2010 Grammy Awards

Here we go... half assed as per usual lately. Working full time really takes it out of you.

Gaga-Elton John. “How wonderful life is with Gaga in the world.” Vom.

Stephen Colbert – hope he’s the host. He is so fantastic.

T Swift wins country album of the year – not surprised. She’s badass cause she writes her own songs. She and her mom are sitting next to Ringo Starr. Lucky kid…

Beyonce singing “You Oughta Know” is kinda amazing. She’s tossing her hair too much, but otherwise a great performance.

Pink performance. Not a fan. Turned back to Planet Earth Extremes. THOSE COCKROACHES ATE THAT BAT DOWN TO THE BONE. Awesome.

Zac Brown Band wins best new artist. Good for them, good for country music… they really do the genre the right way, staying away from too much pop.

MILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks great. Sad that she’s announcing the Black Eyed Peas, as they are INCREDIBLY irritating. JBone: “This performance is heinous.” Agreed. Back to Planet Earth.

Jonas Brothers introduce Lady Antebellum singing “Need You Now.” Wildly pro everything involved. Even when the girl gets hit in the face with the sheet. Love it all. Can’t get enough of that song.

Glad Stephen Colbert won for comedy album, mainly because it’s the only one I’ve heard.

Robert Downey Jr. is wearing a ridiculous suit jacket with straps, and I love it. He intros Jamie Foxx attempting to sing opera. Ridiculous. Wildly anti auto tune. Oh heyyyyyy- Otter pups learning to fish! Nice to see you. Look out for that crocodile.

T Swift with Stevie Nicks was cool. T’s outfit was ridiculous. Now MJ tribute, but seems like they’re just gonna do slow jam. If I am dealing with Usher in an MJ tribute, I want him dancing, not singing We Are the World. Just saying. This 3-D is lame, as I have no goggles, and so it’s all fuzzy… makes J Bone and I feel like we’re a few more beers in than we are in. Carrie Underwood, per usual, looks fantastic. Also on Planet Earth Extremes, a polar bear tried to kill walruses, but instead he died. I’m basically heartbroken.

Bon Jovi performance. Still not sure why they are on, but I’m on board, I suppose. Glad they brought out Jennifer Nettles for “Who Says You Can’t Go Home,” but now she’s awkwardly standing behind them during “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Oh she sings… she must be in heaven. I would be. Bon Jovi has only gotten better looking with age.

I’M ON A BOAT WAS ROBBED!

Just realized this goes till 11:30. I am not happy. Instead, I’ll watch the cockroaches eat the bat again.

Maxwell. Never heard this song. Pretty indifferent, and fading fast.

Of course because I’m watching something else I miss the beginning of the dead people montage. Hope there wasn’t anyone awesome at the beginning. The Les Paul tribute is pretty awesome.

Lady Gaga’s outfit #3 of the night is awful, pretty standard, actually. Quentin Tarantino’s outfit is even worse with the polka dot shirt. He’s also speaking with a fake thug ish accent. Pretty exciting how much I hate him, really.

Lil Wayne and some other rappers. Whatever... The sound goes out and I actually don’t care. Unaware that Eminem was still making music. He’s pretty talented but I’m equally indifferent. Lil’ Wayne really is little.

T Swift brings home album of the year. Good for her. Hers is the only album I listened to all the way trhough, but when the neighbors bought Lady Gaga I wanted to kill myself, so there you go. She’s so adorable it’s almost too much. Excited it went to a country artist.

Going to bed. Peace out.

Best songs of 2009

As promised... here are my rankings for the 10 best pop songs of 2009. I'm lazy, so these songs are picked merely from the Wikipedia lists of the Billboard Hot 100 #1 songs of 09 and the Top 10 singles in 2009, based on the Billboard Hot 100. This list includes the songs that made it to the Top 10 at some point in 2009 (some may have been released in 08, but didn't hit top 10 till 09. I also looked at iTunes top downloads and added random songs I remember that I LOVED that are on none these. I'm sure I forgot something, but here goes.

Honorable Mentions: "Single Ladies" - Beyonce, "Tik Tok" - Ke$ha. Single Ladies - I didn't like enough of the actual song for it to be included, but the video was so good (Kanye would say the greatest of all time) and became such a phenomenon that it warrants a mention. Tik Tok is awesome, but too new to include in the greatest of the year. Thought about adding "Live Like We're Dying" - but in reality I just love everything Kris Allen does... doesn't deserve to be top 10 of the year though.

10. TIE - "Empire State of Mind" - Jay-Z feat Alicia Keys, "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum - Empire State of Mind was the ANTHEM for those of us on the East Coast. I wanted to hate it because it was so integral in the Yankee World Series celebrations (don't say "we've waited a long time for this" when you won it 9 years ago. Ask the Cubs, you a-holes). But I couldn't hate it. This song is awesome. Need You Now is a very recent discovery of mine, but has fast become one of my fave songs ever (penchant for drunk dialing, anyone?). The male-female duet combo is always a surefire way to get me to fall in love with a song.

