60th annual Emmy Awards - live commentary

60th annual Emmy Awards:

At thins point, we all know that I’m obsessed with awards shows. Even better than regular awards shows are awards shows that honor some kind of big anniversary. Like 60 years of the Emmys. Why are they awesomer? MORE MONTAGES. Montages of the past… featuring big stars and great shows. Some of which we may have forgotten about. So in anticipation of many montages to come ahead, let’s get this Emmy commentary started. Will also be featuring rando comments from my sister.

The hosts make their first appearance after an intro by Oprah (who, my sister and I agree, looks huge)– all 5 reality show host nominees. All wearing suits. Even Heidi Klum. Jeff Probst isn’t wearing a tie. C’mon man. Even Heidi’s in a tie. Lame. Howie Mandel’s “soul patch” is RIDICULOUS. He’s really fallen off since Bobby’s World. And by fallen off, I mean that was the only decent thing he’s ever done. Oh god, in talking about Klum wearing something not slutty, William Shatner of course comes on stage to strip her. Ugh. I’m pretty anti Shatner, namely because he’s so overexposed.

First award presented by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. She is super cute pregnant. Award is best supporting actor in a comedy. I would like to see this one go to Rainn Wilson or Neil Patrick Harris. They are just SO AMAZING. Stinson over Dwight though. Well, goes to Jeremy Piven. Again. He’s awesome on Entourage, and a personal inspiration to me… but he just doesn’t make me laugh out loud like NPH and Dwight do. Barney Stinson is my personal hero. Ari is just my professional hero.

Getting pretty excited about Josh Groban performing 30 of television’s theme songs. I can’t even begin to guess what all they’ll have.

Now best supporting actress in a comedy series: I’d like to see this one go to Amy Poehler or Jean Smart… mainly cause those are the only two whose shows I’ve seen. Jean Smart gets it… she is hilarious on Samantha Who. I love her. I wish I watched that show more, cause every time I’ve seen it I’ve really enjoyed it.

Ads for David Blaine’s new stunt… it’ll either be his best stunt, or his last. Let’s hope it’s his last. Not that I want him to die, I just want him to stop living.

Women’s montage! YES! Nope, that was a trick… just Desperate Housewives. Best supporting actor in a Drama. I’d like to see this go to Ted Danson or John Slattery, just because he’s awesome. I don’t watch any of the shows with actors nominated, but Damages and Mad Men are the only two I’d actually like to see.

Ricky Gervais… hilarious. Again proving my point that British people are better than regular people. And mocking his American counterpart, Carrell… well done to keep a straight face. I’m impressed, Michael Scott.

Conan slams Katherine Heigl. Love it. I’m hoping the best supporting actress in a drama award goes to Chandra Wilson from Greys. She’s way better than Sandra Oh and on the only show I watch. Dianne Wiest gets it. I love her, because she was in Footloose. Well done.

COLBERT REPORT gets its first writing award. Couldn’t be more thrilled. I heart Colbert.

Steve Martin has aged well. As has Tommy Smothers.

Is it really necessary for Josh Groban to change his voice for each theme song? Weird. MR. ROGER’S NEIGHTBORHOOD! Yess… He did a great job with South Park though. He actually sounded like Cartman. BAYWATCH! YES! AND FRESH PRINCE! This may be the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced! Wow… Ed MacMahon doesn’t look good. Losing your house must be rough. Can’t believe he didn’t sing Cheers. That is too bad. And I officially just downloaded the theme song to Baywatch. I judge myself.

Baldwin is wearing Tina Fey Glasses kind of. He looks a bit like Harry Carey too… weird. Outstanding Actress in miniseries – should go to Laura Linney… mainly cause she’s awesome. Good call, me, good call.

Outstanding musical, comedy or variety series – I hope this goes to Colbert or Daily Show. This Laugh-in lead in is a little long… Daily Show gets it… well deserved, but I still favor Colbert.
I’m pretty offended that Lauren Conrad is allowed on stage at the Emmys… but Guest actor/actress for comedy series… I think I want it to go to Will Arnett and Carrie Fisher or Elaine Stritch. But I was wrong.

Martin Sheen! I love that man, and not just because he brought Emilio Estevez into the world. He wants us to vote. I was planning on it, but thanks for the reminder.

Grey’s anatomy cast – Sandra Oh looks so much better in person than on the show. I would pay money to run my hands through Patrick Dempsey’s hair.

John Adams wins for best miniseries. I kind of wish I watched this, it was supposed to be awesome… I just don’t know if I have the energy/time for a historical miniseries.

