Here we go... half assed as per usual lately. Working full time really takes it out of you.
Gaga-Elton John. “How wonderful life is with Gaga in the world.” Vom.
Stephen Colbert – hope he’s the host. He is so fantastic.
T Swift wins country album of the year – not surprised. She’s badass cause she writes her own songs. She and her mom are sitting next to Ringo Starr. Lucky kid…
Beyonce singing “You Oughta Know” is kinda amazing. She’s tossing her hair too much, but otherwise a great performance.
Pink performance. Not a fan. Turned back to Planet Earth Extremes. THOSE COCKROACHES ATE THAT BAT DOWN TO THE BONE. Awesome.
Zac Brown Band wins best new artist. Good for them, good for country music… they really do the genre the right way, staying away from too much pop.
MILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks great. Sad that she’s announcing the Black Eyed Peas, as they are INCREDIBLY irritating. JBone: “This performance is heinous.” Agreed. Back to Planet Earth.
Jonas Brothers introduce Lady Antebellum singing “Need You Now.” Wildly pro everything involved. Even when the girl gets hit in the face with the sheet. Love it all. Can’t get enough of that song.
Glad Stephen Colbert won for comedy album, mainly because it’s the only one I’ve heard.
Robert Downey Jr. is wearing a ridiculous suit jacket with straps, and I love it. He intros Jamie Foxx attempting to sing opera. Ridiculous. Wildly anti auto tune. Oh heyyyyyy- Otter pups learning to fish! Nice to see you. Look out for that crocodile.
T Swift with Stevie Nicks was cool. T’s outfit was ridiculous. Now MJ tribute, but seems like they’re just gonna do slow jam. If I am dealing with Usher in an MJ tribute, I want him dancing, not singing We Are the World. Just saying. This 3-D is lame, as I have no goggles, and so it’s all fuzzy… makes J Bone and I feel like we’re a few more beers in than we are in. Carrie Underwood, per usual, looks fantastic. Also on Planet Earth Extremes, a polar bear tried to kill walruses, but instead he died. I’m basically heartbroken.
Bon Jovi performance. Still not sure why they are on, but I’m on board, I suppose. Glad they brought out Jennifer Nettles for “Who Says You Can’t Go Home,” but now she’s awkwardly standing behind them during “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Oh she sings… she must be in heaven. I would be. Bon Jovi has only gotten better looking with age.
I’M ON A BOAT WAS ROBBED!
Just realized this goes till 11:30. I am not happy. Instead, I’ll watch the cockroaches eat the bat again.
Maxwell. Never heard this song. Pretty indifferent, and fading fast.
Of course because I’m watching something else I miss the beginning of the dead people montage. Hope there wasn’t anyone awesome at the beginning. The Les Paul tribute is pretty awesome.
Lady Gaga’s outfit #3 of the night is awful, pretty standard, actually. Quentin Tarantino’s outfit is even worse with the polka dot shirt. He’s also speaking with a fake thug ish accent. Pretty exciting how much I hate him, really.
Lil Wayne and some other rappers. Whatever... The sound goes out and I actually don’t care. Unaware that Eminem was still making music. He’s pretty talented but I’m equally indifferent. Lil’ Wayne really is little.
T Swift brings home album of the year. Good for her. Hers is the only album I listened to all the way trhough, but when the neighbors bought Lady Gaga I wanted to kill myself, so there you go. She’s so adorable it’s almost too much. Excited it went to a country artist.
Going to bed. Peace out.
Showing posts with label country music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label country music. Show all posts
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, September 14, 2009
Guest Entry #2, Kanye Response
Below is a response from another new contributor, KSquizz. Get ready to see her featured more, in some more lighthearted fare. (I promise we won't rant forever). Enjoy.
********************************************************
While my fellow pop culture pundits have taken to the interwebs to express their shock and anger at the ridiculous display of douchebaggery that was Kanye West at these most recent VMAs, I am here to attack the issue from another angle.
I was incredibly angry last night watching a man in his 30s rip the microphone out of the hands of a teenaged girl who was probably experiencing one of the happiest and most exciting moments of her life. He completely ruined her moment because he was drunk (or my guess pretending to be drunk), and he thought Beyonce should have won.
Looking at it a day later, my view is that Kanye West may be the most pathetic human being on the Earth.
This is nothing new for West. He is pretty much a guarantee to rush the stage at any award show he attends if the producers make the mistake of awarding musical acts they believe are the best rather than stroking Kanye’s gigantic ego or having the audacity not to agree with his very limited musical tastes. West seems to ignore the fact that Taylor Swift’s latest effort is the biggest selling album of the year. Beyonce’s album sold 1.3 million copies less than Taylor’s. Swift also outsold West by 2.1 million copies. Kanye may think he is a “glitch in the matrix” showing the world that awards are going to the unworthy, but he is just not in touch in reality. He simply cannot believe that the public could disagree with his musical tastes and preferences.
Many blogs and commenters have attacked West’s outbursts as being motivated by racism and sexism. West has made some pretty ridiculous comments in the past that would lead any literate human being to believe that he is in fact both a racist and a sexist POS, but I honestly don’t think his outburst was motivated by any sort of hate belief system.
Kanye West is a narcissist and delusional. He stormed that stage like he storms every other because he legitimately thinks that 1) his opinion matters above all others, and 2) that the public ACTUALLY wants to see and hear from him. It’s actually sad. Perhaps it is our culture that builds celebrities up to thinking that their opinions somehow outrank the opinions of the masses or the educated because so often celebrities take stances and are allowed to speak to millions on subjects that should not be tackled by people with little to no education (Angelina Jolie and Ashton Kutcher come to mind).
However, West has nowhere near the kind of A list fame where his outbursts can be blamed on the public caring too much. Turns out, we don’t care, Kanye. His outbursts, therefore, can only be blamed on mental illness. I imagine he actually sits in his mansion, awkwardly next to oft-naked Amber Rose trying not to touch her, imagining millions of people in the outside world doing nothing but listening to his music and discussing him, hoping and praying Kanye will grace them with a word.
Meanwhile Kanye, in the real world, you aren’t really that famous. Sure, you have fans, but you are at best a C List celebrity. Gays and teenaged girls rule the world and decide who is famous. It is a simple fact of celebrity. You don’t appeal to them. So the people of the world continue their lives, worried about their futures in this economy and spending the little disposable income they have on Taylor Swift or Beyonce’s music. ( I mean I look for jobs while belting out “You Belong with Me” on a pretty much daily basis.)
Kanye is also sad and pathetic because he legitimately believes himself to be brave for gracing the world with the gift of his outbursts without realizing that he only goes on these tirades when he is attacking someone he views as defenseless or unlikely to give him shit for what he is doing. Pink was on the Today show this morning and said that she did not believe he would have rushed the stage if she had won. I agree. Pink would have punched him in the face without hesitation. He is a big tough man when rushing the stage and snatching microphone from a 90 pound teenaged girl. If Pink had won, he would have taken one look at that tiny ball of lightning and stayed firmly planted in his seat. Then, he would have simply taken to his blog and bitched about how BEYONCE WAZ ROBBED BUT PINK IS STIL MAD GUD. GO ON GRRL!!! J West would not want to anger Pink because unlike Swift who said little about the subject and was obviously shaken, Pink would have made the grown man cry. I mean, would you mess with Pink?
Finally, Kanye is pathetic because he believes he was in the right. After he got his and his girlfriend’s giant asses kicked out of the awards, he did the only thing he could do, “apologize” without actually being sorry or saying he was wrong in ALLCAPS. HE IS SOOOOOOO SORRY BUT BEYONCE DESERVED IT AND HE IS REAL. How is that an apology? It just continues to insult Swift and her fans. Kanye believes he can insult all these people because he is simply better than them and people love him. No one loves you, Kanye. You are a sad, little man. You are an embarrassment to your late mother, who was an educated English professor.
