Bachelor LIVE aim chat - April 23

Yes, Smurftastic blatantly stole this idea from Kissing Suzy Kolber... but they are much funnier than us... kissmesuzy.blogspot.com SO ENJOY!!

Chris Harrison previews the episode:

blnd44illini (9:31:20 PM): humanitarian... and D bag... and he's looking for love
DJvictoriousT (9:31:51 PM): tessa!
DJvictoriousT (9:32:38 PM): please - the most spectacular date in Bachelor history?
blnd44illini (9:33:21 PM): they are going to run out of spectacular dates; one time they should just send them to a movie and the other group like to Paris and see what the movie bitches think

Our Bachelor drives up in his $500,000 car to pick up the ladies to go to Tahoe for the weekend:

DJvictoriousT (9:34:53 PM): oh the car
DJvictoriousT (9:34:57 PM): douchebag
blnd44illini (9:36:14 PM): he's sending them back to the future
DJvictoriousT (9:36:17 PM): dancing like liquid in the limo!

Time to get ready for the first date. Bevin starts to cry because she feels like she is missing out since she hurt her ankle during boot camp last week. Makes all the others late for their date because they’re helping her get ready.

DJvictoriousT (9:40:34 PM): i thought they said no date box
DJvictoriousT (9:40:36 PM): liars
blnd44illini (9:40:41 PM): no date box in LA
(would like to interject here about the semi dirty connotations of the word “date box”)
blnd44illini (9:40:48 PM): chris is a lying sack of shit…and he needs more to do
blnd44illini (9:41:22 PM): well you aren't going to get ready any faster if you make your eyes swell up... dumb whore
DJvictoriousT (9:41:26 PM): it is SO HARD to be given an all expensives paid trip to Tahoe
blnd44illini (9:41:33 PM): god crutches
blnd44illini (9:41:38 PM): has heather mills taught us nothing?
blnd44illini (9:42:29 PM): if i was doing her makeup i would have given her raccoon eyes

During date, Andy strikes up a conversation about the most romantic locations in the world, some ridiculous answers, then Bevin starts to be whiny to get alone time w/ Andy and the other girls get jealous

blnd44illini (9:42:53 PM): CABO?
DJvictoriousT (9:43:05 PM): she must have watched Laguna
blnd44illini (9:43:04 PM): Romantic if you are topless and wasted on spring break
blnd44illini (9:43:16 PM): she left the brace
blnd44illini (9:43:20 PM): whore
DJvictoriousT (9:43:24 PM): This is a pathetic move for Andy-time
blnd44illini (9:43:51 PM): she shouldn't feel insecure for not being able to do fun things
blnd44illini (9:44:02 PM): she should feel insecure because she's not 28, she's actually 40
DJvictoriousT (9:45:16 PM): electricity? Andy - sorry line
blnd44illini (9:46:29 PM): i think Andy just made out w/ his mom
DJvictoriousT (9:47:08 PM): that shot of the woman reinforced the information i got that they do their own "styling"

Regarding our overall opinions of the Bachelor:
DJvictoriousT (9:42:24 PM): God. He is so...simple - Special thanks to DJ Victorious' neighbor for that one...
blnd44illini (9:52:23 PM): he is less articulate that George W.

Later on at the casino…

DJvictoriousT (9:53:35 PM): Andy has a kind of creepy upper arm grab/rub
blnd44illini (9:53:48 PM): he's got some excellent makeout attempts when the girl doesn't want to
blnd44illini (9:53:55 PM): he should talk to schewe about the lean in
blnd44illini (9:54:00 PM): it could be very effective for him
DJvictoriousT (9:54:35 PM): danielle is making moves
DJvictoriousT (9:54:59 PM): she might be a drag queen
blnd44illini (9:55:15 PM): oh i see an adams apple when they makeout
DJvictoriousT (9:55:20 PM): whoa! danielle. strong move
blnd44illini (9:55:37 PM): she so far is setting the slutty bar for the evening

Andy picks Bevin for special alone time back in his suite. They have the “I’m such a nerd” talk that all attractive people have when they date on television. Lots of making out (gross cause she’s old) and a bit of straddling him. Walking back to the women’s suite, Andy tells her she is his sanctuary.

