2009 Emmy's Live Thoughts

Present for this live blog = J-bone, Smurftastic and Gingerette.
Occasionally submitting comments via electronic media = Smurftastic’s sister and KSquizz.

Would like to kick this off by saying I’m creepily excited because of NPH hosting. I swear he could do nothing but make Taylor Swift cry and it will still be infinitely better than the “reality host” debacle of last year. He is wearing a white tuxedo jacket with black pants, and this will not be the first time tonight that I lament the fact that the man is gay. Do you think he’d be down to hang out if I got a sex change? I’D DO IT FOR NPH!

My over under bet for Kanye West jokes is 5. KSquizz thinks three, sister thinks 8. AND THAT’S ONE. Tracey Morgan did not think it was funny. They are dividing the show based on genre. I’m pretty exciteddddddddddd… so I don’t get stuck with a whole 2 hours in the middle of shitty cinematography jokes.

Kicking things off with comedy. I’m predicting 30 Rock to win big, but I NEED to see NPH take home a trophy. Of course in the montage they have Jon Hamm cause he’s too good for just drama. I could spread him on a cracker. The glasses theme for the best supporting actress nominees is pretty ridiculous. Big ups to Vanessa Williams for bucking the trend. Kristen Chenoweth wins. Whatever. She’s cute. Her show was cancelled. The tears are excessive. I’m uncomfortable. Moving on.

This breakthrough performance award thing (online vote) seems interesting. I like both Chuck & Blair and the Kris Allen. Eff True Blood. I’m so over this vampire trend. HIMYM presenters. The ladies’ post baby bods look good. Outstanding writing. Boring. 30 Rock. One of my favorite parts of NPH hosting is that he mocks his own terrible jokes. NPH’s award is up. I want NPH to win, but I’d be quite happy with either of the 30 Rock or Rainn Wilson. Jon Cryer wins. I hate America for liking Two and a Half Men so much. Rethink your lives. I mean I love Ducky, don’t get me wrong. But I’m displeased.

Just flipped to NFL Sunday Night Football in the commercial and saw my first ad for the Vancouver Winter Olympics. My heart is warmed.

Justin Timberlake makes an appearance. My uterus skipped a beat. He’s basically describing me as the girl who all guys dream about. Why thank you, Justin. I feel the same about you. Also, congrats on letting the curls grow back. HUGSIES. Best comedic actress. Clearly Tina Fey will win. UPSET - Toni Collette takes it home for United States of Tara. It’s supposed to be great, but I don’t get premiere cable. So whatever.

Steve Carell looks foxy tonight. Just saying.

ROB LOWE. Yummy. He gets more dreamy with time. Best actor in a comedy. I’m hoping Steve Carell takes it home. But I do love Alec Baldwin. And Jermaine Clement. No surprise Baldwin wins. Jack Donaghey is my ideal boss.

Shifting to reality genre. If they don’t show a clip from Real Housewives of NJ, I’ll be WAY upset. CAROLINE! Theresa! I LOVE THAT SHOW. Maksim and Karina from DWTS perform. I freaking love Maksim. In agreement with KSquizz = AWKWARD. They used to be engaged. And as of mere days ago, they are no longer. Nothing to write home about, honestly. Jeff Probst wins for best host. Apparently they still air Survivor. Way to congratulate NPH, because you did a HORRIBLE job last year.

Tracey Morgan arrives. He is apparently sober now. I’m not thrilled. Amazing Race wins best competition series. Whatever. It’s no Project Runway, American Idol, or DWTS.

Miniseries. I have seen 0. Whatevz. Signing off sesh till something interesting happening.

KSquizz question of the commercial break: “True or False: You would act as a surrogate for NPH and his partner?” Gingerette and I are a RESOUNDING yes. Sister is a “no.” Not the first time I have judged her during this telecast, and it won’t be the last.

I really love that in his intros, this guy is only picking rogue roles that no one remembers instead of what they are known for. BIG FAN. Patricia Arquette looks like complete garbage. That dress is an embarrassment.

Jessica Lange has aged well. This needs to speed up. I’m getting grumpy.

OK moving into Variety. So shit I actually watch and isn’t lame. Sorry miniseries and TV movies, but you suck at life.

BRIAN WILLIAMS SIGHTING. I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH.

Really happy MotherLover got nommed. Here’s Ricky Gervais, just generally being awesome. As per usual. Jon Stewart gives NPH mad props. I love them both so much, but the edge in awesome goes to NPH, obvs. KSquizz: “Wow. Ricky Gervais wins at presenting.” Indeed, KSquizz, indeed.

Finally up to the drama category. Meaning we’re through the dragging middle part, and I’m that much closer to being able to go to bed.

DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE! Sung along with by Sarah Mclachlan’s “I will remember you.” I get it, but will this song never die? It’s not a high school graduation. It’s a dead people montage. The song almost ruined it for me. Didn’t tear up till Paul Newman, Michael Jackson, and Swayze. Sigh. Rough year for celebrity deaths. KSquizz comments: “I wish Jimmy Fallon was in the death montage.” My response: “I wish that song was in the montage and never heard again.” KSquizz: “I think I am going to use ‘I wish they were in the death montage at the next award show’ as another way to express my hatred of things.” Good idea.