9. "You Belong With Me" - Taylor Swift - T Swift, obviously, had a very big year. I love this song and her entire album. I was toying with putting "Love Story" on this list, cause I also ADORE that song, but I thought since You Belong With Me was the subject of the now infamous Kanye VMA incident, that it goes on the list. This song has a great ability to speak to anyone who's ever had a crush on someone dating someone else. T Swift sort of writes songs for high school girls and tweens, but we all remember what that was like. Plus it's upbeat and fun.

8. "Lucky" - Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat - Beachy, romantic, about being in a relationship with your best friend. Just sort of warms my heart. Love both Mraz and Caillat. Would love to hear them duet more in the future.

7. "Cowboy Casanova" - Carrie Underwood - the first single off her third album. I've never been shy about my love for Carrie, and this song doesn't disappoint. It's got a sexy beat and has an interesting storyline. Every girl loves a bad boy, even if they know better.

6. "I Do Not Hook Up" - Kelly Clarkson - When I first got introduced to this song, I thought it was ridiculous and kind of annoying. The second time I heard it, I was hooked. Every time I hear it, I want to sing and dance a lot. Plus it's the anti-slut anthem. Big fan.

5. "Good Girls Go Bad" - Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester - It's such a simple format. Another of these that I thought was TERRIBLE the first time I heard it, but then slowly it sunk into my subconscious. I spent a big part of August driving around the Midwest, and I constantly surfed the radio hoping to hear this song. It's become a "getting ready to go out" staple. It's sort of the opposite of K Clarks, the slut anthem, but man is it fun. 2009 was also the year that I discovered Gossip Girl, and Meester's character Blair Waldorf has become my style hero. Viva Leighton.

4. "Dead and Gone" - T. I. feat Justin Timberlake - this is the song that got me to buy T.I.'s Paper Trail album. That album is probably the best rap album I've bought in the last five years. I love his rap style, and the running theme through this song and the album is making mistakes (T.I. is currently serving a year in prison for illegally having enough guns at his home to win the Iraq war). This song is perfect for anyone who's ever decided to make a change in their life. The combination of T.I.'s lyrics and Justin's mournful chorus is perfect. I find Timberlake's bridge to be particularly awesome/inspirational - "I turn my head to the East, I don't see nobody by my side. I turn my head to the West, still nobody in sight. So I turn my head to the North, swallow that pill that they call pride. The old me's dead and gone, but the new me will be alright."

3. "Party in the USA" - Miley Cyrus - Love it or hate it, but this song is HELLA catchy. Plus it warrants awesome choreography ("I put my hands up, they're playing my song..."). This is one of those songs that you think is RIDICULOUS the first time you hear it, and terrible. Hear it two or three more times, and you're hooked, I promise. It'll be played at my wedding, no lie.

2. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Glee Cast - T Swift had a big year, but 2009, for me, was the year of Glee. This song is the best known (and one of the best) of the first half of the first season of the show. It's the perfect storm of inspirational, catchy, upbeat, and fun to sing to. Journey has had a big year in my book, as the version of "Don't Stop Believin'" from the musical Rock of Ages is also one of my favorites of the year.

1. "The Climb" - Miley Cyrus - (off the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack) This will probably go down as Miley's biggest song. It was certainly her biggest song of the year. Say what you want about Miley, but she wrote this herself, and it represents (in the movie and in life) when she finally steps out fully as Miley, and not as "that girl who plays Hannah Montana." This song could inspire anyone. It's basically the modern "Don't Stop Believin'." Miley's voice may not be the best, but the girl can belt. LOVE IT.

Catchiest Songs of 2009 via Festival Crashers

In honor of me apparently kicking everyone's ass in a random "Catchiest Songs of 2009" bracket, I'd like to post a link for you to vote in the final four of said contest, on FestivalCrashers.com, if you feel you want to. http://www.festivalcrashers.com/2009/12/26/final-four-catchiest-songs-of-2009/.

In addition, sometime this week I will be posting a blog of my favorite songs of 2009, and possibly, if I'm super ambitious and inspired, the best songs of the decade. Let me know if you have requests to be featured. And to the Festival Crasher guys who think I came out of nowhere, yeah I probably did. But I don't win contests about terrible yet addicting pop music for my knowledge of indie bands, so there ya go.

Hint: If Party in the USA wins, I win a prize pack of music I've never heard of in my life. Vote and be nice to me, and maybe I'll give you some.

Belated and Brief fall TV preview

Just wanted to tell you the two new shows this season you should be watching.

1) Glee.

