Real Housewives of New Jersey: A rant slash obsession:

OK. So I'm aware it's been a while since either DJ Victorious or myself have written. But now we're studying for the bar exam, and thus, I'm ridiculously bored. Go figure. In the past, I may have mentioned my love of Bravo TV shows, but there is one, which recently concluded its first season which may, no joke, be the best show. EVER. OK, that's a little extreme. Maybe the best REALITY show ever. Yes, better than the Bachelor. Yes, better than the Duel/Gauntlet/Real World Road Rules Challenges. This show is the Real Housewives of NJ. The fourth iteration of the series, after the OC, New York, and Atlanta (Atlanta sucked, btw, but the other 2 were also awesome), this gem of the media takes place in my adopted home state of New Jersey, not more than 30 minutes from where my office is. It's tough to explain in just a teeny blog entry, but you need to catch the reruns. This is awesome. I have a couple of things I'd like to rant about regarding the show. 1 - Caroline Manzo. 2 - Crazy Danielle.

1. Dear Caroline. I love you. You are awesome. Literally, I'm considering paying money to hire you as my personal advisor. I'm a little scared of you, but in a really good way. You tell it like it is, and once I convince you to like me, I'm pretty sure you'd scare the pants of/beat up anyone who tried to harm me.

Caroline is, without a doubt, my favorite character to ever appear on reality TV. Why? Because she's actually REAL while on reality TV. She is sane, makes logical arguments, and behaves the way I should hope to behave if I were ever on such a show. Plus she's funny. Her reactions to the craziness of everyone around her (ahem, Danielle, ahem) are PRICELESS, and make the entire show. Plus she calls people on their shit. There's something incredibly respectable about that. You win at life. One day, I hope I'm half as kick-ass as you are.

Great Caroline quotes (from only the 2nd half of the reunion episode, she is classic the whole season): To Danielle: "I disliked you prior to the book" ( further story on THAT later), and with realllllllllll angry eyes, to Danielle, "I'm not buying it." If you haven't seen Caroline Manzo tell someone off you haven't lived. True story. More about her later.

2. Danielle. What the hell. How are you a real person? Every single thing about you is ridiculous. You tried to garner sympathy for the whole "I have 2 kids thing", but then you let your kids speak to you, and hear stuff about you, that I'd probably have to cut my ears off if I heard stuff half as bad as that from my own mother. Really, I don't understand your rationale/life decisions. You have this "past", which you know was referenced in a book (Cop Without A Badge), but when it comes out via Dina or Caroline (or whoever, I'm inclined to think the producers leaked it, but that's just me), you act ALL offended that "this was your past, and someone else brought it to the forefront and it didn't need to be."

Here's the deal. You have a criminal past. You know there is a book. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU EVER AGREE TO GO ON A REALITY SHOW IF YOU WANTED TO KEEP IT QUIET? Are you as stupid as you seem? REALLY? You're going to put yourself in the public eye and expect people to NOT dig this up? This is the age of the Internet. 90% of the people out there have nothing better to do than watch TV with their laptops on and look up shit about people they are seeing (yours truly included). Don't whine about this coming out on TV when it was YOUR CHOICE to go on national TV in the first place. Regardless of the stories you tell, I in no way do, or ever will, feel badly for you. You're a moron.

Choice Danielle quote: in reference to the ex husband in the book, trying to get his 15 minutes of fame "He'll have to answer to MY fans." Guess what sweetheart, women who look up to you, and/or are your fans, are ALSO ridiculous, and possibly bat shit crazy. His "fans" and your "fans" battling it out, might be good thing for society. Your experience on this show was that bad because people saw through your CRAP (namely Caroline) and called you out on it. Too bad. I have no pity for someone who wants to keep the past in the past and then willingly puts themselves in the public eye. You get what you deserve at that point.

That said, Danielle, hope you're back in the second season, because I REALLY want to find out what you did off camera to make Dina and Caroline and their whole family so mad. What was Caroline so upset about? I love her, don't like to see her upset. My hypothesis? You tried to make moves on one of their husbands, most likely Dina's. Can't wait till next season. Well done, Bravo.

PS - Just watched the first episode of NYC Prep. Prob gonna blog about it. Here's a preview. I hate everyone on this show (yet somehow, love the show). Stay tuned!