2010 Oscars Live Blog

Hey all... Here's the standard Oscar blog. I'm kicking it off by saying that Zach Efron is looking GOOD tonight. Kathy Ireland is easily the most awkward interviewer I've ever seen. Ever.

The 10 movies nominated for Best Picture debate has begun. I think it's good for the Oscar ratings, but some movies nominated get ridiculous. However, I really hate watching the Oscars when I haven't seen any of the movies nominated for big awards. Nonetheless, even with more movies nominated, I still have only seen 2 movies nominated, and only liked one of them. Kate Winslet's hair looks great, but I've seen her in better dresses. I absolutely adore her in everything.

Why are these Twilight assholes all over the place? This blatant pandering for ratings is offensive to me.
Show is starting. Preliminarily, let me say that I am ridiculously excited about Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are hosting. I have a crush on Steve Martin, and I don’t even feel bad about it. He’s #2 on my old man crush list, second only to Harrison Ford.
NPH SURPRISE APPEARANCE! I simply cannot express how much I love him. Love his sparkly jacket. Love him singing. Love it all. Steve Martin’s glasses make him not as awesome, but I’d still do him. Meryl Streep burn. Awesome. This is digressing into awkwardness quickly, however. The blatantly awkward “oh look” is a kind of hilarious. Bringing up the Avatar-Hurt Locker ex-wife thing. Why are they sitting next to each other? They HATE each other.
Inglorious Basterds guy wins the supporting actor award. I’m sure he was wonderful, but I’m hesitant to be in favor of anything that makes Quentin Tarantino feel good about himself. Up wins best animated picture. Not shocking, and I in no way care. At least it led me to a Mr. Grant sighting. I love Mr. Grant.
Colin Farrel was in Crazy Heart? SINGING? INSTANTLY ADDING TO LIST OF MOVIES I WANT TO SEE. Writer just busted out “I love you more than rainbows.” Die. The intro to best screenplay with Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. is by far the most entertaining of the night. RDJ’s outfit is amazing.
John Hughes tribute. I’m foreseeing I’ll cry. I heart Matthew Broderick. Macaulay Culkin. Wow. He has grown to be a creepy adult. Shocking.
Break for the boring awards.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair looks ridiculous. It was pretty cute initially, but apparently got frizz sesh. Charlize Theron’s boob focus dress was a poor styling decision by all accounts.

Twilight kids. Ugh. Then salute to horror montage. LOVE. IT. Zac Efron is getting hella screen time. I must say that I am really excited to see “Me and Orson Welles” and for his legitimate acting career to take off. The sound editor from “The Hurt Locker” is horrifying.

John Travolta. In jeans. What an uber douche.

Demi Moore is here. I feel dead people montage. Ghost theme song. Swayze. James Taylor singing In My Life. Instantly choked up. Natasha Richardson is the one who officially gets me. Ugh. Interpretive dance montage. I’m sure this is all very impressive, but I’m calling it an awkward fail. God. This is way too long. This is an abortion. I'd rather watch the sci tech awards again than this dance montage. That's the problem w/ modern dance. It's all very pretty, but it never fits the music or the theme and just ends up making everyone uncomfortable.

JASON. BATEMAN!

Tyler Perry, please stop talking. Hurt Locker is taking a lot of the smaller awards from Avatar. Might bode well for best picture. As long as it’s not Avatar.

Who invited Keanu Reeves? Oh the “Point Break” bond with Bigelow. Pro. I literally cannot accurately capture my hatred of Quentin Tarantino in words. It’s unfortunate that he’s so talented when he’s so irritating.

The fellating of the best actor nominees has begun. I am tired. This needs to move on, even though I’m quite enjoying the close ups of the guys, and Colin Farrel. Jeff Bridges gets the W. Absolutely not surprised. I hope he accepts entirely as The Dude. I kind of want to see his movie now, but I probably won’t. I probably should have added Jeff Bridges to the list of famous people I want to hang out with.

Best actress montage. I actually am excited to see who this award goes to. Our hostess says “I hope the Precious chick wins, because she’ll never get the chance to win again.” Our hostess’ brother taking the late comer hilarity award of the night with the following gems... “Because she’ll be dead in an hour and a half? It’s tough to act when you’ve lost both your feet to diabetes. She’s so fat her eyes don’t open. She wins for attacking that trainer at Sea World last week.” Sandra Bullock is kind of a surprise, won’t lie. I might have to see The Blind Side. She wins the gracious speech award. Jesse James loses hella street cred for crying.