DJvictoriousT (10:02:42 PM): bevin. pathetic. moving to hawaii for a man who drives a Delorian
blnd44illini (10:02:54 PM): well she started dating when they were big
blnd44illini (10:02:59 PM): it makes her feel young
blnd44illini (10:11:01 PM): because of Andy, i have added a new item to the list of things men I date are not allowed to do
blnd44illini (10:11:20 PM): they may not call me "their sanctuary" when there is no chance of getting some
DJvictoriousT (10:13:54 PM): um. i'm bored. where's the alcohol? where' s the sex?

Second date: Andy rejects Fake Boobs for special alone time, even though its her birthday

blnd44illini (10:19:47 PM): i think Tina sold me a purse on Canal Street on Saturday
DJvictoriousT (10:21:48 PM): Tina's a contender and she's "doing a great job". A great job doing what?.....
DJvictoriousT (10:21:54 PM): What "job"?
blnd44illini (10:22:12 PM): oh YOU KNOW what job
DJvictoriousT (10:22:26 PM): No - maybe you should draw me a picture
DJvictoriousT (10:24:28 PM): Tina doesn't want to get involved in the drama. Tina also doesn't have any friends and sings the National Anthem to impress guys
blnd44illini (10:24:49 PM): well Andy doesn't understand drama and tears up when girls sing the national anthem
blnd44illini (10:25:04 PM): and drives a delorian to impress chicks

Time for the one on one date, with Amber (who kind of looks like a bug who tanned to much in the past week)

DJvictoriousT (10:30:20 PM): Fondue?
DJvictoriousT (10:30:57 PM): Andy's a slut. Kissing multiple girls?! Disgusting.
DJvictoriousT (10:31:04 PM): How dare he
blnd44illini (10:31:07 PM): the nerve
blnd44illini (10:31:09 PM): Jesus hates him
DJvictoriousT (10:32:40 PM): Cue the porn music
blnd44illini (10:33:05 PM): premarital sex is NOT what dating shows are about
DJvictoriousT (10:33:36 PM): Is he taking his bathing suit off?
blnd44illini (10:33:45 PM): not yet
DJvictoriousT (10:33:49 PM): Oh. no. just a rose.
DJvictoriousT (10:34:29 PM): Wait. Andy. Is that another rose udner the water?
blnd44illini (10:34:58 PM): why don't you dive down and check?

Quick break for one of the most disgusting commercials ever created…
blnd44illini (10:35:24 PM): INTRIGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
blnd44illini (10:35:56 PM): KY, for the love of your life... or some dude you met on a dating show who railed your roommate last night. Whatever.

Time for the elimination cocktail party! Fake Boobs wearing a stripper dress, other chicks trying to win Andy’s heart. We are still not sure why he is worth it.

blnd44illini (10:48:24 PM): i'm a bit worried about Tessa's chances
DJvictoriousT (10:48:32 PM): me too
DJvictoriousT (10:48:36 PM): she's too cool for this
blnd44illini (10:49:01 PM): but doesn't he have to keep at least 1 sane person?
blnd44illini (10:49:04 PM): that should be in the contract
blnd44illini (10:51:10 PM): its times like this I miss the virgin with the overexcitable eyebrow raise

Tessa (preseason MVP) gets a rose, Fake Boobs does not.

DJvictoriousT (10:52:49 PM): Hooray!
blnd44illini (10:53:19 PM): danielle's new nickname - Adam's Apple
blnd44illini (10:53:56 PM): Tina's nickname = Bunny Face
blnd44illini (10:54:18 PM): she does a good "job"
blnd44illini (10:54:43 PM): difficult to see why... w/ those teeth
DJvictoriousT (10:57:36 PM): Tina's mouth looks a little small for her "job" performance to have gotten her a rose
blnd44illini (10:59:02 PM): this was a pretty boring episode
DJvictoriousT (10:59:13 PM): indeed
blnd44illini (10:59:31 PM): next week, someone better get knocked up
blnd44illini (10:59:42 PM): hopefully in the backseat of a delorian
DJvictoriousT (10:59:53 PM): we can only hope
DJvictoriousT (11:00:37 PM): i hope the inferno was good

OK so for the first bachelor live IM chat, the show wasn’t throwing us any bones and having something entertaining happening. We’ll try again next week.