NPH appearance! And he mocks Howie! I knew I loved him. Another nomination for Colbert – individual performance… I think he deserves this. Though Stewart was awesome on the Oscars. And Don Rickles wins. The old people always beat out my Stephen.

Kate Walsh makes an appearance. I have a total girl-crush on her. And love her new haircut.

Paul Giamatti totally snubs his real wife. Though I’d thank Laura Linney above her too. Wifey looked pissed, though.

Alec Baldwin wins for best comedic actor. Though I’d have preferred Steve Carrell… I love Jack Donaghy in 30 Rock. He’s awesome.
Dead people montage: If they leave out Roy Scheider again, I’m gonna be pissed. DUDE HE WAS REJECTED AGAIN. THAT’S IT MAN. IF OSCARS FORGET HIM, I’M WRITING A LETTER. SEAQUEST WAS ON TV. IT WAS A GREAT SHOW. FOR 3 WHOLE SEASONS! LAME!

Glad that a smaller show won for best lead actor in a drama… mainly because it’s not James Spader. Enough with Boston Legal already. Tina Fey wins for 30 Rock. God that’s a great show. I think I’m developing a girl crush on Tina Fey.

Best Reality Show host – Jeff Probst. Makes sense, he’s the original. Betty White is eerily similar to my grandma.

Tom Selleck appearance: My sister “Tom is still hot”. Me “I would totally do him.” Mad Men wins. I officially resolve to start watching that show. All in all, a decent Emmy awards. Great leadup to the biggest TV premiere week of the season. Can’t wait. Sorry this wasn’t that exciting of a blog, but I’m pretty tired/distracted by baking cookies for DJ Victorious’ birthday. Have a good one!

DANCING WITH THE STARS STARTS TOMORROW! GO LANCE!

UPDATE - A blogging montage to people left out of Oscar montages

In case you live under a rock, you know that the Academy Awards were last night. People won awards, wore stupid clothes, some looked pretty, and gave acceptance speeches. Whatever. One of my favorite parts of all awards shows are the montages. There were TONS of montages this year, which is always fun, and even some comedic montages. But the greatest montages are always the dead people montages. They remind us of awesome people who have passed, and people who we never knew existed also died too and worked in the movies and/or were agents (yessssssssss maybe one day I'll be on the ESPY awards dead people montage).

This year there seemed to be a lot of producers and "executives" in the montage. As someone I was watching with said, "If I had tons of money, I could greenlight a shitty movie. That's not art." Well said. What was most disturbing was the lack of certain dead people in this montage. I honor them here, because Oscars apparently wanted to make me angry.

Seriously, how could you NOT put Scheider on this list? Jaws was awesome. You FAIL. I was most deeply offended by the lack of him in the montage. Whatever... Roy Scheider (1932-2008), I'm here for you. I miss you. And Seaquest DSV... but that's a different story. He gets two pictures for being left out. Also he's from Jersey!

UPDATE: THE CUTOFF FOR DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE AT THE OSCARS WAS JAN. 31ST. CATCH YA NEXT YEAR, SCHEIDER. This does not mean I miss him any less.

Next forgotten actor, no doubt overshadowed by Heath Ledger who died in the same week:

RENFRO! Brad Renfro (1982-2008), overdosed. Was in The Client. Was left out of dead people montage. This is what he looked like all grown up:

IMDB fun fact about Renfro - "Auditioned for the part of Gabriel Martin in The Patriot (2000), which eventually went to Heath Ledger, who died from an overdose of prescription drugs on January 22, 2008, exactly one week after Brad's death."

My suggested punishment for leaving these (and probably others) out of the dead people montage? WHEN YOU DIE YOU DON'T GET TO BE IN THE DEAD PEOPLE MONTAGE. Suck on that.

Grammy Awards Recap!

Thoughts on the Grammys:

Not gonna lie, pretty offended by the opening duet with Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra. I mean I get that everyone goes apeshit for her, and some of her songs are good. But she doesn’t do it for me. And I bet she wouldn’t do it for Frankie. And I swear, if she EVER says anything like “On behalf of the Chairman of the Board” again, I may need to hurt her. I may be a little defensive of him. Maybe. At least it wasn’t a Beatles song. Then it could get violent (or more violent).

Carrie Underwood – my god her legs got toned. She sounded good… hopefully she’ll sound even better when I see her in concert on Wednesday (get excited). Revamped version of Before He Cheats was pretty intense. Solid effort.