Finally best picture award. Just kidding. Best direction. DIAF, Oscars. It’s almost midnight, and I’m a tuckered out little lamb. Why is Barbara Streisand presenting this? Fail. Kathryn Bigelow wins… there’s an awkward “will he congratulate his ex wife?” moment with Cameron. If he does, it’s not caught on camera. Way to go Point Break director! OK. Enough. They need to get more dedicated to the “wrap it up” rule. This is getting ridiculous.

Tom Hanks is here, so I’m hoping THIS is actually best picture. Hurt Locker wins again. Congrats. Suck it James Cameron. I’m going home.

Good night, ya’ll!

Golden Globe Awards 2009

So it’s that time of year… my favorite… AWARDS SEASON! The legitimate awards kick off tonight with the Golden Globes… and true to my fans, I’m providing a short commentary as I watch… Apologies because this will be more sparse than normal, since due to flight delays, I arrived back from Winter break a day late, and am currently folding every single piece of clothing I own, which I had to wash because my neighbors got bed bugs (ew). I only slept an hour last night after getting back from the bars and then getting up to catch my replacement flight… so this will either be lazy and hilarious or lazy and lame… I’m not really sure how good my sense of humor can be as I’m putting everything I own in garbage bags… let’s see.

First off, NFL playoff games are ending for the weekend – I so far really enjoy the outcome of today’s games… the Giants get knocked out (lots of unhappy people at school tomorrow) and the Steelers are winning with about a minute to go… Since DJ Victorious is a Steelers fan and promised to take me to Pittsburgh if they make it to the bowl, I’m obvi rooting for them.

I’m watching with my friend Ginger McWeasley, so if he says anything awesome, I’ll let you know. Early predictions for the awards:
Ginger thinks Heath Ledger, as do I, but Tom Cruise or Robert Downey winning for Tropic Thunder would be hilarious
Best picture = no idea. I’ve seen none of these. Neither has Ginger.
TV Shows = I think 30 Rock, Ginger thinks the Office
Ginger thinks True Blood for best dramatic series because “there’s enough tits in that movie to make people vote for it. And they were GOOOOOD tits.”
I think Mad Men
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see Neil Patrick Harris (hereinafter NPH) win for best supporting actor in a TV Show.
Meryl Streep is a shoe in for something at least, because it’s Meryl Streep.
Ginger McWeasley thinks someone is going to fall down the stairs. I’m just looking forward to the drunks.

I totally just realized I have no idea who’s hosting… but Ginger tried to tell me it was Ted Danson, which would be AMAZING! Also if they ignore Roy Scheider in the dead people montage, you know the drill, I’m going on a rant.

Jennifer Lopez is out first. If she is the host I need to start drinking… IMMEDIATELY. Maybe there is no host. A girl can dream. She looks terrible… some sort of golden dress… she just shushed people… and I want to punch the TV for the first of many times this evening. Kate Winslet wins best supporting actress for The Reader… which I really want to see if it ever comes to a non-Indy theater. God I hate acceptance speeches. This is still going on. I could have knitted a sweater in the time it took her to thank unimportant people.

Sting presents best original song… since when is he brunette? I’m creeped out. Ginger predicts Springsteen… but likes Peter Gabriel. Well done Ginger. Springsteen calls out Clint Eastwood. Even though you’re from Jersey, dude, Eastwood could kill you with only a look… so watch out.

NP’s award is up. I love him SO MUCH. He does not look confident. I think Piven will get it. Again. Or Tom Wilkinson for John Adams. That shit wins EVERYTHING. Come on NPH! God damn it. Tom Wilkinson. But NPH will always be first in my heart.

Movie related question: Why is Don Cheadle in Hotel for Dogs? Isn’t he like a well renowned actor? Does he have no self respect?

Zac Efron makes an appearance. Big ups to Rum&Efron… good to see you yesterday. I like John Hamm or Hugh Laurie for best actor in a drama. I really just want to hear Hugh Laurie talk in his sexy accent. Gabriel Byrne wins, no huge surprise. Kevin Bacon looks awfully shiny. Ginger thinks his hair looks ridiculous. Ginger watches and loves True Blood, but he made a “something smells” face when Ana Paquin won for best actress. She should think about investing in braces. Just saying.

Ricky Gervais is being Ricky Gervais. He’s pretty awesome.

