Bachelor Blog - on location!

Sorry for the lack of bachelor blog last week… but it was national championship basketball. Sports are way more important than judging. This week, Matt takes all the ladies to Idaho to go skiing. There will be 2 individual dates and a 4 person group date. The remaining four get hometown visits next week. DJ Vic was absent this week.

Smurftastic: i was sad to discover i missed the episode when crazy singer was axed
Jeflow1: it was so weird
Smurftastic: i saw a clip
Smurftastic: and it was AWFUL
Smurftastic: as was the song
Smurftastic: i would just like to throw out there that it is amazing how slutty you can look in the freezing cold

Chelsea gets the first one on one date, and gets to go on a romantic sleigh ride, where Matt admits he really gets along with her, but doesn’t know if she can be romantic. She mentions that she hates PDA and has a fear of holding hands… okay….

Jeflow1: we're ready to sleigh ride
Smurftastic: who is afraid of holding hands?
Smurftastic: freak
Jeflow1: she has manhands
Smurftastic: i empathize... i occasionally have had issues w/ sweaty boy hands

Chelsea decides to show how she can be romantic. Even though fantasy suites aren’t till the end, she gets up to leave randomly… and decides to write a note and invite herself to Matt’s room for the night. Classy.

Jeflow1: Chelsea is doing well
Jeflow1: she has to go throw up her food
Smurftastic: HOMEMADE FANTASY SUITE CARD
Smurftastic: HOLY CRAP
Smurftastic: slutttttttttttttt sesh
Jeflow1: wow
Jeflow1: what was that only two drinks and he has her
Smurftastic: maybe there was straight whiskey in the coffee cups on the sleigh
Smurftastic: or beer... they could have been budweiser clydesdales
Jeflow1: when you said clydesdales did you mean the horses or Marshanda and Robin
Smurftastic: both... but i prefer the horses, cause they probably smell better

Shayne, Robin, Miss Earth, and Meeps get the group date. Matt takes them skiing/snowboarding and then they head to an outdoor hot tub. Robin infiltrates Shayne and Matt’s snow makeout. This is, of course, after Chris Harrison has told us multiple times that “the biggest confrontation in bachelor history” is on the way.

Jeflow1: how is shayne still there
Jeflow1: robin brings the hate
Smurftastic: odds on racial slurs tonight in the "biggest fight in bachelor history?"
Smurftastic: prolly from robin
Jeflow1: 3 to 1
Smurftastic: zing virgin on the snow joke
Jeflow1: Marshanda looks hot in the ski gear - it must be the layers
Smurftastic: super skinny ones freak me out
Smurftastic: people get grumpy when they're hungry

Shayne wipes out on her snowboard… and immediately pulls out a compact and brushes and starts doing her makeup with Matt sitting next to her in the snow.

Smurftastic: ugh she sucks
Smurftastic: i bet she borrowed the compact from dad

In comes Robin on the snowboard.

Jeflow1: plow
Jeflow1: cock block
Smurftastic: he does not seem amused by robin
Smurftastic: i mean if he's got this connection w/ her, why doesn't he want to be alone w/ her?

Alone in a hot tub, Meeps tells Matt that her family lives in a doublewide trailer and will cook him dinner if he goes to visit them.

Jeflow1: possum
Smurftastic: YES TRAILER! From a preseason MVP.
Smurftastic: YES
Smurftastic: redneck girls are feisty in bed
Smurftastic: or so i've heard
Jeflow1: that's not a possum eating body
Smurftastic: maybe she just eats the tail
Smurftastic: less fat there
Jeflow1: it sounds like you have had a little redneck in you
Jeflow1: what was his name
Smurftastic: it's called growing up in Illinois and i have family in arkansas
Smurftastic: driving through hickland missouri and arkansas on the way to little rock can be, shall we say, very eye opening

Noelle, then, gets the last one on one date. He takes her ice skating. They both suck at it. Matt makes a comment that he thinks he looks like an ice robot. They also share a heart to heart about scars. Chicks dig scars.