Commercial tells me a Beatles tribute is coming. Grammys are usually pretty good about tributes – the Eagles tribute last year was amazing, so I have high hopes. If it's Alicia Keys, I will stab someone.

Chairman of the Grammys + the original members of The Time + key-tar = I’M A HAPPY CAMPER. I have an inappropriate obsession w/ key tars. Key-tar, however, promptly leaves the stage to give way to Rhianna. (which I have no idea how to spell) Think she’s catchy and all, but performance would have been more awesome if they kept the key tar around. Key-tars (like piano key neckties or tuxedo T-shirts) make everything better.

I desperately want to see the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show. Looks like I may need to be on shrooms to understand it, but whatever. I’ll probably like it anyway.

Random presenting combo award goes to: Cindy Lauper and Miley Cyrus. Cindy Lauper is pretty cracked out, and Miley seems a little afraid. I would be too.

JASON BATEMAN APPEARANCE! YES I LOVE HIM! HOGAN FAMILY! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT! Ok, that may have been too much all caps. I apologize for my exciteability.

I want light up sunglasses like Kanye. Pleased that Daft Punk made an appearance. In space suits. Awesome. Kanye West, as usual, wins at life.

Tina Turner/Beyonce. The outfits were ridiculous and unnecessary. Also the crotch on Tina is saggy… but better a saggy crotch than camel toe. Also the talking before Proud Mary = creepy. My roommate Rooster says it all, “Why is Tina wearing a spacesuit?”

OH! Jesus brought the sunshine. Thanks man. Keep up the good work. Jesus music medley. Uh oh, one of my college buddies, alias Rum&Efron is on to you! “It’s like they are only giving Jesus music 5 minutes so get as many people up there as possible, bc then we are switching to coke addicts.” I couldn’t have said it better if I wanted to. So far Amy Winehouse has won 2 awards. They keep saying she can’t be here, and I want to giggle, cause her visa got denied and she has now moved in with the Osbournes after leaving rehab. Looking forward to her performance a bit… if any of the internet videos I’ve seen of her in the last few months are any indication, it should be entertaining.

Brand new information… the song sung by Feist is an actual song and not just an iPod commercial. Go figure.

Kid Rock + folk singer = awkward. Rum& Efron, being very smart, has muted.

This just in: ROY SCHEIDER HAS DIED. I love Roy Scheider. Jaws, SeaQuest… it doesn’t get much better than that. He was an integral part of my youth, and I secretly wanted him as my father/grandpa. RIP. He will be missed.

Vince Gill just called out Kanye West for never having been given a Grammy by one of the Beatles. Holy Crap. I want Kanye to win whatever else he is nominated for tonight, just to see his response.

Amy Winehouse performs. I am disappointed I can understand most of what is coming out of her mouth. Yikes, the dancing is awkward though. There is NO WAY she is completely sober. Either that or she really has to pee. I find it ironic that she’s saying she won’t go to rehab. This conversation is what transpired after Rum&Efron said she was going to sleep:
Rum&Efron: dude I had to sign back on....what the fuck was that shit????
Smurftastic: ummmmmmmmm CRACKED OUT
Rum&Efron: 1. She was convulsing on stage while grabbing her crotch
Rum&Efron: 2. her back up singers kept looking at her
Rum&Efron: 3. she kept growling while singing
Rum&Efron: 4. she gave a shout out to her incarerated boyfriend
Rum&Efron: 5. she looked like she had no clue how to talk into a microphone
Rum&Efron: seriously....we gave her 3 grammys?
Rum&Efron: only in America can a foreign crack head win 3 grammys
Rum&Efron: that is all I have to say
Rum&Efron: good night!

Pretty fabulous performance by Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli. Yes, I love those guys, and yes, my mother introduced me to them. I am the epitome of cool. It's OK to be jealous.

Closing performance – Little Richard, Fogerty, Jerry Lee Lewis. Little Richard’s hair is probably bigger than Amy Winehouse’s. Fogerty sounds good though. Lewis has a pretty decent voice for as old has he is. Little Richard looks exactly the same, but may have made up some lyrics. Throwbacks are fun though, so I shant rant too much.

Usher mocks Kanye West also. Herbie Hancock wins album of the year. Awesome, though it would have been nice to hear what Kanye had to say. Gotta love the jazz shoutouts. I love jazz.

All in all, a solid effort on the Grammys this year. Not the best I've ever seen, but certainly not the worst. Only 2 weeks till the Academy Awards AND the writer's strike is over, so they may actually be funny and/or happen. I'm a happy camper.