Jonas Brothers announce the award Miley Cyrus is nominated for = awkward. This award is OBVI going to Wall-E.

Ginger and I are rooting for best actress to go to Emma Thompson. Another English lady wins. Her teeth are RIDIC.

Ummmmmmmm who was in charge of Drew Barrymore’s hair and makeup? Cause that is unnecessary in so many ways.

Supporting Actor Award… this is obvi the big one of the night. Tom Cruise can’t stop laughing at himself. I would too, Les Grossman, I would too. Heath Ledger wins. No surprise.
Colin Farrel makes a cocaine joke and my love for him grows even more. Does it make me a bad person that I’m a little bit sad he’s sober now?

Sad turtle Maggie Gyllenhaal makes an appearance. She looks sad and turtle-like. And is also reading WAY too slowly.

Love that Alec Baldwin won for 30 Rock. I secretly want Jack Donaghey to be my boss.

WTF happened to Renee Zelwegger? I mean she was never that great looking, but she looks like she aged 20 years overnight. And fired her stylist and hired Sharon Stone instead.

Tracy Morgan accepts for 30 Rock. He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO high right now. Love him.

I’m really fading here… something awesome needs to happen. Where is the dead people montage?

Kate Winslet has won for both supporting actress and best actress. She seems genuinely surprised… I think I find her quite endearing.

Mad Men = no surprise.

Mickey Rourke takes home best actor. I’m pretty excited to hear his speech. I hope it’s a big bucket full of crazy. Ginger has left the building, but he missed Mickey tripping up the stage, just as he predicted. He is surprisingly coherent. I’m disappointed.

Slumdog Millionaire wins… I really have no interest in seeing this movie. I’m passing out. It’s been real. I'll be dreaming of dead people montages, because I missed out this year.

See you at the Oscars, if not before.

They can't be serious... can they? UPDATE

Sooooooo approximately 1 minute ago, the season premiere of the new New Kids on the Block video aired on VH1. Number of times I laughed out loud = 4. Number of times I felt uncomfortable = 3. I'll leave futher judgment to you... pretty much cause I am at a loss for words...



... this is not to say that I don't love NKOTB... Don't get me wrong. I have tickets to see them in concert. I just hope it's less awkward than this and/or that they concentrate on old songs. And Jordan. Jordan is still hott in this video. Don't deny it.

Bachelor Blog Hometown Dates, now featuring Lorenzo Lamas and Janice from the Muppets

It’s time for the hometown dates, loyal readers. We have Noelle, Shayne, Meeps and Chelsea getting to bring our handsome bachelor home. We’ll start out with our reactions to the previews of the episode.

Jeflow1 (10:03:16 PM): well hello
Smurftastic (10:03:27 PM): LORENZO!
DJvictoriousT (10:03:29 PM): yes!!!!!
Smurftastic (10:03:40 PM): he is rather squinty
Smurftastic (10:04:05 PM): OMG MOM LIP KISSING!?!?!?!?!?!?
Smurftastic (10:04:10 PM): mrs meeps!
DJvictoriousT (10:04:26 PM): i'm guessing that chelsea's mom is another crazy one.... like into astrology

Now it’s time to Shayne’s hometown date, where we start off having a quick meal of wine and cheese w/ Lorenzo Lamas, then go to her mom’s house to have pot roast w/ mom and sister.

