriage springs the life of your marriage
Smurftastic (3:13:44 PM): so it's a happy ending for the supporting cast
Smurftastic (3:13:47 PM): but not for the star
Smurftastic (3:15:42 PM): i feel like you need to have humorous parents
Tex (3:05:37 PM): oh yeah, drunk as shit too
Tex (3:05:43 PM): perpetually shitfaced
Tex (3:06:59 PM): played by liam nieson and ...
Tex (3:07:04 PM): i think liam could do comedy
Tex (3:07:21 PM): who's a good old irish actress?
Smurftastic (3:19:19 PM): um the website i found says mary tyler moore is irish
Tex (3:10:42 PM): nope, denis leary is my father
Tex (3:11:28 PM): i can't pick my own movie mom, i trust you
Smurftastic (3:22:17 PM): i wish maureen o'hara was still alive
Smurftastic (3:22:19 PM): i love her
Smurftastic (3:22:44 PM): OH i figured out the reason why I was your first divorce
Tex (3:13:07 PM): my parents loved you more because you could booze up to their standards?
Smurftastic (3:23:26 PM): you found out i was scottish'
Tex (3:13:18 PM): same thing
Smurftastic (3:23:44 PM): haha - maureen ohara is still alive
Smurftastic (3:24:47 PM): grandma ohara
Smurftastic (3:24:51 PM): drunken senile grandma
Smurftastic (3:25:39 PM): you have no mom
Smurftastic (3:25:44 PM): she left when you were a baby
Smurftastic (3:25:50 PM): setting you up for relationship failure
Smurftastic (3:26:04 PM): she was a stripper
Tex (3:23:26 PM): i bet we could get powers whiskey to pay a lot of cash for product placement
Tex (3:23:36 PM): and marlboro
Smurftastic (3:33:58 PM): what about jamesons?
Smurftastic (3:34:09 PM): perhaps your bachelor party should be at the guinness brewery
Smurftastic (3:34:21 PM): to visit grandma, cause she lives there
Tex (3:24:14 PM): turn the top bar into a strip club
Tex (3:30:39 PM): start thinking about how we'll do the opening credits
Tex (3:30:54 PM): i'm thinking me narrating my previous 2 divorces
Smurftastic (3:41:30 PM): start w/ teh second one - and then as you talk about the first, camera zooms in on me at work
Smurftastic (3:41:48 PM): but your narration will be accompanied by black and white pictures detailing the event

Seriously, who WOULDN'T go see this movie?

Movie Review: Snakes on a Plane

So in a fit of finals relaxation, the roommates and I are watching Snakes on a Plane. Um. Wow. This movie is... well, PHENOMENAL. No sarcasm here. Seriously. This movie is actually good. Well not really good. Like hilariously bad good. I totally have to watch this movie again.



Here are the good things about Snakes on a Plane

1. Samuel L. Jackson saying things like "Sit yo ass down!" This, of course, is immediately before he gives a speech along the lines of "I deal with life and death situations every day, and we aren't going to get through this unless we work together." Also, in the movie, his name is Neville.
2. Boa constrictor falls through the ceiling. Eats a guy. Swallows his head whole (that's what she said)
3. Snake bite on a booby.
4. Snake bite on a wang.
5. Todd Packer from the Office is a co-pilot
6. Julianna Margulies makes a comeback. Unfortunately her ER skills did not transfer, cause she probably could have saved a life or two. But she doesn't
7. Sucking venom from a snake bite - sucking you know, something else, comparisons. NICE.
8. Keenan from Keenan and Kel
9. People getting impaled
10. Lots of stereotypes being furthered. Phrase "brother from another mother" is actually used.
11. Surf scenes
12. Closing credits music video

All in all, I would suggest you watch this. No joke. Don't watch it alone. And it would probably better with some sort of booze involved.

Oh also, there is a straight to DVD sequel, Snakes on a Train. Thank YOU imdb.com

Greatest Holiday Songs of All Time

Well, it's that time of year. So in honor of the season... we present to you the Greatest Holiday Songs of All Time... meticulously compiled during a pointless and boring Admin review session.



This is supposed to be a Top 10 Comparision by each of us... but DJ Vic points out: "I only have 6 because I don't like holiday music very much". SO 10 from Smurftastic (who is inappropriately obsessed with Christmas music), and 6 from DJ Vic. Here goes.



Smurftastic #10:
I'll be Home for Christmas - Kenny Chesney

Reasoning: adds a nice little island beat to an all-over good christmas song

DJ Vic Response - Country and Christmas are always a good mix



Smurftastic #9:

Messiah excerpt/Because it's Christmas - Barry Manilow

Reasoning: Oh yeah, it's a song combo... pretty cheesy, but heartwarming. And who doesn't at least have some familiarity with Handel's Messiah? Plus Manilow's Christmas album is decently great. And Manilow is Jewish. And a gay sex icon. Non discrimination is important this time of year.



Smurftastic #8:

Dick in a Box - Justin Timberlake and Andy Sandberg

Reasoning: supports all holidays. Including the CMAs, which I am a HUGE fan of, obviously

DJ Vic Response - I'd take Justin Timberlak's dick in a box for Christmas any year. Though I doubt my parents....I mean "Santa"....could afford that gift



Smurftastic #7:

O Holy Night - NSYNC

Reasoning: plays to my love of 5 part harmonies, NSYNC, A capella, and this song in general

DJ Vic Response - Wow. O Holy Night is my favorite X-mas song

Distraction discussion about boy bands: Animal could be mistaken for an NSYNC member given certain hat and clothing choices, particularly the pink argyle sweater w/ newsboy cap
but bald boys aren't allowed in boy bands - cause you can't spike/frost the tips of bald



DJVictorious # 6 (FINALLY!)

Merry Christmas Baby - Bruce Springsteen

Reasoning: Rockin' - and shows my new-found Jersey pride - insert fist pump



Smurftastic #6

The Chanukah Song - Adam Sandler

Reasoning: Because racism is bad, and we at somepeopleknit do not support bad things (except bad life choices we really like those because they provide mocking/judging material) - Unfortunately, I don't know many kwanzaa songs... or festivus songs... or other winter holiday related songs. Don't be mad.



