NEW BLOG SERIES UPDATE

DJ Victorious, Jeflow and I will be coming out of retirement beginning the week of August 9 to liveblog ABC's "The Bachelor Pad."

Let the unintentional (intentional?) hilarity ensue!

Show description below, via IMDB. Sounds a lot like The RW/RR Challenges to me, and that's a GOOD thing.

"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" meet "Big Brother" in this elimination contest, in which 19 castoffs from the ABC dating games face weekly challenges while living under the same roof. In the opener, they move into the bachelor pad, where their first challenge -- a game of Twister -- awaits. Then, before the elimination, there's a day-night group date. Chris Harrison and Melissa Rycroft are the hosts.

See you in a couple of weeks! While you wait for us and the show, let's take over/unders on the number of female contestants that Chris Harrison has already banged. Awwwwkwarrrrrd.

Gasp! Something on the Bachelor was fake?!? Say it ain't so!

Here is a link to a site w/ pics of Patrick Dempsey at the London Premiere of Made of Honor YESTERDAY. http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/04/21/patrick-dempsey-made-of-honor-premiere/
Lest we forget that the Bachelor went on a date with Holly to the premier several weeks ago. HOW DARE YOU LIE TO US, CHRIS HARRISON! WE TRUSTED YOU. Oh, no, wait. We didn't...

Bachelor BlogFest... THE FINALE

So here we are, back for the final episode of this exceedingly dull season of the Bachelor, "Officer and a Gentleman." To recap... Tessa (Smurftastic's preseason MVP) and Bevin are the two women left. They will go meet Andy's parents and then have one more date before he gives the final rose and an engagement ring to one lucky lady in Hawaii. We decided to do one more blogfest, even though the episode's haven't given us much to work with.

After some flashbacks of Tessa and Bevin's "Journeys", we get to meet Andy's family - Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, and sister.

blnd44illini (9:07:16 PM): GODDAMMIT i hate flashbacks
DJvictoriousT (9:07:41 PM): do you see him sucking in the stomach!
DJvictoriousT (9:07:45 PM): priceless!
blnd44illini (9:08:16 PM): chris harrison is merely reminding me how much i hate bevin
DJvictoriousT (9:09:34 PM): do you think that andy wears an ear piece so the producers can tell him what to say?
blnd44illini (9:10:28 PM): if andy wears an ear piece, chris harrison's preschool aged son is behind the mike
blnd44illini (9:06:22 PM): and the ugly sister trend continues, it appears
DJvictoriousT (9:12:13 PM): i think he just tackled his grandfather
Jeflow1 (9:13:23 PM): andy get your hand off your mother's knee
Jeflow1 (9:13:31 PM): it's weirding me out

Tessa arrives to meet the famliy:

Jeflow1 (9:14:58 PM): poor pap just wanted to do his crossword puzzle
blnd44illini (9:15:38 PM): judging by Andy's level of intelligence, I'm not sure that Pap can read enough to do a crossword
Jeflow1 (9:15:47 PM): what's a five letter word for a whore who gets married while still in high school
blnd44illini (9:16:08 PM): B... E... V.... I... N?????
DJvictoriousT (9:16:08 PM): sodoku then. my grandfather just puts random numbers in and hopes that it works out
DJvictoriousT (9:20:05 PM): there's alot of teeth in the room right now
DJvictoriousT (9:20:39 PM): pap says "viable candidate" - she's in!
DJvictoriousT (9:23:28 PM): sister's hair is not the right dyed shade of red
blnd44illini (9:23:34 PM): over/under on the sister being adopted?
blnd44illini (9:23:42 PM): also... nice brow dye job
DJvictoriousT (9:24:08 PM): sister also need a haircut

Bevin arrives to meet the family, who seemed to really enjoy Tessa. Bevin is explaining her social work about menopause and getting it on.