DJvictoriousT (10:04:38 PM): LAMAS!!!!!!
Smurftastic (10:04:42 PM): what does this tell us about the episode that they are STARTING w/ lamas?
DJvictoriousT (10:04:46 PM): Welcome to the Z-list Matt
Smurftastic (10:05:17 PM): please join me for some cheese? seriously?
DJvictoriousT (10:05:33 PM): I just saw her weave stitching
DJvictoriousT (10:05:53 PM): oh - i;m sorry, the white girls call them "extensions"
Jeflow1 (10:06:07 PM): aged
Jeflow1 (10:08:04 PM): what's up with the f*cked up uneven nostrils
Jeflow1 (10:08:12 PM): on shayne
DJvictoriousT (10:08:19 PM): is matt crying?
DJvictoriousT (10:08:23 PM): i would be....
Smurftastic (10:08:28 PM): lorenzo plays mind games
DJvictoriousT (10:09:15 PM): do you get the impression that lamas is kind of pissed that his daughter is getting more camera time than he is right now?
DJvictoriousT (10:09:26 PM): woah - those nostrils are weird!
DJvictoriousT (10:09:29 PM): what is that?!
Smurftastic (10:09:38 PM): nose job?
Smurftastic (10:09:46 PM): missy piggy?
DJvictoriousT (10:10:00 PM): shayne does kind of resemble miss piggy
DJvictoriousT (10:10:58 PM): and shayne's mom looks like Janice from the Muppets
Smurftastic (10:10:59 PM): shayne, your mom... WOOF
DJvictoriousT (10:11:03 PM): they're a whole Muppet family
DJvictoriousT (10:15:29 PM): WHAT is THAT?
Smurftastic (10:15:50 PM): OH MY GOD
Jeflow1 (10:16:13 PM): shaynes out
Jeflow1 (10:16:25 PM): you think
Smurftastic (10:16:26 PM): nice fake boobies, mrs. shayne
Smurftastic (10:16:40 PM): oh no i'm sorry, those are your lips
DJvictoriousT (10:17:05 PM): that seriously is Janice from the Muppets
Jeflow1 (10:17:24 PM): why do think lorenzo left her
Jeflow1 (10:17:36 PM): he screwed up
Smurftastic (10:17:42 PM): he went plastic surgery broke
Smurftastic (10:18:04 PM): OH good - mom showing how flexible she is
DJvictoriousT (10:18:20 PM): http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Janice
DJvictoriousT (10:19:18 PM): That's a bit of a Muppet mess if Janice ends up being Miss Piggy's mother
Jeflow1 (10:19:22 PM): i can't wait to meet her grand pap and great uncle
Jeflow1 (10:19:31 PM): their up in the balcony
Smurftastic (10:19:35 PM): holy lipliner batman
DJvictoriousT (10:19:51 PM): he is REALLY into Shayne
Smurftastic (10:19:54 PM): on google image search for "janice the muppets" the last picture on the first page is of new york from I Love New York
Jeflow1 (10:20:08 PM): there was nothing brilliant going on in that house
Smurftastic (10:20:12 PM): shaynes mom is like hte same sort of deal as hot chicks with fat friends
Smurftastic (10:20:23 PM): everyone looks better in comparison
Smurftastic (10:21:33 PM): i realize that is incredibly shallow... but seriously, that is the only explanation i have for why he's SO attracted to shayne after that visit

Now we go see Chelsea somewhere where it snows. I forget where, and I don’t really care. At the end of the date there is making out, obvi, cause we must recall that Chelsea had the homemade fantasy suite card last week.

Jeflow1 (10:25:29 PM): a little cold for all that cleavage
DJvictoriousT (10:26:56 PM): i don't understand her father's haircut
DJvictoriousT (10:27:00 PM): or mustache
Smurftastic (10:28:16 PM): her blush is pretty intense
DJvictoriousT (10:28:48 PM): matt needs to consider the fact that when chelsea ages she will most likely look like her mother...normal....when shayne ages, she will also look like her mother. enough said.
Jeflow1 (10:29:03 PM): good point
Jeflow1 (10:29:39 PM): when the good bye was the best part of the date

Now Noelle’s date. We meet mom, dad and sister… on their ranch. Matt and Noelle go on a horseback ride before meeting the parentals. Her dad mentions that they look like the “Last Supper”… OK….

DJvictoriousT (10:30:05 PM): I forgot who Noelle was. She's gone.
Jeflow1 (10:30:17 PM): great another bitter can't find a man sister
Smurftastic (10:34:00 PM): ummmm covered wagon in the front yard?
Smurftastic (10:34:12 PM): is that like the cowboy version of the frat boy couch on the lawn?
DJvictoriousT (10:34:43 PM): that looks dangerous - kissing while riding 2 horses
Jeflow1 (10:35:12 PM): get some pictures this could be the last you see him photographer girl
Jeflow1 (10:36:29 PM): and kisses better than grand pa too!!!
DJvictoriousT (10:37:25 PM): i feel uncomfortable
Smurftastic (10:37:46 PM): i don't think that at the last supper jesus mentioned he could get his legs over his head
Smurftastic (10:37:50 PM): i could be mistaken
Smurftastic (10:39:22 PM): ok i'm over the ranch
Smurftastic (10:39:26 PM): i want horny mom
Jeflow1 (10:39:40 PM): we all do
DJvictoriousT (10:39:35 PM): i know - give us the good stuff

Now we finally get the good stuff when we get to meet Meeps’ parents. The previews show her mom trying to make out w/ Matt and grabbing his nipples. Then Meeps’ dad sees and gets pissed off. We are excited. Oh but wait, Meeps reveals that she wanted to play a prank on Matt and hired actors to be douchey parents. Matt immediately freaks out and starts drinking. Matt still gets to have dinner with her real parents, then Meeps brings him up to her room for makeout party.