Absent my love for Studio 60, I think this is one of the best new TV premieres of the last 5 years. It has singing and romance for the ladies among us, and somewhat rude, biting humor for the men (and women, let's be honest). Plus the plotlines are ridiculous in the most hilarious ways. It's a feel good show but also makes you laugh out loud. Plus it (along with the musical Rock of Ages) has reawakened a Journey obsession within me. Plus Jane Lynch's character is amazing. If you missed the "Yes we Cane" episode... I pity you. The trailer below doesn't do it justice. If you don't watch Glee, I judge you.



2) Community.

Joel McHale is cute but still hilarious and attainable. Chevy Chase is brilliant and methinks officially back. The guy with Asperger syndrome is amazing. Plus last week, someone fell down ala America's Funniest Home Videos. I. Love. It. The humor is more obvious than the Office, but no less intelligent. Watch it.

Guest Entry #2, Kanye Response

Below is a response from another new contributor, KSquizz. Get ready to see her featured more, in some more lighthearted fare. (I promise we won't rant forever). Enjoy.

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While my fellow pop culture pundits have taken to the interwebs to express their shock and anger at the ridiculous display of douchebaggery that was Kanye West at these most recent VMAs, I am here to attack the issue from another angle.

I was incredibly angry last night watching a man in his 30s rip the microphone out of the hands of a teenaged girl who was probably experiencing one of the happiest and most exciting moments of her life. He completely ruined her moment because he was drunk (or my guess pretending to be drunk), and he thought Beyonce should have won.
Looking at it a day later, my view is that Kanye West may be the most pathetic human being on the Earth.

This is nothing new for West. He is pretty much a guarantee to rush the stage at any award show he attends if the producers make the mistake of awarding musical acts they believe are the best rather than stroking Kanye’s gigantic ego or having the audacity not to agree with his very limited musical tastes. West seems to ignore the fact that Taylor Swift’s latest effort is the biggest selling album of the year. Beyonce’s album sold 1.3 million copies less than Taylor’s. Swift also outsold West by 2.1 million copies. Kanye may think he is a “glitch in the matrix” showing the world that awards are going to the unworthy, but he is just not in touch in reality. He simply cannot believe that the public could disagree with his musical tastes and preferences.

Many blogs and commenters have attacked West’s outbursts as being motivated by racism and sexism. West has made some pretty ridiculous comments in the past that would lead any literate human being to believe that he is in fact both a racist and a sexist POS, but I honestly don’t think his outburst was motivated by any sort of hate belief system.

Kanye West is a narcissist and delusional. He stormed that stage like he storms every other because he legitimately thinks that 1) his opinion matters above all others, and 2) that the public ACTUALLY wants to see and hear from him. It’s actually sad. Perhaps it is our culture that builds celebrities up to thinking that their opinions somehow outrank the opinions of the masses or the educated because so often celebrities take stances and are allowed to speak to millions on subjects that should not be tackled by people with little to no education (Angelina Jolie and Ashton Kutcher come to mind).

However, West has nowhere near the kind of A list fame where his outbursts can be blamed on the public caring too much. Turns out, we don’t care, Kanye. His outbursts, therefore, can only be blamed on mental illness. I imagine he actually sits in his mansion, awkwardly next to oft-naked Amber Rose trying not to touch her, imagining millions of people in the outside world doing nothing but listening to his music and discussing him, hoping and praying Kanye will grace them with a word.

Meanwhile Kanye, in the real world, you aren’t really that famous. Sure, you have fans, but you are at best a C List celebrity. Gays and teenaged girls rule the world and decide who is famous. It is a simple fact of celebrity. You don’t appeal to them. So the people of the world continue their lives, worried about their futures in this economy and spending the little disposable income they have on Taylor Swift or Beyonce’s music. ( I mean I look for jobs while belting out “You Belong with Me” on a pretty much daily basis.)

Kanye is also sad and pathetic because he legitimately believes himself to be brave for gracing the world with the gift of his outbursts without realizing that he only goes on these tirades when he is attacking someone he views as defenseless or unlikely to give him shit for what he is doing. Pink was on the Today show this morning and said that she did not believe he would have rushed the stage if she had won. I agree. Pink would have punched him in the face without hesitation. He is a big tough man when rushing the stage and snatching microphone from a 90 pound teenaged girl. If Pink had won, he would have taken one look at that tiny ball of lightning and stayed firmly planted in his seat. Then, he would have simply taken to his blog and bitched about how BEYONCE WAZ ROBBED BUT PINK IS STIL MAD GUD. GO ON GRRL!!! J West would not want to anger Pink because unlike Swift who said little about the subject and was obviously shaken, Pink would have made the grown man cry. I mean, would you mess with Pink?