blnd44illini (9:14:08 PM): she would specialize in sexual dysfunction
Jeflow1 (9:14:10 PM): pap just woke up
DJvictoriousT (9:14:10 PM): oh bevin. thank you for existing
blnd44illini (9:14:49 PM): yo if bevin doesn't win, who's in for a "some people knit" produced online reality show... Bevin and Bruno Find Love
Jeflow1 (9:26:20 PM): pap is on the religous kick
blnd44illini (9:26:28 PM): ew and the "he's turned on" kick
DJvictoriousT (9:26:35 PM): for being so religous, pap is awfully horny
Jeflow1 (9:26:45 PM): pap wants to hit bevin
blnd44illini (9:26:56 PM): we all do... but in VERY different ways
Jeflow1 (9:28:35 PM): what's the "be high" faith that bevin is into?
blnd44illini (9:30:17 PM): and i hope grandpa gives her a crucifix
Jeflow1 (9:30:17 PM): when he hisses at her
Bevin brings Andy a bouquet. Smurftastic does not understand.
blnd44illini (9:32:53 PM): yes menopause... PLEASE help mom out w/ problems
DJvictoriousT (9:34:09 PM): amazing face shots
Andy attempts to explain to his family (and the rest of America) why he likes Bevin so much.
blnd44illini (9:34:46 PM): should we really be talking about that "electricity" w/ your parents?
blnd44illini (9:35:04 PM): "basically she put out before everyone else, mom"
blnd44illini (9:36:29 PM): grandma is a BIG fan
DJvictoriousT (9:36:58 PM): i wouldn't put it past bevin showing grandma a "good time" to get her vote
DJvictoriousT (9:37:12 PM): slideshow!
Jeflow1 (9:37:33 PM): little squirt
blnd44illini (9:37:44 PM): that's what she said
In Bevin's interview, she explains how she would LOVE to be a member of Andy's family:
Jeflow1 (9:39:09 PM): "I would love to be a Baldwin"
Jeflow1 (9:39:16 PM): try alec
Jeflow1 (9:39:20 PM): or billy
blnd44illini (9:39:22 PM): remember, that also includes stephen
blnd44illini (9:39:24 PM): eeeeew
DJvictoriousT (9:43:36 PM): i'm pretty sure grandpa has been jockeying for camera time all night
Grandpa explains that being turned on by Bevin is probably not the only thing that matters in choosing a wife:
blnd44illini (9:44:40 PM): being turned on is NOT what counts in jesus' eyes
Jeflow1 (9:45:05 PM): pap will slip and call gram "bevin" sometime tonight
Jeflow1 (9:46:07 PM): i wish pap would not say long and hard
Jeflow1 (9:47:05 PM): they're more concerned with finding sister a husband
Jeflow1 (9:47:20 PM): that's the next show
Jeflow1 (9:47:35 PM): "who wants to be miserable"

After the family meetings, Andy seems to be having a hard time picking between the two. We all understand. Tessa (normal) v. Bevin (CRAZY) is an extremely tough call for anyone.

blnd44illini (9:49:34 PM): my old roommate on Tessa and Andy: "its true...he's got some fire crotch business going on in the family...i would peace out at that point"

Andy takes Bevin on their last real date... the "suprise", in fact is not in his pants, but a helicopter ride. Bevin is inappropriately excited.

blnd44illini (9:53:30 PM): the giggling is out of control
DJvictoriousT (9:53:56 PM): she might be crying
blnd44illini (9:55:57 PM): is that keg beer?
blnd44illini (9:56:05 PM): cause i may be falling in love w/ andy all over again

Bevin brings a card and a gift.

blnd44illini (10:06:06 PM): BRIBERY
DJvictoriousT (10:06:31 PM): this is setting up to be a fanstastically entertaining nervous breakdown ala bevin
Jeflow1 (10:06:43 PM): she got the watch out of the lucky crane machine in the lobby
blnd44illini (10:06:59 PM): god even if he loves her the most he should dump her if only for the watchability
DJvictoriousT (10:07:00 PM): his veneers are out of control

Bevin tells Andy that she loves him, he says it back...

blnd44illini (10:07:39 PM): waaiiiiiiiit
blnd44illini (10:07:44 PM): he's not allowed to say i love you
Jeflow1 (10:07:49 PM): their noses may be a problem
Jeflow1 (10:08:16 PM): the kids could come out looking like Alf
Jeflow1 (10:08:59 PM): what was on his pants
Jeflow1 (10:09:04 PM): a wet spot
Jeflow1 (10:09:18 PM): i have to rewind
blnd44illini (10:09:22 PM): "little squirt"
Jeflow1 (10:10:33 PM): there was a definite discharge...and i don't mean fron the navy

After a private horseback riding date, Tessa also gives Andy a present with a long letter telling him how he feels. He breaks Smurftastic dating rule #2... NO CRYING UNLESS SPORTING EVENT OR DEATH IN THE FAMILY RELATED.

DJvictoriousT (10:18:18 PM): are these gifts required?
Jeflow1 (10:18:43 PM): bevin is going to win by a nose
blnd44illini (10:24:56 PM): waiiiiiiit.... ANDY CAN READ?????/
blnd44illini (10:26:27 PM): wait he says i love you twice?
blnd44illini (10:26:32 PM): that used to be against the rules
blnd44illini (10:27:26 PM): also... pic collage... NICE MOVE
Jeflow1 (10:27:26 PM): i'd rather have the lucky crane watch
Jeflow1 (10:28:04 PM): "where did you find all of these words..and what do they mean?"
DJvictoriousT (10:29:12 PM): i got nothing - i hope they give me some material in this final half hour
DJvictoriousT (10:29:15 PM): i'm counting on bevin
blnd44illini (10:29:30 PM): i'm now watching family guy "road to rhode island"

We are reminded how boring the Bachelor has been this season, as Andy goes ring shopping.

blnd44illini (10:31:27 PM): soooooo... back to bachelor...i really think i should go on this show
blnd44illini (10:31:36 PM): free booze for 6 weeks, and losing all respect for myself?
blnd44illini (10:31:38 PM): DONE AND DONE
DJvictoriousT (10:36:10 PM): andy really wants to get married
DJvictoriousT (10:36:32 PM): he has no idea what this woman is talking about
DJvictoriousT (10:36:48 PM): he would rather get matching diamond-encrusted dog tags
blnd44illini (10:36:49 PM): durrrrrrrrr this is shiny

Andy goes running to "think things over" aka give us more gratuitous shirtless shots... cause for being dull... he sure is hot.