DJvictoriousT (10:40:46 PM): she hired actors?!!!!
Jeflow1 (10:40:49 PM): actors damn
Smurftastic (10:40:49 PM): ACTORS
Smurftastic (10:40:50 PM): LAME
Smurftastic (10:45:51 PM): OH MY GOD
Smurftastic (10:46:20 PM): and i would be reacting the same way as matt = drinking excessively
DJvictoriousT (10:46:25 PM): this prank is a little in poor taste
Smurftastic (10:47:02 PM): COUGAR
Smurftastic (10:47:45 PM): so will they not get to meet real parents/
DJvictoriousT (10:47:58 PM): there's only 10 minutes left....
Smurftastic (10:48:02 PM): EW EW EW EW
DJvictoriousT (10:48:08 PM): he just said nipple
Smurftastic (10:48:14 PM): i just puked in my mouth a little
Smurftastic (10:48:32 PM): so. awkward.
Smurftastic (10:49:25 PM): FAKE DAD TRIPS DOWN THE STAIRS

Now it’s time for the rose ceremony cocktail party. Noelle is sent home. She thinks it’s because she can’t open up

DJvictoriousT (10:50:51 PM): who goes?
DJvictoriousT (10:50:53 PM): i say noelle
Smurftastic (10:51:04 PM): i think chelsea
Jeflow1 (10:51:13 PM): caron agrees with noelle
Jeflow1 (10:51:49 PM): i'm going with meeps
Jeflow1 (10:53:50 PM): matt should get even with a fake rose
Jeflow1 (10:53:14 PM): shayne's a mess
DJvictoriousT (10:54:05 PM): good call
Smurftastic (10:54:31 PM): yes! meeps!
Smurftastic (10:54:36 PM): preseason MVP
Smurftastic (10:55:28 PM): DJ Vic = victorious
DJvictoriousT (10:55:36 PM): as usual
Smurftastic (10:55:48 PM): i think it was casue Noelle was dressed the least slutty
Jeflow1 (10:56:11 PM): the sisters screwed her
Smurftastic (10:57:22 PM): so far handling it maturely
Smurftastic (10:57:24 PM): ish
DJvictoriousT (10:57:41 PM): i don't think she was totally into it
Smurftastic (10:57:47 PM): i concur

Previews of next week – vacation date to Barbados. Things are promised to get sexy before Matt eventually picks a gal and then proposes.

DJvictoriousT (10:58:45 PM): "get sexy"
DJvictoriousT (10:58:57 PM): chelsea is out

New Years Eve 2008... Wisconsin Dells - A parade in awesomeness

We here at SomePeopleKnit, every now and then, feel the need to take a break from judging people and mocking reality television to provide some sort of social service for our loyal reader(s?). Today’s contribution to the world = party planning. Enjoy.

Q: Hey Some people knit, You are the wittiest blog ever. I wish I could be just like you. I have a question for your imminent wisdom, Where should I spend my next New Year?
A: WISCONSIN DELLS

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Wisconsin Dells = the new December 31 hotspot. One of Smurftastic’s best college buddies organized a ski trip over the holiday to Cascade Mountain where we were to stay at the Chula Vista Resort in Wisconsin Dells.

First, for those of you who are not from the Midwest, Wisconsin Dells is something of an institution. Smurftastic had never before been to Wisconsin Dells, but spent summers in her first 22 years of life watching commercials about the allegedly super fun water parks and golf courses that the town a few hours north of Chicago has to offer. But even after going on Chula Vista’s website to look at the resort and discovering that they had an INDOOR water park, she still was grossly un-prepared for the awesomeness that would await her as she drove into the city. Waterparks = EVERYWHERE. Indoor. Outdoor. Indoor-Outdoor combos. More waterparks seen in a 2 mile drive than she has seen in her entire life. Clearly, buying the new swimsuit from Target’s limited winter holiday selection was a good call.