DJ Victorious #5:

anything Mannheim Steamroller

Reasoning: They're VERY big in Pittsburgh- No seriously - they make me feel like it's the holidays - I think my brother owns every Mannheim Steamroller album ever recorded - AND he's seem them live

Smurftastic Response: i'm relegating this to the worst, it's like the enya of holiday music



Smurftastic #5:

Baby It's Cold Outside - Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel - Elf Soundtrack

Reasoning: Kind of a romantic song which promotes substance abuse. Bring it on. Also am pretty sure this song is about date rape. Oh well.
DJ Victorious response: My grandpa really likes Leon Redbone.



DJ Victorious #4:

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby & David Bowie

Reasoning: Bowie is god

Smurftastic Response: that is a decent version, however, that song and all versions is #2 on my worst xmas songs of all time, but this is actually the only version i can stand because bowie sings OVER the stupid par rum ing



Smurftastic #4:

All I want for Christmas is You - Olivia Olson - Love Actually Soundtrack

Reasoning: Cause Mariah is bat shit CRAZY, but it's a great song

DJ Vic Response: Mimi isn't crazy....she's misguided

Smurftastic rebuttal: Wow. You just called her Mimi. Judging you.

DJVictorious #3:

Twelve Days of Christmas: John Denver & the Muppets

Reasoning: I listen to this album EVERY YEAR, IT'S AMAZING, The best part is when Miss Piggy warbles "5 Goooollldeen Riiiiiinggssss", Fantastic

Smurftastic response: wow BOLD, i've actually never heard that song but i do love john

Smurftastic #3:

Christmas Time is Here - Alvin and the Chipmunks

Reasoning: Because if you don't love this song, you are a terrible person. Plus I sing a great falsetto... also i am probably going to see the new Chipmunks movie - i judge myself, but i can't deny who I am

DJVictorious Response: John (he's the Chipmunk's "dad" right?) is such a pedophile

DJVictorious #2:

All I Want For Christmas is You: Mariah Carey

Reasoning: Might be the best song ever recorded, and the hipster kids LOVE it - and not just ironically

Smurftastic response: See my #4

Smurftastic #2:

Merry Christmas Happy Holidays - NSYNC

Reasoning: OK there are 2 NSYNC songs on here. I admit it. But you know what? Their Christmas album is AWESOME. Just fantastic. I don't even feel bad about my obsession. I have been known to listen to it in July. And nothing brings up a crappy finals mood like this song and its bouncy piano accompaniment

DJVictorious response: 2 NSYNC - quite a move... i'll take your word for it.

DJVictorious #1:

Christmas in Hollis - Run DMC

"You really need to see the video to fully appreciate."

Smurftastic response: Nice. Keep up the ethnic/music genre diversity

Smurftastic #1:

I Wanna Rock You Hard This Christmas - The Dan Band

Reasoning: Difficult to truly explain the awesomeness of this song. You have to hear it for yourself. Here are some selected lines to whet your appetite: "Fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy", "Deck the halls with your Christmas balls"

DJVictorious response: speechless - this is what the holidays are truly about, not this peace on earth bullshit

blnd44illini (3:09:13 PM): oh this song also features the line 'peace on earth'
blnd44illini (3:09:18 PM): but in an inappropriate context
blnd44illini (3:09:23 PM): which is the best time for it
blnd44illini (3:09:32 PM): also - santa hooks up w/ grandma
DJvictoriousT (3:09:51 PM): I bet santa gets alot of tang
DJvictoriousT (3:09:59 PM): he's a pretty powerful guy
blnd44illini (3:10:11 PM): cushion for the pushin?
DJvictoriousT (3:10:19 PM): exactly

Happy Holidays everyone! Get excited for more holiday related countdowns as we get bored during finals weeks.

Bachelor Blog - FINALE!

Wow. Just wow. Little intro is needed about this PHENOMENAL Bachelor finale. Jenni vs. Deanna. Giggles vs. Normal by comparison.

First things first. Smurftastic is watching her first Illini basketball game of the season, and has a few things that she is excited to share with each of you. 1) MICHAEL JORDAN is there. And he's wearing orange and blue. GOD. DAMN. RIGHT. 2) First Jay Bilas sighting of the season. The boys have Erin Andrews. I have Jay Bilas and Digger Phelps' matching highlighter. YUM.

A few other preBachelor thoughts:

blnd44illini (10:04:13 PM): I would like first discuss the 20 minutes of Dancing with the Stars I saw tonight
blnd44illini (10:04:24 PM): ummmmmmmm Scary spice got HUUUUUUGE boobs
DJvictoriousT (10:04:43 PM): brad looks pensive
DJvictoriousT (10:04:50 PM): maybe he say scary spices boobs
blnd44illini (10:05:05 PM): they were frightening ... or SCARY - zing
blnd44illini (10:37:03 PM): did ANYONE besides me see that Bruno and Carrie Ann from Dancing with the Stars are getting their own show?
blnd44illini (10:37:16 PM): IT FEATURES BRUNO DANCING and possibly singing
DJvictoriousT (10:39:05 PM): very saturday night fever - i'm going to the casting call
DJvictoriousT (10:40:00 PM): we can blog about it

Deanna arrives to meet Brad's family (which includes the non-twin/non-cute brother)... and Deanna is wearing an...

blnd44illini (10:05:13 PM): ORANGE shirt
blnd44illini (10:05:16 PM): i want deanna to win
blnd44illini (10:05:18 PM): it's done
DJvictoriousT (10:05:27 PM): go illini!
DJvictoriousT (10:06:01 PM): who's that other dude?
DJvictoriousT (10:06:06 PM): the non-twin?
blnd44illini (10:06:34 PM): they don't show him much... he must be less cute
blnd44illini (10:06:37 PM): mom just said "petting"
DJvictoriousT (10:06:59 PM): deanna would do well as a trial attorney....she answers questions directly
blnd44illini (10:07:22 PM): true - she seems so down to earth - but i wonder if that's just in comparison with jenni

Brothers push Brad in the pool - haha they are so playful (giggle):