Jeflow1 (9:06:54 PM): he makes all of his big decisions shirtless
blnd44illini (9:07:09 PM): who doesn't?

The women get all dolled up for one to get rejected, and one to get engaged... "and live their dream of marrying an officer and a gentleman"

DJvictoriousT (10:38:30 PM): tessa looks like a bridesmaid right now, not a bride
DJvictoriousT (10:38:40 PM): and bevin looks like a call girl
blnd44illini (10:39:06 PM): my mom officially hates bevin for the tatoo visible with the formalwear
DJvictoriousT (10:39:24 PM): unacceptable
DJvictoriousT (10:39:35 PM): this coming from one with multiple tattoos
blnd44illini (10:39:39 PM): but in an evening gown... probably not
blnd44illini (10:40:51 PM): mamma nick thinks she knows chris harrison from HGTV
blnd44illini (10:42:16 PM): yesssssssssssssss... chris harrison... host of designer's challenge

Bevin gets out of the limo first. Unless they are trying to trick us, this spells disaster for her

Jeflow1 (10:41:33 PM): no day in heaven with bevin...She'll be home by eleven
DJvictoriousT (10:45:10 PM): harrison looks like he's going to a funeral
Jeflow1 (10:46:17 PM): it's bevin's funeral
blnd44illini (10:46:22 PM): i can only hope
Jeflow1 (10:46:22 PM): she's done
DJvictoriousT (10:46:30 PM): she knows
DJvictoriousT (10:46:51 PM): ultimate bachelor twist - he proposes to both and they all move to utah

Bevin is dumped, of course... cries... a lot. Andy breaks rule #2 and cries again.

Jeflow1 (10:47:28 PM): bevin - you can still have chris
blnd44illini (10:48:10 PM): YESSSSSS preseason MVP gets the win
Jeflow1 (10:48:25 PM): that really helped toolbag now she looks like a racoon
blnd44illini (10:48:45 PM): chris LOVES that look
blnd44illini (10:49:41 PM): STOP CRYING
blnd44illini (10:49:43 PM): stop crying
blnd44illini (10:49:47 PM): i hate men who cry
blnd44illini (10:49:49 PM): HATE it
DJvictoriousT (10:50:06 PM): he's sensitive
Jeflow1 (10:50:17 PM): i'm not crying...there's something in my eye
Jeflow1 (10:50:34 PM): oh...i bet you meant andy
blnd44illini (10:50:54 PM): perhaps, bevin should not have given up the poon before she gave up her heart
Jeflow1 (10:51:09 PM): what do you mean you don't normally do that
DJvictoriousT (10:51:12 PM): why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
DJvictoriousT (10:52:15 PM): i'm sure bevin's dad can help her get over this
blnd44illini (10:52:31 PM): my mom: "alright, get a grip, stop whining"

Tessa arrives to hear Andy's verdict:

DJvictoriousT (10:58:51 PM): i wonder how many times they shot his lines
DJvictoriousT (10:59:23 PM): i bet there's cue cards somewhere beind tessa's head
DJvictoriousT (10:59:44 PM): joan is SO not amused. totally over the officer and gentleman

Andy proposes, Tessa says yes... cheesiness ensues.

blnd44illini (11:00:47 PM): yo - what if she accepts the ring but not the rose
DJvictoriousT (11:00:54 PM): smart girl
blnd44illini (11:01:26 PM): THE DIP KISS not cheesy at all
blnd44illini (11:01:38 PM): AND THE THEME SONG - amazing
Jeflow1 (11:01:49 PM): hair behind the ear is his signature move
Jeflow1 (11:02:41 PM): no not the sweep off the feet move
blnd44illini (11:03:02 PM): she's wearing his dog tags
Jeflow1 (11:03:06 PM): so richard gere

Alright. The season of the Bachelor is officially over. Special thanks to DJ Victorious' uncle, my mom, and G spot for their help with this blogfest. "After the Final Rose" is on next week... but it probably won't be that exciting unless they bring back the drunk girl who fell off the chair in the first episode. She gave me such high hopes for the season.

Dancing with the Stars Finale tonight. Still waiting on a Justin Timberlake appearance to support Joey Fatone. Get excited.

Bachelor Blogfest... HOMETOWN DATES

This week on the Bachelor, Andy goes to the hometowns of 4 women... Tessa, Bevin, Danielle and Amber

Your favorite bloggers at Some People Knit had a live chat w/ DJ Victorious' uncle to commemorate the occasion...

Jeflow1 (9:13:58 PM): Your Uncle is pouring himself a tall glass of cran grape juice before he starts his blog fest. I take no responsibility for what may transpire between the three of you