Next, Smurftastic turns onto main street of Wisconsin Dells. Cut to theme restaurants and advertisements. Her hypothesis that Wisconsin Dells might turn out to be the poor man’s Branson, Missouri -- which for those who don’t know, is like (in Smurftastic’s best guess, she’s never been there) the poor man’s Vegas, but for families… so like Atlantic City, for families -- , is rapidly validated. Family restaurants, buffets, kitschy shops, you name it. Smurftastic’s personal favorite (where her friends refused to go to with her) was Crabby’s. Crabby’s was pirate themed, and would have been a worthwhile trip with Smurftastic just for the intense amount of STD jokes which would have surely made it into the conversation. Plus they served all you can eat crab and prime rib for a super low price. Everyone loves explosive diarrhea, right?

Now we are off the main road and heading to the resort. What should we see but the local strip club of Wisconsin Dells. Named Wisconsin Dolls. Please take a moment to let the creative naming sink in…….
After Smurftastic slows the car down to laugh hysterically, she and her passenger evaluate the establishment to the best of their ability at 9pm in a snowstorm. It looks like two doublewide trailers attached to each other. Smurftastic thinks this is where our group should go after a delish dinner at Crabby’s (her friends also let her down on this one – apparently they don’t appreciate STD jokes to the same extent as Smurftastic).

We pull into Chula Vista resort. Looks intense (-ly awesome). I mean this place is HUGE (that’s what she said). The indoor waterpark is ginormous, and includes enclosed slides which veer outside and then back in. We finally figure out where our friends are staying, since they had to move to a smaller suite after the first night. Instead of a private condo with its own hot tub (Smurftastic was told that it was only big enough to fit 3 people, and even that would be snug. This is clearly a sex hot tub), we were in a suite with enough beds for everyone. That’s pretty much all we were worried about. And when we walked in it smelled a lot less like booze than it did when we left two nights later. No hot tub though. Don’t worry, the resort also had a 50 person outdoor hot tub. (Insert orgy joke here). The friends had already checked it out, said it was nice, but they were forced to sit uncomfortably close to some Europeans. J and Smurftastic tried it out the next night (after the water park, which was awesome, btw), and it was actually classier than Smurftastic expected. Not too crowded, and there were towels warming by the huge fireplace at one end, with a waitress taking bar orders. And no gross hot tub people touched her. Bonus.

The rest of the first night we just chilled in the room, so not much funny stuff there. The following day (actually New Year’s Eve), we drove out to the ski resort. We checked out Wisconsin Dolls in the harsh light of day, and realized our 2 double-wide estimate was surprisingly accurate. Smurftastic still wants to go, but the friends are frightened.

Here’s the good part. The resort had a huge New Year’s Eve party with a band, a DJ, a kid’s carnival, and several hours of open bars for a low price of 50 bucks. The name of this party was Chula Fest ’08. In case you didn’t figure it out, Chula Fest = hilarious name. Several comparisons to a newly discovered pretend disease are made, and Smurftastic spends a significant amount of the evening running up to her friends, yelling “CHULA FEST” in a creepy voice and fist-pumping. She is happy.

We start off in the DJ room, but decide it’s a little too dance-party-intense to start the evening, so we decide to check out the band. Let the magic begin. The band’s name was Spicy Thai Band. FYI, there was no one of Asian descent in said band. Apparently the state of Wisconsin is really good at naming things cleverly. The lead-singing duties were split by a woman whose other skills seemed to be dancing and playing the tambourine, a guy who just sang, and a bald male guitar player. This bald man will become Smurftastic’s enemy of the evening. He is douchey, but she’s not sure why.. He rubs Smurftastic the wrong way early on, so she immediately begins to hate him and everything he stands for… completely randomly and probably completely baselessly.

We enter the band area, and there is a dance floor. Populated by old/middle aged people slow-dancing. This seems awkward, but there is a shorter line for the bar, so we hang out for a while. Thank goodness. The band starts to play some more fast music, and hilarity begins to ensue. We spot some rat tails, and completely hilarious outfits, including a woman bringing in her kids whilst wearing a backless shirt. You could barely tell, because her entire back was covered in tattoos. Hot. We decide to hang for a while just to judge people. The only other female in our group comes up with what may be the best idea ever, “We need to look for Mom Jeans.” We have a new mission. Mom Jeans. (for those of you who don't know, here's a good Mom Jeans explanation: http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/mom-jeans.html). I mean this is Wisconsin. It’s like Mom Jeans breeding grounds. The first pair of Mom Jeans spotted was less than 10 minutes later. These beauties weren’t just your every day Mom Jeans. This was New Year’s Eve after all. This was Chula Fest. You gotta get fancy with it. These Mom jeans were silver. Not just gray. Shiny silver. With a red shirt tucked into it. These Mom Jeans were out to party. It was at this moment I decided to write the blog which you read today.