Glenn Close wins. Makes me want to watch Damages. Kind of. But after Glee, Community, Gossip Girl and Melrose Place… I’m pretty sure I don’t have room to take on any new TV shows this season.

Final awards of the night. I’m predicting 30 Rock and Mad Men. Bob Newhart is one adorable old man. I like all of the comedic nominees, but have never seen Weeds. 30 Rock wins, no surprise, and well deserved. True Blood wins the breakthrough award. DIE IN A FIRE VAMPIRES. Ugh so overexposed. Mad Men wins. Good show. KSquizz wins the Kanye joke bet with the final count at 3. Congrats. I’m signing off. NIGH NIGH.

Real Housewives of New Jersey: A rant slash obsession:

OK. So I'm aware it's been a while since either DJ Victorious or myself have written. But now we're studying for the bar exam, and thus, I'm ridiculously bored. Go figure. In the past, I may have mentioned my love of Bravo TV shows, but there is one, which recently concluded its first season which may, no joke, be the best show. EVER. OK, that's a little extreme. Maybe the best REALITY show ever. Yes, better than the Bachelor. Yes, better than the Duel/Gauntlet/Real World Road Rules Challenges. This show is the Real Housewives of NJ. The fourth iteration of the series, after the OC, New York, and Atlanta (Atlanta sucked, btw, but the other 2 were also awesome), this gem of the media takes place in my adopted home state of New Jersey, not more than 30 minutes from where my office is. It's tough to explain in just a teeny blog entry, but you need to catch the reruns. This is awesome. I have a couple of things I'd like to rant about regarding the show. 1 - Caroline Manzo. 2 - Crazy Danielle.

1. Dear Caroline. I love you. You are awesome. Literally, I'm considering paying money to hire you as my personal advisor. I'm a little scared of you, but in a really good way. You tell it like it is, and once I convince you to like me, I'm pretty sure you'd scare the pants of/beat up anyone who tried to harm me.

Caroline is, without a doubt, my favorite character to ever appear on reality TV. Why? Because she's actually REAL while on reality TV. She is sane, makes logical arguments, and behaves the way I should hope to behave if I were ever on such a show. Plus she's funny. Her reactions to the craziness of everyone around her (ahem, Danielle, ahem) are PRICELESS, and make the entire show. Plus she calls people on their shit. There's something incredibly respectable about that. You win at life. One day, I hope I'm half as kick-ass as you are.

Great Caroline quotes (from only the 2nd half of the reunion episode, she is classic the whole season): To Danielle: "I disliked you prior to the book" ( further story on THAT later), and with realllllllllll angry eyes, to Danielle, "I'm not buying it." If you haven't seen Caroline Manzo tell someone off you haven't lived. True story. More about her later.

2. Danielle. What the hell. How are you a real person? Every single thing about you is ridiculous. You tried to garner sympathy for the whole "I have 2 kids thing", but then you let your kids speak to you, and hear stuff about you, that I'd probably have to cut my ears off if I heard stuff half as bad as that from my own mother. Really, I don't understand your rationale/life decisions. You have this "past", which you know was referenced in a book (Cop Without A Badge), but when it comes out via Dina or Caroline (or whoever, I'm inclined to think the producers leaked it, but that's just me), you act ALL offended that "this was your past, and someone else brought it to the forefront and it didn't need to be."

Here's the deal. You have a criminal past. You know there is a book. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU EVER AGREE TO GO ON A REALITY SHOW IF YOU WANTED TO KEEP IT QUIET? Are you as stupid as you seem? REALLY? You're going to put yourself in the public eye and expect people to NOT dig this up? This is the age of the Internet. 90% of the people out there have nothing better to do than watch TV with their laptops on and look up shit about people they are seeing (yours truly included). Don't whine about this coming out on TV when it was YOUR CHOICE to go on national TV in the first place. Regardless of the stories you tell, I in no way do, or ever will, feel badly for you. You're a moron.

Choice Danielle quote: in reference to the ex husband in the book, trying to get his 15 minutes of fame "He'll have to answer to MY fans." Guess what sweetheart, women who look up to you, and/or are your fans, are ALSO ridiculous, and possibly bat shit crazy. His "fans" and your "fans" battling it out, might be good thing for society. Your experience on this show was that bad because people saw through your CRAP (namely Caroline) and called you out on it. Too bad. I have no pity for someone who wants to keep the past in the past and then willingly puts themselves in the public eye. You get what you deserve at that point.

That said, Danielle, hope you're back in the second season, because I REALLY want to find out what you did off camera to make Dina and Caroline and their whole family so mad. What was Caroline so upset about? I love her, don't like to see her upset. My hypothesis? You tried to make moves on one of their husbands, most likely Dina's. Can't wait till next season. Well done, Bravo.

PS - Just watched the first episode of NYC Prep. Prob gonna blog about it. Here's a preview. I hate everyone on this show (yet somehow, love the show). Stay tuned!