Finally, Kanye is pathetic because he believes he was in the right. After he got his and his girlfriend’s giant asses kicked out of the awards, he did the only thing he could do, “apologize” without actually being sorry or saying he was wrong in ALLCAPS. HE IS SOOOOOOO SORRY BUT BEYONCE DESERVED IT AND HE IS REAL. How is that an apology? It just continues to insult Swift and her fans. Kanye believes he can insult all these people because he is simply better than them and people love him. No one loves you, Kanye. You are a sad, little man. You are an embarrassment to your late mother, who was an educated English professor.
Unfortunately, Kanye is getting exactly what he wants. This is the first time I have thought about Kanye West for more than 30 seconds since Hurricane Katrina. He occasionally crosses my mind when I see pictures of his beard, the outrageous Amber Rose, dressed up in dental floss. I think we can all agree that their relationship is nothing more than a desperate cry for publicity.

Congratulations Kanye, your desperate need for attention has made you infamous. Like a bratty child, you have obviously decided that negative attention is better than none at all. You have joined the infamous ranks of ODB and Soy Bomb, oh and Lil Mama (who rushed the stage during Jay Z and Alicia Key’s snoozefest VMA closing performance).

Is it me or does she look like a kid posing with the wax figures at Madame Tussauds?

Believing that West is just a desperate, pathetic loser dying for his name to get into the news at the expense of a talented young woman, I vote that we officially turn our backs on the KING OF THE CAPS LOCK KEY. He is like a child screaming and throwing a temper tantrum in a toy store. If we simply turn around and ignore his screams, maybe he will calm down and go away. Ignoring him and making him less famous is the only way to truly get to West. Hopefully, the public will ignore him enough that he is forced to get a real job and live in the real world. And then hopefully, his ass gets fired for using CAPS LOCK in company emails. (http://consumerist.com/5350635/new-zealand-woman-fired-after-sending-too-many-all+caps-e+mails)

Thanks for the time!

xoxo,
KSquizz

Guest entry #1, Kanye response... UPDATED

Below is a response from a first-time contributor, CaliCoop. This has not been edited or toned down upon reciept. It is probably in everyone's best interest not to mess with her. You'll see...

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First, I’d like to thank Smurftastic for allowing me to guest blog on this particularly poignant topic. Now onto the goods …

Dear Kanye:

While I’d certainly be glad to admit that your first two albums weren’t the most horrible things ever to grace my inner ear, this will be a far cry from pointing out just your amazing fall from fame … although I must point out your free fall on Forbes Most Powerful Celebrities List from 27 in 2008 to 46 in 2009, while Taylor has gone from unranked to 69. Whether you are a country music fan or not the presence of Taylor Swift in music is undeniable. No album has had the staying power on the Billboard 200 for more weeks since 1999-2000 (years before Kanye released his first album) than Taylor’s Fearless album. Her second album, Fearless, recorded the largest opening in 2008 for ANY female artist, and only fourth behind Lil’ Wayne, AC/DC and Coldplay … again, no Kanye. Not to mention she is absolutely adorable and much too young to have to deal with some douche bag stealing her thunder.

Just because your music sucks and no one gives a flying sh*t if you live to make another song or not does not mean you need to ruin everyone else’s life in the meantime. Some musicians are STILL actually making good music … deal with it! And what kind of prick ruins a 19 year old girl’s first VMA Award EVER!?! You strut around acting like you are some kind of charitable person minus your outrageous tirades and obvious inability to accept others, when in fact the charity that you yourself started in the name of your mother you have donated less than a million dollars to … when you make over 25 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR?! What kind of cheap bastard are you?!

With that, I’ll end with this for now … you are and forever will be #1 on my die in a fire list until you somehow make amends for your absolutely outrageous conduct and by no means does posting some half-hearted apology on your blog count towards anything. You are scum of the earth and the reason why there is still so much hatred towards people that are different, if you are so full of yourself that you are incapable of politely sitting in your seat while a 19 year girl accepts her first VMA I truly hope you are never in a position to need any kind of assistance or acceptance by someone who finds you different, because it is at that moment you MAY realize the ignorance and absolute ridiculousness of your ways and actually become a real man, until then find the nearest bridge and take a jump … no one will miss your tirades and your best music is already left for those of us who can still stand the sound of your voice to enjoy.

Thanks very much,
CaliCoop

PS - and how could I forget … why is it after failing to win a VMA for yourself in 2006 and 2007 and vowing to never return to the VMAs ever again are you still back every year?! Is it because you are such a bitter jerk that you have stooped to the level of raining on the parade of those actually talented enough to win?! Or possibly that even though you’ll never actually win yourself, especially because your albums are now a shameful excuse for music, you love the possibility of even a second of air time even on an overhead shot of the audience because you’re a total attention whore whose music has failed to satisfy his thirst for publicity for years now. Oh why on earth could we have not been so lucky for you to have actually kept your promise …

Dear Kanye, WTF?

So this rant will be short, but not so sweet, and possibly will be continued by some guest bloggers. For those of you who still pay attention to such things as the VMAs (or watch the news), you know that Kanye West stormed the stage during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Music video last night, took the mic from her, and said that Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time (she was also nominated but didn't win). He was booed and later kicked out of the show (his performance was cancelled as well), and Beyonce, after winning Video of the Year, called Taylor back onstage to "have her moment" (= mad class) Here are my brief thoughts.