A few more words about Spicy Thai Band. They played every kind of music you could imagine. Country, punk, oldies, Buffett, adult comtemporary (of course). At one point, we were hanging in a bar where some of our party could smoke, and we heard Nelly’s Country Grammar coming from the band room. Smurftastic gets excited and immediately runs in. Her excitement was noticeably dampened when she saw that the “rapper” was Douchey McBald. Her happy moment is ruined, but not for too long. Our crew returned then to our normal spot sitting in the back on a speaker and mocking the middle-aged. At this point, it has been open bar for about 2.5 hours, and the middle-aged are starting to get intoxicated.

A bald man (not the one in the band) is a dancing machine. He has cleared a space on the floor for himself that is probably bigger than the living room in our suite so that he can gesture wildly (to the beat…ish). Every now and then we see him dancing with a woman, but each woman is wearing the same combination look of wonderment, confusion, amusement, and a touch of fear. They don’t last long.

One particularly awesome grown-up drunk sighting was the pair of drunken late 50 year old women. First spotted whilst in line for booze, running up to their respective husbands and making out with them. YIKES. Immediately after this, the pair of them are running/stumbling/dancing around the dance floor with their arms around each other and just presenting themselves to people around them. At this point our crew decides to speculate about which of them will vomit tonight. Then their husbands join them on the dance floor. One couple (the woman is the one Smurftastic picked to yarf… she was smaller and stumbling more), starts hard core going at it on the dance floor. We're talking face eating makeout and butt grabbing. Smurftastic is disgusted, yet we are all still enthralled. Until… the planner of this little road trip runs up excitedly to inform us that he has spotted a man dressed as a woman sitting by the bar. We all go up to have a look (discreetly… except for J who went up to take a picture). This is one grumpy cross-dresser. She is sitting by herself, in all black, at a table near the bar. We never see her talk to anyone or get up. She’s just drinking. Hope she had a better night later on.

At this point, we have had enough of the band, and it is almost midnight, so we decide to head to the DJ room to ring in the New Year, and hopefully hear Soulja Boy (a personal goal for Smurftastic). We hang there for a few hours, and it’s your average DJ party. Except there’s little kids hanging around. At this point it is WELL after midnight, and these kids appear to have minimal supervision. That’s good parenting. No wonder these people grow up to be Packer’s fans. Suddenly, a group of wannabe fratty boys rip their shirts off on the dance floor and start going to the magical land of dance party. We watch for a short period of time with amusement and disdain, and then we spot a boy wearing a furry hat with ear flaps. With a “happy New Year” headband on top. Awesome. Then we spot tattoo lady in the backless shirt. Inappropriately grinding on a boy. Aged 19 max. I feel like I should be seeing this on Cinemax. It seems that her children are the ones running around unattended. If we DON’T see them on Jerry Springer in a few years, I will be sorely disappointed.

We then decided to head to bed, but not without deciding that this trip should become an annual occurrence. All are invited to join in the judging of others, and if I have forgotten anything hilarious we saw, I apologize. On the way out the next morning, despite my best arguments that I wanted to kick off 2008 with Bloody Marys at Wisconsin Dolls… we drove right to IL to watch the Fighting Illini get destroyed in the Rose Bowl.

I CAN’T WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR!

Jeopardy: New Lows, or New Levels of Awesomeness???

Because I am the COOLEST person alive, I have been following the Jeopardy college championship, and I have a few important points to make.

1) I can't believe the amount of social awkwardness here. When Alex Trebek can zing you, I'm pretty sure you have reached the lowest of all lows

2) I'm only one year out of college, and I was never given the chance to audition for College Championships... but I could smoke EVERYONE on this year's championship... Please, ask more questions about 300, cause I'm sure NO ONE college aged saw that movie

3) Alex Trebek is a good sport:

4) Over-under on college chicks Trebek banged during the filming... 1.5. I guarantee you he hit the queen of social awkwardness from Notre Dame.

5) Castellan and I discovered the cure for cancer: Let chick from Notre Dame and loser Pete from Michigan mate, then lock their kids in a room w/ a computer and an abacus... Let the magic happen.

6) I cannot wait till Law school finals are over and I can have a more exciting life