Smurftastic: his main objective is to "know" Noelle... biblically
Jeflow1: holding hands
Jeflow1: she one up on chelsea
Jeflow1: it's tough to skate after a car wreck
Jeflow1: maybe she wrecked into ice skaters

Now the girls left at home get in a fight. Someone tells Miss Earth that it seems like she sometimes has a bad attitude. This is, of course, after she claims to “know how he lives.” Shayne sounds uncharacteristically smart when she says that Miss Earth can’t honestly believe that this is how he acts in real life.

Smurftastic: hahahahaha this is amazing
Smurftastic: she just gets pissy for NO REASON
Smurftastic: i don' tknow if you caught that, but "she will not have it"
Smurftastic: i love when arguments just involve repeating the same stuff over and over again
Smurftastic: it is a valid lawyering strategy that i intend to use

Marshana is in confessional after the argument to tell us how she is a great person, and a giver, and otherwise awesome.

Smurftastic: "I am a great person"
Jeflow1: i'm sorry somethings with my cable
Jeflow1: flavo flav just came on
Jeflow1: oh wait it's still the bachlor
Smurftastic: maybe trailer girl would be like a preview of rock of love

At the cocktail party (hahaha COCK tail)… the girls vie for Matt’s attention… interrupting each other. Harrison says Robin will do anything to get a hometown date.

Jeflow1: i hope she doesn't try panty
Smurftastic: so when harrison said "robin will do anything to get there," I just started hearing meatloaf in my head
Smurftastic: she will do anything for love
Smurftastic: but she won't do that
Smurftastic: i resent it
Smurftastic: damn you harrison. damn you!
Jeflow1: i want the home visit to shayne's
Smurftastic: OMG... WILL LORENZO MAKE AN APPEARANCE?
Smurftastic: i bet ther eis some kind of contract that shayne must make it hometown

Miss Earth and Matt are having 1 on 1 time… Chelsea, who fought with Marshana the night before, butts her way into the convo. Miss Earth is less than pleased, because that means she doesn’t get a kiss.

Jeflow1: she can take a hint
Jeflow1: or not
Smurftastic: chelsea may not be straight
Smurftastic: i just don't know if she knows it
Smurftastic: she seems disgusted with him
Smurftastic: FACE EATING MAKEOUT

While Chelsea and Matt are making out… Miss Earth is explaining that it was wrong to interrupt. Robin and Shayne point out that she would do the same thing if the roles were reversed. She gets angry, and tells Robin, “at least I sleep every night, and I’ll drink to that.”

Jeflow1: call it what you will; but please call it a word that i understand
Smurftastic: why does it matter that miss earth sleeps every night?
Smurftastic: why do you need to drink to that?
Smurftastic: i sleep too
Smurftastic: most people do
Smurftastic: why is that worthy of celebration?
Jeflow1: i have to drink to sleep

Matt lets Miss Earth and Robin go… after thanking the girls for tugging at his heart.

Smurftastic: they've tugged at more than his heart
Smurftastic: YES LORENZO... NEXT. WEEK.
Smurftastic: meeps!
Smurftastic: robin is gonna flip out

Robin and Marshana have very different ways of complaining about being kicked off. First… Marshana…

Jeflow1: say my name say my name
Smurftastic: she sounds like tyra when she kicks someone out of america's next top model

Now Robin, who only tells Matt “bon soir” and then walks away without letting him say anything to her.

Smurftastic: F BOMB
Smurftastic: think harrison gets a bitch three way?
Jeflow1: what did she call him
Jeflow1: she called him a bum sore
Jeflow1: she called him a hemorrhoid

Previews of next week…

Smurftastic: YES LORENZO!
Smurftastic: mom making moves
Smurftastic: amazing
Jeflow1: i can't wait
Smurftastic: alright if DJ Victorious misses lorenzo, we are no longer friends

Credit shot = Marshana skiing into a line divider for a ski lift and wiping out.

Smurftastic: HAHAHA
Smurftastic: that was the best credit shot... ever
Jeflow1: the little tramp that could
Smurftastic: miss earth = clotheslined!
Smurftastic: OWNED