Unfortunately, Kanye is getting exactly what he wants. This is the first time I have thought about Kanye West for more than 30 seconds since Hurricane Katrina. He occasionally crosses my mind when I see pictures of his beard, the outrageous Amber Rose, dressed up in dental floss. I think we can all agree that their relationship is nothing more than a desperate cry for publicity.
Congratulations Kanye, your desperate need for attention has made you infamous. Like a bratty child, you have obviously decided that negative attention is better than none at all. You have joined the infamous ranks of ODB and Soy Bomb, oh and Lil Mama (who rushed the stage during Jay Z and Alicia Key’s snoozefest VMA closing performance).
********************************************************
While my fellow pop culture pundits have taken to the interwebs to express their shock and anger at the ridiculous display of douchebaggery that was Kanye West at these most recent VMAs, I am here to attack the issue from another angle.
I was incredibly angry last night watching a man in his 30s rip the microphone out of the hands of a teenaged girl who was probably experiencing one of the happiest and most exciting moments of her life. He completely ruined her moment because he was drunk (or my guess pretending to be drunk), and he thought Beyonce should have won.
Looking at it a day later, my view is that Kanye West may be the most pathetic human being on the Earth.
This is nothing new for West. He is pretty much a guarantee to rush the stage at any award show he attends if the producers make the mistake of awarding musical acts they believe are the best rather than stroking Kanye’s gigantic ego or having the audacity not to agree with his very limited musical tastes. West seems to ignore the fact that Taylor Swift’s latest effort is the biggest selling album of the year. Beyonce’s album sold 1.3 million copies less than Taylor’s. Swift also outsold West by 2.1 million copies. Kanye may think he is a “glitch in the matrix” showing the world that awards are going to the unworthy, but he is just not in touch in reality. He simply cannot believe that the public could disagree with his musical tastes and preferences.
Many blogs and commenters have attacked West’s outbursts as being motivated by racism and sexism. West has made some pretty ridiculous comments in the past that would lead any literate human being to believe that he is in fact both a racist and a sexist POS, but I honestly don’t think his outburst was motivated by any sort of hate belief system.
Kanye West is a narcissist and delusional. He stormed that stage like he storms every other because he legitimately thinks that 1) his opinion matters above all others, and 2) that the public ACTUALLY wants to see and hear from him. It’s actually sad. Perhaps it is our culture that builds celebrities up to thinking that their opinions somehow outrank the opinions of the masses or the educated because so often celebrities take stances and are allowed to speak to millions on subjects that should not be tackled by people with little to no education (Angelina Jolie and Ashton Kutcher come to mind).
However, West has nowhere near the kind of A list fame where his outbursts can be blamed on the public caring too much. Turns out, we don’t care, Kanye. His outbursts, therefore, can only be blamed on mental illness. I imagine he actually sits in his mansion, awkwardly next to oft-naked Amber Rose trying not to touch her, imagining millions of people in the outside world doing nothing but listening to his music and discussing him, hoping and praying Kanye will grace them with a word.
Meanwhile Kanye, in the real world, you aren’t really that famous. Sure, you have fans, but you are at best a C List celebrity. Gays and teenaged girls rule the world and decide who is famous. It is a simple fact of celebrity. You don’t appeal to them. So the people of the world continue their lives, worried about their futures in this economy and spending the little disposable income they have on Taylor Swift or Beyonce’s music. ( I mean I look for jobs while belting out “You Belong with Me” on a pretty much daily basis.)
Kanye is also sad and pathetic because he legitimately believes himself to be brave for gracing the world with the gift of his outbursts without realizing that he only goes on these tirades when he is attacking someone he views as defenseless or unlikely to give him shit for what he is doing. Pink was on the Today show this morning and said that she did not believe he would have rushed the stage if she had won. I agree. Pink would have punched him in the face without hesitation. He is a big tough man when rushing the stage and snatching microphone from a 90 pound teenaged girl. If Pink had won, he would have taken one look at that tiny ball of lightning and stayed firmly planted in his seat. Then, he would have simply taken to his blog and bitched about how BEYONCE WAZ ROBBED BUT PINK IS STIL MAD GUD. GO ON GRRL!!! J West would not want to anger Pink because unlike Swift who said little about the subject and was obviously shaken, Pink would have made the grown man cry. I mean, would you mess with Pink?
Finally, Kanye is pathetic because he believes he was in the right. After he got his and his girlfriend’s giant asses kicked out of the awards, he did the only thing he could do, “apologize” without actually being sorry or saying he was wrong in ALLCAPS. HE IS SOOOOOOO SORRY BUT BEYONCE DESERVED IT AND HE IS REAL. How is that an apology? It just continues to insult Swift and her fans. Kanye believes he can insult all these people because he is simply better than them and people love him. No one loves you, Kanye. You are a sad, little man. You are an embarrassment to your late mother, who was an educated English professor.
Unfortunately, Kanye is getting exactly what he wants. This is the first time I have thought about Kanye West for more than 30 seconds since Hurricane Katrina. He occasionally crosses my mind when I see pictures of his beard, the outrageous Amber Rose, dressed up in dental floss. I think we can all agree that their relationship is nothing more than a desperate cry for publicity.
Congratulations Kanye, your desperate need for attention has made you infamous. Like a bratty child, you have obviously decided that negative attention is better than none at all. You have joined the infamous ranks of ODB and Soy Bomb, oh and Lil Mama (who rushed the stage during Jay Z and Alicia Key’s snoozefest VMA closing performance).
Is it me or does she look like a kid posing with the wax figures at Madame Tussauds?
Believing that West is just a desperate, pathetic loser dying for his name to get into the news at the expense of a talented young woman, I vote that we officially turn our backs on the KING OF THE CAPS LOCK KEY. He is like a child screaming and throwing a temper tantrum in a toy store. If we simply turn around and ignore his screams, maybe he will calm down and go away. Ignoring him and making him less famous is the only way to truly get to West. Hopefully, the public will ignore him enough that he is forced to get a real job and live in the real world. And then hopefully, his ass gets fired for using CAPS LOCK in company emails. (http://consumerist.com/5350635/new-zealand-woman-fired-after-sending-too-many-all+caps-e+mails)
Thanks for the time!
xoxo,
KSquizz
Dear Kanye, WTF?
So this rant will be short, but not so sweet, and possibly will be continued by some guest bloggers. For those of you who still pay attention to such things as the VMAs (or watch the news), you know that Kanye West stormed the stage during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Music video last night, took the mic from her, and said that Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time (she was also nominated but didn't win). He was booed and later kicked out of the show (his performance was cancelled as well), and Beyonce, after winning Video of the Year, called Taylor back onstage to "have her moment" (= mad class) Here are my brief thoughts.
Dear Kanye:
WTF, dude? Why do you even care? Are you and Beyonce friends? Cause it seems like she was pretty pissed at you. What happened to you, man? Did you realize that after your first two albums, which I own and love, your music started to get lame? Is this some desperate attempt to stay relevant? Your douchiness used to be kind of funny, but when it humiliates a 19 year old girl during one of the most exciting moments of her life, that crosses a line. Maybe you should work instead on making music that shows your producing talent that was so evident on "College Dropout" and "Late Registration" which is ever so lacking now. Maybe you should work on dating someone who is not (I'm pretty sure), a dude.