Dear Kanye:


WTF, dude? Why do you even care? Are you and Beyonce friends? Cause it seems like she was pretty pissed at you. What happened to you, man? Did you realize that after your first two albums, which I own and love, your music started to get lame? Is this some desperate attempt to stay relevant? Your douchiness used to be kind of funny, but when it humiliates a 19 year old girl during one of the most exciting moments of her life, that crosses a line. Maybe you should work instead on making music that shows your producing talent that was so evident on "College Dropout" and "Late Registration" which is ever so lacking now. Maybe you should work on dating someone who is not (I'm pretty sure), a dude.


We know you have a vendetta against country music, as evidenced when you lost out on an award to Carrie Underwood and had a fit, but don't fault these girls for having crossover appeal which you, apparently, are jealous of. That was not classy, or funny, and it made someone who used to be one of your biggest fans (me), not even want to listen to your old stuff that I loved so much. I get that not everyone likes country, its fine. But don't blatantly hurt feelings just for attention. Get over yourself.


Yours Truly,
Smurftastic, disappointed former fan


PS - Shaving designs in your head is SOOOOO VANILLA ICE. And he did it better.
PPS - Big ups to Beyonce and MTV for handling the situation gracefully

RIP Michael!

Michael Jackson has just died in LA. Despite all the child molestation rumors, and the general craziness, he was the man. No question about it. THE MAN. The Jackson 5 are probably in my top 10 favorite bands of all time, and my college buddies used to sing Billie Jean to me at bars. And, importantly, even with the crazy (and the whole Beatles catalogue debacle), his new music didn't suck. It was actually pretty good. The new songs on the Thriller re-release in 08 were fantastic. There may have been more on the way but we'll never really know.

DJ Victorious will much more accurately convey feelings because in her words "I'm actually really upset. Do you think this will increase the value of my Michael Jackson Barbie Doll?"

Rest in Peace Michael, you were the man.

I think I have an addiction...

So. I mean we all knew this was coming. Well maybe not me. Maybe everyone knew I was sick (especially after the BBCS). But I didn't. I thought it was under control. I mean... I can quit anytime I want. In fact, I did quit. Twice. Denial must be a symptom.

I mean I sometimes did it for the homage value, but not cause I really liked it. And I always made fun of it while I secretly loved it.

I have now realized that I cannot quit anytime I want. I am sick. I have an addiction. And since the first step is acceptance, here goes.

My name is Smurftastic, and I'm addicted to boy bands.

Phew. I got that off my chest. I am a 24 year old woman who hearts boy bands. I have hearted boy bands since I first listened to my sister's New Kids on the Block tapes. Then I suddenly became EXTREMELY anti-boy band. All through grade school and junior high, I was "too good" for boy bands. I liked "quality" music (apparently that sometimes meant crap like Limp Bizkit... but whatever). Stuff that the cool kids listened to. And while I would NEVER give up that period of my life (I mean it introduced me to the Beatles, after all...) it's not me.

All it took was 1 Disney Channel In Concert Special and a summer in a new town where I had only 1 friend (who was obsessed) to suck me right back in. And that is when NSYNC entered my life. And made it infinitely better. First concert I ever went to... NSYNC. I may have cried. I know I peed at least 10 times before the show because I was so excited. I even had a sign. A crazy fan threw a Chris Kirkpatrick pin at my head. I think i might still have it somewhere.

Boy band obsession then came full circle (or so I thought). Jordan Knight opened for NSYNC during their "Boys of Summer" tour. Yes, they took my "New Kids forever" sign away from me (but that was really just for ironic purposes, right?) but I still had a fabulous time and thought I was a winner as a 15 year old who knew both NSYNC and NKOTB... and even felt superior to those poor 8 year old girls who didn't know NKOTB. Seriously. Judged them for not understanding the history. Well the rest of high school is self explanatory. 3 more NSYNC concerts, a Backstreet Boys concert, an Aaron Carter concert (seriously), and a 98 Degrees and a 5ive CD. By that point, my mother could name all members of NSYNC including their middle names (with a little prodding, she can still do it).

Then, as soon as it started, it ended. Justin went solo. JC tried. Lance acted. I moved on. Sure, when I'm sad, nothing brings me up like a good NSYNC song... and when I'm excited, they're good too. And yes, I have been known to do the full on dances in public (preferably bars or at karaoke)... but it was an homage to my past, right? Just recognizing where we came from? I got more into country music. And rap. And classic rock. And 90s rock that I missed out on while being obsessed with boy bands. I was expanding.