First of all... brief thoughts about Dancing with the Stars:

blnd44illini (9:01:44 PM): joey fatone = sex machine?
DJvictoriousT (9:02:52 PM): bruno like it!
blnd44illini (9:03:08 PM): bruno is super horny today
blnd44illini (9:05:16 PM): the billy ray ponytail scares teh hell out of me
DJvictoriousT (9:05:53 PM): he is so awkward it hurts to look at
blnd44illini (9:06:06 PM): i think i may vote for him
blnd44illini (9:06:11 PM): for amusement value alone
DJvictoriousT (9:06:21 PM): ewww
blnd44illini (9:07:21 PM): bruno needs to NOT hump the table anymore
blnd44illini (9:07:25 PM): just saying
DJvictoriousT (9:09:05 PM): dude - she just said billy ray was crap!
blnd44illini (9:09:18 PM): um billy ray has had his feelings hurt
blnd44illini (9:09:21 PM): i am officially voting for him
blnd44illini (9:09:25 PM): his heart is achy breaky
DJvictoriousT (9:09:33 PM): damn it! you beat me to it
DJvictoriousT (9:09:38 PM): too easy
DJvictoriousT (9:11:52 PM): jennifer love hewiit makes me want to punch her in the face
blnd44illini (9:14:05 PM): speaking of, i think we need to get some pre-game predictions for this evening
DJvictoriousT (9:14:47 PM): i think danielle is going down - mostly because i have no idea which one she is
blnd44illini (9:14:50 PM): i predict that laila's boobs may fall out
blnd44illini (9:14:58 PM): i think bevin is gone
blnd44illini (9:15:05 PM): i think final 2 amber and tessa
blnd44illini (9:15:11 PM): unless bevin puts out and gets freaky
DJvictoriousT (9:15:19 PM): bevin will definately put out
DJvictoriousT (9:15:40 PM): they have to stop panning to ali - i can't handle it
blnd44illini (9:15:43 PM): but it has to be freaky put out, not like regular put out - cause he can get regular sex from anyone
Jeflow1 (9:15:44 PM): bevin is glue
Jeflow1 (9:15:51 PM): with bad leg and all
blnd44illini (9:20:07 PM): ok so i think we have 3 votes for Bevin going down (in more ways than one)
blnd44illini (9:20:29 PM): and i think either Danielle or Amber... probably Danielle not getting a rose
DJvictoriousT (9:20:34 PM): i vote danielle too - mannish and she killed a dude
blnd44illini (9:20:55 PM): wait so are you saying that killing a dude is NOT the best way to snag a man?
blnd44illini (9:20:59 PM): well i'm screwed
DJvictoriousT (9:21:16 PM): carrie ann says appollo is "in it to win it"
DJvictoriousT (9:21:27 PM): in what? to win what?
blnd44illini (9:21:30 PM): well he IS a gold medalist
blnd44illini (9:21:34 PM): yeah what do the winners get?
blnd44illini (9:21:42 PM): except confirmation that they are washed up
Jeflow1 (9:24:15 PM): the guy from the rozerem commercial was just signed for the next season of dwts
Jeflow1 (9:25:07 PM): i say he picks the one that cries
Jeflow1 (9:25:19 PM): oh wait they all do
DJvictoriousT (9:25:43 PM): I love those quotes, like "i don't want to get my heartbroken". that makes sense then. that you go on national television to find a man to marry while competing against 19 other girls
DJvictoriousT (9:26:09 PM): no chance you'll get your heart broken
blnd44illini (9:27:21 PM): no its the safest way to find love. really. that's the only way i'll ever do it
blnd44illini (9:27:30 PM): don't tell... i'm actually the next bachelorette
blnd44illini (9:27:58 PM): ps - i voted for BILLY... TWICE
Jeflow1 (9:28:05 PM): nice pimp hat joey
Jeflow1 (9:28:11 PM): tool bag
blnd44illini (9:28:53 PM): THOU SHALT NOT HATE ON JOEY
Jeflow1 (9:29:17 PM): i didn't read all the rules
Jeflow1 (9:29:21 PM): my bad
DJvictoriousT (9:29:22 PM): sorry - i didn't warn you - n*sync shit-talking is not allowed
blnd44illini (9:29:30 PM): hahaha its ok
blnd44illini (9:29:37 PM): joey was always my least fave nsyncer
blnd44illini (9:29:44 PM): but we want him around so JT can show up at the finals
blnd44illini (9:31:03 PM): bring on andy... he's an officer and a gentleman... and he's looking for love

OK, now the show has actually started now...

blnd44illini (9:31:20 PM): i hope we get to see the KY intrigue commercial again
Jeflow1 (9:32:07 PM): i miss steph sc
blnd44illini (9:32:21 PM): perhaps cause she dresses like a whorebag?
DJvictoriousT (9:32:50 PM): push her off the ledge

We get to meet Danielle's father, who is rather socially awkward
Jeflow1 (9:33:14 PM): he looks like c3po
DJvictoriousT (9:34:30 PM): what makes andy more of douchebag: the car or the wide pin-striped suit?
blnd44illini (9:35:25 PM): i think its the clothes in general
blnd44illini (9:35:34 PM): remember the sweater in tahoe?
DJvictoriousT (9:35:40 PM): awful
DJvictoriousT (9:36:02 PM): andy just pulled the friend or life-long partner question regarding danielle
DJvictoriousT (9:36:03 PM): she's out
Jeflow1 (9:36:04 PM): no hips
DJvictoriousT (9:36:20 PM): = no children
Jeflow1 (9:36:21 PM): what swing sets are immature
Jeflow1 (9:36:55 PM): what does the tat say
blnd44illini (9:36:55 PM): CHICKS DIG SCARS
blnd44illini (9:37:00 PM): apparently as does andy
Jeflow1 (9:37:34 PM): i was once a man
DJvictoriousT (9:38:40 PM): jeff, can you imagine if i called you and caron and told you i was going to bring my bachelor television love interest and camera crew over to meet you
DJvictoriousT (9:39:03 PM): why are these families so serious?
blnd44illini (9:39:48 PM): well i would ask som pretty intense questions of the man trying to drive my daughter off into the sunset in a delorian

Andy arrives for Bevin's home town date... Smurftastic would like to reiterate how much she hates Bevin... and the awkwardness that resulted from watching Bevin's dad start to cry as soon as she walked in the door.