DJvictoriousT (10:07:58 PM): that was a set-up
Jeflow1 (10:08:09 PM): Jeff just said the same thing!
DJvictoriousT (10:08:09 PM): chris wanted to see the boys wet
Jeflow1 (10:08:19 PM): In goes Mom?
blnd44illini (10:08:25 PM): gratuitous wet tshirt contest
Jeflow1 (10:11:29 PM): Alright, I called Deanna as the winner from the first show. Jeff thinks Jenni (the dancing clown) will win. Girls...your picks?
blnd44illini (10:12:25 PM): I want Deanna... but i think he'll pick Jenni based on the clips from the beginning of the show - but i feel like Jenni will say "no I won't move to texas"
DJvictoriousT (10:12:49 PM): I agree with smurftastic
blnd44illini (10:13:01 PM): her heart belongs to the phoenix suns
DJvictoriousT (10:13:39 PM): i do love omaire stoudemaire
DJvictoriousT (10:13:51 PM): i most likely spelled that wrong
blnd44illini (10:14:04 PM): a respectable attempt, to say the least

Jenni arrives to meet the family... mom seems less than impressed when Jenni won't say she's in love with him.

blnd44illini (10:16:34 PM): I think her laugh may be more annoying than fran drescher

Brad sits w/ his mom to discuss the ladies.

Jeflow1 (10:17:24 PM): Here comes the real truth from Mom
Jeflow1 (10:18:14 PM): I don't buy it. You either know or you don't know.
Jeflow1 (10:18:23 PM): But, then there would be no show.
Jeflow1 (10:19:10 PM): if he can't choose between two of them...then neither is the right choice.

The girls have one more night to convince Brad they're the one for him - Deanna bakes him cookies and makes lasagna

DJvictoriousT (10:22:53 PM): Now...I don't doubt Deanna likes him....but I feel like she's trying to convince herself she "loves" him
blnd44illini (10:23:07 PM): BAKING - total Smurftastic move - and w/ the orange...
DJvictoriousT (10:24:55 PM): you know what brad needs to help guide his decision.....a drunk "Animal"

Commercial break - day after Thanksgiving shopping ads:

blnd44illini (10:27:20 PM): um are you guys seeing the kohl's commercial?
blnd44illini (10:27:26 PM): 4 AM? seriously?
blnd44illini (10:27:41 PM): that is one hell of an early bird special
Jeflow1 (10:27:54 PM): wall-mart opens at 5am
Jeflow1 (10:28:07 PM): i may do both
Jeflow1 (10:28:13 PM): so may brad
blnd44illini (10:31:43 PM): i think he already did - ZING

Jenni gets weepy when she tries to tell him her true feelings. Gives him her journal, and reads it to Brad.

DJvictoriousT (10:32:38 PM): showing vulnerability....could backfire....could work
blnd44illini (10:33:45 PM): YES GIFT
DJvictoriousT (10:33:53 PM): collage?
DJvictoriousT (10:33:55 PM): poem?
blnd44illini (10:34:01 PM): dance shoes?
DJvictoriousT (10:34:23 PM): poem!
DJvictoriousT (10:34:25 PM): i win!
blnd44illini (10:34:38 PM): is this a poem or prose ?
blnd44illini (10:34:40 PM): it doesn't rhyme
blnd44illini (10:34:48 PM): but it MAY be in iambic pentameter
Jeflow1 (10:34:50 PM): it's not a poem...it doesn't rhyme
DJvictoriousT (10:34:53 PM): she's a "real" poet. real poets don't rhyme
blnd44illini (10:35:03 PM): that's not true. Tupac rhymed
DJvictoriousT (10:35:22 PM): OMG
DJvictoriousT (10:35:25 PM): and you're right
DJvictoriousT (10:35:29 PM): good tupac reference
blnd44illini (10:35:51 PM): it's all for you

Brad gets ready to break one of the ladies' hearts.

Jeflow1 (10:40:44 PM): brad should've shaved
DJvictoriousT (10:41:21 PM): jenni goes first
DJvictoriousT (10:41:27 PM): could be a bad sign

Jenni gets rejected:

blnd44illini (10:42:45 PM): OWNED
DJvictoriousT (10:42:51 PM): wow
blnd44illini (10:42:52 PM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS orange ALWAYS wins
blnd44illini (10:43:58 PM): even when crying, Jenni seems smiley
DJvictoriousT (10:44:06 PM): she kind of looks like a muppet
DJvictoriousT (10:44:12 PM): but i like muppets
blnd44illini (10:44:22 PM): HAHA her hair got caught in his stubble
blnd44illini (10:44:41 PM): almost as good as a snot bubble, which i am also watching for
DJvictoriousT (10:45:01 PM): she's keeping it together remarkably well
DJvictoriousT (10:45:13 PM): respectble exit
blnd44illini (10:45:29 PM): we haven't heard the limo interview yet
Jeflow1 (10:46:05 PM): was that a cb behind her?
blnd44illini (10:46:10 PM): HARRISON
Jeflow1 (10:46:15 PM): breaker breaker
blnd44illini (10:46:24 PM): she has said "whole wide world" twice in the limo alone

Brad talks about his feelings for Deanna

Jeflow1 (10:50:12 PM): double dumping ?
blnd44illini (10:50:14 PM): i don't know how i feel about this dress... but they match... so that's nice
blnd44illini (10:50:29 PM): dump her and bring back hillary?
DJvictoriousT (10:51:12 PM): do you think harrison put him up to this so he could bang jenni?
Jeflow1 (10:51:24 PM): well yes

As soon as Brad tells Deanna he sent Jenni home, he starts pulling at his tie, and then leaves the "proposal platform" to...???? Deanna looks confused... mirroring our emotions.

blnd44illini (10:51:54 PM): ummmmmmmm what is going on
Jeflow1 (10:51:54 PM): wow
blnd44illini (10:51:58 PM): holy crap holy crap
DJvictoriousT (10:52:07 PM): is he having a heart attack?
Jeflow1 (10:52:09 PM): wigging out
blnd44illini (10:52:18 PM): Did they just do a twin switch?

Brad dumps Deanna. That's right. He dumped them both.