We know you have a vendetta against country music, as evidenced when you lost out on an award to Carrie Underwood and had a fit, but don't fault these girls for having crossover appeal which you, apparently, are jealous of. That was not classy, or funny, and it made someone who used to be one of your biggest fans (me), not even want to listen to your old stuff that I loved so much. I get that not everyone likes country, its fine. But don't blatantly hurt feelings just for attention. Get over yourself.
Yours Truly,
Smurftastic, disappointed former fan
PS - Shaving designs in your head is SOOOOO VANILLA ICE. And he did it better.
PPS - Big ups to Beyonce and MTV for handling the situation gracefully
Dear Kanye:
WTF, dude? Why do you even care? Are you and Beyonce friends? Cause it seems like she was pretty pissed at you. What happened to you, man? Did you realize that after your first two albums, which I own and love, your music started to get lame? Is this some desperate attempt to stay relevant? Your douchiness used to be kind of funny, but when it humiliates a 19 year old girl during one of the most exciting moments of her life, that crosses a line. Maybe you should work instead on making music that shows your producing talent that was so evident on "College Dropout" and "Late Registration" which is ever so lacking now. Maybe you should work on dating someone who is not (I'm pretty sure), a dude.
We know you have a vendetta against country music, as evidenced when you lost out on an award to Carrie Underwood and had a fit, but don't fault these girls for having crossover appeal which you, apparently, are jealous of. That was not classy, or funny, and it made someone who used to be one of your biggest fans (me), not even want to listen to your old stuff that I loved so much. I get that not everyone likes country, its fine. But don't blatantly hurt feelings just for attention. Get over yourself.
Yours Truly,
Smurftastic, disappointed former fan
PS - Shaving designs in your head is SOOOOO VANILLA ICE. And he did it better.
PPS - Big ups to Beyonce and MTV for handling the situation gracefully
Friday, April 18, 2008
CMT awards... random thoughts
OK. So I don't get CMT. (eff you, comcast.) Last year I watched the CMT awards via webcast. This year I forgot and was Bachelor blogging. But they have the full show online (cmt.com = awesome). So I have been watching it whilst preparing for my oral argument tomorrow (insert childish giggle here... oral). I have a few things I'd like to point out:
1) Miley Cyrus made reference to being born in 1992. And I now want to kill myself.
2) CMT apparently has a show called "Gone Country" where washed up stars try to learn how to sing country. Hilarious on its face. Features Marcia Brady, Bobby Brown and... wait for it... keep waiting... I swear the wait it'll be worth it... here it comes... SISQO. Yup. That's right. Sisqo. The crew presented an award, and PS... his hair is still ridiculous.
3) Billy Ray Cyrus' facial hair is inappropriate.
4) Taylor Swift is very endearing and I like her voice and all... but in person...there's something about her look that freaks me out.
5) Miley Cyrus' voice = good, but not great.
6) Faith Hill's haircut saddens me.
7) Oh good, Snoop appearance on the CMT awards. Too bad there isn't a country version of "Sexual Eruption"... yet... (http://youtube.com/watch?v=WzR3au5OS_s)
8) Increasing the randomness... Robert Plant won an award.
9) FINALLY Brooks & Dunn didn't win a duo award. Honestly, I was over them 10 years ago.
10) My girl crush on Carrie Underwood = still going strong.
11) Spotted: Kenny Chesney nipping hard.
12) Oh, and perhaps most random... show opens with cameos from John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama (among others)... o...k...
There was probably other funny stuff happening, but I was pretending to do work so I didn't blog about it.
Sidenote... I would just like to say what complete garbage it is that a blogger from my favorite NFL site got fired from his job at the Washington Post for revealing his true identity on the site. LAME... full story here: http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5531, and full coverage of the event on http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/.
1) Miley Cyrus made reference to being born in 1992. And I now want to kill myself.
2) CMT apparently has a show called "Gone Country" where washed up stars try to learn how to sing country. Hilarious on its face. Features Marcia Brady, Bobby Brown and... wait for it... keep waiting... I swear the wait it'll be worth it... here it comes... SISQO. Yup. That's right. Sisqo. The crew presented an award, and PS... his hair is still ridiculous.
3) Billy Ray Cyrus' facial hair is inappropriate.
4) Taylor Swift is very endearing and I like her voice and all... but in person...there's something about her look that freaks me out.
5) Miley Cyrus' voice = good, but not great.
6) Faith Hill's haircut saddens me.
7) Oh good, Snoop appearance on the CMT awards. Too bad there isn't a country version of "Sexual Eruption"... yet... (http://youtube.com/watch?v=WzR3au5OS_s)
8) Increasing the randomness... Robert Plant won an award.
9) FINALLY Brooks & Dunn didn't win a duo award. Honestly, I was over them 10 years ago.
10) My girl crush on Carrie Underwood = still going strong.
11) Spotted: Kenny Chesney nipping hard.
12) Oh, and perhaps most random... show opens with cameos from John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama (among others)... o...k...
There was probably other funny stuff happening, but I was pretending to do work so I didn't blog about it.
Sidenote... I would just like to say what complete garbage it is that a blogger from my favorite NFL site got fired from his job at the Washington Post for revealing his true identity on the site. LAME... full story here: http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=5531, and full coverage of the event on http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Collaboriffic! Smurftastic’s Top 5 Musical Collaborations of All Time
Let me start this off by saying this list in no way has to do with musical ability or quality of the songs. I like them for pretty random reasons, or just cause the artists are awesome.
Shania Twain and Billy Currington – Party For Two
This song isn’t actually that awesome, but I find it hilarious because it is impossible for me to hear it without thinking that she’s inviting him to a party in her pants. Which is amazing. This music video also introduced me to the hotness that is Billy Currington, who while adorable, dances quite poorly and amusingly. Shania also did a “pop” version with Mark McGrath… but it sucks. Here are some of the lyrics just so you know how hilarious this is:
“Aww, all the things I'm gonna do, I'm gonna try something new with you, boy, I'll tell you that it doesn’t matter what you wear, cause it’s only gonna be you and me there.” Buttsex implications indeed.
Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson – The Girl Is Mine
Ended horribly badly as Jackson bought the rights to all the Beatles songs, and now has to sell them off 1 by 1 as he’s going broke. Jackass. But once again, this song is proof that black Michael Jackson is way better than white Michael Jackson. It was a conflict choosing between Say Say Say and this song, but since the Girl Is Mine came out even before Billie Jean and was on the Thriller album, it wins.
Jimmy Buffett and Alan Jackson – 5 O’Clock somewhere
Promoting day drinking? YES and YES. On principle I am not an Alan Jackson fan, but this song is pretty amazing. Buffett has many collabo runner ups, not least of which is the remake of Hank Williams’ “Hey Good Lookin,” which was my ringtone for over a year. I love that song.
Kanye West Featuring John Mayer – Bittersweet
Like both of these artists… but this song mainly makes the cut because of one of the best lines in a rap song I’ve heard in the last 5 years… “I’ll never hit a girl, but I’ll shake the shit out of you.” It ALWAYS makes me smile. This is just kind of a chill song, not too upbeat, but puts a spring in my step when it comes on my Mp3 player.
David Bowie & Queen – Under Pressure
First off, both Bowie and Queen are AWESOME. Next, it was sampled by Vanilla Ice. Enough said.
Criticism and judgment encouraged in the comments!
Shania Twain and Billy Currington – Party For Two
This song isn’t actually that awesome, but I find it hilarious because it is impossible for me to hear it without thinking that she’s inviting him to a party in her pants. Which is amazing. This music video also introduced me to the hotness that is Billy Currington, who while adorable, dances quite poorly and amusingly. Shania also did a “pop” version with Mark McGrath… but it sucks. Here are some of the lyrics just so you know how hilarious this is:
“Aww, all the things I'm gonna do, I'm gonna try something new with you, boy, I'll tell you that it doesn’t matter what you wear, cause it’s only gonna be you and me there.” Buttsex implications indeed.
Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson – The Girl Is Mine
Ended horribly badly as Jackson bought the rights to all the Beatles songs, and now has to sell them off 1 by 1 as he’s going broke. Jackass. But once again, this song is proof that black Michael Jackson is way better than white Michael Jackson. It was a conflict choosing between Say Say Say and this song, but since the Girl Is Mine came out even before Billie Jean and was on the Thriller album, it wins.
Jimmy Buffett and Alan Jackson – 5 O’Clock somewhere
Promoting day drinking? YES and YES. On principle I am not an Alan Jackson fan, but this song is pretty amazing. Buffett has many collabo runner ups, not least of which is the remake of Hank Williams’ “Hey Good Lookin,” which was my ringtone for over a year. I love that song.
Kanye West Featuring John Mayer – Bittersweet
Like both of these artists… but this song mainly makes the cut because of one of the best lines in a rap song I’ve heard in the last 5 years… “I’ll never hit a girl, but I’ll shake the shit out of you.” It ALWAYS makes me smile. This is just kind of a chill song, not too upbeat, but puts a spring in my step when it comes on my Mp3 player.
David Bowie & Queen – Under Pressure
First off, both Bowie and Queen are AWESOME. Next, it was sampled by Vanilla Ice. Enough said.
Criticism and judgment encouraged in the comments!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Grammy Awards Recap!
Thoughts on the Grammys:
Not gonna lie, pretty offended by the opening duet with Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra. I mean I get that everyone goes apeshit for her, and some of her songs are good. But she doesn’t do it for me. And I bet she wouldn’t do it for Frankie. And I swear, if she EVER says anything like “On behalf of the Chairman of the Board” again, I may need to hurt her. I may be a little defensive of him. Maybe. At least it wasn’t a Beatles song. Then it could get violent (or more violent).
Carrie Underwood – my god her legs got toned. She sounded good… hopefully she’ll sound even better when I see her in concert on Wednesday (get excited). Revamped version of Before He Cheats was pretty intense. Solid effort.
Commercial tells me a Beatles tribute is coming. Grammys are usually pretty good about tributes – the Eagles tribute last year was amazing, so I have high hopes. If it's Alicia Keys, I will stab someone.
Chairman of the Grammys + the original members of The Time + key-tar = I’M A HAPPY CAMPER. I have an inappropriate obsession w/ key tars. Key-tar, however, promptly leaves the stage to give way to Rhianna. (which I have no idea how to spell) Think she’s catchy and all, but performance would have been more awesome if they kept the key tar around. Key-tars (like piano key neckties or tuxedo T-shirts) make everything better.
I desperately want to see the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show. Looks like I may need to be on shrooms to understand it, but whatever. I’ll probably like it anyway.
Random presenting combo award goes to: Cindy Lauper and Miley Cyrus. Cindy Lauper is pretty cracked out, and Miley seems a little afraid. I would be too.
JASON BATEMAN APPEARANCE! YES I LOVE HIM! HOGAN FAMILY! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT! Ok, that may have been too much all caps. I apologize for my exciteability.
I want light up sunglasses like Kanye. Pleased that Daft Punk made an appearance. In space suits. Awesome. Kanye West, as usual, wins at life.
Tina Turner/Beyonce. The outfits were ridiculous and unnecessary. Also the crotch on Tina is saggy… but better a saggy crotch than camel toe. Also the talking before Proud Mary = creepy. My roommate Rooster says it all, “Why is Tina wearing a spacesuit?”
OH! Jesus brought the sunshine. Thanks man. Keep up the good work. Jesus music medley. Uh oh, one of my college buddies, alias Rum&Efron is on to you! “It’s like they are only giving Jesus music 5 minutes so get as many people up there as possible, bc then we are switching to coke addicts.” I couldn’t have said it better if I wanted to. So far Amy Winehouse has won 2 awards. They keep saying she can’t be here, and I want to giggle, cause her visa got denied and she has now moved in with the Osbournes after leaving rehab. Looking forward to her performance a bit… if any of the internet videos I’ve seen of her in the last few months are any indication, it should be entertaining.
Brand new information… the song sung by Feist is an actual song and not just an iPod commercial. Go figure.
Kid Rock + folk singer = awkward. Rum& Efron, being very smart, has muted.
This just in: ROY SCHEIDER HAS DIED. I love Roy Scheider. Jaws, SeaQuest… it doesn’t get much better than that. He was an integral part of my youth, and I secretly wanted him as my father/grandpa. RIP. He will be missed.
Vince Gill just called out Kanye West for never having been given a Grammy by one of the Beatles. Holy Crap. I want Kanye to win whatever else he is nominated for tonight, just to see his response.
Amy Winehouse performs. I am disappointed I can understand most of what is coming out of her mouth. Yikes, the dancing is awkward though. There is NO WAY she is completely sober. Either that or she really has to pee. I find it ironic that she’s saying she won’t go to rehab. This conversation is what transpired after Rum&Efron said she was going to sleep:
Rum&Efron: dude I had to sign back on....what the fuck was that shit????
Smurftastic: ummmmmmmmm CRACKED OUT
Rum&Efron: 1. She was convulsing on stage while grabbing her crotch
Rum&Efron: 2. her back up singers kept looking at her
Rum&Efron: 3. she kept growling while singing
Rum&Efron: 4. she gave a shout out to her incarerated boyfriend
Rum&Efron: 5. she looked like she had no clue how to talk into a microphone
Rum&Efron: seriously....we gave her 3 grammys?
Rum&Efron: only in America can a foreign crack head win 3 grammys
Rum&Efron: that is all I have to say
Rum&Efron: good night!
Pretty fabulous performance by Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli. Yes, I love those guys, and yes, my mother introduced me to them. I am the epitome of cool. It's OK to be jealous.
Closing performance – Little Richard, Fogerty, Jerry Lee Lewis. Little Richard’s hair is probably bigger than Amy Winehouse’s. Fogerty sounds good though. Lewis has a pretty decent voice for as old has he is. Little Richard looks exactly the same, but may have made up some lyrics. Throwbacks are fun though, so I shant rant too much.
Usher mocks Kanye West also. Herbie Hancock wins album of the year. Awesome, though it would have been nice to hear what Kanye had to say. Gotta love the jazz shoutouts. I love jazz.
All in all, a solid effort on the Grammys this year. Not the best I've ever seen, but certainly not the worst. Only 2 weeks till the Academy Awards AND the writer's strike is over, so they may actually be funny and/or happen. I'm a happy camper.
Not gonna lie, pretty offended by the opening duet with Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra. I mean I get that everyone goes apeshit for her, and some of her songs are good. But she doesn’t do it for me. And I bet she wouldn’t do it for Frankie. And I swear, if she EVER says anything like “On behalf of the Chairman of the Board” again, I may need to hurt her. I may be a little defensive of him. Maybe. At least it wasn’t a Beatles song. Then it could get violent (or more violent).
Carrie Underwood – my god her legs got toned. She sounded good… hopefully she’ll sound even better when I see her in concert on Wednesday (get excited). Revamped version of Before He Cheats was pretty intense. Solid effort.
Commercial tells me a Beatles tribute is coming. Grammys are usually pretty good about tributes – the Eagles tribute last year was amazing, so I have high hopes. If it's Alicia Keys, I will stab someone.