Jeflow1 (9:41:39 PM): she gets hit by the car on purpose
blnd44illini (9:41:50 PM): oh the leg wrap
blnd44illini (9:41:54 PM): she's not desperate at all
DJvictoriousT (9:42:09 PM): i'm in heaven when i'm with bevin - god he sucks
DJvictoriousT (9:48:33 PM): kelly ripa looks like a monster
blnd44illini (9:49:08 PM): not gonna lie - i enjoy that dress
blnd44illini (9:50:17 PM): ummmm crying father
blnd44illini (9:50:23 PM): this is awkward
Jeflow1 (9:50:25 PM): now we know where she gets it
Jeflow1 (9:50:34 PM): next he'll turn an ankle
DJvictoriousT (9:51:20 PM): with those genes she didn't have a chance
blnd44illini (9:51:27 PM): bevin's sister is by far the pretty one
Jeflow1 (9:52:38 PM): is that their house or an japanese steak house
blnd44illini (9:52:43 PM): good lord quit w/ the waterworks already
blnd44illini (9:52:59 PM): her dad is looking like he wants to make out w/ her
Jeflow1 (9:53:20 PM): for crying out loud
DJvictoriousT (9:53:26 PM): that was inappropriate hair caressing
Jeflow1 (9:53:36 PM): you'll always have your daddy
Jeflow1 (9:53:41 PM): freak
DJvictoriousT (9:54:00 PM): i really hope she put her dad up to this in order to get more camera time
DJvictoriousT (9:54:06 PM): to start her movie career of course
blnd44illini (9:54:35 PM): don't you have to be pretty and under 50 to be an actress?
Jeflow1 (9:55:18 PM): you kiss like my dad
Jeflow1 (9:56:07 PM): she should've closed her hand in the car door

Now Danielle (aka Dead Boyfriend Girl) hometown date

Jeflow1 (10:00:13 PM): a day in hell with danielle
blnd44illini (10:00:58 PM): be nervous cause you know everyone loves dead boyfriend the most
blnd44illini (10:01:07 PM): negative points - dog in sweater
blnd44illini (10:03:38 PM): so far we are 2 for 2 on sister's being cuter than the bachelorette
DJvictoriousT (10:04:02 PM): there's a reason the sisters aren't on a dating show
blnd44illini (10:04:14 PM): her mom has the smallest bottom half of a face
blnd44illini (10:04:19 PM): very kenny chesney like
DJvictoriousT (10:04:49 PM): danielle's dad may have been the one to kill her boyfriend because he kind of looks like a pathological killer
Jeflow1 (10:05:31 PM): it's a game of clue
bJeflow1 (10:05:44 PM): the dad in the basement with a drumstick
DJvictoriousT (10:09:57 PM): is this season of the bachelor boring because he sucks and has no personality?
blnd44illini (10:10:26 PM): yes - and none of the girls are really THAT crazy, they are a little crazy (ahem, Bevin) but not like trish crazy
blnd44illini (10:10:44 PM): remember trish?
DJvictoriousT (10:10:56 PM): trish was fantastic
Jeflow1 (10:11:16 PM): trish still may show up
blnd44illini (10:11:33 PM): just run in and give the girl a suplex at the final rose ceremony?
Jeflow1 (10:12:10 PM): step sister

Now we are at Tessa's hometown date, along with the family, her best friend Sam is here as well

Jeflow1 (10:14:16 PM): sam's trying to steal the show
Jeflow1 (10:14:26 PM): bitch
blnd44illini (10:14:27 PM): i bet they both tried out
DJvictoriousT (10:14:34 PM): the best friend addition is critical for effective interrogation
blnd44illini (10:14:39 PM): and sam didn't make ti cause she's a firecrotch
DJvictoriousT (10:14:41 PM): i bet sam is an expert cock-blocker
Jeflow1 (10:16:47 PM): how many of the rejects has chris nailed?
Jeflow1 (10:16:59 PM): all of them
blnd44illini (10:17:06 PM): he's married... but i'd set the percentage at about 57%
Jeflow1 (10:19:27 PM): sam has a who farted face
blnd44illini (10:19:38 PM): she who smelt it, dealt it
blnd44illini (10:21:54 PM): COME ON - preseason MVP... gettin' the family shoot down
DJvictoriousT (10:22:03 PM): this is why the hometown date is an essental element of the bachelor show
blnd44illini (10:22:37 PM): is it me or does she ALWAYS look terrified when she meets his eyes?
DJvictoriousT (10:22:54 PM): creepy upper arm grab/rub again
DJvictoriousT (10:22:57 PM): it's his power move
Jeflow1 (10:23:16 PM): he got it from bevin's dad

The rose ceremony preview??????