DJvictoriousT (10:52:36 PM): holy shit!
blnd44illini (10:52:58 PM): OH MY GOD
blnd44illini (10:53:11 PM): double dump - Jeff was right about not being sure about anyone
Jeflow1 (10:53:27 PM): thank you
Jeflow1 (10:53:30 PM): rookies
DJvictoriousT (10:53:29 PM): in some way....brad just brought respectability back to the Bachelor
DJvictoriousT (10:53:37 PM): i applaud him
blnd44illini (10:54:02 PM): and here is deanna w/ the cross examination
DJvictoriousT (10:54:27 PM): she is pissed!
blnd44illini (10:55:13 PM): WOW... harrison threesome action is imminent
DJvictoriousT (10:55:33 PM): harrison planned the whole thing! - that cad!
blnd44illini (10:55:39 PM): OR brad confesses he has fallen in love w/ harrison - and there is a gay makeout

Deanna's limo interview:

blnd44illini (10:56:55 PM): come on dee dee give me a snot bubble ... F BOMB
blnd44illini (10:57:39 PM): i feel like jenni will need to be informed that he also dumped dee dee DJvictoriousT (10:57:51 PM): that would ease the pain slightly

Final shot: Just Brad sitting alone next to the rose pedestal.

DJvictoriousT (10:57:56 PM): is he crying?
blnd44illini (10:58:19 PM): SERIOUSLY - no explanation?
DJvictoriousT (10:58:22 PM): wow

Credits shot is just Deanna walking slowly back to her room. Alone.

blnd44illini (10:59:47 PM): i want harrison to come behind her w/ no pants on
DJvictoriousT (11:10:07 PM): i'm actually kind of disturbed by this ending
blnd44illini (11:10:38 PM): I am liking it more and more by the minute
blnd44illini (11:10:46 PM): i bet the producers were PISSED at him

So. Yeah. He dumped them both. I don't really know what else to say. Besides... THOSE CHICKS GOT OWNED! Just. wow. Way to go Brad. Maybe ABC signed him for 2 seasons of this because of the writer's strike. I would watch it again... not gonna lie. "After the Final Rose" is tomorrow... maybe live blog, maybe not... we like to keep you guessing. For now, the Fighting Illini are leading Arizona State by 20 points with 9 mins to go in the 1st half. Suddenly am less apprehensive about our prospects this season. Go Illini!

Bachelor Blog - Women Tell All

Tonight was ABC’s attempt to create anticipation for the climax of our favorite Bachelor’s quest for love….the seasonal “Women Tell All” episode. This is when the claws come out, the ladies get to hear all of the shit talked about them behind their backs, and the public gets to express their sympathy for the girls who didn’t get roses – either because they really deserved a rose, or more likely, because they appear so desperate and pathetic we all feel sorry for them and feel better about ourselves because at least last time we were dumped it wasn’t on national television, while wearing an unflattering prom dress and sobbing in a limo with make-up running down our cheeks.

Bring on the bitchiness!

The overwhelming question of the night:
blnd44illini (10:20:37 PM): who is more desperate... the contestants, or the women who are the audience at these shows?
Discuss.

Curtain rises:

The Bachelor stylists try to set the mood as the studio is filled with the standard “bachelor pad” furnishing: candles and roses

DJvictoriousT (10:24:54 PM): i should buy stock in whatever company supplies the votive candle holders and tea lights for this show

Jeflow1 (10:25:24 PM): Those used in the over-night dates would make you a wealthy woman.

blnd44illini (10:26:43 PM): or responsible for starting the california wild fires

blnd44illini (10:26:45 PM): (too soon?0

The rejected ladies Brad didn’t find rose-worthy are re-introduced to the viewing audience. Key characteristics of each lovely lady jog our memory as to why they 1) were on the show in the first place, or 2) were kicked off

DJvictoriousT (10:10:42 PM): i don't remember any of these chicks

blnd44illini (10:10:53 PM): solisa is the whorish one

blnd44illini (10:11:22 PM): Jade's bangs are awful

Jeflow1 (10:14:35 PM): Is that the girl from the Wonder Years?

Jeflow1 (10:14:42 PM): Pink dress, back row.

Hillary, arguably the most memorable contestant, given her theatrical hyperventilating exit in a 3-sizes-too-small dress, is featured in a montage of sorts, which highlights her expert use of sound-bites. I’ve got to give it to Hillary – she knows how to get camera time. Kudos.

blnd44illini (10:11:37 PM): HOTTER THAN DAVID BECKHAM?

blnd44illini (10:11:43 PM): blasphemy hillary. blasphemy

blnd44illini (10:13:00 PM): waiiiiiiiit... did she just say she smelled like a fish taco???

DJvictoriousT (10:13:08 PM): yes

blnd44illini (10:13:12 PM): woooooooow

DJvictoriousT (10:13:14 PM): hillary needs her own show

blnd44illini (10:13:24 PM): i bet she's the bachelorette

blnd44illini (10:13:43 PM): she might be too emotional

blnd44illini (10:13:53 PM): i think chris just laughed in her face... way to go

Jeflow1 (10:20:54 PM): Jeff said Hillary should run for President

DJvictoriousT (10:21:00 PM): agreed

blnd44illini (10:21:00 PM): haha

blnd44illini (10:21:20 PM): hillary clinton would def win if she cried as much as bachelor hillary

Chris “I’ll make your ass look like a fool on national television if you don’t give me some *wink* *wink* in the post-rose-ceremony limo” Harrison, starts openly mocking Hillary for not understanding that Brad wanted to be “just friends”. We again get to see Hillary’s painful melt-down when she doesn’t get a rose – and this is a literal melt-down – her smeared make-up makes it looks like her face is falling off and her dress appears to be eating her body.

Jeflow1 (10:16:14 PM): Get your kleenex...here comes the cryer

DJvictoriousT (10:21:41 PM): oh - i remember that painful episode - when hillary wasn't getting the "friends" speech

Jeflow1 (10:22:13 PM): Can her dress be any tighter?

blnd44illini (10:23:04 PM): Chris harrison wishes she was wearing the tight dress again. he loves the boobies

Jeflow1 (10:24:01 PM): Nice, Chris!

DJvictoriousT (10:52:39 PM): wow - chris is holding nothing back with hillary

blnd44illini (10:52:50 PM): i think hillary rejected him in the limo

blnd44illini (10:24:05 PM): Harrison is full of the zings today

Chris tries to instigate some hair pulling and nail scratching by showing clips of all of girls saying nasty things about each other. McCarten, resident bitch, assumes the responsibility of stating one of my favorite requisite reality TV rules: it’s okay to say not nice things about people, as long as you say it to their face. Riiiiiighttttt. We here at “Some People Knit” obviously have a hard time with this concept.