And then. And then. The reunion tour was announced. THE reunion tour. New Kids on the Block... of course. I fully intended to go but it was "for humor value only" and because "I owed it to 2nd grade Smurftastic", etc. I thought I was totally over it when I watched their premiere video and laughed my head off at how ridiculous it was. I thought I was too grown up. And then, and then... I went to the concert. Before the show, I was excited, but it was the kind of excited that is like "I can't believe I'm actually doing this..." not "OMFG IF JORDAN KNIGHT SMILES IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL PEE MY PANTS!" I recognize that they have kids and are grown up. I'm technically grown up. I get there and laugh at the old ladies in puffy painted T-shirts and intend to drink to get through it if they play too many new songs instead of the old stuff.

And then something in me changed. As I saw Jordan, Joey and the others up there I stopped laughing hysterically and started smiling and giggling. And the beast was awakened. Texts were sent declaring "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE" and I took more pictures than would fit in a standard facebook album. I jumped up and down and clapped. I screamed a little. I am 24. The worst part... 5 days later, I purchased their new album.

I, Smurftastic, own the 2008 New Kids on the Block CD release. And it's not a greatest hits album (I already owned that one). It's ALL NEW. First time I listened to it, I thought it was the worst crap... ever. Now, just a few weeks later... I love it. I can't help it. I know it's "bad" music. I know there is a song that literally makes a Baby, Swayze, Dirty Dancing reference. But I love it. I could sing most of it right now.

When I went home last weekend for Homecoming it really came to my attention that I have a problem. It was the moment when I made my mom listen to the CD in the car on the way home from the airport. Her response was "Wow, this is really boy-bandy. Like really." My response, "No, no it's not... it's... it's..." My mom gently says "I thought you grew out of this."

I didn't. I didn't and now I realize that it's not my fault. I love boy bands. My all time favorite band was technically a boy band (The Beatles, duh), and the oldies I like are mostly boy bands (Jackson 5, the Monkees, etc...). Why had I not seen it? Is it genetic? Is this curable? Is there rehab? Support groups? Am I the only one with this affliction? How do I get rid of it? Do I even want to? I had some hard times after my realization, and then realized, as long as it doesn't run my life, I can handle it.

Tonight, my friends, tonight, I'm starting to wonder whether or not I can handle it. Now, although I am a boy-band fan, I consider myself a boy-band snob. There are good boy bands, and there are boy bands that are complete shit - devoid of the talent and the producing and writing needed to make something good. Like O-town. They were awful. I mean I have a song or two of theirs, but only because they were ridiculous (sound familiar?). I was anti-Hanson until they came out with the "This Time Around" album... which had some good songs... but I was never a fan of MmmBop. Throw something as obvious as "Boyztown" at me and I will judge you, and possibly punch you. At least try to disguise it. Honestly.

Tonight, I realized I am not as "high brow" as I thought. A Friday night at home and I get bored with my Netflix date for the night and decide to research my Halloween costume. I am going as Hannah Montana (most likely)... but have never seen a single one of her shows or heard one of her songs. No harm no foul, right? Have to make sure the costume is accurate, right? This RAPIDLY progresses to watching every single Jonas Brothers video on YouTube... just to see what the fuss is about, right? "Wow this is awful!" I say, while I watch another video and buy another song from iTunes. And now, and now, I HEART a few of their songs. But their songs aren't that good... But here's the weird part... I don't really think they are hot (I guess that's good because that means I'm not a pedophile...), but if their songs aren't good and they aren't hot and they don't dance... why am I listening?

Well, here it is, I think. I like dudes that sing like girls. There, I said it. I think it's so when I sing along, they are in my range. Girl artists get too high for me, and deep voiced dudes go too low. Also, I find 5-part harmonies soothing. They put me at peace. Hence, NSYNC and NKOTB are my favorite boy bands of the modern boy-band era. Also, choreography is fun. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The obsession may sleep again, but I need to be prepared that it will surface again. After all, NSYNC is still under contract for 3 more albums. And by then, maybe I can be one of those 30-something women peeing themselves at a boy-band concert. A girl can dream, right?

Wow. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. But can you recover if you don't want to?

CMT awards... random thoughts

OK. So I don't get CMT. (eff you, comcast.) Last year I watched the CMT awards via webcast. This year I forgot and was Bachelor blogging. But they have the full show online (cmt.com = awesome). So I have been watching it whilst preparing for my oral argument tomorrow (insert childish giggle here... oral). I have a few things I'd like to point out:

1) Miley Cyrus made reference to being born in 1992. And I now want to kill myself.
2) CMT apparently has a show called "Gone Country" where washed up stars try to learn how to sing country. Hilarious on its face. Features Marcia Brady, Bobby Brown and... wait for it... keep waiting... I swear the wait it'll be worth it... here it comes... SISQO. Yup. That's right. Sisqo. The crew presented an award, and PS... his hair is still ridiculous.
3) Billy Ray Cyrus' facial hair is inappropriate.
4) Taylor Swift is very endearing and I like her voice and all... but in person...there's something about her look that freaks me out.
5) Miley Cyrus' voice = good, but not great.
6) Faith Hill's haircut saddens me.
7) Oh good, Snoop appearance on the CMT awards. Too bad there isn't a country version of "Sexual Eruption"... yet... (http://youtube.com/watch?v=WzR3au5OS_s)
8) Increasing the randomness... Robert Plant won an award.
9) FINALLY Brooks & Dunn didn't win a duo award. Honestly, I was over them 10 years ago.
10) My girl crush on Carrie Underwood = still going strong.
11) Spotted: Kenny Chesney nipping hard.
12) Oh, and perhaps most random... show opens with cameos from John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama (among others)... o...k...