Chairman of the Grammys + the original members of The Time + key-tar = I’M A HAPPY CAMPER. I have an inappropriate obsession w/ key tars. Key-tar, however, promptly leaves the stage to give way to Rhianna. (which I have no idea how to spell) Think she’s catchy and all, but performance would have been more awesome if they kept the key tar around. Key-tars (like piano key neckties or tuxedo T-shirts) make everything better.
I desperately want to see the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show. Looks like I may need to be on shrooms to understand it, but whatever. I’ll probably like it anyway.
Random presenting combo award goes to: Cindy Lauper and Miley Cyrus. Cindy Lauper is pretty cracked out, and Miley seems a little afraid. I would be too.
JASON BATEMAN APPEARANCE! YES I LOVE HIM! HOGAN FAMILY! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT! Ok, that may have been too much all caps. I apologize for my exciteability.
I want light up sunglasses like Kanye. Pleased that Daft Punk made an appearance. In space suits. Awesome. Kanye West, as usual, wins at life.
Tina Turner/Beyonce. The outfits were ridiculous and unnecessary. Also the crotch on Tina is saggy… but better a saggy crotch than camel toe. Also the talking before Proud Mary = creepy. My roommate Rooster says it all, “Why is Tina wearing a spacesuit?”
OH! Jesus brought the sunshine. Thanks man. Keep up the good work. Jesus music medley. Uh oh, one of my college buddies, alias Rum&Efron is on to you! “It’s like they are only giving Jesus music 5 minutes so get as many people up there as possible, bc then we are switching to coke addicts.” I couldn’t have said it better if I wanted to. So far Amy Winehouse has won 2 awards. They keep saying she can’t be here, and I want to giggle, cause her visa got denied and she has now moved in with the Osbournes after leaving rehab. Looking forward to her performance a bit… if any of the internet videos I’ve seen of her in the last few months are any indication, it should be entertaining.
Brand new information… the song sung by Feist is an actual song and not just an iPod commercial. Go figure.
Kid Rock + folk singer = awkward. Rum& Efron, being very smart, has muted.
This just in: ROY SCHEIDER HAS DIED. I love Roy Scheider. Jaws, SeaQuest… it doesn’t get much better than that. He was an integral part of my youth, and I secretly wanted him as my father/grandpa. RIP. He will be missed.
Vince Gill just called out Kanye West for never having been given a Grammy by one of the Beatles. Holy Crap. I want Kanye to win whatever else he is nominated for tonight, just to see his response.
Amy Winehouse performs. I am disappointed I can understand most of what is coming out of her mouth. Yikes, the dancing is awkward though. There is NO WAY she is completely sober. Either that or she really has to pee. I find it ironic that she’s saying she won’t go to rehab. This conversation is what transpired after Rum&Efron said she was going to sleep:
Rum&Efron: dude I had to sign back on....what the fuck was that shit????
Smurftastic: ummmmmmmmm CRACKED OUT
Rum&Efron: 1. She was convulsing on stage while grabbing her crotch
Rum&Efron: 2. her back up singers kept looking at her
Rum&Efron: 3. she kept growling while singing
Rum&Efron: 4. she gave a shout out to her incarerated boyfriend
Rum&Efron: 5. she looked like she had no clue how to talk into a microphone
Rum&Efron: seriously....we gave her 3 grammys?
Rum&Efron: only in America can a foreign crack head win 3 grammys
Rum&Efron: that is all I have to say
Rum&Efron: good night!
Pretty fabulous performance by Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli. Yes, I love those guys, and yes, my mother introduced me to them. I am the epitome of cool. It's OK to be jealous.
Closing performance – Little Richard, Fogerty, Jerry Lee Lewis. Little Richard’s hair is probably bigger than Amy Winehouse’s. Fogerty sounds good though. Lewis has a pretty decent voice for as old has he is. Little Richard looks exactly the same, but may have made up some lyrics. Throwbacks are fun though, so I shant rant too much.
Usher mocks Kanye West also. Herbie Hancock wins album of the year. Awesome, though it would have been nice to hear what Kanye had to say. Gotta love the jazz shoutouts. I love jazz.
All in all, a solid effort on the Grammys this year. Not the best I've ever seen, but certainly not the worst. Only 2 weeks till the Academy Awards AND the writer's strike is over, so they may actually be funny and/or happen. I'm a happy camper.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Holiday Songs Update - Worst of the Worst, and honorable mention
Bored during finals again... naturally... so in honor of our earlier post, Smurftastic presents the 5 worst Holiday songs of all time, and honorable mention for the greatest holiday songs.
First... the worst of the worst, in no particular order. What gets you to be the worst? General suckiness, ridiculousness that is not amusing, cheesiness, and the ability to get stuck in my head when I don't want you there. Feel free to leave your comments about songs that drive you nuts!
The 5 Worst Holiday Songs of All Time:
First... the worst of the worst, in no particular order. What gets you to be the worst? General suckiness, ridiculousness that is not amusing, cheesiness, and the ability to get stuck in my head when I don't want you there. Feel free to leave your comments about songs that drive you nuts!
The 5 Worst Holiday Songs of All Time:
- Love on Layaway - Gloria Estefan
- The Little Drummer Boy - Anyone (I have the WEAKEST of tolerances for the Bowie/Crosby version... very weak... but it's there)
- Blue Christmas - Elvis
- Away in a Manger - Mannheim Steamroller (pretty much anything by Mannheim fits here because, seriously, they are the Enya of Christmas music... sorry DJVic and brother)
- Here Comes Santa Claus - Ludacris (featured in the credits for Fred Claus... just, well, awkward)
And now... for those of you who enjoyed the Greatest Holiday songs of all time... here are Smurftastic's honorable mentions:
- All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan - Kenny Chesney
- Wizard Chess - Harry and the Potters
- Angels We have Heard on High - Jesus (aka church music)
- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - pretty much anyone
- Feliz Navidad - remember on Sesame Street Christmas when Big Bird ice skated to that song? AWESOME
- Run Rudolph, Run - Jimmy Buffett
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Greatest Holiday Songs of All Time
Well, it's that time of year. So in honor of the season... we present to you the Greatest Holiday Songs of All Time... meticulously compiled during a pointless and boring Admin review session.
This is supposed to be a Top 10 Comparision by each of us... but DJ Vic points out: "I only have 6 because I don't like holiday music very much". SO 10 from Smurftastic (who is inappropriately obsessed with Christmas music), and 6 from DJ Vic. Here goes.
Smurftastic #10:
I'll be Home for Christmas - Kenny Chesney
Reasoning: adds a nice little island beat to an all-over good christmas song
DJ Vic Response - Country and Christmas are always a good mix
Smurftastic #9:
Messiah excerpt/Because it's Christmas - Barry Manilow
Reasoning: Oh yeah, it's a song combo... pretty cheesy, but heartwarming. And who doesn't at least have some familiarity with Handel's Messiah? Plus Manilow's Christmas album is decently great. And Manilow is Jewish. And a gay sex icon. Non discrimination is important this time of year.
Smurftastic #8:
Dick in a Box - Justin Timberlake and Andy Sandberg
Reasoning: supports all holidays. Including the CMAs, which I am a HUGE fan of, obviously
DJ Vic Response - I'd take Justin Timberlak's dick in a box for Christmas any year. Though I doubt my parents....I mean "Santa"....could afford that gift
Smurftastic #7:
O Holy Night - NSYNC
Reasoning: plays to my love of 5 part harmonies, NSYNC, A capella, and this song in general
DJ Vic Response - Wow. O Holy Night is my favorite X-mas song
Distraction discussion about boy bands: Animal could be mistaken for an NSYNC member given certain hat and clothing choices, particularly the pink argyle sweater w/ newsboy cap
but bald boys aren't allowed in boy bands - cause you can't spike/frost the tips of bald
DJVictorious # 6 (FINALLY!)