Jeflow1 (10:14:09 PM): cat fight

Jeflow1 (10:14:51 PM): McCarten is an ass.

blnd44illini (10:15:29 PM): dear McCarten... this does not concern you. SHut the f up

DJvictoriousT (10:15:31 PM): Where did McCarten grow up? All girls talk shit behind each others' backs

.

Chris goes for some one-on-one time with Bettina – the last to leave. There really aren’t any good things to say about Bettina. I mean, Hillary might be certifiably insane, but at least she has a personality.

Jeflow1 (10:28:45 PM): Don't like her.

DJvictoriousT (10:28:48 PM): i think bettina might be heavily medicated

DJvictoriousT (10:28:52 PM): prozac?

blnd44illini (10:29:00 PM): i think stronger than prozac

blnd44illini (10:29:06 PM): vicoden?

blnd44illini (10:29:13 PM): horse tranquilizer?

Jeflow1 (10:29:22 PM): combination skin

DJvictoriousT (10:29:57 PM): i can see bettina going total fatal attraction

Jeflow1 (10:30:00 PM): Stephen King Dad

DJvictoriousT (10:30:09 PM): aghhhh!!!!

Jeflow1 (10:30:10 PM): Freak!

DJvictoriousT (10:30:22 PM): wait...was her first husband actually her dad?

DJvictoriousT (10:30:26 PM): this would explain alot

blnd44illini (10:30:37 PM): maybe her first husband is buried under the floorboards

Jeflow1 (10:30:37 PM): Dad lost it for her.

Jeflow1 (10:31:01 PM): Bad complexion.

DJvictoriousT (10:31:13 PM): times like this i wish i had HDTV

DJvictoriousT (10:31:27 PM): for full skin-judgment potential

Jeflow1 (10:31:30 PM): HD is not good to her.

Jeflow1 (10:31:39 PM): Its real bad.

Chris brings Sheena to the stage. Her fashionable attire includes some sort of complicated belt. The exchange is pretty tame, probably because Sheena seems somewhat normal (even though her mother might technically live on another planet).

blnd44illini (10:39:22 PM): i wish sheena's mom were a guest

Jeflow1 (10:39:31 PM): nice bat utility belt

DJvictoriousT (10:40:25 PM): she needs the bat utility belt in case she has to walk down another set of stairs -2 falls on national television would be social suicide

ABC has obviously done their research and understands their target audience because they once again try to pull the ol’ twin-switcheroo on us. We won’t be fooled this time! After a short session with Chad, they finally give us the goods as Brad, the sexiest Bachelor EVER takes the stage.

Jeflow1 (10:35:02 PM): Brad and his twin brother to come!

blnd44illini (10:42:43 PM): yessssss twin test again

DJvictoriousT (10:42:44 PM): not again!

Jeflow1 (10:44:20 PM): dolt

Jeflow1 (10:44:37 PM): double dolt

DJvictoriousT (10:51:12 PM): i think brad stole that velvet jacket out of brett's closet

blnd44illini (10:52:38 PM): HAHA brett doesn't need it cause he's watching the niners today

Bettina confronts Brad. Awkwardness follows. Seems to confirm why Brad really gave her the rose over Sheena.

blnd44illini (10:53:36 PM): you got the rose cause i know you'd be kinkier in cabo than sheena

Jeflow1 (10:54:12 PM): bettina sheets

What we learned:

#1. Jeflow1 (10:56:28 PM): kind of a lame show

#2. DJvictoriousT (10:57:02 PM): i think we should nominate someone to be the next bachelor

#3. blnd44illini (11:01:56 PM): jenni and deanna had the best dresses on day 1

blnd44illini (11:02:01 PM): we should have known they'd stay

DJvictoriousT (11:02:17 PM): you're right - this is a life lesson for all women

Next week we find out who Brad picks – can you handle the excitement?! Our pre-game thoughts:

blnd44illini (11:03:13 PM): ok final pics for the winner?

DJvictoriousT (11:03:18 PM): jenni

Jeflow1 (11:03:30 PM): Deanna from day 1

blnd44illini (11:04:01 PM): i think it'll be deanna - jenni is WAY too happy to keep around all the time

blnd44illini (11:04:34 PM): but that chemistry w/ jenni is OOC

Who will Brad choose? Stay tuned…….

.

.

Bachelor Blog - FANTASY SUITE night

Brief thoughts as I'm catching up on Bachelor:

1) Jenni straight up asked for the fantasy suite card. I know he's hot. But let's decrease the whore quotient... just a bit.
2) Bettina's response on the boat... "Brad looked really hot." So romantic. He got a handjob... minimum in the ocean. Pre fantasy date hookup? Classy. Bettina is SO gone. She should have been gone last week. But DJ Vic and I developed a theory today. Brad kept her around cause he knew she'd be easy to get in the fantasy suite. Easier than crazy Sheena ('s mom) at least.
3) Buggy driving w/ Deanna. Big fan of the fact that she kicked his ass. Wow... all of these girls straight up said before the dinner that they were planning on boning him. Is this show still PG? Deanna is really matter of fact when she's telling him that she loves him. Seems a bit like she's rehearsed this. But it's better than crying cause you're so overcome w/ emotion.
4) Rose Ceremony. Brad says the weather is tumultuous. In that one word, he said more syllables than last season's Andy did in an entire episode. Jenni looks like a whore, Bettina is wearing an old lady dress... and Deanna looks classy. She is my favorite of the ones left. Least annoying. Bettina knows she's not getting a rose before he even says it. The look between Deanna and Jenni after Bettina leaves is one of pure hatred. I wish they could just arm wrestle for the ring next week. Bettina handling things surprisingly well. She's had divorce practice though (zing). OH F-bomb from Bettina. I like it. More F-bombs... fewer tears.

Bachelor Blog - HOMETOWN DATES

Sorry for all the delay on Bachelor Blogs. Here's one (out of order)... from 2 episodes ago. DJ Victorious is not present in this one, so it's not as in depth (or sexxxxxxxxxy... rarr)...