There was probably other funny stuff happening, but I was pretending to do work so I didn't blog about it.

Sidenote... I would just like to say what complete garbage it is that a blogger from my favorite NFL site got fired from his job at the Washington Post for revealing his true identity on the site. LAME... full story here: http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5531, and full coverage of the event on http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/.

Collaboriffic! Smurftastic’s Top 5 Musical Collaborations of All Time

Let me start this off by saying this list in no way has to do with musical ability or quality of the songs. I like them for pretty random reasons, or just cause the artists are awesome.

Shania Twain and Billy Currington – Party For Two
This song isn’t actually that awesome, but I find it hilarious because it is impossible for me to hear it without thinking that she’s inviting him to a party in her pants. Which is amazing. This music video also introduced me to the hotness that is Billy Currington, who while adorable, dances quite poorly and amusingly. Shania also did a “pop” version with Mark McGrath… but it sucks. Here are some of the lyrics just so you know how hilarious this is:
“Aww, all the things I'm gonna do, I'm gonna try something new with you, boy, I'll tell you that it doesn’t matter what you wear, cause it’s only gonna be you and me there.” Buttsex implications indeed.

Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson – The Girl Is Mine
Ended horribly badly as Jackson bought the rights to all the Beatles songs, and now has to sell them off 1 by 1 as he’s going broke. Jackass. But once again, this song is proof that black Michael Jackson is way better than white Michael Jackson. It was a conflict choosing between Say Say Say and this song, but since the Girl Is Mine came out even before Billie Jean and was on the Thriller album, it wins.

Jimmy Buffett and Alan Jackson – 5 O’Clock somewhere
Promoting day drinking? YES and YES. On principle I am not an Alan Jackson fan, but this song is pretty amazing. Buffett has many collabo runner ups, not least of which is the remake of Hank Williams’ “Hey Good Lookin,” which was my ringtone for over a year. I love that song.

Kanye West Featuring John Mayer – Bittersweet
Like both of these artists… but this song mainly makes the cut because of one of the best lines in a rap song I’ve heard in the last 5 years… “I’ll never hit a girl, but I’ll shake the shit out of you.” It ALWAYS makes me smile. This is just kind of a chill song, not too upbeat, but puts a spring in my step when it comes on my Mp3 player.

David Bowie & Queen – Under Pressure
First off, both Bowie and Queen are AWESOME. Next, it was sampled by Vanilla Ice. Enough said.

Criticism and judgment encouraged in the comments!

Grammy Awards Recap!

Thoughts on the Grammys:

Not gonna lie, pretty offended by the opening duet with Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra. I mean I get that everyone goes apeshit for her, and some of her songs are good. But she doesn’t do it for me. And I bet she wouldn’t do it for Frankie. And I swear, if she EVER says anything like “On behalf of the Chairman of the Board” again, I may need to hurt her. I may be a little defensive of him. Maybe. At least it wasn’t a Beatles song. Then it could get violent (or more violent).

Carrie Underwood – my god her legs got toned. She sounded good… hopefully she’ll sound even better when I see her in concert on Wednesday (get excited). Revamped version of Before He Cheats was pretty intense. Solid effort.

Commercial tells me a Beatles tribute is coming. Grammys are usually pretty good about tributes – the Eagles tribute last year was amazing, so I have high hopes. If it's Alicia Keys, I will stab someone.

Chairman of the Grammys + the original members of The Time + key-tar = I’M A HAPPY CAMPER. I have an inappropriate obsession w/ key tars. Key-tar, however, promptly leaves the stage to give way to Rhianna. (which I have no idea how to spell) Think she’s catchy and all, but performance would have been more awesome if they kept the key tar around. Key-tars (like piano key neckties or tuxedo T-shirts) make everything better.

I desperately want to see the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show. Looks like I may need to be on shrooms to understand it, but whatever. I’ll probably like it anyway.

Random presenting combo award goes to: Cindy Lauper and Miley Cyrus. Cindy Lauper is pretty cracked out, and Miley seems a little afraid. I would be too.

JASON BATEMAN APPEARANCE! YES I LOVE HIM! HOGAN FAMILY! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT! Ok, that may have been too much all caps. I apologize for my exciteability.