Jeflow1 (10:24:51 PM): they just gave us a huge clue on who goes home
Jeflow1 (10:25:01 PM): the person who goes will cry
Jeflow1 (10:27:14 PM): actually the sobbing sounded like chris
blnd44illini (10:27:33 PM): sounded like chris making moves on a desperate chick
Jeflow1 (10:27:59 PM): that was it
Jeflow1 (10:28:23 PM): he's in heavan with bevin
DJvictoriousT (10:28:59 PM): andy's a tool, for sure, and has bad veneers - but that was a nice arm shot

Now Amber's hometown date... her parents aren't on because they judge her for going on a dating show. I pretty much respect them for this. She takes him to the school where she teaches

blnd44illini (10:29:13 PM): the school PDAs are pretty inappropriate
DJvictoriousT (10:29:26 PM): WAY inappropriate
DJvictoriousT (10:29:41 PM): why subject these innocent children to this
blnd44illini (10:29:51 PM): i never hugged my teachers
Jeflow1 (10:30:03 PM): neither did i
Jeflow1 (10:30:22 PM): wait does the crossing guard count
DJvictoriousT (10:30:26 PM): gratuitous sing language interpreter shot
blnd44illini (10:31:47 PM): she should have passed him a note that said "do you like me? Yes. No. Maybe."
Jeflow1 (10:33:42 PM): let's see the roommate
DJvictoriousT (10:33:54 PM): my guess - cuter than amber
DJvictoriousT (10:34:09 PM): that seems to be the general trend
DJvictoriousT (10:34:25 PM): or wrong
blnd44illini (10:36:39 PM): i'm laying a rule out on the table: if i ever have a kid and they talk to me in text message format im pretty sure my beating the crap out of them should not be illegal
Jeflow1 (10:39:26 PM): a diver ...so am i
blnd44illini (10:39:43 PM): if you say muff... i'm going to be really upset
blnd44illini (10:39:48 PM): wow -that was inappropriate
DJvictoriousT (10:42:54 PM): the roommate looks like Janice from the Muppets
Jeflow1 (10:43:05 PM): i guess if can fall in love in a week... then the roomate can see the future in 10 minutes
Jeflow1 (10:44:40 PM): nice belt aunt lynn
blnd44illini (10:44:51 PM): did andy just give beer to the dog?
blnd44illini (10:44:56 PM): cause i fully approve of that
blnd44illini (10:45:06 PM): it may have almost negated the delorian
DJvictoriousT (10:46:09 PM): they are putting chris to work this season. he really has to make things sound unbelievable and dramatic to keep me tuned in
Jeflow1 (10:46:22 PM): caron says amber is gone
blnd44illini (10:48:31 PM): you know the bachelor is boring this season when I am checking NBA scores

Pre-rose ceremony commercial break:

blnd44illini (10:48:34 PM): EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
blnd44illini (10:48:38 PM): KY tingling?
blnd44illini (10:48:39 PM): really

Rose ceremony:

blnd44illini (10:49:18 PM): ok final predictions
blnd44illini (10:49:37 PM): i think bevin going home
DJvictoriousT (10:49:41 PM): bevin out
Jeflow1 (10:49:44 PM): bevin goes
DJvictoriousT (10:49:55 PM): danielle - no satin on TV

Tessa gets a rose:

blnd44illini (10:50:32 PM): preseason MVP
DJvictoriousT (10:50:35 PM): hooray!
DJvictoriousT (10:50:39 PM): can't wait to get that interview
blnd44illini (10:50:51 PM): i want to know where her sister gets her hair cut

Bevin gets a rose:

Jeflow1 (10:51:07 PM): wow
DJvictoriousT (10:51:07 PM): reeeeealllly
blnd44illini (10:51:07 PM): WHAAAAAAAAA?????????
Jeflow1 (10:51:17 PM): ankle seems fine
blnd44illini (10:51:23 PM): i'm still waiting on an "oh crap, never mind"
blnd44illini (10:51:31 PM): CHRIS purple shirting it again
blnd44illini (10:51:33 PM): i like

Danielle gets a rose... Amber is sent home:

blnd44illini (10:51:55 PM): OH SNAP
DJvictoriousT (10:51:56 PM): amber needs to stop tanning
Jeflow1 (10:52:15 PM): chris loves amber
Jeflow1 (10:52:26 PM): or he will be loving
blnd44illini (10:52:28 PM): he will after 10 mins in the limo
DJvictoriousT (10:52:43 PM): 10 minutes? that's all your giving chris?
blnd44illini (10:53:07 PM): well he has built up stamina after 10 seasons of this show
blnd44illini (10:53:27 PM): most amazing day of your life? really? your dog peed on the floor

blnd44illini (10:54:31 PM): dear amber,
Jeflow1 (10:54:37 PM): men lie
blnd44illini (10:54:40 PM): what men tell you in hot tubs is not always true
blnd44illini (10:54:42 PM): love,
blnd44illini (10:54:47 PM): somepeopleknit.blogspot.com
blnd44illini (10:54:50 PM): xoxo