So this is the hometown date episode, where we all get to find out how CRAZY all these girls' families are... and what they'll look like when they get older. Mom... grandma... yeesh.

blnd44illini (10:02:16 PM): the lack of your niece online right now is very disappointing
Jeflow1 (10:02:45 PM): Hmmm...where is she?

First up, Phoenix Suns dancer, Jenni from Wichita
We get to see Brad getting ready for the date:

blnd44illini (10:04:28 PM): ah gratuitous shower scene
blnd44illini (10:04:33 PM): not unnecessary at all

We see Jenni waiting for Brad

Jeflow1 (10:04:42 PM): Hey smiley
Jeflow1 (10:04:58 PM): Cheerleader clap!
blnd44illini (10:05:05 PM): she'sWAY too giddy
blnd44illini (10:05:13 PM): that wasn't even a good cheerleader clap
Jeflow1 (10:05:13 PM): Nice teeth...all 300 of them.
blnd44illini (10:05:18 PM): that was a whore cheerleader clap

Jenni performs her first on stage dance ever for Brad

blnd44illini (10:05:36 PM): dancing... on a pole
Jeflow1 (10:05:43 PM): laughs way too much.
Jeflow1 (10:05:53 PM): oh, the hand kisser too
Jeflow1 (10:06:06 PM): Hee, hee, hee, hee...puke!
Jeflow1 (10:06:16 PM): Are you kidding me?
Jeflow1 (10:06:32 PM): What is she hoping to get by doing this?
blnd44illini (10:06:41 PM): the lack of music is creeptastic

We finally meet the family. Grandma is, well, INDESCRIBABLE. Mostly because we can't understand what she's saying. It's like drunken stroke victim from the deep south. OUCH.

Jeflow1 (10:08:14 PM): Gremlin Grandma
blnd44illini (10:08:20 PM): YESSSS creepy grandparents
blnd44illini (10:08:28 PM): they're my faves
Jeflow1 (10:08:23 PM): Nice eye makeup
Jeflow1 (10:12:15 PM): I think she's excited.
blnd44illini (10:12:33 PM): that's so unlike her
Jeflow1 (10:12:31 PM): OK...not diggin the baby talk
blnd44illini (10:12:42 PM): hand kiss AGAIN
Jeflow1 (10:13:10 PM): Grandma looks like a smoker
blnd44illini (10:13:31 PM): and a scotch drinker
blnd44illini (10:13:37 PM): and by drinker i mean drunk right now
Jeflow1 (10:13:39 PM): Does she speak English?
blnd44illini (10:14:10 PM): GRANDMA just said walking baby factory

Jenni's mom washes Brad's hair for 1 on 1 time:

Jeflow1 (10:14:34 PM): OK...her breasts are in his face.
Jeflow1 (10:14:43 PM): I think Mom has it for him.
Jeflow1 (10:14:52 PM): Mom has dirty elbows
blnd44illini (10:15:17 PM): ummmmmmm you know how they say you should look at the mom and grandma to see what daughter will look like when she gets old?
blnd44illini (10:15:27 PM): brad should be pretty scared
Jeflow1 (10:15:26 PM): Exactly
blnd44illini (10:15:33 PM): i bet she can keep him REAL busy
Jeflow1 (10:16:18 PM): Nice...Dad making him feel real comfortable
Jeflow1 (10:16:50 PM): Dad's a drinker too
Jeflow1 (10:17:07 PM): Baby talk, baby talk.
Jeflow1 (10:17:12 PM): Smiley
Jeflow1 (10:17:30 PM): Third hand kiss is a charm
blnd44illini (10:18:42 PM): god w/ the crying
blnd44illini (10:18:49 PM): he's such a sucker for the crying
Jeflow1 (10:19:20 PM): It seems like she's in the lead...there's got to be something wrong with her.

Now we head to Sheena's house. Mom is putting on the ridiculous pressure.

Jeflow1 (10:24:16 PM): dad dyes his hair
blnd44illini (10:25:03 PM): i think he uses the same color as the mom
blnd44illini (10:25:09 PM): did her mom just ask his sign?
blnd44illini (10:25:17 PM): is this a seventies porno?
Jeflow1 (10:25:55 PM): bev wants him
blnd44illini (10:26:02 PM): Mom seems to want to make out w/ him
blnd44illini (10:26:19 PM): too creepy about the signs - i think she's high
blnd44illini (10:27:26 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmm
blnd44illini (10:27:36 PM): i am uncomfortable watching this
blnd44illini (10:27:48 PM): i think mom might be the deal breaker
blnd44illini (10:28:12 PM): she obviously never read "The Rules"
Jeflow1 (10:28:24 PM): mom will join them in the jacuzzi
blnd44illini (10:29:01 PM): "oh brad, i forgot my swimsuit... but the stars align"

Now we head to Deanna's house

blnd44illini (10:35:37 PM): i enjoy this dad
blnd44illini (10:35:44 PM): he seems less like a pedophile

Grandma and Grandpa arrive... and break out the... SHOTS? NICE!

Jeflow1 (10:37:58 PM): let the party begin
blnd44illini (10:38:30 PM): grandpa and grandma GET AFTER IT
Jeflow1 (10:39:19 PM): wow
Jeflow1 (10:39:34 PM): we may have a winner

Now to Bettina the divorcee's house.

