Real Housewives of New Jersey: A rant slash obsession:

OK. So I'm aware it's been a while since either DJ Victorious or myself have written. But now we're studying for the bar exam, and thus, I'm ridiculously bored. Go figure. In the past, I may have mentioned my love of Bravo TV shows, but there is one, which recently concluded its first season which may, no joke, be the best show. EVER. OK, that's a little extreme. Maybe the best REALITY show ever. Yes, better than the Bachelor. Yes, better than the Duel/Gauntlet/Real World Road Rules Challenges. This show is the Real Housewives of NJ. The fourth iteration of the series, after the OC, New York, and Atlanta (Atlanta sucked, btw, but the other 2 were also awesome), this gem of the media takes place in my adopted home state of New Jersey, not more than 30 minutes from where my office is. It's tough to explain in just a teeny blog entry, but you need to catch the reruns. This is awesome. I have a couple of things I'd like to rant about regarding the show. 1 - Caroline Manzo. 2 - Crazy Danielle.

1. Dear Caroline. I love you. You are awesome. Literally, I'm considering paying money to hire you as my personal advisor. I'm a little scared of you, but in a really good way. You tell it like it is, and once I convince you to like me, I'm pretty sure you'd scare the pants of/beat up anyone who tried to harm me.

Caroline is, without a doubt, my favorite character to ever appear on reality TV. Why? Because she's actually REAL while on reality TV. She is sane, makes logical arguments, and behaves the way I should hope to behave if I were ever on such a show. Plus she's funny. Her reactions to the craziness of everyone around her (ahem, Danielle, ahem) are PRICELESS, and make the entire show. Plus she calls people on their shit. There's something incredibly respectable about that. You win at life. One day, I hope I'm half as kick-ass as you are.

Great Caroline quotes (from only the 2nd half of the reunion episode, she is classic the whole season): To Danielle: "I disliked you prior to the book" ( further story on THAT later), and with realllllllllll angry eyes, to Danielle, "I'm not buying it." If you haven't seen Caroline Manzo tell someone off you haven't lived. True story. More about her later.

2. Danielle. What the hell. How are you a real person? Every single thing about you is ridiculous. You tried to garner sympathy for the whole "I have 2 kids thing", but then you let your kids speak to you, and hear stuff about you, that I'd probably have to cut my ears off if I heard stuff half as bad as that from my own mother. Really, I don't understand your rationale/life decisions. You have this "past", which you know was referenced in a book (Cop Without A Badge), but when it comes out via Dina or Caroline (or whoever, I'm inclined to think the producers leaked it, but that's just me), you act ALL offended that "this was your past, and someone else brought it to the forefront and it didn't need to be."

Here's the deal. You have a criminal past. You know there is a book. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU EVER AGREE TO GO ON A REALITY SHOW IF YOU WANTED TO KEEP IT QUIET? Are you as stupid as you seem? REALLY? You're going to put yourself in the public eye and expect people to NOT dig this up? This is the age of the Internet. 90% of the people out there have nothing better to do than watch TV with their laptops on and look up shit about people they are seeing (yours truly included). Don't whine about this coming out on TV when it was YOUR CHOICE to go on national TV in the first place. Regardless of the stories you tell, I in no way do, or ever will, feel badly for you. You're a moron.

Choice Danielle quote: in reference to the ex husband in the book, trying to get his 15 minutes of fame "He'll have to answer to MY fans." Guess what sweetheart, women who look up to you, and/or are your fans, are ALSO ridiculous, and possibly bat shit crazy. His "fans" and your "fans" battling it out, might be good thing for society. Your experience on this show was that bad because people saw through your CRAP (namely Caroline) and called you out on it. Too bad. I have no pity for someone who wants to keep the past in the past and then willingly puts themselves in the public eye. You get what you deserve at that point.

That said, Danielle, hope you're back in the second season, because I REALLY want to find out what you did off camera to make Dina and Caroline and their whole family so mad. What was Caroline so upset about? I love her, don't like to see her upset. My hypothesis? You tried to make moves on one of their husbands, most likely Dina's. Can't wait till next season. Well done, Bravo.

PS - Just watched the first episode of NYC Prep. Prob gonna blog about it. Here's a preview. I hate everyone on this show (yet somehow, love the show). Stay tuned!

CMA Awards Recap!

So tonight was one of my favorite nights of the years since the move to the Jers. What is it you ask? Well it's the Country Music Association Awards. Oh yeah. Viva la country. I love it even more than I used to because I get negative country exposure here. Here are some of my thoughts on the show and the winners.