DJvictoriousT (10:54:58 PM): amber - just leave
DJvictoriousT (10:55:38 PM): they should show this to high school girls in health class
blnd44illini (10:56:20 PM): how much funnier would it be if chris just slowly rolled down the limo partition and winked at her
Jeflow1 (10:56:30 PM): the guy that was out there for you is watching...he's no longer interested
blnd44illini (10:56:47 PM): bent over backwards?
blnd44illini (10:56:48 PM): kinky
DJvictoriousT (10:57:13 PM): well amber, you may have lost the bachelor competition, but you may have all the other girls beat in terms of desparation
Jeflow1 (10:57:20 PM): maybe it's you
Jeflow1 (10:57:48 PM): amber - two words
Jeflow1 (10:57:58 PM): flavor flav

Preview of next week's episode:

blnd44illini (10:59:03 PM): no way - could we possibly have the first suite rejection?
DJvictoriousT (10:59:15 PM): tessa rocks

Bachelor LIVE aim chat - April 23

Yes, Smurftastic blatantly stole this idea from Kissing Suzy Kolber... but they are much funnier than us... kissmesuzy.blogspot.com SO ENJOY!!

Chris Harrison previews the episode:

blnd44illini (9:31:20 PM): humanitarian... and D bag... and he's looking for love
DJvictoriousT (9:31:51 PM): tessa!
DJvictoriousT (9:32:38 PM): please - the most spectacular date in Bachelor history?
blnd44illini (9:33:21 PM): they are going to run out of spectacular dates; one time they should just send them to a movie and the other group like to Paris and see what the movie bitches think

Our Bachelor drives up in his $500,000 car to pick up the ladies to go to Tahoe for the weekend:

DJvictoriousT (9:34:53 PM): oh the car
DJvictoriousT (9:34:57 PM): douchebag
blnd44illini (9:36:14 PM): he's sending them back to the future
DJvictoriousT (9:36:17 PM): dancing like liquid in the limo!

Time to get ready for the first date. Bevin starts to cry because she feels like she is missing out since she hurt her ankle during boot camp last week. Makes all the others late for their date because they’re helping her get ready.

DJvictoriousT (9:40:34 PM): i thought they said no date box
DJvictoriousT (9:40:36 PM): liars
blnd44illini (9:40:41 PM): no date box in LA
(would like to interject here about the semi dirty connotations of the word “date box”)
blnd44illini (9:40:48 PM): chris is a lying sack of shit…and he needs more to do
blnd44illini (9:41:22 PM): well you aren't going to get ready any faster if you make your eyes swell up... dumb whore
DJvictoriousT (9:41:26 PM): it is SO HARD to be given an all expensives paid trip to Tahoe
blnd44illini (9:41:33 PM): god crutches
blnd44illini (9:41:38 PM): has heather mills taught us nothing?
blnd44illini (9:42:29 PM): if i was doing her makeup i would have given her raccoon eyes

During date, Andy strikes up a conversation about the most romantic locations in the world, some ridiculous answers, then Bevin starts to be whiny to get alone time w/ Andy and the other girls get jealous

blnd44illini (9:42:53 PM): CABO?
DJvictoriousT (9:43:05 PM): she must have watched Laguna
blnd44illini (9:43:04 PM): Romantic if you are topless and wasted on spring break
blnd44illini (9:43:16 PM): she left the brace
blnd44illini (9:43:20 PM): whore
DJvictoriousT (9:43:24 PM): This is a pathetic move for Andy-time
blnd44illini (9:43:51 PM): she shouldn't feel insecure for not being able to do fun things
blnd44illini (9:44:02 PM): she should feel insecure because she's not 28, she's actually 40
DJvictoriousT (9:45:16 PM): electricity? Andy - sorry line
blnd44illini (9:46:29 PM): i think Andy just made out w/ his mom
DJvictoriousT (9:47:08 PM): that shot of the woman reinforced the information i got that they do their own "styling"

Regarding our overall opinions of the Bachelor:
DJvictoriousT (9:42:24 PM): God. He is so...simple - Special thanks to DJ Victorious' neighbor for that one...
blnd44illini (9:52:23 PM): he is less articulate that George W.

Later on at the casino…

DJvictoriousT (9:53:35 PM): Andy has a kind of creepy upper arm grab/rub
blnd44illini (9:53:48 PM): he's got some excellent makeout attempts when the girl doesn't want to
blnd44illini (9:53:55 PM): he should talk to schewe about the lean in
blnd44illini (9:54:00 PM): it could be very effective for him
DJvictoriousT (9:54:35 PM): danielle is making moves
DJvictoriousT (9:54:59 PM): she might be a drag queen
blnd44illini (9:55:15 PM): oh i see an adams apple when they makeout
DJvictoriousT (9:55:20 PM): whoa! danielle. strong move
blnd44illini (9:55:37 PM): she so far is setting the slutty bar for the evening

Andy picks Bevin for special alone time back in his suite. They have the “I’m such a nerd” talk that all attractive people have when they date on television. Lots of making out (gross cause she’s old) and a bit of straddling him. Walking back to the women’s suite, Andy tells her she is his sanctuary.

