Here we go... half assed as per usual lately. Working full time really takes it out of you.
Gaga-Elton John. “How wonderful life is with Gaga in the world.” Vom.
Stephen Colbert – hope he’s the host. He is so fantastic.
T Swift wins country album of the year – not surprised. She’s badass cause she writes her own songs. She and her mom are sitting next to Ringo Starr. Lucky kid…
Beyonce singing “You Oughta Know” is kinda amazing. She’s tossing her hair too much, but otherwise a great performance.
Pink performance. Not a fan. Turned back to Planet Earth Extremes. THOSE COCKROACHES ATE THAT BAT DOWN TO THE BONE. Awesome.
Zac Brown Band wins best new artist. Good for them, good for country music… they really do the genre the right way, staying away from too much pop.
MILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks great. Sad that she’s announcing the Black Eyed Peas, as they are INCREDIBLY irritating. JBone: “This performance is heinous.” Agreed. Back to Planet Earth.
Jonas Brothers introduce Lady Antebellum singing “Need You Now.” Wildly pro everything involved. Even when the girl gets hit in the face with the sheet. Love it all. Can’t get enough of that song.
Glad Stephen Colbert won for comedy album, mainly because it’s the only one I’ve heard.
Robert Downey Jr. is wearing a ridiculous suit jacket with straps, and I love it. He intros Jamie Foxx attempting to sing opera. Ridiculous. Wildly anti auto tune. Oh heyyyyyy- Otter pups learning to fish! Nice to see you. Look out for that crocodile.
T Swift with Stevie Nicks was cool. T’s outfit was ridiculous. Now MJ tribute, but seems like they’re just gonna do slow jam. If I am dealing with Usher in an MJ tribute, I want him dancing, not singing We Are the World. Just saying. This 3-D is lame, as I have no goggles, and so it’s all fuzzy… makes J Bone and I feel like we’re a few more beers in than we are in. Carrie Underwood, per usual, looks fantastic. Also on Planet Earth Extremes, a polar bear tried to kill walruses, but instead he died. I’m basically heartbroken.
Bon Jovi performance. Still not sure why they are on, but I’m on board, I suppose. Glad they brought out Jennifer Nettles for “Who Says You Can’t Go Home,” but now she’s awkwardly standing behind them during “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Oh she sings… she must be in heaven. I would be. Bon Jovi has only gotten better looking with age.
I’M ON A BOAT WAS ROBBED!
Just realized this goes till 11:30. I am not happy. Instead, I’ll watch the cockroaches eat the bat again.
Maxwell. Never heard this song. Pretty indifferent, and fading fast.
Of course because I’m watching something else I miss the beginning of the dead people montage. Hope there wasn’t anyone awesome at the beginning. The Les Paul tribute is pretty awesome.
Lady Gaga’s outfit #3 of the night is awful, pretty standard, actually. Quentin Tarantino’s outfit is even worse with the polka dot shirt. He’s also speaking with a fake thug ish accent. Pretty exciting how much I hate him, really.
Lil Wayne and some other rappers. Whatever... The sound goes out and I actually don’t care. Unaware that Eminem was still making music. He’s pretty talented but I’m equally indifferent. Lil’ Wayne really is little.
T Swift brings home album of the year. Good for her. Hers is the only album I listened to all the way trhough, but when the neighbors bought Lady Gaga I wanted to kill myself, so there you go. She’s so adorable it’s almost too much. Excited it went to a country artist.
Going to bed. Peace out.
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Why Smurftastic hates America...
So every now and then, something completely ridiculous will happen, prompting me to declare... "I hate everyone." Sometimes, "everyone" includes merely America. Here are some of those things that have made me declare it.
Reasons why I hate America…
1) Paul Blart: Mall Cop, was the #1 movie in America for two weeks in a row.
2) Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the #1 movie in America for more than one week.
People can be heard to complain that “Hollywood assumes the average American is stupid”… you know why? BECAUSE YOU SEE CRAP LIKE THIS IN THE THEATERS. It’s Oscar season… and while I know that many may not want to see every single Oscar nominated pic… (I for example could not give a crap about Slumdog Millionaire… FYI there will likely be a pre-Oscar blog coming shortly)… but the fact is… there is smart work out there. Smart work that is not about a mall cop, or talking dogs. Or dogs in a hotel for that matter. If you keep buying it, the studios will keep making it. It’s that simple.