1. FINALLY a loss for Brooks and Dunn for duo of the year. No offense to B&D... BUT you've won for like 29 years in a row. And all your songs sound the same. Seriously. We all loved Boot-scootin' boogie... but we didn't need to hear it with different words 346 more times. Congratulations to Sugarland, who despite having an overplayed first single... are a GREAT band. Check them out.


2. Rascal Flatts need to get some better earpieces. They sounded like shit in both songs. Even though they are great live (I should know, I've seen them 4 times...) the harmonies tonight were PAINFUL. They also do a song w/ Jamie Foxx... who used to be roommates with the lead singer. RANDOM.


3. Carrie Underwood is fabulous. Were it not for the fact that she used to date Tony Romo, she would be perfect. Her new album is great, her old album was outstanding, she is unbelievably gorgeous, and she wins awards. If I didn't love her so much, I'd hate her.


4. Lots of American Music Awards ads. of all the performances at the AMAs... the only ones i'd actually watch for are Duran Duran and Rascal Flatts... I feel as though I should judge myself.


5. Kenny Chesney was not wearing skin tight pants. Oddly unsettling. I can't decide how I feel about it. Still entertainer of the year, always a great choice. His concerts are amazing, and his albums have good sing-a-long potential.


6. Dierks Bentley is unbelievably hot. Like PHENOMENALLY HOT. I was pretty sad when he cut off his sexy curly hair in his "Long Trip Alone" video. But he looked GREAT with the buzz cut. And now its growing out. OH MY GOD. Also he has a great voice and is amazing on tour. Oh and I met him once. And he said I was nice. Oh yeah.


7. Male vocalist of the year - Brad Paisley. Writes great comedic songs, and also heart wrenchers. Probably the most talented guitarist I've ever seen in my life. Oh and he's married to the daughter from Father of the Bride. Bonus.


8. Dwight Yoakum was wearing a rhinestone jacket and leather pants which are tighter than my going out jeans. He is at least over the age of 45. YIKES.


9. The Eagles may be old balls... but DAMN are they a great band. I am buying their greatest hits album... NOW.


10. I hate that Jersey or NYC does not have a country station. I know there are rednecks here. I've seen them. What do they listen to?
11. If you have a penis, there is a 50% chance that Miranda Lambert will kill you. See also - I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun, Wait by the door and light a cigarette, If he wants a fight well now he's got one, And he ain't seen me crazy yet. Hell. I don't have a penis, and I'm scared.

All in all... there were twice as many performances as awards... which makes a great show. Country music is awesome. Here is Dierks. YUM.

DOMBs around the world - McGOVERN'S

DOMBs around the world:

McGovern’s Tavern, Newark, NJ

McGovern’s has been a favorite law school hangout since our 2nd or 3rd week of school way back when we were 1Ls. How did we discover it? Well an older student took us of course. Technically, McG’s is a Rutgers bar. But Rutgers sucks. And we owned it on Thursday nights. And still own it today.

Things that make McGovern’s a great bar:
Ranked one of the 100 best bars in America by Esquire Magazine
Owner/manager/bartender nice guy who puts up w/ CERTAIN people calling him the
wrong name for like 7 months… but always takes care of his regulars
Official beer pong table (with lined inserts for the cups and everything)
Darts
Good deals on booze (for the east coast at least)

Things that make McGovern’s a dirty old man bar:
Never any darts for the dartboard
Most modern songs on the jukebox from 1995
People bring their own darts
Go in at lunch. Dirty old men (professors) drinking
Also a cop hangout – cops who like to hit on busty, smurflike blonde girls
Usually vomit in the bathroom and/or on the sidewalk outside
Only one big screen, not HD
Usually not open on the weekends
They have a band. And by band… I mean one guy… w/ a guitar and background music.
Effectively they have an official karaoke singer. Who sucks. And has his own banner.

McGovern’s, as a dirty old man bar, falls at the opposite end of the spectrum from our previous bar, Pia’s. It has the feeling of an old DOMBy Irish pub… but college kids hang out there. Still… for anyone visiting Newark (the brave souls)… I highly recommend it. Some of my favorite law school memories have taken place there…. As Newark aficionados, we need to keep McGovern’s in our hearts, and on our barcrawl lists… especially since the new Prudential Center bars are opening downtown. Remember… new bars will come and go… but DOMBs last a lifetime. Just ask the 80 year old man who’s been sitting on the same stool since the Second World War.

Keep McGovern’s in your heart… even though Scully’s is owned by the same people and may be awesome… it’s not McGovern’s.