I want light up sunglasses like Kanye. Pleased that Daft Punk made an appearance. In space suits. Awesome. Kanye West, as usual, wins at life.

Tina Turner/Beyonce. The outfits were ridiculous and unnecessary. Also the crotch on Tina is saggy… but better a saggy crotch than camel toe. Also the talking before Proud Mary = creepy. My roommate Rooster says it all, “Why is Tina wearing a spacesuit?”

OH! Jesus brought the sunshine. Thanks man. Keep up the good work. Jesus music medley. Uh oh, one of my college buddies, alias Rum&Efron is on to you! “It’s like they are only giving Jesus music 5 minutes so get as many people up there as possible, bc then we are switching to coke addicts.” I couldn’t have said it better if I wanted to. So far Amy Winehouse has won 2 awards. They keep saying she can’t be here, and I want to giggle, cause her visa got denied and she has now moved in with the Osbournes after leaving rehab. Looking forward to her performance a bit… if any of the internet videos I’ve seen of her in the last few months are any indication, it should be entertaining.

Brand new information… the song sung by Feist is an actual song and not just an iPod commercial. Go figure.

Kid Rock + folk singer = awkward. Rum& Efron, being very smart, has muted.

This just in: ROY SCHEIDER HAS DIED. I love Roy Scheider. Jaws, SeaQuest… it doesn’t get much better than that. He was an integral part of my youth, and I secretly wanted him as my father/grandpa. RIP. He will be missed.

Vince Gill just called out Kanye West for never having been given a Grammy by one of the Beatles. Holy Crap. I want Kanye to win whatever else he is nominated for tonight, just to see his response.

Amy Winehouse performs. I am disappointed I can understand most of what is coming out of her mouth. Yikes, the dancing is awkward though. There is NO WAY she is completely sober. Either that or she really has to pee. I find it ironic that she’s saying she won’t go to rehab. This conversation is what transpired after Rum&Efron said she was going to sleep:
Rum&Efron: dude I had to sign back on....what the fuck was that shit????
Smurftastic: ummmmmmmmm CRACKED OUT
Rum&Efron: 1. She was convulsing on stage while grabbing her crotch
Rum&Efron: 2. her back up singers kept looking at her
Rum&Efron: 3. she kept growling while singing
Rum&Efron: 4. she gave a shout out to her incarerated boyfriend
Rum&Efron: 5. she looked like she had no clue how to talk into a microphone
Rum&Efron: seriously....we gave her 3 grammys?
Rum&Efron: only in America can a foreign crack head win 3 grammys
Rum&Efron: that is all I have to say
Rum&Efron: good night!

Pretty fabulous performance by Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli. Yes, I love those guys, and yes, my mother introduced me to them. I am the epitome of cool. It's OK to be jealous.

Closing performance – Little Richard, Fogerty, Jerry Lee Lewis. Little Richard’s hair is probably bigger than Amy Winehouse’s. Fogerty sounds good though. Lewis has a pretty decent voice for as old has he is. Little Richard looks exactly the same, but may have made up some lyrics. Throwbacks are fun though, so I shant rant too much.

Usher mocks Kanye West also. Herbie Hancock wins album of the year. Awesome, though it would have been nice to hear what Kanye had to say. Gotta love the jazz shoutouts. I love jazz.

All in all, a solid effort on the Grammys this year. Not the best I've ever seen, but certainly not the worst. Only 2 weeks till the Academy Awards AND the writer's strike is over, so they may actually be funny and/or happen. I'm a happy camper.

Holiday Songs Update - Worst of the Worst, and honorable mention

Bored during finals again... naturally... so in honor of our earlier post, Smurftastic presents the 5 worst Holiday songs of all time, and honorable mention for the greatest holiday songs.

First... the worst of the worst, in no particular order. What gets you to be the worst? General suckiness, ridiculousness that is not amusing, cheesiness, and the ability to get stuck in my head when I don't want you there. Feel free to leave your comments about songs that drive you nuts!

The 5 Worst Holiday Songs of All Time:

• Love on Layaway - Gloria Estefan
• The Little Drummer Boy - Anyone (I have the WEAKEST of tolerances for the Bowie/Crosby version... very weak... but it's there)
• Blue Christmas - Elvis
• Away in a Manger - Mannheim Steamroller (pretty much anything by Mannheim fits here because, seriously, they are the Enya of Christmas music... sorry DJVic and brother)
• Here Comes Santa Claus - Ludacris (featured in the credits for Fred Claus... just, well, awkward)

And now... for those of you who enjoyed the Greatest Holiday songs of all time... here are Smurftastic's honorable mentions:

• All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan - Kenny Chesney
• Wizard Chess - Harry and the Potters
• Angels We have Heard on High - Jesus (aka church music)
• Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - pretty much anyone
• Feliz Navidad - remember on Sesame Street Christmas when Big Bird ice skated to that song? AWESOME
• Run Rudolph, Run - Jimmy Buffett