DJvictoriousT (10:02:42 PM): bevin. pathetic. moving to hawaii for a man who drives a Delorian
blnd44illini (10:02:54 PM): well she started dating when they were big
blnd44illini (10:02:59 PM): it makes her feel young
blnd44illini (10:11:01 PM): because of Andy, i have added a new item to the list of things men I date are not allowed to do
blnd44illini (10:11:20 PM): they may not call me "their sanctuary" when there is no chance of getting some
DJvictoriousT (10:13:54 PM): um. i'm bored. where's the alcohol? where' s the sex?

Second date: Andy rejects Fake Boobs for special alone time, even though its her birthday

blnd44illini (10:19:47 PM): i think Tina sold me a purse on Canal Street on Saturday
DJvictoriousT (10:21:48 PM): Tina's a contender and she's "doing a great job". A great job doing what?.....
DJvictoriousT (10:21:54 PM): What "job"?
blnd44illini (10:22:12 PM): oh YOU KNOW what job
DJvictoriousT (10:22:26 PM): No - maybe you should draw me a picture
DJvictoriousT (10:24:28 PM): Tina doesn't want to get involved in the drama. Tina also doesn't have any friends and sings the National Anthem to impress guys
blnd44illini (10:24:49 PM): well Andy doesn't understand drama and tears up when girls sing the national anthem
blnd44illini (10:25:04 PM): and drives a delorian to impress chicks

Time for the one on one date, with Amber (who kind of looks like a bug who tanned to much in the past week)

DJvictoriousT (10:30:20 PM): Fondue?
DJvictoriousT (10:30:57 PM): Andy's a slut. Kissing multiple girls?! Disgusting.
DJvictoriousT (10:31:04 PM): How dare he
blnd44illini (10:31:07 PM): the nerve
blnd44illini (10:31:09 PM): Jesus hates him
DJvictoriousT (10:32:40 PM): Cue the porn music
blnd44illini (10:33:05 PM): premarital sex is NOT what dating shows are about
DJvictoriousT (10:33:36 PM): Is he taking his bathing suit off?
blnd44illini (10:33:45 PM): not yet
DJvictoriousT (10:33:49 PM): Oh. no. just a rose.
DJvictoriousT (10:34:29 PM): Wait. Andy. Is that another rose udner the water?
blnd44illini (10:34:58 PM): why don't you dive down and check?

Quick break for one of the most disgusting commercials ever created…
blnd44illini (10:35:24 PM): INTRIGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
blnd44illini (10:35:56 PM): KY, for the love of your life... or some dude you met on a dating show who railed your roommate last night. Whatever.

Time for the elimination cocktail party! Fake Boobs wearing a stripper dress, other chicks trying to win Andy’s heart. We are still not sure why he is worth it.

blnd44illini (10:48:24 PM): i'm a bit worried about Tessa's chances
DJvictoriousT (10:48:32 PM): me too
DJvictoriousT (10:48:36 PM): she's too cool for this
blnd44illini (10:49:01 PM): but doesn't he have to keep at least 1 sane person?
blnd44illini (10:49:04 PM): that should be in the contract
blnd44illini (10:51:10 PM): its times like this I miss the virgin with the overexcitable eyebrow raise

Tessa (preseason MVP) gets a rose, Fake Boobs does not.

DJvictoriousT (10:52:49 PM): Hooray!
blnd44illini (10:53:19 PM): danielle's new nickname - Adam's Apple
blnd44illini (10:53:56 PM): Tina's nickname = Bunny Face
blnd44illini (10:54:18 PM): she does a good "job"
blnd44illini (10:54:43 PM): difficult to see why... w/ those teeth
DJvictoriousT (10:57:36 PM): Tina's mouth looks a little small for her "job" performance to have gotten her a rose
blnd44illini (10:59:02 PM): this was a pretty boring episode
DJvictoriousT (10:59:13 PM): indeed
blnd44illini (10:59:31 PM): next week, someone better get knocked up
blnd44illini (10:59:42 PM): hopefully in the backseat of a delorian
DJvictoriousT (10:59:53 PM): we can only hope
DJvictoriousT (11:00:37 PM): i hope the inferno was good

OK so for the first bachelor live IM chat, the show wasn’t throwing us any bones and having something entertaining happening. We’ll try again next week.

Monday nights on ABC

So last week on the bachelor, one of Smurftastic's preseason MVP's was sent home when they were both sent on the same date where one had to go home. Sorority chick Peyton gets the boot, but only after proving how annoying her accent is. GO TESSA! After boot camp, old lady Bevin injures herself and gets a rose for being a whiner. Garbage. This week, Dr. DBag and the ladies go to Tahoe for the "cattiest Bachelor in the show's history." Check out DJ Victorious and Smurftastics IM record from the show.

Dancing with the Stars brief thoughts:
Celebrities spotted in the audience this week: Andrea from 90210, JC Chasez, and George Wendt
Worst performances: Heather Mills, Billy Ray Cyrus, Cliff from Cheers
Stolen our Hearts (well he already had Smurftastics, but whatever): Joey Fatone
Crossing our fingers that they'll cameo at the finals: Justin Timberlake, Ted Danson
Other thoughts: Questioning the nationality of Judge Bruno. No question about his sexuality tho. Ian Ziering has a tight ass (according to DJ Victorious, who also wants to borrow the dancing tiger costume for DJing) and Billy Ray may have highlighted his hair since the last episode. Keep your eyes peeled for some excellent dancing with the stars.