Jeflow1 (10:40:17 PM): wow her dad is stephen king
blnd44illini (10:42:08 PM): at least we know she has money?
blnd44illini (10:42:16 PM): and will probably kill him in his sleep
Jeflow1 (10:43:05 PM): silly girl
blnd44illini (10:44:22 PM): dad's hair is ridiculous
blnd44illini (10:46:01 PM): mom's a bitch
Jeflow1 (10:46:40 PM): hag
blnd44illini (10:46:48 PM): ewwwwwwww auntie is not cute
Jeflow1 (10:47:31 PM): ease up spock
blnd44illini (10:48:17 PM): this is why you should never date someone who has little dogs
Jeflow1 (10:48:45 PM): only stephen king would name his dog scary

Basically Bettina's family treated brad like COMPLETE garbage. When he called her out on it... She's like "whatever I don't look good on paper either." Brad gets pissed, Bettina shoves her foot farther and farther into her mouth by insulting Brad to... alleviate the tension?....

blnd44illini (10:49:31 PM): punch her brad
blnd44illini (10:49:31 PM): do it
Jeflow1 (10:49:56 PM): bettini we hardly knew ya
blnd44illini (10:50:48 PM): yeah peace out
blnd44illini (10:51:01 PM): i've never felt so confident in a "not getting a rose" pick
Jeflow1 (10:52:36 PM): and she has awful hair

ROSE CEREMONY

Jeflow1 (10:52:56 PM): can deanna steal one of jenny's smiles
Jeflow1 (10:53:59 PM): can bettina be saved by sheena's mom?????
blnd44illini (10:54:11 PM): i don't know
blnd44illini (10:54:14 PM): crazy vs. bitch
blnd44illini (10:54:18 PM): the ultimate battle

Sooooo Bettina gets a rose and Sheena is sent home.

blnd44illini (10:54:21 PM): WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
blnd44illini (10:54:25 PM): NO WAY
blnd44illini (10:54:26 PM): NO WAY
blnd44illini (10:54:38 PM): that is RIDICULOUS
Jeflow1 (10:54:35 PM): sheena's mom was the deal breaker
blnd44illini (10:54:51 PM): wow
blnd44illini (10:55:01 PM): i know she was crazy
blnd44illini (10:55:05 PM): but still
Jeflow1 (10:55:01 PM): that's some shit there

Brad goes to talk to Sheena, who seemed to take the rejection remarkably well, at first...

blnd44illini (10:55:41 PM): "let's be friends"
blnd44illini (10:55:58 PM): i thought i was going to respect her for keeping the tears in
blnd44illini (10:56:02 PM): but i was clearly wrong
Jeflow1 (10:56:16 PM): it's not you it's me
blnd44illini (10:56:45 PM): don't lie about the chemistry - its that her mom is bat shit crazy
Jeflow1 (10:57:20 PM): B-rad is that guy

Jeflow1 (11:00:00 PM): goodnight...DJ VICTORIOUS missed some good shit

CMA Awards Recap!

So tonight was one of my favorite nights of the years since the move to the Jers. What is it you ask? Well it's the Country Music Association Awards. Oh yeah. Viva la country. I love it even more than I used to because I get negative country exposure here. Here are some of my thoughts on the show and the winners.

1. FINALLY a loss for Brooks and Dunn for duo of the year. No offense to B&D... BUT you've won for like 29 years in a row. And all your songs sound the same. Seriously. We all loved Boot-scootin' boogie... but we didn't need to hear it with different words 346 more times. Congratulations to Sugarland, who despite having an overplayed first single... are a GREAT band. Check them out.


2. Rascal Flatts need to get some better earpieces. They sounded like shit in both songs. Even though they are great live (I should know, I've seen them 4 times...) the harmonies tonight were PAINFUL. They also do a song w/ Jamie Foxx... who used to be roommates with the lead singer. RANDOM.


3. Carrie Underwood is fabulous. Were it not for the fact that she used to date Tony Romo, she would be perfect. Her new album is great, her old album was outstanding, she is unbelievably gorgeous, and she wins awards. If I didn't love her so much, I'd hate her.


4. Lots of American Music Awards ads. of all the performances at the AMAs... the only ones i'd actually watch for are Duran Duran and Rascal Flatts... I feel as though I should judge myself.


5. Kenny Chesney was not wearing skin tight pants. Oddly unsettling. I can't decide how I feel about it. Still entertainer of the year, always a great choice. His concerts are amazing, and his albums have good sing-a-long potential.


6. Dierks Bentley is unbelievably hot. Like PHENOMENALLY HOT. I was pretty sad when he cut off his sexy curly hair in his "Long Trip Alone" video. But he looked GREAT with the buzz cut. And now its growing out. OH MY GOD. Also he has a great voice and is amazing on tour. Oh and I met him once. And he said I was nice. Oh yeah.


7. Male vocalist of the year - Brad Paisley. Writes great comedic songs, and also heart wrenchers. Probably the most talented guitarist I've ever seen in my life. Oh and he's married to the daughter from Father of the Bride. Bonus.


8. Dwight Yoakum was wearing a rhinestone jacket and leather pants which are tighter than my going out jeans. He is at least over the age of 45. YIKES.


9. The Eagles may be old balls... but DAMN are they a great band. I am buying their greatest hits album... NOW.


10. I hate that Jersey or NYC does not have a country station. I know there are rednecks here. I've seen them. What do they listen to?
11. If you have a penis, there is a 50% chance that Miranda Lambert will kill you. See also - I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun, Wait by the door and light a cigarette, If he wants a fight well now he's got one, And he ain't seen me crazy yet. Hell. I don't have a penis, and I'm scared.

All in all... there were twice as many performances as awards... which makes a great show. Country music is awesome. Here is Dierks. YUM.

DOMBs around the world - McGOVERN'S

DOMBs around the world:

McGovern’s Tavern, Newark, NJ

McGovern’s has been a favorite law school hangout since our 2nd or 3rd week of school way back when we were 1Ls. How did we discover it? Well an older student took us of course. Technically, McG’s is a Rutgers bar. But Rutgers sucks. And we owned it on Thursday nights. And still own it today.

Things that make McGovern’s a great bar:
Ranked one of the 100 best bars in America by Esquire Magazine
Owner/manager/bartender nice guy who puts up w/ CERTAIN people calling him the
wrong name for like 7 months… but always takes care of his regulars
Official beer pong table (with lined inserts for the cups and everything)
Darts
Good deals on booze (for the east coast at least)

Things that make McGovern’s a dirty old man bar:
Never any darts for the dartboard
Most modern songs on the jukebox from 1995
People bring their own darts
Go in at lunch. Dirty old men (professors) drinking
Also a cop hangout – cops who like to hit on busty, smurflike blonde girls
Usually vomit in the bathroom and/or on the sidewalk outside
Only one big screen, not HD
Usually not open on the weekends
They have a band. And by band… I mean one guy… w/ a guitar and background music.
Effectively they have an official karaoke singer. Who sucks. And has his own banner.