Merry Christmas Baby - Bruce Springsteen
Reasoning: Rockin' - and shows my new-found Jersey pride - insert fist pump
Smurftastic #6
The Chanukah Song - Adam Sandler
Reasoning: Because racism is bad, and we at somepeopleknit do not support bad things (except bad life choices we really like those because they provide mocking/judging material) - Unfortunately, I don't know many kwanzaa songs... or festivus songs... or other winter holiday related songs. Don't be mad.
DJ Victorious #5:
anything Mannheim Steamroller
Reasoning: They're VERY big in Pittsburgh- No seriously - they make me feel like it's the holidays - I think my brother owns every Mannheim Steamroller album ever recorded - AND he's seem them live
Smurftastic Response: i'm relegating this to the worst, it's like the enya of holiday music
Smurftastic #5:
Baby It's Cold Outside - Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel - Elf Soundtrack
Reasoning: Kind of a romantic song which promotes substance abuse. Bring it on. Also am pretty sure this song is about date rape. Oh well.
DJ Victorious response: My grandpa really likes Leon Redbone.
DJ Victorious #4:
Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby & David Bowie
Reasoning: Bowie is god
Smurftastic Response: that is a decent version, however, that song and all versions is #2 on my worst xmas songs of all time, but this is actually the only version i can stand because bowie sings OVER the stupid par rum ing
Smurftastic #4:
All I want for Christmas is You - Olivia Olson - Love Actually Soundtrack
Reasoning: Cause Mariah is bat shit CRAZY, but it's a great song
DJ Vic Response: Mimi isn't crazy....she's misguided
Smurftastic rebuttal: Wow. You just called her Mimi. Judging you.
Happy Holidays everyone! Get excited for more holiday related countdowns as we get bored during finals weeks.
This is supposed to be a Top 10 Comparision by each of us... but DJ Vic points out: "I only have 6 because I don't like holiday music very much". SO 10 from Smurftastic (who is inappropriately obsessed with Christmas music), and 6 from DJ Vic. Here goes.
Smurftastic #10:
I'll be Home for Christmas - Kenny Chesney
Reasoning: adds a nice little island beat to an all-over good christmas song
DJ Vic Response - Country and Christmas are always a good mix
Smurftastic #9:
Messiah excerpt/Because it's Christmas - Barry Manilow
Reasoning: Oh yeah, it's a song combo... pretty cheesy, but heartwarming. And who doesn't at least have some familiarity with Handel's Messiah? Plus Manilow's Christmas album is decently great. And Manilow is Jewish. And a gay sex icon. Non discrimination is important this time of year.
Smurftastic #8:
Dick in a Box - Justin Timberlake and Andy Sandberg
Reasoning: supports all holidays. Including the CMAs, which I am a HUGE fan of, obviously
DJ Vic Response - I'd take Justin Timberlak's dick in a box for Christmas any year. Though I doubt my parents....I mean "Santa"....could afford that gift
Smurftastic #7:
O Holy Night - NSYNC
Reasoning: plays to my love of 5 part harmonies, NSYNC, A capella, and this song in general
DJ Vic Response - Wow. O Holy Night is my favorite X-mas song
Distraction discussion about boy bands: Animal could be mistaken for an NSYNC member given certain hat and clothing choices, particularly the pink argyle sweater w/ newsboy cap
but bald boys aren't allowed in boy bands - cause you can't spike/frost the tips of bald
DJVictorious # 6 (FINALLY!)
Merry Christmas Baby - Bruce Springsteen
Reasoning: Rockin' - and shows my new-found Jersey pride - insert fist pump
Smurftastic #6
The Chanukah Song - Adam Sandler
Reasoning: Because racism is bad, and we at somepeopleknit do not support bad things (except bad life choices we really like those because they provide mocking/judging material) - Unfortunately, I don't know many kwanzaa songs... or festivus songs... or other winter holiday related songs. Don't be mad.
DJ Victorious #5:
anything Mannheim Steamroller
Reasoning: They're VERY big in Pittsburgh- No seriously - they make me feel like it's the holidays - I think my brother owns every Mannheim Steamroller album ever recorded - AND he's seem them live
Smurftastic Response: i'm relegating this to the worst, it's like the enya of holiday music
Smurftastic #5:
Baby It's Cold Outside - Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel - Elf Soundtrack
Reasoning: Kind of a romantic song which promotes substance abuse. Bring it on. Also am pretty sure this song is about date rape. Oh well.
DJ Victorious response: My grandpa really likes Leon Redbone.
DJ Victorious #4:
Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby & David Bowie
Reasoning: Bowie is god
Smurftastic Response: that is a decent version, however, that song and all versions is #2 on my worst xmas songs of all time, but this is actually the only version i can stand because bowie sings OVER the stupid par rum ing
Smurftastic #4:
All I want for Christmas is You - Olivia Olson - Love Actually Soundtrack
Reasoning: Cause Mariah is bat shit CRAZY, but it's a great song
DJ Vic Response: Mimi isn't crazy....she's misguided
Smurftastic rebuttal: Wow. You just called her Mimi. Judging you.
DJVictorious #3:
Twelve Days of Christmas: John Denver & the Muppets
Reasoning: I listen to this album EVERY YEAR, IT'S AMAZING, The best part is when Miss Piggy warbles "5 Goooollldeen Riiiiiinggssss", Fantastic
Smurftastic response: wow BOLD, i've actually never heard that song but i do love john
Smurftastic #3:
Christmas Time is Here - Alvin and the Chipmunks
Reasoning: Because if you don't love this song, you are a terrible person. Plus I sing a great falsetto... also i am probably going to see the new Chipmunks movie - i judge myself, but i can't deny who I am
DJVictorious Response: John (he's the Chipmunk's "dad" right?) is such a pedophile
DJVictorious #2:
All I Want For Christmas is You: Mariah Carey
Reasoning: Might be the best song ever recorded, and the hipster kids LOVE it - and not just ironically
Smurftastic response: See my #4
Smurftastic #2:
Merry Christmas Happy Holidays - NSYNC
Reasoning: OK there are 2 NSYNC songs on here. I admit it. But you know what? Their Christmas album is AWESOME. Just fantastic. I don't even feel bad about my obsession. I have been known to listen to it in July. And nothing brings up a crappy finals mood like this song and its bouncy piano accompaniment
DJVictorious response: 2 NSYNC - quite a move... i'll take your word for it.
DJVictorious #1:
Christmas in Hollis - Run DMC
"You really need to see the video to fully appreciate."
Smurftastic response: Nice. Keep up the ethnic/music genre diversity
Smurftastic #1:
I Wanna Rock You Hard This Christmas - The Dan Band
Reasoning: Difficult to truly explain the awesomeness of this song. You have to hear it for yourself. Here are some selected lines to whet your appetite: "Fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy", "Deck the halls with your Christmas balls"
DJVictorious response: speechless - this is what the holidays are truly about, not this peace on earth bullshit
blnd44illini (3:09:13 PM): oh this song also features the line 'peace on earth'
blnd44illini (3:09:18 PM): but in an inappropriate context
blnd44illini (3:09:23 PM): which is the best time for it
blnd44illini (3:09:32 PM): also - santa hooks up w/ grandma
DJvictoriousT (3:09:51 PM): I bet santa gets alot of tang
DJvictoriousT (3:09:59 PM): he's a pretty powerful guy
blnd44illini (3:10:11 PM): cushion for the pushin?