3) The litigiousness
You spill hot coffee on yourself, and get a million dollars? Really? I say you get what you deserve. Natural selection is a powerful thing. We should not be rewarding morons.
4) The cancellation of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Easily one of the most intelligent TV shows to ever be on TV. Everyone who I’ve shown it to really liked it. No one watched it when it was on. You know why? “It’s too smart.” Smart TV shows get no ratings (Eg Mad Men) and crap like Two and a Half Men & According to Jim gets the highest ratings. Way to go America, I hate you.
5) Dogs can’t go everywhere.
My friend SadieBean has an adorable dog. I was asking for suggestions for reasons why people may hate America and she suggested this. As someone who doesn’t have a dog right now, I can’t empathize, but I do agree. Dogs are awesome. When we were in Europe, people brought their dogs EVERYWHERE… including to outdoor beer gardens (please see my previous summer abroad blogs if you care that much). As long as I don’t step on their poo, and they don’t slobber on me, I say more dogs. My boss brings his dogs to work, and it’s awesome. Doesn’t hurt anyone. Bonus = if they hump someone’s leg and I can laugh at them.
6) Over babying children
Kids these days are WAY too coddled. Also they have ridiculous names (eg Bronx Mowgli). Parents get all oversensitive about what their kids are exposed to, and try to get shows taken off the air, and music off the radio, when the simple answer is… BE A PARENT. If your kid is watching Britney Spears dance around in next to nothing, either be aware enough of what they are doing to turn it off, limit their TV watching, or sit down with them and explain why Britney may be doing that, but perhaps your 12 year old daughter shouldn’t. The government of this country should not be responsible for raising your children. They have enough to do. And if you don’t raise your kids, they become a burden to society. A burden to society with a ridiculous name. Way to go, parents. Babies aren’t pets. You have to raise them. You know what doesn’t raise them? TVs. Or video games. If you want to spawn, take on the responsibility. Or get a nanny. Otherwise don’t procreate.
7) Lack of self responsibility
Are you fat? Don’t worry, in America it’s not your fault. It’s the restaurants. Or the bad genes. Or the length of the work week so you don’t have time to work out. Because in America,, you can eat complete and utter garbage, and lots of it, and only move your body to pick up your remote, and when you weigh 600 lbs, we have to feel bad for you. Don’t get me wrong… if you have an actual problem, I feel bad for you. If you are lazy, you get no pity. Get off your ass, or quit eating so GD much.
OK. So I realize that this turned into a super bitchy post. I usually don’t like to complain that much… it irritates me about people, and so I feel like a hypocrite. In response to that, I’d like to include a brief list of reasons why I love America.
1) State fairs
Fat people in inappropriately tight clothes? CHECK. White Trash bingo? CHECK (if you go with me). Lots and lots of mullets? CHECK. Rides? CHECK. Butter cow? In Illinois… CHECK. Delicious fried food? CHECK. Beer tents with 80s cover bands? CHECK. I needn’t say any more.
2) Teenagers doing stupid crap on video
I mentioned in the reasons I hate America a few things about natural selection. You know when natural selection is awesome? When some 15 year old asshole thinks it’s an awesome idea to jump off a roof on his skateboard. Or jump from a roof into a basketball hoop. Or from a roof to a trampoline. Pretty much when someone videotapes themselves or another person doing something completely idiotic and completely dangerous and then posts it on the internet, I love America. Great example of this idea (pre youtube) = AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. Because people getting hurt is hilarious. Even more hilarious is people getting what they deserve. Freedom of action and freedom to post your stupid actions on the internet so that I might mock you is one of the main reasons I’m glad I live in America.
3) American football
Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer. DJ Vic hearts rugby. Aussie rules football is badass. But there’s just something about when the weather turns chilly on Saturday and Sundays in the fall. You are going to drink outside during the day and watch big dudes hit each other. LOVE IT. Also prop bets during the Super Bowl are amazing (mainly because I win them a lot).
4) Yankee Doodle Dandy
That’s pretty much a funny name. Thanks for the suggestion, SadieBean.
Do you have things about this country that frustrate you? Things you think are awesome? Bring them on in the comments.
Reasons why I hate America…
1) Paul Blart: Mall Cop, was the #1 movie in America for two weeks in a row.
2) Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the #1 movie in America for more than one week.