McGovern’s, as a dirty old man bar, falls at the opposite end of the spectrum from our previous bar, Pia’s. It has the feeling of an old DOMBy Irish pub… but college kids hang out there. Still… for anyone visiting Newark (the brave souls)… I highly recommend it. Some of my favorite law school memories have taken place there…. As Newark aficionados, we need to keep McGovern’s in our hearts, and on our barcrawl lists… especially since the new Prudential Center bars are opening downtown. Remember… new bars will come and go… but DOMBs last a lifetime. Just ask the 80 year old man who’s been sitting on the same stool since the Second World War.

Keep McGovern’s in your heart… even though Scully’s is owned by the same people and may be awesome… it’s not McGovern’s.

Bachelor Blog - Episode 4

OK... so I'm watching this one online right before the new episode tonight... so here are some brief thoughts:

1) I still really like Brad... but I think he's a little awkward w/ the cameras. On the one on one date with Phoenix Suns dancer... he actually said "come here to me please" before he made out w/ her. He's a good TV kisser though... doesn't appear to be eating her face.

2) Bettina made a shaving pubes joke at improv. I'm really uncomfortable... I hope he was too. Hillary was great. Small mouth acupuncturist freaked out cause she's awkward and not funny. Cries again. If she gets a rose, my theory that Brad is scared of girls crying is proved. Steffi called that too - I think I may like her the best now. Esp since McCarten turned into a giant bitch. Pubes girl (Bettina - formerly divorce girl) got the rose. I smell a Bevin. She seems crazy.

3) 2 on 1 date. Last weeks bitchy Jade (with the bad bangs) goes with HUGE bitch Dee Dee (her accent is out of control, btw). I'm already entertained by this and it's still the commercial. WOW the interrupting each other starts right away. Also why are both the girls wearing aprons before food is even served? Meanwhile - back at the house... divorced/pubes girl tells the others about divorce, and they call her a used car whose tires need to be kicked. They're sweet. It's time to send one of the mean girls home - Jade goes home. So the tag team of evil that is Dee Dee and McCarten stay around. Awesome. Evil people make TV shows exciting.

4) Rose ceremony - Brad thinks Kristy is too refined for him. YES... he's a party boy. I'm going to crash the 'after the final rose' show and steal him for myself. Sheena almost cries... and holds it back. I REALLY enjoy her. They find out that Jenny got the first kiss. Everyone else thinks she's a whore. Whatever it's just a kiss... chillax. McCarten plays the cry card. I think for next season's Bachelor Blog, I'm going to make an excel spreadsheet of the girls when they cry, when they say "let my guard down," or "here for the right reasons" and when they go home - see if I can find some sort of correllation. It could be a sociological study - as this blog always is (but you, our loyal readers, already know that). Tonight Bettina appears especially tan. And by tan, I mean orange. McCarten and Steffi go home. Both preseason MVPs. I judge myself on my picks for this one. Don't really care about McCarten, cause she's bitchy - she also says that she still sees Brad as the father of her children (this is after he dumped her, by the way - I smell Fatal Attraction.) Steffi is awesome. She's the prettiest and seems down to earth. She will be missed. As of now... I want Sheena to win. Viva la blondes.

Live blog for the next episode. Get excited.

Bachelor Blog - Episode 3

Oh! Date 3 and Phoenix Suns girl has already asked him to go long distance so she could finish out her season, because she wants to be the person she falls in love with. I think the official scaring off has begun. This show is like more effective than “The Rules” for what not to do with men I think.

First official negative points for Brad. He mentions that he feels like the king of the world, “Like that kid from Titanic.” Judge him a little for this… but still enjoy him overall. At the circus date, one girls screams WAY too much. Can’t tell who it was but I hope he gets rid of her. I may go deaf.

So it’s the standard pretty woman million dollar jewelry date with Hillary. Judging by the look on her face, Jade may stab her in her sleep tonight. And Hillary cries before dinner even starts, and basically tells him she wants to settle down, and he has to hug her and make her feel better. Chill out please. But he seemed to sort of like it. HMMMMMMMM. Isn’t that against the rules? I need to reevaluate this. Now the cry count is up to 2 on this date, cause she really wants to love someone. I’m uncomfortable watching this. She needs to level out. Perhaps some medication is in order. Hang on... pity rose is given and a makeout. Shows that boys really can’t handle when girls cry. If she can carry this crying all the way to the proposal… I am not going another week of my life without crying in front of a boy I like. Or even think is cute. If it can work for this creepy chick, it can work for me.

So far, no idea if my preseason MVP picks will work out, but after watching Solisa give him a lapdance, I’m pretty confident in my preseason whore pick.

First girl to say she was in love is Bettina, divorced girl. On a jet ski. Not even face to face. On the third date. Wonder why she rushed into the marriage the last time.

Rose goes to Kristy the acupuncturist from Chicago. She seems actually pretty boring. And has a strangely small mouth. But despite bad impressions from the first episode, I might grow to like her.

TWIN SWITCH TIME!
Twin doesn’t have great teeth. But I still think he’s pretty cute. He’s married tho. And he just got told if a girl pulls him aside into a room, he should go with it. So he may cheat on his wife with his twin's future wife. Awesome. Also their names are Chad and Brad. Of course. Not cheesy at all. First two girls have NO IDEA that it’s not him. Sheena figures it out. Good call on her part. I bet she makes it to the final four cause it seems the twin really likes her too. Sarah realizes something is different… but doesn’t catch he’s a twin. I really enjoy that the girls who figured it out didn’t tell the others, and just let them look like idiots… great times.

Bitch alert – Deanna and Jade.
Stereotype alert – the model didn’t figure out it wasn’t Brad, and looked like an idiot. Bartender didn’t figure it out either. Evidently, college degrees are important.

Rose handouts:
Sent home – the 2 girls who had no clue it wasn’t him, and the whoreish one, Solisa. So, sorry Brad, no more lapdances. “He did see the very special parts of me because I wear them on the outside (ahem…boobjob… ahem)… but he evidently didn’t like that part.” Back to the strip club, where they do appreciate what you wear on the oustide. Model is crying. She apparently loved him already, but whatever. 3 dates. Quit bitching. Move on.

This season seems somewhat more exciting than last, cause some of the girls are pretty evil, but I'm still wishing there were more drunken disasters. They make EVERYTHING more entertaining.