DJvictoriousT (3:10:19 PM): exactly
Happy Holidays everyone! Get excited for more holiday related countdowns as we get bored during finals weeks.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
CMA Awards Recap!
So tonight was one of my favorite nights of the years since the move to the Jers. What is it you ask? Well it's the Country Music Association Awards. Oh yeah. Viva la country. I love it even more than I used to because I get negative country exposure here. Here are some of my thoughts on the show and the winners.
- FINALLY a loss for Brooks and Dunn for duo of the year. No offense to B&D... BUT you've won for like 29 years in a row. And all your songs sound the same. Seriously. We all loved Boot-scootin' boogie... but we didn't need to hear it with different words 346 more times. Congratulations to Sugarland, who despite having an overplayed first single... are a GREAT band. Check them out.
- Rascal Flatts need to get some better earpieces. They sounded like shit in both songs. Even though they are great live (I should know, I've seen them 4 times...) the harmonies tonight were PAINFUL. They also do a song w/ Jamie Foxx... who used to be roommates with the lead singer. RANDOM.
- Carrie Underwood is fabulous. Were it not for the fact that she used to date Tony Romo, she would be perfect. Her new album is great, her old album was outstanding, she is unbelievably gorgeous, and she wins awards. If I didn't love her so much, I'd hate her.
- Lots of American Music Awards ads. of all the performances at the AMAs... the only ones i'd actually watch for are Duran Duran and Rascal Flatts... I feel as though I should judge myself.
- Kenny Chesney was not wearing skin tight pants. Oddly unsettling. I can't decide how I feel about it. Still entertainer of the year, always a great choice. His concerts are amazing, and his albums have good sing-a-long potential.
- Dierks Bentley is unbelievably hot. Like PHENOMENALLY HOT. I was pretty sad when he cut off his sexy curly hair in his "Long Trip Alone" video. But he looked GREAT with the buzz cut. And now its growing out. OH MY GOD. Also he has a great voice and is amazing on tour. Oh and I met him once. And he said I was nice. Oh yeah.
- Male vocalist of the year - Brad Paisley. Writes great comedic songs, and also heart wrenchers. Probably the most talented guitarist I've ever seen in my life. Oh and he's married to the daughter from Father of the Bride. Bonus.
- Dwight Yoakum was wearing a rhinestone jacket and leather pants which are tighter than my going out jeans. He is at least over the age of 45. YIKES.
- The Eagles may be old balls... but DAMN are they a great band. I am buying their greatest hits album... NOW.
- I hate that Jersey or NYC does not have a country station. I know there are rednecks here. I've seen them. What do they listen to?
- If you have a penis, there is a 50% chance that Miranda Lambert will kill you. See also - I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun, Wait by the door and light a cigarette, If he wants a fight well now he's got one, And he ain't seen me crazy yet. Hell. I don't have a penis, and I'm scared.
All in all... there were twice as many performances as awards... which makes a great show. Country music is awesome. Here is Dierks. YUM.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Bad Idea Jeans
Ok, I'm pretty new to this whole blogger thing, but in my review of the CMT (yes, CMT... suck it you country-hating Jerseyites) awards, I became more aware of a recurring trend of angry scorned lover songs (and equally frightening/creepy videos in most cases). Hence... my first legit post: TOP 5 MODERN MUSICIANS IT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA TO CHEAT ON.
5.) Beyonce. Beyonce snags the bottom spot on this little countdown, because while she asserts her womanlyness, independence, and all that other girl poweryness crap (in a move totally unlike her), she in no way promises physical or property damages. In this case, if I were in the position of the dude who had to move all his stuff "To the left, to the left," I would probably want to kill myself. Nevertheless, I feel that violence is really the way to discourage cheaters, if for entertainment value alone. In this empowering (?) song, Beyonce merely points out that she can replace this guy in a minute. While in the case of Beyonce, such assertions probably mean that guys just fall all over her because of the prettiness, dance moves and loads of cash, for most average chicks, this signifies one of three things: (a) she has drastically lowered her standards and/or gotten drunk, (b) she is kind of a whore, or (c) she drastically lowered her standards when dating the first guy, and replace him with another subpar gent (who will probably also cheat on her, because if we learn nothing from shows like Jerry Springer, ugly people LOVE to screw around on each other). In sum, bad idea to cheat on a chick who will make you feel bad about yourself (as we ladies know how to do pretty well) but, remember, you won't feel so bad when you see her whoring herself out to the next guy who says something nice to her when she's blacked out.
4.) Miranda Lambert. Country because hicks make the best revenge songs (Dont' even try to argue otherwise... you are wrong). This song (Kerosene) is kind of old compared to the others, but it involves setting things on fire. Everyone likes a good fire. Roasting marshmallows is pretty fun. Roasting marshmallows while watching your cheating ex squeal in pain is even more fun, as Miranda teaches us. Also the young innocent appearance of our hero creates an interesting dichotomy between adorable chubby cheeked country singer and complete psycho. Don't judge a book by its cover. Also, she apparently has another song entitled "Crazy Ex Girlfriend." No shit.
3.) Nicole Kidman. Right, I know she doesn't have an album out at all, and her only singing experience is on Moulin Rouge, Happy Feet and that song with Robbie Williams (don't even ask me what that was... I feel horrible enough remembering that it even existed). Nevertheless, she is newly married to Keith Urban (another country singer... sue me), and his latest song is entitled "Stupid Boy." I am 98.5% sure that this song was written about Tom Cruise attempting to inflict his craziness upon Nicole during their marriage. It is possible that he cheated on her with Penelope Cruz during the filming of Vanilla Sky, leading to the break up of their marriage, thus allowing her indirect entry onto this countdown...(do NOT get me started on the Cruz-Cruise phenomenon of a few years ago, in my opinion infinitely more obnoxious than Bennifer). Anyway, its got to be a bad thing when your ex starts dating someone less crazy than you and then he writes an extremely successful/awesome song about it whilst the rest of the world begins to turn on you. Even harsher, Keith just got out of his second(?) stint in rehab and is a country singer (thus turning pretty much everyone in this region of the country against him), and he's still much more likeable than Tom could ever be. Although this song/video doesn't involve injuring personal property or killing/maiming people (admittedly important throughout this ranking), extra points for kicking Cruise when he's down. Damage to public persona for the person deemed to be the "Messiah" of the Scientology faith is always an AWESOME idea. So, don't cheat on/try to convert/divorce Nicole, because like Beyonce and other above-average women, they will replace you immediately. With someone who has an adorable accent. And that person will write a great song that can be attributed by casual observers who just want to see it (read... me or other people who just enjoy the song) to be about you. Stupid Boy.
2.) Justin Timberlake. Wow, Justin. We get it. Girls have screwed you over. While nothing could ever compare to the anti Britney anthem of his first album, this video alone is pretty intense. At first, "What Goes Around" seems only slightly more threatening than good old Beyonce explaining how she is Irreplaceable. What goes around comes around is something you say when your life is sucking, and there is no way you think the cheater's life is as bad. Then you sit back and wallow in the suckiness and hope that at some point, your life is better than your ex's. Pretty doormat-like, if you ask me. I mean get up and do something if you want to get even, and/or warn other possible cheaters against screwing you over or else it will all happen again. BUT, once you see the video... wow. I will never (as if I ever would have before) consider cheating on Justin Timberlake. For God's sake... **SPOILER ALERT** Scarlett (The Harlet) Johansson only kisses his best friend and he pretty much kills her. Wow. Killing someone for just a kiss is pretty extreme, and would normally warrant a #1 ranking in my book, but I feel that the surprise factor is gone after we knew he was capable of a great big FUCK YOU to the ex after "Cry Me a River". For history and homicidal tendencies alone, it would be in anyone's best interests to not cheat on Justin Timberlake. Extra points go here for kicking when down (see Nicole Kidman #3) if this song is also about Britney, cause she is WAY farther down that Tom Cruise right now. Literally. On that guy from rehab (yeah apparently its Howie Day... ew). Wow... that was inappropriate.