People can be heard to complain that “Hollywood assumes the average American is stupid”… you know why? BECAUSE YOU SEE CRAP LIKE THIS IN THE THEATERS. It’s Oscar season… and while I know that many may not want to see every single Oscar nominated pic… (I for example could not give a crap about Slumdog Millionaire… FYI there will likely be a pre-Oscar blog coming shortly)… but the fact is… there is smart work out there. Smart work that is not about a mall cop, or talking dogs. Or dogs in a hotel for that matter. If you keep buying it, the studios will keep making it. It’s that simple.
3) The litigiousness
You spill hot coffee on yourself, and get a million dollars? Really? I say you get what you deserve. Natural selection is a powerful thing. We should not be rewarding morons.
4) The cancellation of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Easily one of the most intelligent TV shows to ever be on TV. Everyone who I’ve shown it to really liked it. No one watched it when it was on. You know why? “It’s too smart.” Smart TV shows get no ratings (Eg Mad Men) and crap like Two and a Half Men & According to Jim gets the highest ratings. Way to go America, I hate you.
5) Dogs can’t go everywhere.
My friend SadieBean has an adorable dog. I was asking for suggestions for reasons why people may hate America and she suggested this. As someone who doesn’t have a dog right now, I can’t empathize, but I do agree. Dogs are awesome. When we were in Europe, people brought their dogs EVERYWHERE… including to outdoor beer gardens (please see my previous summer abroad blogs if you care that much). As long as I don’t step on their poo, and they don’t slobber on me, I say more dogs. My boss brings his dogs to work, and it’s awesome. Doesn’t hurt anyone. Bonus = if they hump someone’s leg and I can laugh at them.
6) Over babying children
Kids these days are WAY too coddled. Also they have ridiculous names (eg Bronx Mowgli). Parents get all oversensitive about what their kids are exposed to, and try to get shows taken off the air, and music off the radio, when the simple answer is… BE A PARENT. If your kid is watching Britney Spears dance around in next to nothing, either be aware enough of what they are doing to turn it off, limit their TV watching, or sit down with them and explain why Britney may be doing that, but perhaps your 12 year old daughter shouldn’t. The government of this country should not be responsible for raising your children. They have enough to do. And if you don’t raise your kids, they become a burden to society. A burden to society with a ridiculous name. Way to go, parents. Babies aren’t pets. You have to raise them. You know what doesn’t raise them? TVs. Or video games. If you want to spawn, take on the responsibility. Or get a nanny. Otherwise don’t procreate.
7) Lack of self responsibility
Are you fat? Don’t worry, in America it’s not your fault. It’s the restaurants. Or the bad genes. Or the length of the work week so you don’t have time to work out. Because in America,, you can eat complete and utter garbage, and lots of it, and only move your body to pick up your remote, and when you weigh 600 lbs, we have to feel bad for you. Don’t get me wrong… if you have an actual problem, I feel bad for you. If you are lazy, you get no pity. Get off your ass, or quit eating so GD much.
OK. So I realize that this turned into a super bitchy post. I usually don’t like to complain that much… it irritates me about people, and so I feel like a hypocrite. In response to that, I’d like to include a brief list of reasons why I love America.
1) State fairs
Fat people in inappropriately tight clothes? CHECK. White Trash bingo? CHECK (if you go with me). Lots and lots of mullets? CHECK. Rides? CHECK. Butter cow? In Illinois… CHECK. Delicious fried food? CHECK. Beer tents with 80s cover bands? CHECK. I needn’t say any more.
2) Teenagers doing stupid crap on video
I mentioned in the reasons I hate America a few things about natural selection. You know when natural selection is awesome? When some 15 year old asshole thinks it’s an awesome idea to jump off a roof on his skateboard. Or jump from a roof into a basketball hoop. Or from a roof to a trampoline. Pretty much when someone videotapes themselves or another person doing something completely idiotic and completely dangerous and then posts it on the internet, I love America. Great example of this idea (pre youtube) = AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. Because people getting hurt is hilarious. Even more hilarious is people getting what they deserve. Freedom of action and freedom to post your stupid actions on the internet so that I might mock you is one of the main reasons I’m glad I live in America.
3) American football
Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer. DJ Vic hearts rugby. Aussie rules football is badass. But there’s just something about when the weather turns chilly on Saturday and Sundays in the fall. You are going to drink outside during the day and watch big dudes hit each other. LOVE IT. Also prop bets during the Super Bowl are amazing (mainly because I win them a lot).
4) Yankee Doodle Dandy
That’s pretty much a funny name. Thanks for the suggestion, SadieBean.
Do you have things about this country that frustrate you? Things you think are awesome? Bring them on in the comments.
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