Thoughts on the Bachelor, Episode 2:

The bachelor can tell a lot by a woman by how much she bets. Yeah that’s great. Take girls who know you’re loaded and want to marry you and get them started gambling earlier. Awesome idea.

Girl falls down the stairs. I hope she was drunk. Otherwise it’s not funny or amusing. It is Michelle from New Jersey. So ugly and bad balance. Not good. Wow I’m a not nice person. She can’t go on the first date. I smell a Bevin.

I love that in a commercial preview they have a shot of Solisa (preseason whore) from the back, right after she takes off her swim suit. AND she has a tramp stamp. Of course. Even better, as they’re showing this, you hear her say – "I’m a Christian and I usually stick to my morals." OBVIOUSLY.

McCarten makes moves for the 1st kiss. HAHAHAHAH the bachelor just said “I can’t lie, it wasn’t good”…. Then he wipes it off. So apparently bad call on the preseason MVP.

Early rose to DeAnna. She busts out the “my 5 year boyfriend cheated on me.” Yet another addition to the preseason sob story. Girls go to bust up a possible kiss. I agree on this part. Reality love shows wouldn’t be anything w/out cockblocking.

For the beach date, Brad shows up in a wooden beach car. WAY better than the DeLorian. This guy could emasculate Andy from last season just by looking at him. The girls are trying way to hard to get his shirt off. It’s a little rape like. As is Solisa (whore) making him do a body shot. During the day. Not at a bar. Immediately before she tells him she’s a Christian w/ morals and strong values. Jesus loves body shots. It’s what he would do, of course. Off of fake boobs. Like Solisa’s. Who has a tramp stamp.

First official makeout goes to Jenni w/ the Phoenix Suns. DUH. Preseason MVP. But also kind of slutty. Whilst she’s making out, the other girls go through her stuff and find her modeling book. I’m now pegging her as a fantasy suite dater, who goes home after meeting the family. I now am really enjoying Sarah the happy girl - prediction: ending up at least in the final 2.

Bettina is divorced-girl. At least she’s cuter than Bevin. And got too scared to tell him. Whore who got in the pool on the first day basically demands him to make her breakfast in bed, and not have her have to work. Clearly golddigger award goes to this chick. Girl with the bad bangs (Jade) tries to jeopardize the other girls. Everyone is going to hate her I bet, but I see her going far in the competition. Remember Lacey from Rock of Love?

Brad just said "understatement". I think that is more syllables than Andy was able to say all season last year. Suffice it to say, no wonder Andy and Tessa are no longer together. She’s too smart for him.

AND girl who falls down the stairs does not get a rose. I want to say Brad is a dick for this, but I have to agree. Pool whore doesn’t get one either. Good.

The sluttiness factor on this Bachelor may be unprecedented… and previews say the Full House twin switch makes an appearance this week. Get excited.