A rant on... Superbowl Halftime Shows

Because we here at SomePeopleKnit like to keep up on current events, and the outcome of the game is being exhausted by people who know much more about football than I do, I’d like to take a moment and discuss what many people really care about during the Superbowl (besides the commercials, which have sucked a lot lately anyways). That’s right. The Halftime show – this year, starring one of Smurftastic’s favorite bands, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.

Diligent Internet research (or like 5 minutes and a google search worth), informs me that popular musical artists only became a regular staple of the Halftime shows in 1988. Prior to that, they used marching bands and large choral groups. Everyone likes marching bands at football games right? My research has led me to one overall question… Why do the superbowl organizers consistently pick music that in NO WAY goes with the mood of the game at all?

For example, my personal favorite in randomness… in 1992, the Halftime show starred Gloria Estefan, Brian Boitano, and Dorothy Hamill. Please take a moment and let that sink in. I’ll wait and look at this gratuitously hot picture of Tom Brady...



Yeah. Cuban music and ice skating, hmmm? That’s clearly what fat drunk people eating chili really want to see in the middle of a game. That kind of performance probably isn’t even bringing in the female viewers. I’ll be honest, Boitano is NOT hot enough to draw women into watching the game. I'm assuming that even with a full box of Franzia under my belt, he’s still not doing it for me. (In case you were worried... Tom and Eli, you succeed, but that’s not the point). Other combos that somehow just don’t scream football for me – 1995: Patti LaBelle, Tony Bennett, Arturo Sandoval, Miami Sound Machine; 1998: Boyz II Men, Smokey Robinson, Martha Reeves, Temptations, Queen Latifah; and 2000: Phil Collins, Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias, Toni Braxton.

Please bear in mind that I am in NO WAY criticizing the quality of these artists (I do enjoy me some Phil Collins)… simply their lack of conduciveness to football games. I want some classic rock, maybe some country… something badass that gets you fired up to hit people. Not something that gets me fired up to salsa dance or Jr. High style-slow dance.

Another issue with Superbowl Halftime shows which sometimes turns out awesome, and other times confusing and awkward are the combinations of artists asked to perform on the same stage. The one that to me sticks out as the most random (excluding where the co-performers are ice skaters, of course) in 2003, when Shania Twain shared the stage with No Doubt. I hardly remember this performance, so it probably wasn’t that good. More randomness? In 1999, the performers were Stevie Wonder, Gloria Estefan, and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. The Superbowl seems to LOVE Gloria Estefan. No recollection of this performance at all, so I’m gonna go with awkward and/or not good.

One random collaborative performance that I absolutely LOVED (yeah, this is gonna be obvious) – when NSYNC shared the stage with Aerosmith. You can watch it at http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xcy5e-23-vs. Special guests in this performance were Britney Spears (yes, pre-crazy, but you think you’d be able to foresee it cause she wears a sock on her arm, and look for her to trip and then instant camera cut away, hilarious), Nelly (who didn’t sing the same song as everyone else, which was Walk This Way, but instead just did a quick set from one of his songs, to his own beat, while the other song was going on = ridiculous/amazing), and Mary J. Blige (whatever… never really got into Mary J. Sorry). MTV presented this Halftime show, obviously. Also there is a decently funny opening scene with Ben Stiller as the “Pageant Piston” halftime show coordinator, Adam Sandler as DJ Stanley Steemer, and Chris Rock being himself. What I like about this performance is it was over the top, as good Superbowl Halftime Shows should be, but each major artist stuck to their own songs and did what they do best. They melded together well enough, so it was more of a full performance as opposed to 2 separate bands performing. Plus, I like the idea of NSYNCOSmith and AeroSYNC. Sidenote – JC’s gold pants = HOT, as is Justin w/ the pyrotechnic gloves. I could have done without Aerosmith singing Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing… sorry it’s just not intense. But I loved Jaded when it was big.


As far as random combinations go, the national anthem performance halftime combo usually always succeeds at being random as well. The year of NSYNCOSMITH, Backstreet Boys opened the game. And sucked (obviously). It was awkward, yet I found it hilarious. Greatest combo which I have officially decided is the greatest musical Superbowl of all time – 1991: Whitney Houston in the warm up suit for national anthem. Halftime show by New Kids on the Block. WOW. I was only 6 when it happened, but I bet it was awesome. I wish I could remember it. Other good combos – 1993 – Garth Brooks opens, Michael Jackson Halftime, and 1994, when Natalie Cole opened and the Halftime show was Clint Black, Tanya Tucker, Travis Tritt, Wynonna & Naomi Judd. Also, shoutout to national anthem 1995 singer, Kathie Lee Gifford. Remember her? Moment of silence for her career (and to admire Eli Manning)...




OK, because I feel it has to be said, some thoughts on the Janet/JT nipple incident. I did not enjoy this for several reasons – a) the performance wasn’t that good to begin with, b) her nipple ring was TERRIFYING, and c) this issue led to the end of really huge halftime shows. The networks are really into playing it safe now. Big ups to Paul McCartney who put on a great show in ’05. Rolling Stones and Prince were OK in the following years, but it just didn’t have the same kind of pizzazz. Hopefully Tom Petty can up the intensity this year. And a suggestion for National Anthem singers? Let's keep it random. I want the Spice Girls. British Girl Power celebrating America? Oh yeah.