1.) Carrie Underwood. Yes, that's right. A country singer at #1. Sorry, but no one knows how to get back at cheaters like country singers. And Carrie really moved up on the badass scale with this song. And she had a lot of climbing to do after "Jesus take the Wheel" and the fact that she's from American Idol. I mean, clearly, a normal chick would get arrested for the shit she pulls in this song/video, but no one cares. I've never even been cheated on, and I find myself actually WANTING that to happen so I can tear the hell out of some redneck's truck. Also, her quip against chicks who drink girly drinks is always a good time. Nothing angers a girl who can pound beer and real hard liquor with the best of them than a girl who drinks vagina drinks (yes, this includes vodka-water-limes) on a regular basis who gets hit on by the guys you are friends with. To be fair, this song probably is guilty of ranking inflation simply because the previous 2 songs of hers were sappy and involved family and religion. Whatever, the surprise factor pushed her up over the JT killing spree. In short, if a country boy or other type who loves his car (or other easily vandalized possession) cheats on you, Carrie Underwood will teach you how to handle it. And the way to handle it is to fuck his shit up and teach him a lesson.
Honorable Mention: Frankie J (per the request of DJ Victorious) - I would have added this song, but I don't know enough about it to rant. Suggestions are welcome in the comments!
5.) Beyonce. Beyonce snags the bottom spot on this little countdown, because while she asserts her womanlyness, independence, and all that other girl poweryness crap (in a move totally unlike her), she in no way promises physical or property damages. In this case, if I were in the position of the dude who had to move all his stuff "To the left, to the left," I would probably want to kill myself. Nevertheless, I feel that violence is really the way to discourage cheaters, if for entertainment value alone. In this empowering (?) song, Beyonce merely points out that she can replace this guy in a minute. While in the case of Beyonce, such assertions probably mean that guys just fall all over her because of the prettiness, dance moves and loads of cash, for most average chicks, this signifies one of three things: (a) she has drastically lowered her standards and/or gotten drunk, (b) she is kind of a whore, or (c) she drastically lowered her standards when dating the first guy, and replace him with another subpar gent (who will probably also cheat on her, because if we learn nothing from shows like Jerry Springer, ugly people LOVE to screw around on each other). In sum, bad idea to cheat on a chick who will make you feel bad about yourself (as we ladies know how to do pretty well) but, remember, you won't feel so bad when you see her whoring herself out to the next guy who says something nice to her when she's blacked out.
4.) Miranda Lambert. Country because hicks make the best revenge songs (Dont' even try to argue otherwise... you are wrong). This song (Kerosene) is kind of old compared to the others, but it involves setting things on fire. Everyone likes a good fire. Roasting marshmallows is pretty fun. Roasting marshmallows while watching your cheating ex squeal in pain is even more fun, as Miranda teaches us. Also the young innocent appearance of our hero creates an interesting dichotomy between adorable chubby cheeked country singer and complete psycho. Don't judge a book by its cover. Also, she apparently has another song entitled "Crazy Ex Girlfriend." No shit.
3.) Nicole Kidman. Right, I know she doesn't have an album out at all, and her only singing experience is on Moulin Rouge, Happy Feet and that song with Robbie Williams (don't even ask me what that was... I feel horrible enough remembering that it even existed). Nevertheless, she is newly married to Keith Urban (another country singer... sue me), and his latest song is entitled "Stupid Boy." I am 98.5% sure that this song was written about Tom Cruise attempting to inflict his craziness upon Nicole during their marriage. It is possible that he cheated on her with Penelope Cruz during the filming of Vanilla Sky, leading to the break up of their marriage, thus allowing her indirect entry onto this countdown...(do NOT get me started on the Cruz-Cruise phenomenon of a few years ago, in my opinion infinitely more obnoxious than Bennifer). Anyway, its got to be a bad thing when your ex starts dating someone less crazy than you and then he writes an extremely successful/awesome song about it whilst the rest of the world begins to turn on you. Even harsher, Keith just got out of his second(?) stint in rehab and is a country singer (thus turning pretty much everyone in this region of the country against him), and he's still much more likeable than Tom could ever be. Although this song/video doesn't involve injuring personal property or killing/maiming people (admittedly important throughout this ranking), extra points for kicking Cruise when he's down. Damage to public persona for the person deemed to be the "Messiah" of the Scientology faith is always an AWESOME idea. So, don't cheat on/try to convert/divorce Nicole, because like Beyonce and other above-average women, they will replace you immediately. With someone who has an adorable accent. And that person will write a great song that can be attributed by casual observers who just want to see it (read... me or other people who just enjoy the song) to be about you. Stupid Boy.
2.) Justin Timberlake. Wow, Justin. We get it. Girls have screwed you over. While nothing could ever compare to the anti Britney anthem of his first album, this video alone is pretty intense. At first, "What Goes Around" seems only slightly more threatening than good old Beyonce explaining how she is Irreplaceable. What goes around comes around is something you say when your life is sucking, and there is no way you think the cheater's life is as bad. Then you sit back and wallow in the suckiness and hope that at some point, your life is better than your ex's. Pretty doormat-like, if you ask me. I mean get up and do something if you want to get even, and/or warn other possible cheaters against screwing you over or else it will all happen again. BUT, once you see the video... wow. I will never (as if I ever would have before) consider cheating on Justin Timberlake. For God's sake... **SPOILER ALERT** Scarlett (The Harlet) Johansson only kisses his best friend and he pretty much kills her. Wow. Killing someone for just a kiss is pretty extreme, and would normally warrant a #1 ranking in my book, but I feel that the surprise factor is gone after we knew he was capable of a great big FUCK YOU to the ex after "Cry Me a River". For history and homicidal tendencies alone, it would be in anyone's best interests to not cheat on Justin Timberlake. Extra points go here for kicking when down (see Nicole Kidman #3) if this song is also about Britney, cause she is WAY farther down that Tom Cruise right now. Literally. On that guy from rehab (yeah apparently its Howie Day... ew). Wow... that was inappropriate.
1.) Carrie Underwood. Yes, that's right. A country singer at #1. Sorry, but no one knows how to get back at cheaters like country singers. And Carrie really moved up on the badass scale with this song. And she had a lot of climbing to do after "Jesus take the Wheel" and the fact that she's from American Idol. I mean, clearly, a normal chick would get arrested for the shit she pulls in this song/video, but no one cares. I've never even been cheated on, and I find myself actually WANTING that to happen so I can tear the hell out of some redneck's truck. Also, her quip against chicks who drink girly drinks is always a good time. Nothing angers a girl who can pound beer and real hard liquor with the best of them than a girl who drinks vagina drinks (yes, this includes vodka-water-limes) on a regular basis who gets hit on by the guys you are friends with. To be fair, this song probably is guilty of ranking inflation simply because the previous 2 songs of hers were sappy and involved family and religion. Whatever, the surprise factor pushed her up over the JT killing spree. In short, if a country boy or other type who loves his car (or other easily vandalized possession) cheats on you, Carrie Underwood will teach you how to handle it. And the way to handle it is to fuck his shit up and teach him a lesson.
Honorable Mention: Frankie J (per the request of DJ Victorious) - I would have added this song, but I don't know enough about it to rant. Suggestions are welcome in the comments!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
